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_0- The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, February 8, 2001
A GUIDE TO V-DAY
m
the Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc
Personal ad to personal adventure in
Ok, so another Valentine's Day has
rept up on us. The Hallmark holiday
iat is either loved or despised. Well, at
past for anyone older than 10.
I remember V-
)ay was always¢
njoyable in
rade school
ecause you'd -
take a special
per bag where
var one would
tt your valen-r
nes and of
ourse sinee
veryone was
arced to et Lindey
;veryone else a
ard of some
ort, there were
ever any hard
eelings. And COt Ot
hen, some kid's
noms would come in with brownies,
up cakes, cookies, you name it, and the
econd half of the afternoon was spent
in Valentine festivities.
Oh, the joy of youth. But before I go
down memory lane, I wanted to give a
brief survival guide to all of us that are
not so fortunate as to get the afternoon
off to stuff our faces and fill up our
brown paper bags.
That Saint Valentine Guy: Make your
valentine ooh and ah at your amazing
knowledge of the holiday that no one
seems to know. (Ok, at least a lot of peo-
ple) The basic story (please don't quote
me in any term paper or anything - this
stuff came right from the history chan-
nel) is that it was found that non-married
men tend to fight better in wars than
married men, so a law was passed that
forbid young men to get married.
Valentine married couples in secrecy,
and when this secret was discovered,
Valentine was martyred.
The second part of the story is a little
bit fuzzier, but the basic idea was that
Valentine fell in love with a jailor's
daughter and before he was put to death,
he sent her a card and signed it "From
Y
a
a?
n
y
le
your Valentine."
Cards: Keeping cards in-mind, these
are always a good idea for both couples
nd non-couples, although if you are a
member of a couple, I highly advise that
you at least give your significant other at
east a card or you'll be in the doghouse
for a while.
Anyhow, thanks to modem technolo-
gy, you don't even have to run out and
buy a card. Although if you do, please
keep in mind that the Hallmark store
that used to be on State Street closed
down January 31. (1 of course found this
out two days too late, so you're welcome
for saving you the walk down there.)
Online cards are around all over the
place, they're really easy to send, they're
free and, for you earth friendly people,
they don't kill any trees. Just pick out
the card that you like, type in the appro-
priate e-mail addresses and presto, you
have a card. You can even make a card
up a few days in advance and tell the
online card company to wait until the
14th to send them.
If you really want to be a sneak, you
can send the same card to all your
friends, saving you the time and energy,
although if they find out they all
received the same card, it might not
make for a pretty situation the next time
you guys hang out.
Presents: While a card is pretty easy
- everyone can and should send them
- presents get a little bit more confus-
ing. Do you need to get a present for the
girl you went on a first date with the
week before? What about the guy
you've been with for a month? Or how
about the person that you have a major
crush on?
Then, what kind of present should
you give? There's the typical flowers and
candy, or you can up the ante with teddy
bears, jewelry or just presents that aren't
Valentine-related, but you know the per-
son will like. Then if you've been
together for a while, the whole creativi-
ty thing needs to be taken into account.
You can't give the same bear and choco-
late every year.
One cool suggestion for something a
little bit unique is to make your own
bear. You can check it out at wwwxbuild-
abear.com. You can pick out a bear, put
a special heart that you've wished on
inside of it, and then stuff it. What
makes this even cooler, other than the
fact that you made it yourself, is that you
can record your voice and put it inside
the bear.
Breaking Up: While V-Day is often
thought to be a day of joy and love, lots
of people actually get dumped on V-Day.
The number one reason I've always
heard when I ask, "Why then - could-
n't they have waited a day?" is, "Well,
they brought it up."
Hence, DO NOT bring up the status
of your relationship on V-Day. Even if
everything seems wonderful, you met
the parents, get along with the friends,
there are absolutely no guarantees.
Holding your tongue for one day might
just save you a lifetime memory of get-
ting dumped on V-Day.
Then there's the strategic break up to
look out for. One of my friends got
dumped about three weeks before V-
Day. Coincidence? I think not. Another
friend took a different route and actual-
ly stayed in a relationship whenever V-
Day or some other present-giving holi-
day was coming up just to get the pre-
sents.
The Anti-V-Dayer: If you're the type
of person who just hates V-Da, or you
just got your heart trampled on by your
ex, V-Day probably isn't looking so
exciting. So what do you do? Well, you
have a few options. You can ignore the
day completely, take a day for yourself,
go out with some friends, hit on the
crush you've been %ycing for weeks or
do anything else that mak-es you happy.
