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April 17, 1997 - Image 25

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Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 1997-04-17

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16B - The Mi can Daily'Best of 'Ann Arbot 17 -Thurday April 17, 1 7

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Tho ~Michsgarh Daily Best of 'Ann Arbr '

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Best of Dating
Cheesy, dull pick-up and rejection
lines round-out campus datig

the pinnacle of verbal entendre? How
about "Here's a quarter, call your room-
mate, you're not coming home tonight"
or "Nice shirt. It would look great
wedged in my headboard." No sir, life's
just an open-air party. Forget guile,,
seduction, skill and style - why don't
we just do it in the road? Why indeed.
Best rejection line:
"Maybe later."

Best place to meet a
date:
Class
I'm not sure how I feel about this one.
Sure, it's easier. Who hasn't pulled the
"Hey, I'm having a study group at my
house why don't you come, by the way,

do you have a boyfriend?" routine? A
shared class creates a common bond and
generates conversational topics, but if you
happen to be in the "Ugly Undergraduate
Support Group" discussion section, it
could be a long cold semester. A creative
person, however, should be able to make
this one into a winner.

Best pick-up line:
"Nice shoes - let's
fuck."
So this is it, huh folks?-This is the
best we could do? Each of us with sev-
eral years of college experience in
seducing the opposite sex, and this is

dren ("Oh, he's not mine. I adopted him.
His real mommy didn't want him any
more,") are a little cliched. If she knows
you're trying to charm your way into her
drawers with sugar and spice, it's not
going to work. The Arb is almost as bad
a picnic in the park or singing under her
window. It's been done to death.
Best unusual date:
Nichols Arboretum
Is there an echo in here? If you're
dating someone stupid enough to be
charmed by your hemp jewelry and gui-
tar playing by the Huron River, she's
not going to be worth the effort.
And why the hell is this an
unusual date? "Look honey, a
tree! Isn't this romantic? We're
sitting in dirt with several hun-
dred other Frisbee chucking
cheeba monkeys!"

r

It should come as a surprise to no one
that the response to ill come-on lines is
a trite and unimaginative as this. If con-
fronted with "Nice shoes -
let's fuck," a witty riposte
isn't exactly called for.
"Welcome to Dumpsville,
population: You." "It's not
you, it's me. I don't like r
you." Now those are blow-
off lines. But I suppose that
if you have a half-crocked
meathead pushing back his
baseball hat to leer at you W
while he spills watered-down
Meister Chau on your tight
black pants and clogs, it doesn't
take much to douse his fires.
Best place for a first
date:
Nichols Arboretum
Common rookie mistake. The key to
making a sensitive guy date work is to
have a trace of subtlty. The symphony,
an art museum, anything involving chil-

UNIVERSITY
Continued from Page 12B
ing mazes of stacks and private study carrels perfect
for delving into research on topics from Athena to
Zeus; plus, plenty of cozy cubbies for knockin' boots.
Best Place to Work Out:
Central Campus Recreation.
Building (CCRB)
With stairmasters, a swimming pool and sultry
sweat, it's where all those students with six-pack abs
go to make the rest of us pasty slouches look silly.
Best Campus Tradition:
The Naked Mile
The last day of classes is the designated time when
Wolverines drop their pants and run like hell across
our fair campus. A day of unbridled joy for graduat-
ing seniors, except for those of us who have the mis-
fortune of seeing our chem lab partners in the raw.
Best Cause/issue/Movement:
Gay rights
College Republicans may try and deface their
Diag chalkings, but you can't keep a strong cause
down for long.

Best Activist Group:
The Sexual Assault Prevention
and Awareness Center
(SAPA
From "Taking Back the Night" to counseling
victims of rape and sexual assault, SAPAC's valu-
able and bold contributions to the University earn
them the moniker of Best Activists.
Best Protest Slogan:
No clear-cut winner here, but an hon-
orable mention goes to the entry, "Burn Z
Fleming Burn."
Best Speaker/Lecturer 4
in Past Year:®1
Dave Zaber
Yeah. That was cool. Unfortunately, we don't
really know who this is or what Mr. Zaber spoke
about.
Best Bollinger Look-a-Like:
Slews of varied entries provide no clear winner,
but Robert Redford gets our nod. Intelligent,
dynamic and commited to student issues,
Bollinger is also one fine looking sport.

Best Computing Center:
The Fishbowl in Angell Hall
The Texas of Campus Computing Sites' large
warehouse atmosphere opens the possibility for
turning Fishbowl site into an after-hours rave.
Best Student
Group/Organization:
The Michigan Student
Assembly (MSA)

II' Op Did the big group stuffs ballots
fn maybe not, but we do know tl
people vote for "Best of Ann Ar
vote in MSA elections (ha ha).
81 + Best MSA Member:
Probir Mehta

Only in Ann Arbor would we vote our favorite
MSA member right out of office. Olga Savic, who
now has his job, was a close second here.
Best Bathroom:
The Michigan Union
Lacking the quiet ambience of Rackham, or
the cozy privacy of the Graduate library, or the
gentle lights of the Chem Building, the Union

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Best date movie:
"Jerry Maguire"
OK, not bad. "Jerry Maguire" is

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funny, romantic, entertaining and a
movie that is easy for both of the
sexes to watch, and that makes you look
good. My only caveat is to be careful of
movies with men whotre more attrac-
tive than you are. After an hour and a
half with Tom Cruise and Cuba
Gooding Jr. she might look over at you
and wonder what she's doing with a
gastropod like you. So watch it. And
good luck.

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