I 4 SPORTS The Michigan Daily Tuesday, November 11, 1980 Page 8 I SPORTS OF THE DAILY Newcomers excel in women's swim meet D Pucki/h9 r 4n'uhd 4 By CHUCK HARTWIG "Awesome" is the only word that can describe the performance of the women's swimming team in the ,Bowling Green Invitational Relays Saturday at Bowling Green University. The women's team, which Coach Stu Isaac called "the best we've ever had a t Michigan, dominated the entire meet as it easily took first place out of a field of ten schools. "I WAS quite pleased that we swam well in every event," said Isaac. Seven- teen women competed in the meet, collecting 15 first place finishes, in- cluding wins in both diving events. The team is loaded with freshmen this year, and Isaac pointed out several who had outstanding meets. F±reshper- son Lisa Johnson qualified for the national meet by finishing first in the three-meter diving competition, while Chris Hodson swam on five winning relay teams in five events. Another freshperson, Linda Copp, was on four winning relay teams. "We knew we had a really good freshman class, and so far they're living up to our expectations," said Isaac. Soccer club loses The undergraduate soccer club lost a heartbreaker, 1-0, against Eastern Michigan yesterday at Fuller Field. The loss was a letdown for the Wolverines (7-4), who were coming off a big win at Northwestern last weekend. EASTERN MICHIGAN scored the game's only goal late in the second half. The Hurons' John McNulty, a sophomore from England, took advan- tage of a penalty kick situation and nudged the ball into the net. The win at Northwestern was Michigan's second shutout in a row. The Wolverines blanked the Wildcats, 2-0, behind goals from Peter Herrmann and Alan McFayden. Evanston native Dwayne Johnson assisted on Mc- Fayden's goal and turned in a solid overall performance in front of some hometown supporters. -JOE CHAPELLE intramural Scoreboard' P . -r M(1$ELWHITE 0111EV REVIEW rnr - t TUESDAY, NOV.11 Tickets: $3.50 in advance, $4.00 at the door. Available at Discount Records. Schoolkids'. Aura Sounde, and at Rick's. SUNDAY Racquetball Graduate MBA Blue3, Agent Orange 0 Delta Sigma Delta 2, MBA's Football Independent Class 'A' Abeng 12, Old Gang 6 Arbory Pirates 16, The Force 0 Silver Streak 8, Triple Avengers 0 Powerhouse '806, Wild Asses 0 Class 'B' DAILY LIBELS7, Ambatanas 0 (forfeit) Whip & Chain Gang8,NROTC Navy 0 Fraternity Class 'A' Phi Sigma Kappa 20, Delta Upsilon 18 Alpha Delta Phi8, Kappa Sigma 2 Sigma Phi Epsilon 14, Lambda Chi Alpha 0 Alpha Sigma Phi 14, Zeta Psi 2 Delta Chi 6, Triangle 0 Class B' Sigma Alpha Mu 12, Delta Tau Delta 0 Theta Delta Chi 14, Sigma Alpha Epsilon 12 Psi Upsilon 14, Chi Psi 6 Phi Sigma Kappa 12, Kappa Sigma 6 Co-Rec Breakers 22, Mutants 6 Residence Hal Class 'A' Williams 20, 3d Lewis 0 Class 'B' Oxford 12, Reeves 0 Gomberg 6, Fletcher 0 Pre-Holiday Basketball All-Campus' Stockwell's Force of 4010, Alpha Xi Delta 6 The Dust 40, Thornton's 11 U-M No. 2 38, Nationwides 36 Air Balls 40, Pretenders 30 N.F.I. 40, Excusables 36 Show Biz Kids 45,S. F. Assholes 30 B'omb Squad 1, Dribblers 0 (forfeit) Hayden's Harriers 42, Court Musicians 34 N.C. Alums 42, Fisher 6th 33 Curly Whites 43, Alpha Players 28 Bitches 2, Taylor 'B' ) (forfeit) Rambling Wrecks 37. Blanston's Boys No.232 White Shadows 1, Taylor 'A' 0 (forfeit) Big Dogs 43, Chi Phi 40 Bad Apples 37, Bears 35 Very Dead Bears 50, Frost House 34 Evans Scholars 47, Triangle 22 Fubars 53, IM Honey 47 Shemps 10, Triangle 'B' 28 You can take all your junk food and shove it! That isn't the taste thrill I covet. And ditto with pap Full of chemical crap But tempt me with League food. I love it! By KENT WALLEY Yes, folks, it's time once again for "As the Puck Turns," the continuing saga of the Canhmumville hockey team. When we last left our story, the big question still loomed in everyone's mind - whotshot J.R. Martin, the first-year coach? And will he return to. lead his team this year? Was he shot by Lefty Gomez, the mustachioed second-year assistant coach who has now assumed the coaching duties in Martin's absence? Or was it D. J. Dott, who left the team because of serious hampster troubles back home? Apparently the whole bunch had come down with a severe case of hampsteritis as reported by the Daily Planet. Or was it Bozo Bastotto who recently left the team to join a circus in the hopes of becoming a professional clown? Or if we dare to think the unthinkable, was it Don Juan Hamcan, the ruthless athletic director at Canhmumville State College? Hamcan, in our last episode, was chewing up nails for breakfast and washing them down with kerosene. This week's episode takes us to some unknown, dark parking garage iIr Michigan. There a reporter from the Daily Planet talks to his secret contact in the athletic department, "Deep Goat." "I know who shot J.R. Martin," speas the mysterious man over the distracting noises of his pet goat. "Yes, but before you tell me, could you shut up your animal, it's very disturbing. Besides, someone might see us here if it keeps making such an infernal racket," says the Planet reporter. "No, I'm sorry if you talk to me, you must talk to my goat as well." "Very well. Who shot J.R.?" "I can't tell you yet. You must find out for yourself, but if you find out. then I'll confirm it." "O.K., but will you tell me if Gomez will be the official head coach this year?''