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February 08, 2001 - Image 16

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The Michigan Daily, 2001-02-08

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The Michigan. Daily,.- wee ,e , t.,

68 -- The 1chigan Daily -- Weekejg etc. Magazine - Thursday,ebruary 8, 2001 ALA

The Michigan Daiiy.,Z- Weekend, etc. i"


Counting down songs for makeout bliss

-W T RI 1 XZQ 1I

Dinner and a movie: Finding a flick bothS

By Chris Kula and Christian Hoard
Daily Arts Writers
Most people would tell you that
music is the greatest of diversions, a
form of recreation meant to entertain,
enliven and make you forget about
reality for a while.
But we believe that music can be
useful, too: It can fuel social revolu-
tion, it can make doing the laundry eas-
ier, it can make your walk to class seem
that much shorter.
It can also help you get some. Sex,
that is.
With Valentine's Day less than a
week away, you can expect an increase
in grooves being gotten on, boots being
knocked and asses being tapped - if,
that is, would-be lotharios cue up the
proper make-out music.
To ensure campus-wide copulation,
we've prepared a list of tunes worthy of
any "Totally Awesome Love Songs"
mix tape. Sure, mood lighting and a
light Merlot are important, but without
the right groove, you just won't get any.
Sex, that is.
(Note: Barry White will not be rep-
resented on this countdown, because
the last thing you need when trying to
get it on is a rumbling clich6.)
10. "Sexual Healing" by Marvin
Gaye If you're going to bust out this
1982 smash hit when "just hanging
out" with that special someone, you'd
better be pretty damn sure that you're

with the right person. Marvin's claim
"When I get that feeling/I want sexual
healing" is pretty hard to misinterpret.
If they're not feeling your/Marvin's
magic, you could end up needing a dif-
ferent kind of healing.
9. tie: "Love of a Lifetime" by
Firehouse and "More than Words"
by Extreme Despite the fact that most
college-aged individuals haven't asso-
ciated romance with this pair of songs
since awkward, sweaty-palmed middle
school dances, they still pack a naive,
idealistic, pre-grunge punch in the bed-
room. Indeed, these tunes recall a
fonder era when a woman could be
won over with climax-inducing mid-
song key modulations and b.s. lyrics
about a "love that's, like, totally inex-
pressable, like, beyond words."
8. "Untitled (How Does it Feel)" by
D'Angelo The original version, in fact,
told exactly how it feels, but it proved
unworkable since it included a list of
ecstatic (read: unsuitable for print)
adjectives that stretched longer than
D'Angelo's stiff, totally massive ...
forearm. Words like "felchable,"
"rubbed up," "frictatious" and "ass-tap-
pingly orgasmic."
7. "Stairway to Heaven" by Led
Zeppelin By far the longest track on
our countdown, Zep's coup de grace
must be approached in a specific man-
ner in order to achieve its full make-out

potential. The first four minutes and 22
seconds of gentle guitar and Robert
Plant's soft vocals provide the perfect
opportunity for foreplay. When Bonzo
comes in, the clothes should just be
coming off, and as Jimmy Page hits the
first few screeching notes of his epic
solo, it's time for dirty lovin'. What you
decide to do with the inappropriately
bombastic drumfill at the 6:25 mark is
your own personal business.
6. "You Shook Me All Night Long"
by AC/DC "Well, the walls were
shakin'/The earth was quakin'/My
mind was achin'/We were makin' it" -
this one speaks for itself.
5. "Take My Breath Away" by
Berlin What American schoolboy has-
n't daydreamed about the first time
he'll don a leather bomber jacket, sit
atop his motorcycle and kiss Kelly
McGillis while Berlin plays in the
background? It's simply one of those
rites of passage, one that ranks right up
there with having sex with Rebecca
DeMornay -on a subway train or
impressing Elisabeth Shue with your
high-energy bartending skills.
4. "Unchained Melody" by the
Righteous Brothers How righteous
were the Righteous Brothers and how
unchained was their melody?
Extremely righteous and absurdly
unchained, in fact, making this early
'60s blue-eyed soul smash perfect for

any late-night make-out session,
whether or not you happen to be engag-
ing in amateur pottery crafting.
3. "When a Man Loves a Woman"
by Percy Sledge Sure, it wasn't
Valentine's Day when Brian Cooper
was killed in Vietnam, but that didn't
prevent Kevin Arnold from sharing an
intimate rendezvous with his paramour
Winnie as this tune played in the back-
ground. If you find yourself making
out to this one, though, hopefully you
won't hear Daniel Stern's voice retro-
spectively describing your hookup.
2. Al Green "Let's Stay Together"
If every relationship on the rocks had at
least one member as soulful and
earnest as Al Green, there'd be no need
for marriage counselors or restraining
orders. But even if you don't have any
desire for your relationship to last any
longer than breakfast, the Rev. Green
has plenty of love and happiness to
offer, so you'll never have to be tired of
being alone.
1. "Let's Get it On" by Marvin
Gaye Some people like oral sex. We
prefer aural sex, which is why we
picked this uber-sensual No. 1 hit as
the greatest make-out groove of all
time. The slinky wah guitar, the just-
can't-wait vocals of the late Mr. Gaye,
the near-subliminal background whis-
pers - if you've got even an ounce of
what-it-takes or what-you-need, you
just can't miss with this one. And if
you feel like I feel, baby, then c'mon
- ohhhh!

