September 20, 2016 (vol. 125, iss. 137) • Page Image 4
…I got a job offer the other day and since then, I’ve been thinking about how annoying it will be that I’ll probably have to start shaving my armpits again. Since all the communist lesbian farmers in this town who want to put taco trucks everywhere have radicalized me, I’ve disowned razors and burned all my bras. I’m half joking: Sometimes I shave my legs because my leggings pull on my leg hair and it feels like when you...…