# "You," began the strange man in an angry, raspy voice, "miss the, whole point. Don't you realize what you're onto? This is big. Very big. I willo. tell you, that to find out the secret of the whole situation, you must talk to the great Guru." "The great Guru?" asked the Planet reporter. "Yes, here is her address, I must leave now. Goodbye." Next we see our reporter standing in front of an old rickety building that appears dark and deserted. Before he knocks, the door swings open with a creak and no one is behind it. He enters, and walks down an old dark hallway. He arrives at a dimly lit room and there is an old lady who is, strangely clad in a bandana and large earrings. She is peering into a crystal ball. "I know why you have come," she interjects as a huge turning hockey puck appears in the crystal ball. "I will tell you now what you need to know," she says. "It was not Gomez who shot J.R.," says the Guru. "It is true he wants the job, but he does not want to resort to such tactics. He is too much of an easy-going guy. "He is just a funny, laid-back guy," says the Guru. "He had an influence on Bozo Bastotto and that is why he left to join the circus. He loved humor." "And it wasn't D.J. Dott. His only problem is that he loves to take care of his hampsters too much. But he has returned to the team now." "I see. I guess he only left the team temporarily. Let's see, that leaves ... uh... uh ... OH MY GOSH.. . Was it none other than Don Juan Hamcan?" "Observe," says the Guru calmly. And the crystal ball once again brightens up and displays a scene. An office can be seen, ipside is Hamcan. Just then a secretary enters. "Mr. Hamcan, it's terrible, simply terrible," she quivers nervously. "It's the press, they want to know what happened to J.R." "Tell them he is in the hospital," said Hamcan. "But sir, they want to know which hospital and the nature of his illness. If we don't tell them, rumors might spread." "Confound it, Emily, you know it has always been[ our policy in this department to keep everything as secret as possible. It is none of the public's business what we do." He smiles and murmurs a compliment to himself and declares, "We shall keep it a secret, forever." The light inside the crystal ball fades and the reporter asks for proof that Don Juan Hamcan shot J.R. "The tapes," says the Guru slowly and quietly, "You must secure the tapes of Hamcan's office conversations." "But how? I. .. where. . ." as the reporter babbles the Guru vanishes. A sign appears in the crystal ball. It reads, "To be continued". STUDENTS-FACULTY-STAFF 4 4 4 4 Lunch 11:30 to 1:15 Dinner 5:00 to 7:15 Theichiga Next to Hill Audito Located in the heart of th'e car it is the heart of the campus .. M.B- SPECIAL LOW PRICES FOR STUDENTS Send your League Limerick to: Manager, Michigan League 227 South Ingalls rium You will receive 2 free dinner npus, tickets if your limerick is used in one of our ads. 4 I f4 FALL-WINTER TENNIS U-M TENNIS CLUB Track-Tennis-Bldg., Ferry Field Membership Applications Now Being Received Limited number of memberships still available General Rules of Operation Are: 1. Five indoor courts will be in operation from November thru May 1, 1981 2. Seasonable Membership Fees Are: STUDENTS .........................$.. 15 FACULTY/STAFF..................... '25 11 i BE ON THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS AT 22. Think of a ship as a corpora- tion, and it's not farfetched at all. A destroyer may have fifteen officers, other ships even fewer. Even the most junior officer gets to share in running the show. You become part of the management team when you get your commission as an ensign after just 16 weeks of leadership training at Officer Candidate School. Choose to be a Navy officer and you are responsible for people and equipment almost everything from nuclear pro- pulsion to systems analysis, oceanography to inventory management. In graduate school, this training would cost you thousands, but in the Navy, we pay you. Ask your Navy representa- tive about officer opportuni- ties, or mail this coupon for more information. Or call toll-free 800-841-8000 (in GA call toll-free 800-342-5855). There's no obligation, and you'll learn about an excellent way to start a career in NAVY OPPORTUNITY C144' INFORMATION CENTER C44 P.O. Box 2000I Pelham Manor, New York 10803 I Q Yes, I'm interested in becoming a Navy Officer. Please send me more information. (OG) Name FIRST (PLEASE PRINT) LAST Address City State Zip Age -tCollege/University $Graduation Date OGrade Point- AMajor/Minor Phone Number (AREA CODE) CN 11/80 GENERAL PUBLIC................... . JOGGERS CLUB..................... . Hourly Tennis Rates Per Court: Monday-Friday: 8 a.m.-2 p.m. STUDENTS AND SPOUSES ............ FACULTY/STAFF AND SPOUSES....... GENERAL PUBLIC .. . .. . . .. . . . . . .. . .. . Monday-Friday: 6:30 p.m.-11:30 p.m., Saturdays, Sunday and Holidays: STUDENTS AND SPOUSES............ FACULTY/STAFF AND SPOUSES .... GENERAL PUBLIC . ...0. ..... . . .0.. $30 :15 '4 *'8 s10 * 6 $10 $12 I 14 Q"estio"s*'rAdditional Information Call Track-Tennis Questins or Bldg. 763-308 b 1 Membership Form Fill Out and Enclose With Check To: 1 * University of Michigan Tennis Club/Joggers Club 1000 S. State St., Ann Arbor, MI 48109 pyor k I Memberships may be obtained daily at Track-Tennis Bldg. I i