pa e Six T HE M IC HIGA N D A ILY Saturday, March 10, 1945 THgMCHGA D IL. _... _..h.0_94 Miss Fits Olde lgony Column What's Wrong With Me? Is It Contagious? Harmon Not Found in Siberia Yet Your Problems Sh Or You Won't Kn Editor's note: Miss Fit is sev- enty-three and has been chas- ing men for seventy-four years Iane was always a bit fast for her age) ; although she was un- successful in her pursuits, she has always been quite happy to pass on the knowledge which she acquired through her own experience, to people needy of that knowledge. We beg to warn, however, that this column should not le read by those weak in heart, knees, or arches. Miss Fit really pulls no punches. 'Dear Miss Fit, Eighteen yars ago my husband went down to the corner to get me some Rinso for my undies. He said that he'd be right back, but as yet he hasn't returned. I have nine children who depend on me for my salary as a sand-hog. Do you think he's coming back, and if not what should I do? Signed Perplexed Dear Perplexed, You really have a problem on your hands. Nowadays, what with the way laundries have been run- ning, a lot of people have the same problem, but in your case, being a sand-hog and all, you are in an awful fix. My advice to you is to buy your own Rinso, and clean up those undies. Until then, I don't think your husband could come back to you even if he want- ed. Signed Miss Agnes Fit Dear Miss Fit, I am a young girl of seventeen attending the University of Michi- gan. The other night I was out for a walk alone, and in front of the WA, a Navy V-12 student stopped me and started to. talk to me. He said he would teach me about botany and geology (2 sub- jects which I am now flunking), and he brought me to the Arbore- tum, for what he called 'field work'. We were there for about two hours, because of which I am writing you. What should I do??? Signed Frantic Tear Frantic, Your problem is quite an easy one and should cause you no trou- ble at all. Simply get your camp- ing clothes together, and pitch a tent in front of the WAS. Re- member my motto, "Once you get your hooks in a man, NEVER let him go. Signed Miss Agnes Fit Dear Miss Fit, I am a lonely man. I am fifty- seven. 'well-preserved for my age (people say), moderately well-to- loll Be Answered E dnt appreciate m PTROPAVLOVSK-March.- wake them up at night, and I Andrei Mikn isto, Petropavlov- ow the Reason Why make sure that they get to classes skian mayor for the past three on time. I serenade them at the Five Year Plans, today announced '> --- twilight hour with music that is that the Petropavlovskian Council lously at the happy people on the so out of this world that no earth- for the Betterment of Petroav- outside, just open that window up ly beings can fully realize the in- lovsk, had claimed the title of the high, and DUCK, because I'll be tensit, the volume control, and only city in the world where Tom coming through. Yeah Man!! the rich fullness, which every one Harmon, former University of Signed of my carolings embodies. Michigan gridster, had not been Miss Agnes Fit People don't appreciate me. found. First year freshman scoff at me, Harmon, who since the start of Dear Miss Fit, and make ribald jokes about my the war has turned up safe in the name and what I do all the time. savage hinterlands of inmost Chi- I am undoubtedly the most Why am I treated like this? na, in the unchartered jungles of problematic case you have ever What is there in my make-up that darkest South America, and encountered in your long career of allows people to take so many throughout his death-defying ca- settling other peoples' misfortunes. advantages of my feminine frailty i reer in the sky, said today that he It wasn't too bad that I was born and good nature? I know that I would take steps to remedy the with green skin, speckled here and am a strong character, because I situation. there with lavender crescents. I remember distinctly the very in Harmon attributes his knack of always could have got a job in a redientsd (e oshich my soul, gtting out of tough places to two burlesque shosv as - strip-teaser heat. and siews werie made differnt sets otaning. lHe ad who mystifies as she discloses. I Is there anything mentally mts that the rigorous practice could have stood, nourishing an wrong with me? On this account and discipline of collegiate foot- appetite that longed only for I would bet any money that good ball is a major factor, but he also "Keep Off the Grass" signs, and old Carolyn Towers is as sound of stresses a hitherto hidden reason. regurgitated everything else. I mind as is anyone who is now He asserts that anyone who can admit that it would have been a reading this article. In fact, and get through the mob of people sacrifice. but nonetheless it was a this is solely my own opinion, I surrounding the counter of the surmountable one. However in think that you, reader, must be hARMON -NOT FOUND AGAIN P-Bell on a Saturday night, should my fourteenth year of life, when off your nut to have read so far. have no trouble with jungles. I suddenly developed two extra heads (two over and above the three that I had at birth) I was Cp stumped. Whenever I took the Second Semester Economy at FOLLET S liberty of walking down the street, people turned to stare at me as though I was a freak or some- thing. This was too much for my already overtaxed sensibilities and feelings. I am at my wits' end. What ought I do?? Signed A Character Dear Character, My advice to you is one which I reached after only the longest de- liberation. I have at my disposal (for such cases as yours), the name of a certain reliable drug- gist, who I'm sure would at your behest, concoct a quart of prussic acid. After disposing of said acid in the manner for which it was intended, I am fully confident that you will no longer be troubled by any more earthly worries. Signed Miss Agnes Fit or NEW if you prefer Dear Miss Fit, I am a soldier overseas fighting the war. In our latest advance in France we captured a small village named Armentieres. While brows- ing through the village in search of some post-cards, (to write home of course), I met a very voluptu- ous lady who said that she was the Mademoiselle after whom the S town was named. One thing led to another, and before I 'knesv it I was up in her room, looking over her etchings. I do not speak French very well, and because of this I was unable to answer what seems to be questions that she CASHEXCHANG was asking me in a very sultry EXCHANGE and come-hither tone. Miss Fit, what's the score? Your Old Books are as at FOLLETT'S where Signed G. I. Joseph you w find better Dear G. I. Joseph, good as Cash You need know only one thing, Bringfthacilitiesafo Joseph, and that is oui, oui, Ou, themrin.ttrading. OUs After that let Nature take its course, and as the song goes do, and have a charming person- you will probably end up with a ality. I teach Political Science at Liberty magazine. a well-known midwestern college, Signed but for some reason, I have prac- Miss Agnes Fit tically no friends. Sometimes I stand at my window looking out -- - at the happy carousing college - students, and at moments like Re wV ard. these, I feel like committing sui- cide. Is there no road to happi- Last year while walking down ness for the likes of me?? State Street near Kresge Corner, Signed I dropped a new one hundred dol- Despondent lar bill. I always had a tremen- Dear Despondent, douse sentimental value for this Of course there is a road to bill, and I have been feeling quite happiness for you, and there is a depressed since its loss. Would road to happiness for everyone, no some kind person, who could vis- matter what his or her particular ualize my plight please help me problem may be. Your case pre- out. The address is Cell No. sents absolutely no difficulties to 58364, Jackson Prison. Oh yes, me. When you go home, and it's the first hundred dollar bill stand by the window gazing jea- I ever made. FOLLTT'S I - .. ld1N MICHIGAN BOOKSTORE State Street of N. University Phone 6363