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February 14, 2002 - Image 17

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The Michigan Daily, 2002-02-14

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14B - The Michigan Daily - Wekend Magazine - Thursday, February 14, 2002
A guide to who's where, Thursday, February 14
what's hap ening and why through
whshp ngadwy The W eekly List -
you needto be there... Wednesday, Februape n20
F ilm s o p e n in g .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ..a. . . .. .~~4.~..N:xx:::,xx
ti w \ A, t u,: .

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The Michigan Daily - Wevlekd Magaine -
BEEFCAKE BONANZA!
Gents of the night elicit cheap thris

Crossroads Britney spears makes her
film debut in a remake of Delta Blues
feature from a couple years back. Wax
on, Britney. At Showcase: 12:50, 2:55,
5:15, 7:20, 9:25, 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.)
Hart's War A trial in a POW camp;
yeah, this is about as realistic as the
Michigan basketball team winning a
easy road game in Colorado. At
Showcase: 1:45, 4:30, 7:35, 10:10,
12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)
John Q Denzel celebrates the Oscar

nomination by taking a hospital ER
hostage, that's not gonna help him
take down Russell. At Showcase:
12:00, 12:30, 2:30, 3:00, 5:00, 5:30,
7:30, 8:00, 10:00, 10:30, 12:30 (Fri.
and Sat.)
Retum to Neverland A sequel to "Peter
Pan" arrives in theaters this week and
is going straight to video next week;
that's not a good sign. At Showcase:
1:00, 3:05, 5:05, 7:00, 8:45, 11:00
(Fri. and Sat.).

Films holding

A Beautiful Mind As expected Ron
Howard picked up his first Oscar nod for
this flick. It still sucks! At Showcase:
1:15, 4:00, 6:45, 9:30, 12:05 (Fri. and
Sat.). ***
Big Fat Uar That is what you call the
guy who says this film is good. At
Showcase: 12:10, 12:40, 2:10, 2:40,
4:25, 4:55, 6:10, 7:10, 8:05, 9:05,
11:10 (Fri. and Sat.). *
Black Hawk Down It didn't get nomi-
nated for Best Picture; the voters must
have remembered "Hannibal." At
Showcase: 12:45, 3:40, 6:40, 9:35,
10:05, 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.). ***
Brotherhood of the Wolf It is the anti-
"Amelie." "Amelie" is good, and "Wolf"
is not. At Showcase: 9:00, 11:50 (Fri.
and Sat.). **
Collateral Damage Arnold capitalizes on
all the Sept. 11 hatred of terrorists by
killing one on-screen. At Showcase:
12:25, 2:45, 5:10, 7:25, 9:15, 9:45,
11:30 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:00 (Fri. and
Sat.). **I
The Count of Monte Cristo Did you
know Jim Caviezel was in "Pay it
Forward"? Yeah, I just lost all respect
for him. At Showcase: 1:30, 4:15, 7:15,
9:55, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.). ***
Gosford Park If you go see this film and
fall in love with Altman and want to see
all his movies, that's cool, but stay
away from "Secret Honor"! You will
thank me later. At Showcase: 9:50,
12:20 (Fri. and Sat.). ****
I am Sam Sean Penn surprised us all by
getting -an Oscar nom because we all
know that spot was reserved for Tom
Green in "Freddy Got Fingered." At
Showcase: 1:25, 4:10, 6:55, 9:40,
12:15 (Fri. and Sat.). ***
In the Bedroom The filmmakers say,
"Take that Lasse Halstom, we are the