The good news is though, it's just
another day. It'll all be over in a short 24
hours, you won't have to see any of the
V-Day promotional items and hearts all
over the place, and if you go to the gro-
cery store the day after, most of the V-
Day candy is half-off or more.
VD: For those of you that will be
enjoying the holiday in a physical man-
ner, be sure not to pick up a VD on V
Day. Public service announcement:
Wear a condom. You can get these from
the Safe Sex Store, any drugstore or
supermarket, or you can pick up some
free condoms from the University
Health Service.
With that said, I wish you all a fun,
safe and happy V-Day, with very few
breakups and lots of cute, fuzzy bears
with voice recordings.
- Lindsey Alpert will be busy buying
shares in Hallmark, but will still
respond to any messages at
la1pert@umich.edu.
Perhaps I was the Anti-Cupid to
anticipate yet another void in my
Valentine's Day. And perhaps too
much of the
nightly news se
made me reluc-
tant to believe
that random acts
of e-maiihne
could ever result
in a positive out-
come. Besides,
how many peo-t
ple actually x
m11 ke it to the
back pages of the Meredith
Weekend section Kele
before lecture
becinK" Butf
T t r s d a y
eiain post- si C
publicaton of
my ( olunmn ist NI anifesto. I opened
ny inbox to a pleasantly unfamiliar
inessJICc. "Y'tn ye ot Niales!"
Supportive. sympathetic and actu-
ally interested, the bevy of' replies I
received was a f'ar cry from the nasty
and naughty ones I had planned For.
In an unexpected twist of f'i1urative
flexihility, my foot met my mouth.
For the first time I learned Mhat
\vronL tasted like. Tradin, sweat
pants for black pants. Kiehl 's Ii p
balm or MAC lip gloss, and pes-
siiism for possi bilit y four days.
seven dates and 1 200m of ca ffemine
later, here is the tale of my Personal
Ad-venture.
It all began late Friday afternoon
with a yellow rose. a cup of coffee
and a young Bostonian. Quick-witted
and thought-provoking, the conversa-
tion was as smooth as a cashmere
cardigan. As my first blind date, if
this was supposed to be the tricky
one. I wvas in for one hell of weekend.
Or so I thought.
Using a large dose of irony as her
chief inredient, it turns out that Chef'
Fate is not just a lousy gourmet, she's
a flat-out bitch. The next morima I
woke up Xith the worst cold in the
history of my health. With the ''Run
Lola Run' attitude adopted by my
meine nose and a Peter Brady-like
sound emitting f'rom my vocal cords.
I had gone from catch to contaugion.
But takinc a lesson from my
( randmiIa Evie. I shoved a si/eable
wad of Kleenex in my sweater sleeve
and continued as originally planned.
Saturday morning gave rise to a
completely new experience - a
Starbucks Strategy Session to be
exact, wnhere, over a cup of corporate-
ly brewed coffee, Lt. Loveless and I
mapped out a full-fledged attack on
winning the Singles' War. However.
the plan must be better than I
thought, as I seemed to have been
slipped a silencer in my Soy Latte,
and remained speechless for dates
three. F'our and five.
W ith my ability to communicate
dramatically reduced to Pietionary-
antics and interpretive dancing. for
once in my Iif'e I tried out a new dat-
ing technique. I listened. Over dinner
at Red Hawk, I embraced my laryngi-
tis as I listened to what Maxim taught
men about women, and tried not to
suffocate on my salad. Over cocoa. I
listened to what sensitive guys have
to say. Over ginger tea."I listened to a
tale of self-discovery in Europe. And
although I have met some great guys
and now understand men a little bet-
ter than before. frankly. by the week-
ends end. I was sick of listening.
So, on Monday w\hen No. 6 turned
out to be a medical student. I secretly
hoped for a free throat culture to go,
with my coffee. Prescribing more
time and effort to cure my singles-
social ailinent. and perhaps a little tea
and honey For my scratchy sound, as
the good doctor and I said our good-
byes. I couldn't help but wonderinU:
Was this a date or a diagno
With my dating spree n
close. I had one more date
in: Lucky No. 7. HoweverI
closing the information of
date. a quick confession. I
and I were actually quas
tances, making this m
Cataract Date than a blin
the same it was an enligchte
rience. from the flower to 1
the movie.
And with that, my bhli
spree offlicially came to a <
while I can't say that I
missina link this weeken<
interest ncg acquaintances
waith an important life les
undergrad to E'ngineeri
WANT TO WR
WEEKEND, I
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