pa e Six
T HE M IC HIGA N D A ILY
Saturday, March 10, 1945
THgMCHGA D IL. _... _..h.0_94
Miss Fits Olde
lgony Column
What's Wrong
With Me? Is
It Contagious?
Harmon Not
Found in
Siberia Yet
Your Problems Sh
Or You Won't Kn
Editor's note: Miss Fit is sev-
enty-three and has been chas-
ing men for seventy-four years
Iane was always a bit fast for
her age) ; although she was un-
successful in her pursuits, she
has always been quite happy to
pass on the knowledge which
she acquired through her own
experience, to people needy of
that knowledge. We beg to
warn, however, that this column
should not le read by those
weak in heart, knees, or arches.
Miss Fit really pulls no punches.
'Dear Miss Fit,
Eighteen yars ago my husband
went down to the corner to get me
some Rinso for my undies. He
said that he'd be right back, but
as yet he hasn't returned. I have
nine children who depend on me
for my salary as a sand-hog. Do
you think he's coming back, and
if not what should I do?
Signed
Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
You really have a problem on
your hands. Nowadays, what with
the way laundries have been run-
ning, a lot of people have the
same problem, but in your case,
being a sand-hog and all, you are
in an awful fix. My advice to you
is to buy your own Rinso, and
clean up those undies. Until then,
I don't think your husband could
come back to you even if he want-
ed.
Signed
Miss Agnes Fit
Dear Miss Fit,
I am a young girl of seventeen
attending the University of Michi-
gan. The other night I was out
for a walk alone, and in front of
the WA, a Navy V-12 student
stopped me and started to. talk to
me. He said he would teach me
about botany and geology (2 sub-
jects which I am now flunking),
and he brought me to the Arbore-
tum, for what he called 'field
work'. We were there for about
two hours, because of which I am
writing you. What should I do???
Signed
Frantic
Tear Frantic,
Your problem is quite an easy
one and should cause you no trou-
ble at all. Simply get your camp-
ing clothes together, and pitch a
tent in front of the WAS. Re-
member my motto, "Once you get
your hooks in a man, NEVER let
him go.
Signed
Miss Agnes Fit
Dear Miss Fit,
I am a lonely man. I am fifty-
seven. 'well-preserved for my age
(people say), moderately well-to-
loll Be Answered E dnt appreciate m PTROPAVLOVSK-March.-
wake them up at night, and I Andrei Mikn isto, Petropavlov-
ow the Reason Why make sure that they get to classes skian mayor for the past three
on time. I serenade them at the Five Year Plans, today announced
'> --- twilight hour with music that is that the Petropavlovskian Council
lously at the happy people on the so out of this world that no earth- for the Betterment of Petroav-
outside, just open that window up ly beings can fully realize the in- lovsk, had claimed the title of the
high, and DUCK, because I'll be tensit, the volume control, and only city in the world where Tom
coming through. Yeah Man!! the rich fullness, which every one Harmon, former University of
Signed of my carolings embodies. Michigan gridster, had not been
Miss Agnes Fit People don't appreciate me. found.
First year freshman scoff at me, Harmon, who since the start of
Dear Miss Fit, and make ribald jokes about my the war has turned up safe in the
name and what I do all the time. savage hinterlands of inmost Chi-
I am undoubtedly the most Why am I treated like this? na, in the unchartered jungles of
problematic case you have ever What is there in my make-up that darkest South America, and
encountered in your long career of allows people to take so many throughout his death-defying ca-
settling other peoples' misfortunes. advantages of my feminine frailty i reer in the sky, said today that he
It wasn't too bad that I was born and good nature? I know that I would take steps to remedy the
with green skin, speckled here and am a strong character, because I situation.
there with lavender crescents. I remember distinctly the very in Harmon attributes his knack of
always could have got a job in a redientsd (e oshich my soul, gtting out of tough places to two
burlesque shosv as - strip-teaser heat. and siews werie made differnt sets otaning. lHe ad
who mystifies as she discloses. I Is there anything mentally mts that the rigorous practice
could have stood, nourishing an wrong with me? On this account and discipline of collegiate foot-
appetite that longed only for I would bet any money that good ball is a major factor, but he also
"Keep Off the Grass" signs, and old Carolyn Towers is as sound of stresses a hitherto hidden reason.
regurgitated everything else. I mind as is anyone who is now He asserts that anyone who can
admit that it would have been a reading this article. In fact, and get through the mob of people
sacrifice. but nonetheless it was a this is solely my own opinion, I surrounding the counter of the
surmountable one. However in think that you, reader, must be hARMON -NOT FOUND AGAIN P-Bell on a Saturday night, should
my fourteenth year of life, when off your nut to have read so far. have no trouble with jungles.
I suddenly developed two extra
heads (two over and above the
three that I had at birth) I was Cp
stumped. Whenever I took the Second Semester Economy at FOLLET S
liberty of walking down the street,
people turned to stare at me as
though I was a freak or some-
thing. This was too much for my
already overtaxed sensibilities and
feelings. I am at my wits' end.
What ought I do??
Signed
A Character
Dear Character,
My advice to you is one which I
reached after only the longest de-
liberation. I have at my disposal
(for such cases as yours), the
name of a certain reliable drug-
gist, who I'm sure would at your
behest, concoct a quart of prussic
acid. After disposing of said acid
in the manner for which it was
intended, I am fully confident
that you will no longer be troubled
by any more earthly worries.
Signed
Miss Agnes Fit
or NEW if you prefer
Dear Miss Fit,
I am a soldier overseas fighting
the war. In our latest advance in
France we captured a small village
named Armentieres. While brows-
ing through the village in search
of some post-cards, (to write home
of course), I met a very voluptu-
ous lady who said that she was
the Mademoiselle after whom the S
town was named. One thing led
to another, and before I 'knesv it
I was up in her room, looking
over her etchings. I do not speak
French very well, and because of
this I was unable to answer what
seems to be questions that she CASHEXCHANG
was asking me in a very sultry EXCHANGE
and come-hither tone. Miss Fit,
what's the score? Your Old Books are as at FOLLETT'S where
Signed
G. I. Joseph you w find better
Dear G. I. Joseph, good as Cash
You need know only one thing, Bringfthacilitiesafo
Joseph, and that is oui, oui, Ou, themrin.ttrading.
OUs After that let Nature take
its course, and as the song goes
do, and have a charming person- you will probably end up with a
ality. I teach Political Science at Liberty magazine.
a well-known midwestern college, Signed
but for some reason, I have prac- Miss Agnes Fit
tically no friends. Sometimes I
stand at my window looking out -- -
at the happy carousing college -
students, and at moments like Re wV ard.
these, I feel like committing sui-
cide. Is there no road to happi- Last year while walking down
ness for the likes of me?? State Street near Kresge Corner,
Signed I dropped a new one hundred dol-
Despondent lar bill. I always had a tremen-
Dear Despondent, douse sentimental value for this
Of course there is a road to bill, and I have been feeling quite
happiness for you, and there is a depressed since its loss. Would
road to happiness for everyone, no some kind person, who could vis-
matter what his or her particular ualize my plight please help me
problem may be. Your case pre- out. The address is Cell No.
sents absolutely no difficulties to 58364, Jackson Prison. Oh yes,
me. When you go home, and it's the first hundred dollar bill
stand by the window gazing jea- I ever made.
FOLLTT'S
I - ..
ld1N
MICHIGAN BOOKSTORE
State Street of N. University
Phone 6363