The Michigan Daily Tuesday, November 11, 1980 Page 8
SPORTS OF THE DAILY
Newcomers excel in women's swim meet
By CHUCK HARTWIG
"Awesome" is the only word that can
describe the performance of the
women's swimming team in the
,Bowling Green Invitational Relays
Saturday at Bowling Green University.
The women's team, which Coach Stu
Isaac called "the best we've ever had a
t Michigan, dominated the entire meet
as it easily took first place out of a field
of ten schools.
"I WAS quite pleased that we swam
well in every event," said Isaac. Seven-
teen women competed in the meet,
collecting 15 first place finishes, in-
cluding wins in both diving events.
The team is loaded with freshmen
this year, and Isaac pointed out several
who had outstanding meets. F±reshper-
son Lisa Johnson qualified for the
national meet by finishing first in the
three-meter diving competition, while
Chris Hodson swam on five winning
relay teams in five events.
Another freshperson, Linda Copp,
was on four winning relay teams. "We
knew we had a really good freshman
class, and so far they're living up to our
expectations," said Isaac.
Soccer club loses
The undergraduate soccer club lost a
heartbreaker, 1-0, against Eastern
Michigan yesterday at Fuller Field.
The loss was a letdown for the
Wolverines (7-4), who were coming off
a big win at Northwestern last
EASTERN MICHIGAN scored the
game's only goal late in the second half.
The Hurons' John McNulty, a
sophomore from England, took advan-
tage of a penalty kick situation and
nudged the ball into the net.
The win at Northwestern was
Michigan's second shutout in a row.
The Wolverines blanked the Wildcats,
2-0, behind goals from Peter Herrmann
and Alan McFayden. Evanston native
Dwayne Johnson assisted on Mc-
Fayden's goal and turned in a solid
overall performance in front of some
Tickets: $3.50 in advance, $4.00 at the door.
Available at Discount Records. Schoolkids'. Aura Sounde, and at Rick's.
MBA Blue3, Agent Orange 0
Delta Sigma Delta 2, MBA's
Abeng 12, Old Gang 6
Arbory Pirates 16, The Force 0
Silver Streak 8, Triple Avengers 0
Powerhouse '806, Wild Asses 0
DAILY LIBELS7, Ambatanas 0 (forfeit)
Whip & Chain Gang8,NROTC Navy 0
Phi Sigma Kappa 20, Delta Upsilon 18
Alpha Delta Phi8, Kappa Sigma 2
Sigma Phi Epsilon 14, Lambda Chi Alpha 0
Alpha Sigma Phi 14, Zeta Psi 2
Delta Chi 6, Triangle 0
Sigma Alpha Mu 12, Delta Tau Delta 0
Theta Delta Chi 14, Sigma Alpha Epsilon 12
Psi Upsilon 14, Chi Psi 6
Phi Sigma Kappa 12, Kappa Sigma 6
Breakers 22, Mutants 6
Williams 20, 3d Lewis 0
Oxford 12, Reeves 0
Gomberg 6, Fletcher 0
Stockwell's Force of 4010, Alpha Xi Delta 6
The Dust 40, Thornton's 11
U-M No. 2 38, Nationwides 36
Air Balls 40, Pretenders 30
N.F.I. 40, Excusables 36
Show Biz Kids 45,S. F. Assholes 30
B'omb Squad 1, Dribblers 0 (forfeit)
Hayden's Harriers 42, Court Musicians 34
N.C. Alums 42, Fisher 6th 33
Curly Whites 43, Alpha Players 28
Bitches 2, Taylor 'B' ) (forfeit)
Rambling Wrecks 37. Blanston's Boys No.232
White Shadows 1, Taylor 'A' 0 (forfeit)
Big Dogs 43, Chi Phi 40
Bad Apples 37, Bears 35
Very Dead Bears 50, Frost House 34
Evans Scholars 47, Triangle 22
Fubars 53, IM Honey 47
Shemps 10, Triangle 'B' 28
You can take all your junk food and shove it!
That isn't the taste thrill I covet.
And ditto with pap
Full of chemical crap
But tempt me with League food. I love it!
By KENT WALLEY
Yes, folks, it's time once again for "As the Puck Turns," the continuing
saga of the Canhmumville hockey team.
When we last left our story, the big question still loomed in everyone's
mind - whotshot J.R. Martin, the first-year coach? And will he return to.
lead his team this year?
Was he shot by Lefty Gomez, the mustachioed second-year assistant
coach who has now assumed the coaching duties in Martin's absence?
Or was it D. J. Dott, who left the team because of serious hampster
troubles back home? Apparently the whole bunch had come down with a
severe case of hampsteritis as reported by the Daily Planet.
Or was it Bozo Bastotto who recently left the team to join a circus in the
hopes of becoming a professional clown?
Or if we dare to think the unthinkable, was it Don Juan Hamcan, the
ruthless athletic director at Canhmumville State College? Hamcan, in our
last episode, was chewing up nails for breakfast and washing them down
This week's episode takes us to some unknown, dark parking garage iIr
Michigan. There a reporter from the Daily Planet talks to his secret contact
in the athletic department, "Deep Goat."
"I know who shot J.R. Martin," speas the mysterious man over the
distracting noises of his pet goat.
"Yes, but before you tell me, could you shut up your animal, it's very
disturbing. Besides, someone might see us here if it keeps making such an
infernal racket," says the Planet reporter.