best Miramax film this year!" At
Showcase: 1:05, 3:45, 6:35, 9:10.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of
the Ring May not have gotten as many
nominations as "Gladiator" but Frodo
could still kick Maximus' butt. At
Showcase: 1:10, 4:45, 8:15,11:40 (Fri.
and Sat.).***
Monster's Ball P. Diddy and Mos Def
star in a two hour long hip-hop video
about redemption. At Showcase: 12:05,
2:25, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20, 11:45 (Fri. and
Sat.).*
The Mothman Prophecies Gere guaran-
tees that Costner's soon to be released
"Butterfly" won't make a dime by
releasing his creepy pic first; go Gere!
At Showcase: 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50,
10:20, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.). ***
Ocean's 11 How in the hell is Steven
Soderbergh dating E!'s Jules Asner?!?!
At Showcase: 10:25, 12:35 (Fri. and
Sat.). 4 stars
Rollerball What's funny about this
action movie? Everything. At
Showcase: 1:20, 3:30, 5:40, 8:10,
10:15, 11:40 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:10 (Fri.
and Sat.). I
The Royal Tenenbaums The Academy
shafted Wes Anderson's classic except
for one category; I can't make any
jokes now because I'm crying. At
Showcase: 12:10, 2:20, 4:35, 6:50.
Snow Dogs It was a shock to see that
Cuba's name was not among those nom-
inated for this year's Oscars. Oh wait, he
sucks now. Nevermind. At Showcase:
12:15, 2:15, 4:20, 6:30, 8:30. *
A Walk to Remember Mandy, watch
out because Britney is on your stilet-
to heels. At Showcase: 12:15, 4:50,
7:05

By Jane Krull
Weekend Magazine Editor
As a group of girls from the Daily prepared
for our trip to the all-male strip club in
Windsor, Ontario, wild visions of extremely
well-endowed men in costumes of cowboys,
police officers and puppy dogs whirled
throughout our heads. We would soon learn
that this fetish-filled fantasies would be
destroyed by a man in a polyester bathrobe.
We were ushered into the club by a large,
looming black man, who offered one of us,
whose birthday was the night before, a birth-
day special where she would be hauled up on
stage for a dance with all of the strippers. Our
escort left out that the celebration also
involved being whipped by a towel and taking
a commemorative picture with a stripper per-
forming mock cunnilingus on the honored
lady. But at the time, the stage was a sight still
unseen. We were unsure of their roles as strip-
club revelers, and we declined, trying to act as
if we were just uninterested, not giving away
our strip-club-virgin status.
We thoroughly scoped out the bar as we
sprinted to the first table we could find, des-
perate to sit down and blend in. Our table was
not too far from the stage, though it was defi-
nitely not directly next to it - all those tables
were taken.
Huddled in
incredibly girly "Our attent
giggles at the
table, we tried peaked back to
to calm our-
selves down when a fellow
while we snuck studentthe '
glances at the 7
strippers and c
waiters around
us, not to men-
tion the Donny Osmond lookalike performing
his art on stage.
Leaning against bars, doorjambs, and the
stage, unsolicited strippers of all body types
and styles stood around nursing drinks and
making small talk with their colleagues. They
were all topless and tattooed and wore nice
everyday pants with the bands of their boxer
briefs peeking out the top. Most of them per-

Courtesy of New Line Cinema
Denzel Washington will do anything to save his son's life in "John Q."

Thursday
CAMPUS CINEMA
Amelie The Academy robbed Audrey
Tautou of a nomination in favor of
Renee Zellweger; we must now boycott
the Bridget Jones sequel. State
Theater, 6:45 p.m.
Gosford Park Altman's flair for working
with actors is present again as he is
the favorite for the Best Director
award, rightfully so. State Theater, 7 &
9:30 p.m.
Monster's Ball No matter what this
paper advertises, P. Diddy is not the
star in this flick, it is actually Mos Def.
Michigan Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.
Romeo & Juliet Baz Luhrmann's
Shakespeare classic that high school
kids everywhere watch so they can
avoid the actual play. State Theater,
9:15 p.m.
MUSIC
Ron Brooks Trio Everybody's favorite
jazz trio busts out a special Valentine's
party for all the ladies. 8 p.m., Bird of
Paradise, 312 h. Main St., $5; 662-
8310.
Garnet Rogers Not to be confused with
the Timberwolves' "Kid," this Canadian
guitarist delivers smooth songs and
folk-tastic fun. 8 p.m., The Ark, 316 S.
Main St., $13.50; 661-1451.
Blues Night: Elmore James, Jr.JSon of
Elmore James, Elmore James, Jr. deliv-
ers classic slide guitar. 8 p.m., Firefly
Club, 207 S. Ashley St., $12; 665-
9090.
Collegium Vocale Gent Founded by
Philippe Herreweghe, this ensemble
performs polyphonic Renaissance
music and German baroque, including
Bach and Schutz. 8 p.m., St. Francis of
Assisi Church, 2250 E. Stadium, $25-
30; 764-2538.
THEA TER

