Wednesday, January 20, 2016 // The Statement
7B
Personal Statement: The First Days
W
e’ve all experienced it — the
nervousness and constant self-
deliberation. Do I sit next to
that cute girl or boy in lecture? Do I intro-
duce myself before the professor begins
her spiel or after? Should I gel my hair on
the first day? Jeans or sweatpants? These
are the constant questions that many
college students (including myself) ask
themselves before the first day of classes.
I, however, must also deal with a dif-
ferent anxiety — I stutter. And while it’s
not a major barrier in my speaking skills,
whenever I find myself nervous, I stutter
significantly more. It’s just a fact that I’ve
noticed, and there’s little I can do to stop
it. It’s unfortunate, and I hate it.
In high school it was easier, because I
generally had classes with the same kids.
Thus, I felt comfortable speaking in class
and seldom worried about participat-
ing in discussions. In college, however, it
has proven more challenging. Each of my
courses comes with a new set of peers to
learn and engage with. As a result, the
first days of class are the most difficult for
me. Not only am I forced to decide where
to sit and who to sit next to, but I am also
determined not to stutter.
Though I try my best to not let my
stutter define my identity and actions, I
know that it will
always be a part
of me. During
my years in high
school, I spoke
in front of the
entire
student
body and broad-
casted
sports
games
online.
Why, then, do
these first days
seem so nerve-
racking to me?
Maybe I’m intimidated by my classmates?
Like many University students, I was
in the top of my class in many academic
disciplines during high school. I felt con-
fident in my ability to succeed in classes,
be it Honors Spanish or A.P. United States
History. In college, I am confronted with
the reality that we all come from second-
ary schools where we strove for the best
and achieved it. We all succeeded aca-
demically and that’s why we attend this
university.
In my Spanish course last semester,
for example, I stuttered more often than
usual because of struggles with the lan-
guage and because I strived to prove
myself in the course. I wanted to prove
that not only could I speak the language,
but I could speak it fluidly.
For the majority of students, the ice-
breaker questions in those small seminar
classes serve as a refuge from the monoto-
ny and boredom that may take place in the
next 14 weeks. I enjoy these icebreakers as
well. I get to learn about where my class-
mates are from and what they’re studying,
for example. They also presents for me a
challenge. In order to prevent my stut-
ter from occurring, I try to think of my
answers in advance. As soon as I hear the
question, I began to say quietly to myself.
“My name is Avi. I’m a freshman from
Los Angeles. I’m undeclared but lean-
ing toward American Culture or Public
Policy.” For most, these simple questions
are, in fact, simple. For the three million
Americans who stutter, however, these
questions may be the most anxiety-induc-
ing part of the class.
Don’t get me wrong — I love partici-
pating in class. I enjoy demonstrating my
ideas to my peers and professors. Despite
my stutter, I enjoy crafting oral presenta-
tions (depending on the topic, however).
In order for my presentation to come
out as fluidly as possible, I must practice
and practice. While some may feel com-
fortable simply reading through slides
without practicing, I often must practice
multiple times to truly succeed.
I enjoy writing because I am judged
on the quality of my words, not how they
come out of our mouths. In speech, while
we would prefer to believe we pay atten-
tion to rhetoric, the words often only suc-
ceed during a charismatic speech, such
as the empowering “Yes We Can!” pio-
neered by Barack Obama eight years ago.
In writing, the writer does not require
astounding oratorical skills. They need
only
“speak”
their
mind
without actu-
ally speaking.
It’s
interest-
ing to me: I
love to speak
my mind, yet
sometimes it’s
difficult
not
to
articulate
my
opinion,
but to actually
“speak.” Few
others have this problem.
On the first day of each semester I wish
to share my thoughts with my classmates
but sometimes refrain because we’re
not acquainted yet. I have seen stares
and whispering among neighbors after I
added a comment in a freshman seminar.
Whether it’s about my stutter or the accu-
racy of my input, I can’t say for sure. But it
still brings me anxiety, simply because of
my stutter.
Obviously, I wish my stutter could
go away. As I learned from my speech
therapist at a young age, it will always be
a part of me. At some points in my life it
will improve, and at other points it will
get worse. I must learn how to manage
it. In some ways, it gives me a determina-
tion that many lack. I strive not only to be
the best in each course, but also to speak
as fluidly as possible. In addition to my
academic goals, I set goals based on how
infrequently I stutter. While on the first
days, it may be challenging, I know that as
the course continues — as I develop rela-
tionships with my classmates and profes-
sors — the stares will disappear and the
anxiety will cease, and I can then focus on
making friends to study with and sit with.
by Avi Sholkoff, Daily Sports Writer
ILLUSTRATION BY EMILIE FARRUGIA
“I love to speak my
mind, yet sometimes
it’s difficult not to
articulate my opinion,
but to actually ‘speak.’”