"No, I'm sorry if you talk to me, you must talk to my goat as well."
"Very well. Who shot J.R.?"
"I can't tell you yet. You must find out for yourself, but if you find out.
then I'll confirm it."
"O.K., but will you tell me if Gomez will be the official head coach this
"You," began the strange man in an angry, raspy voice, "miss the,
whole point. Don't you realize what you're onto? This is big. Very big. I willo.
tell you, that to find out the secret of the whole situation, you must talk to
the great Guru."
"The great Guru?" asked the Planet reporter.
"Yes, here is her address, I must leave now. Goodbye."
Next we see our reporter standing in front of an old rickety building that
appears dark and deserted. Before he knocks, the door swings open with a
creak and no one is behind it. He enters, and walks down an old dark
hallway. He arrives at a dimly lit room and there is an old lady who is,
strangely clad in a bandana and large earrings. She is peering into a crystal
"I know why you have come," she interjects as a huge turning hockey
puck appears in the crystal ball.
"I will tell you now what you need to know," she says.
"It was not Gomez who shot J.R.," says the Guru. "It is true he wants
the job, but he does not want to resort to such tactics. He is too much of an
"He is just a funny, laid-back guy," says the Guru. "He had an influence
on Bozo Bastotto and that is why he left to join the circus. He loved humor."
"And it wasn't D.J. Dott. His only problem is that he loves to take care of
his hampsters too much. But he has returned to the team now."
"I see. I guess he only left the team temporarily. Let's see, that
leaves ... uh... uh ... OH MY GOSH.. . Was it none other than Don
"Observe," says the Guru calmly. And the crystal ball once again
brightens up and displays a scene. An office can be seen, ipside is Hamcan.
Just then a secretary enters. "Mr. Hamcan, it's terrible, simply
terrible," she quivers nervously. "It's the press, they want to know what
happened to J.R."
"Tell them he is in the hospital," said Hamcan.
"But sir, they want to know which hospital and the nature of his illness.
If we don't tell them, rumors might spread."
"Confound it, Emily, you know it has always been[ our policy in this
department to keep everything as secret as possible. It is none of the public's
business what we do." He smiles and murmurs a compliment to himself and
declares, "We shall keep it a secret, forever."
The light inside the crystal ball fades and the reporter asks for proof that
Don Juan Hamcan shot J.R.
"The tapes," says the Guru slowly and quietly, "You must secure the
tapes of Hamcan's office conversations."
"But how? I. .. where. . ." as the reporter babbles the Guru vanishes. A
sign appears in the crystal ball. It reads, "To be continued".
Lunch 11:30 to 1:15
Dinner 5:00 to 7:15
Next to Hill Audito
Located in the heart of th'e car
it is the heart of the campus ..
M.B- SPECIAL LOW PRICES FOR
Send your League Limerick to:
Manager, Michigan League
227 South Ingalls
rium You will receive 2 free dinner
npus, tickets if your limerick is used in
one of our ads.
U-M TENNIS CLUB
Track-Tennis-Bldg., Ferry Field
Now Being Received
Limited number of memberships still available
General Rules of Operation Are:
1. Five indoor courts will be in operation from November
thru May 1, 1981
2. Seasonable Membership Fees Are:
STUDENTS .........................$.. 15
BE ON THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS AT 22.
Think of a ship as a corpora-
tion, and it's not farfetched at
all. A destroyer may have
fifteen officers, other ships
even fewer. Even the most
junior officer gets to share in
running the show.
You become part of the
management team when you
get your commission as an
ensign after just 16 weeks of
leadership training at Officer
Choose to be a Navy officer
and you are responsible for
people and equipment almost
everything from nuclear pro-
pulsion to systems analysis,
oceanography to inventory
management. In graduate
school, this training would
cost you thousands, but in
the Navy, we pay you.
Ask your Navy representa-
tive about officer opportuni-
ties, or mail this coupon for
more information. Or call
toll-free 800-841-8000 (in GA
call toll-free 800-342-5855).
There's no obligation, and
you'll learn about an excellent
way to start a career in
NAVY OPPORTUNITY C144'
INFORMATION CENTER C44
P.O. Box 2000I
Pelham Manor, New York 10803 I
Q Yes, I'm interested in becoming
a Navy Officer. Please send me
more information. (OG)
FIRST (PLEASE PRINT) LAST
City State Zip
$Graduation Date OGrade Point-
(AREA CODE) CN 11/80
GENERAL PUBLIC................... .
JOGGERS CLUB..................... .
Hourly Tennis Rates Per Court:
Monday-Friday: 8 a.m.-2 p.m.
STUDENTS AND SPOUSES ............
FACULTY/STAFF AND SPOUSES.......
GENERAL PUBLIC .. . .. . . .. . . . . . .. . .. .
Monday-Friday: 6:30 p.m.-11:30 p.m.,
Saturdays, Sunday and Holidays:
STUDENTS AND SPOUSES............
FACULTY/STAFF AND SPOUSES ....
GENERAL PUBLIC . ...0. ..... . . .0..
Q"estio"s*'rAdditional Information Call Track-Tennis
Questins or Bldg. 763-308
1 Membership Form Fill Out and Enclose With Check To: 1
* University of Michigan Tennis Club/Joggers Club
1000 S. State St., Ann Arbor, MI 48109
I Memberships may be obtained daily at Track-Tennis Bldg.