Landscapes of the Body Told in flash-
backs, this Basement Arts play weaves
a complex tapestry of modern life
through one family's tragedies. 7 p.m.,
Arena Theatre, Frieze Bldg, Free; 764-
6800.
Elizabeth Rex A runaway hit at
Stratford, this play centers on the
meeting of Ned Lowenscroft,
Shakespeare's genius player of women
and Elizabeth I, England's genius player
of men. 8 p.m., Performance Network,
120 E. Huron, $20; 663-0681.
Friday
BOOKS
Fred de Fauw De Fauw signs copies of
his book "Fishing the Back Country." 7
p.m., Barnes & Noble Bookstore, 3245
Washtenaw, free; 677-6475.
Richard Ford Reads Ford reads from his
book "A Multitude of Sins." 8 p.m.,
Michigan Business School, Davidson
Hall, D1270, 701 Tappan, free; 662-
7407.
CAMPUS CINEMA
Amelie See Thursday. State Theater,
6:45, 9:15 & 11:45 p.m.
Evil Dead Sam Raimi's low-budget hor-
ror classic is back with a special new
print; seriously, if you never seen it on
the big screen go this weekend! State ,
Theater, Midnight.
Gosford Park See Thursday. State
Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.
Monster's Ball See Thursday.
Michigan Theater, 7 & 9:30 p.m.
MUSIC
The Afro-Rican Ensemble The critical-
ly acclaimed jazz ensemble brings
down the house with loud, soulful
jazz. Bird of Paradise, 9 & 11 p.m.,
207 S. Ashley St., $15 ($10 for stu-
dents).

The Original Brothers and Sisters of
Love The eclectic ensemble of
Appalachian progressive rock. 10 p.m.,
The Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., $5; 996-
8555.
San Francisco Symphony Under the
direction of Michael Tilson Thomas, the
SFS will perform two Schoenberg
works as well as Mahler's "Das Lied
von der Erde," joined by opera singers
Michelle DeYoung and Michael Schade.
8 p.m., Hill Auditorium, $20-56; 764-
2538.
THEA TER
You Can't Take it With You The RC
players present this hilarious play
about a wacky family in the 1930s and
their carefree attitudes that get them
through life. 8 p.m., East Quad
Auditorium, $3 for students, $5 non-
students (available night of show); e-
mail rcp.board@umich.edu for info.
Landscapes of the Body See Thursday,
7 p.m. and 11 p.m.
Elizabeth Rex See Thursday.
Saturday
BOOKS
Author Reception Celebrate the publi-
cation of local author and physician
Dennis Chernin's new book "How to
Meditate Using Chakras, Mantras and
Breath." 4 p.m., Crazy Wisdom, 114 S.
Main St., free; 665-2757.
Robert Cohen Reads Cohen reads from
his book "Inspired Sleep." 8 p.m.,
Shaman Drum Bookshop, 315 S. State
St., free; 662-7407.
CAMPUS CINEMA
Amelie See Thursday. State Theater,
1:45, 4, 6:45, 9:15 & 11:45 p.m.
Bandit Queen Part of the Dynamic
Women Film Series. Michigan Theater,
2 p.m.