Beefjer4 and
steamy love
o needs sex island? Survivor
II has all the hot, steamy
actionyou could want, espe-
cially this week when it appears that
Colby and Jerri on the Ogakor tribe are
going to really use their "survival skills"
(if ya know what I mean).
But love isn't the biggest topic in the
Survivor world this week. In fact,
Survivor II isn't even the hot item.
Former Survivor I contestant Stacey
Stillman, a 27-year-old San Francisco
lawyer, is suing CBS over the outcome
of the first Survivor. Stillman, the third
contestant kicked off in the original
series says that Survivor producer Mark
Burnett fixed the outcome by telling fel-
low castaways Sean Keniff and Dirk
Been to vote her off the island instead of
Rudy Boesch.
"We heard about Stacey Stillman's
allegations several months ago' CBS
said in a released statement. "They had
no merit then. They have no merit now
that she has packaged them into a frivo-
lous and groundless lawsuit"
Stillman probably doesn't have a
chance against CBS' ten-piece-suited
lawyers. She plans to represent herself.
land. Last week proved once again that
Ogakor (green) has the better athletes,
winning a Butch Cassidy jump-off-the-
See SURVIVOR, Page 16B

Autumn Brawn
For '1w Daily
Woman's View
Anyone who goes on a first date with
someone will be familar with first date
jitters. These anxieties are often com-
pounded with the pressure of the all-too
common trip to the video store. Then the
real panic sets in. What if he thinks that
your choice is too sappy, and you refuse
to sit through any of the Jackie Chan
Mlere are the top five date movies
that bridge the gender gap.
S. "Armageddon" This is one of
the few space-oriented movies which
girls will truly enjoy. In addition to an
all-star cast, Armageddon incorporates
a save-the-world plot with a good
romance story involving (sigh) Ben
4. "Indiana Jones and the Last
Crusade" -- A favorite of both sexes.
IJLC is a fun adventure film which
stars a relatively younger Ilarrison
Ford and is guaranteed to keep both
people engaged in the plot, and short
of breath until Indy has the Hloly Grail.
3. "Forrest Gump" - Winner of'
multiple Oscars. this movie recom-
mends itself with Tom I lank's mental-
ly challenged character who meets
JFK. serves in Vietnam, falls in love
with a hippie, and becomes the captain
of a shrimp boat. to name a few of
Forrest's exploits. "Stupid is as stupid
does" if you do not watch this one.
2. "The Waterboy" Generally.
ny of Adam Sandlers movies (wAith

By John Norris
Fol' lb.Daily
Man's View
Most guys typically aren't fans of the
romantic date movie. Some of my
friends have suggested some date clas-
sics like "Debbie Does Dallas.' or
"Catholic School Girls In Trouble: but
those are actually "I-don't-have-a date"
If this Valentine's Day you insist on a
romantic date movie - These are
movies I would be happy if my girl rent-
ed them, but she can't because inflatable
girls don't talk, (oops did I just type
5. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" This
classic movie has got the perfect mix of'
romance and action. You know the basic
plot, Indiana Jones travels world in
search of the Ark of the Covenant, falls
for a woman named Marion, and kicks
the ever-living shit out of some Nazis. I
don't care how many times you have
seen this one, the scene where Indy beats

Mr. Clean's ass, on the run
gets old. Plus the screenplay
by Michigan grad Lawrence I
come on!
4. "Jerry Maguire"- T
haps the best straight-out rom
edy. Tom Cruise plays the titl
cessful sports agent with a
fiancee played by Kelly Presto
has a crisis of conscience a
from the firm and dumps his
I le is left with one client, Cub
Jr., and the support of'his only
and love interest Rene Zellweg
script by Cameron Crowe and
Troy Aikman, Drew Bledsoe a
friend Wayne Fontes rises
above the manipulative c
romantic comedies often are.
3. "Good Will Hunting"
movie has become a college s
Damon and Ben Afleck both
star in this film about a jamito
who is "wicked smart," but h
figuring out what he wants to
life. In the meantime he falls

Courtesy of Paramount Ptures
Sean Connery and Harrison Ford star in
"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."
the exception of "Big Daddy" and
"Little Nicky") are uncontested win-
ners. The humor is not crude or vulgar,.
but still manages to be funny. This one
in particular makes the grade due to its
abundance of' running gags, like the
one about the Devil creating every-
thing. Also. "The Waterboy" is one of*
Sandler's most creative roles.
1. "My Best Friend's Wedding"
Guys may balk at the title, but this is
definitely one of the few "chick flicks"
that they will actually like. This is due
to the fact that almost anyone can
identify with the Julia Robert's charac-
ter's problem. She has been best
friends with a guy forever, and then
wakes up morning only to discover
that she is in love with him. The com-
plications are a bit predictable. but at
the same time hilarious. especially
when Roberts pretends that she is
engaged to her gay friend.

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