C'

formed in this attire, but some of them slipped
into something a little more comfortable like a
bathrobe or a thong for their acts. The women
at the bar varied from harsh looking tarts in
their 20s to gradual versions of those women
after 20 years of trips to the local Dunkin
Donuts. Many of the younger women acted
like they were trying to pick up the main
attractions, while the older women just seemed
like they enjoyed the male attention.
Particularly disturbing was a rather large mid-
dle-aged woman who sat in a corner, keeping
the beefiest black stripper as her playmate.
Before we were comfortable with our
expanded horizons, a waiter came over and
took our drink orders, and one of us signaled
the stripper walking around with a tray of test
tubes. She pointed to another of the Daily girls,
naive and pure. The stripper came around to
her end of the table, spread her legs and
stepped directly between them. Grabbing her
head between his hands, the stripper began to
dance, slowly rubbing her face against his
ripped stomach. Blushing furiously and flail-
ing her arms, she didn't know what to do with
herself. Then he undid the clasp of his belt,
unhitched his jeans, and slid a florescent pink
test-tube into the band of his blacklight-lit
white briefs. Abandoning any hope of knowing
what she should do next, the girl let the strip-
per guide her
head down to
on was soon suckle the tube
and slowly
t s gdrag it up out
DIV~fS f his nether-
Universityregions while
S s wallo wing
puke of DiCkthe sweet,
his number." frothy straw-
berry shot.
While she
recovered from her shocking experience of
taking a crotch-shot, another Daily girl paid
the expectant stripper for his services and sent
him on his way to the next table. Annoyed that
she'd been taken by surprise but relieved that
her duty to do a crazy-strip-club act was
accomplished, the girl realized she'd felt like a
15-year-old experiencing sexual relations for
the first time with a much more experienced
partner. With a stripper, a hired cock, she had
frantically wondered: Where do I put my
hands? What do I say? What am I supposed to
do? How do I stop giggling? Where do I look?
After that experience was completed, our
drinks arrived, free of test tubes and men's
jocks, and we settled back to watch the per-
formers on stage. Only about half of the strip-
pers decided to show off their family jewels
and even fewer decided to go completely in the
buff. Though there would only be one stripper
on stage, the acts were definately duets. The
smaller of the performers seemed painfully
forced into compliance for the show. This was
probably due to the fact that a rubber band had
been tied around the base, keeping the life-
blood from leaving the vessel. The most
engrossing act of the night was the completely
naked stripper who decided to do pull-ups
from the handles on the ceiling. We felt like we
were watching some pornographic Olympics
event, and this guy definitely received a per-
fect 10.
As the performances continued, we were dis-
tracted from the stage by nearby table dances.
The birthday celebration next to us ordered up
a table dance for one particular reveler. As the

"Hey, 'Duke of Dick,' I've got something warm and dirty for you

male members of the birthday party left the
table, the dancer slowly undressed his torso
and unhitched his pants, letting them sink on
his hips, as he took the lucky lady's arm and
licked a trail from her wrist to her shoulder.
She buried her head in her other shoulder as he
let his pants fall to display his flaccid glory. He
turned his body, slapping his ass with a loud
thwack that demanded the attention of the sur-
rounding tables. He even took his woman's
hand and guided it up his thigh, dangerously
close to his limp manhood.
Our attention was soon peaked back to the
stage when a fellow University student, the
"Duke of Dick," came out to do his act. Those
of us who hadn't yet engaged in any crazy-
strip-club antics knew that this was our chance
to get up and support the maize and blue. We
squeamishly walked up next to the stage and
stood with our Canadian dollars (coins the size

of quarter
the Duke
Duke pros
his 10-inc
making hi
mal than r
tact with t
money ex
meet agai
Duke tool
customary
when one
and the me
it up.
We deci
been suff
Though w
disturbing
we would
unless a ft

~Jb Aibiun hI
Editors:
Associate Editors: Caitlin Nish, Andy
Taylor-Fabe
Writers: Rachel Bukstein, Lisa
Chernikoff, Will EI-Nachef, Mike
Grass, Johanna Hanink, Kari Johnson,
Neal Pais
Photo Editor: David Katz
Photographer: Emma Fosdick, Yoni
Goldstein, Debbie Mizel, Brett
Mountain, Alyssa Wood, Jessica
Yurasek
Cover Photo: Brett Mountain
Arts Editors: Lyle Henretty, Luke
Smith, Managing Editors, Jeff
Dickerson, Associate Editor

Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16: 827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
State: 761-8667.
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are
effective for Saturday and Sunday only.

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