SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1950
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
PAGE FIVE
v __Ls
PAGE FIVE
MECHANICAL MORON:
Student Builds World's Stupidest Brain
(. tit
By RICH THOMAS
Inspired by a sincere desire to
achieve everlasting personal fame,
Guy Tribble, '51, has constructed
what he calls "the world's smallest
and stupidest mechanical brain."
Tribble's "brain," which occupies
less than an eighth of a cubic foot
of space, is eight times smaller
than, and "vatly inferior" to
Columbia University's "Simple Si-
mon," heretofore considered the
weakest calculator in creation.
IN ACCORDANCE with this re-
lanship, Tribble has , fondly
dubbed his "brain" the "Simpler-
than-Simon."
Since "Simpler-than-Simon's"
sole intellectual achievement is
the ability to, add one and one,
many scientists and mathema-
ticians have doubted its practi-
cal value.
In doing so, however, they have
incurred Tribble's perpetual ani-
mosity. "The doubters are only
displaying their own ignorance,"
he snarled.
"It normally takes a trained
mathematician about five seconds
to add one and one with any sort
of accuracy. My 'Simpler-than-
Simon' Tribble boasted, "can do
it in half an hour."
ADMITTING that the machine
was slightly slower than the
mathematician, Tribble explained
that its value lies in the fact that
it hardly ever makes a mistake.
"It eliminates the human ele-
ment," he said.
Eager to share his triumph
with the rest of mankind, Trib-
ble has dispatched a letter to
Gordon Dean, Chairman of the
Atomic Energy Commission, of-
fering the Oak Ridge atomic
scientists its use free of charge.
"When I began testing my cal-
culator," Tribble declared, "I
thought I'd made the mathemati-
cal discovery of the ages. The first
five times I fed the problem into
the brain, the answer came out
zero."
"You realize," he added paren-
thetically, "that such a discovery
could revolutionize the entire field
- of mathematics."
Later, however, Tribble found
out that he had been feeding the
one plus one problem into the
output end of the computor and
getting the answer from the in-
put slot.
"I was subtracting all the time,"
he said sheepishly.
* * *
SINCE the Columbia calculator
is considered a moron compared
to the giant mechanical brains in
existence, many authorities have
called "Simpler-than-Simon" an
idiot. This insult leaves Tribble
non-plussed; "They're just jeal-
ous," he muttered.
"Of course, I'm not trying to
kid myself," Tribble admitted, "I
know my machine will never re-
place man. But after all," he of-
fered with a flourish, "it might
possibly replace the two-year old."
-Daily-Roger Reinke
MAN VS. MACHINE-The age long battle of man against ma-
chine turned up on campus yesterday as Ron Getoor, mathe-
matics teaching fellow, raced Guy Tribble, '51, and his mechan-
ical "brain" through a problem in mathemnatics. Although Trib-
ble, inventor of the calculator, and his machine lost the race
against time to solve the problem (one plus one equals ?) to the
quick thinking Getoor, the mechanical brain drew a great deal
of attention in scientific circles.
HELP WANTED:
U. S. Seeks Seniors,
Grads To Fill Positions
Production
Rule Needed
--Saw ye~
WASHINGTON - (P) - Secre-
tary of Commerce Charles Sawyer
said yesterday that voluntary in-
dustry - wide agreements "just
won't work" in controlling produc-
tion for national defense.
He told a news conference that
the government must do it by is-
suing orders.
SEC. SAWYER also had some
news on steel capacity. He said he
has reason to believe that the steel
industry will "substantially in-
crease" its recentlynnounced pro-
gram of expansion.
That program called for an in-
crease in annual capacity of
9,400,000 tons-to a 110,000,000
ton total-by the end of 1952.
This figure has been criticized as
too small, and Sec. Sawyer has
been criticized for expressing
satisfaction with it. Yesterday he
said lie wants as much capacity
as can be got, and expects ex-
pansion to continue after 1952
as well.
Most of the questions asked by
reporters had to do with the oper-
ations of the National Production
Authority, whichwasrcreated in
the Commerce Department two
months ago under the direction of
William Harrison.
IN THE EARLY DAYS of the
defense program, voluntary meth-
ods of controlling production were
much discussed. Yesterday, Sawyer
said there's "very little likelihood
that anything will be worked out
along that line." He emphasized
that industry leaders called here
by the NPA are not meeting to
work out agreements but only to
advise the NPA.
Sec. Sawyer was asked whether
industry likes the mandatory
method.
"I think there's very little re-
sistance to the program," he re-
plied.
One example of an NPA order
was the banning of construction of
amusement places.
Other examples: the anticipated
orders cutting the civilian use of
aluminum, copper, and nickel.
Sec. Sawyer was asked wheth-
er such orders will cause "some-
slack in business" by reducing
consumer goods before military
contracts make up the differ-
ence.
He said NPA has this possibility
"constantly in mind" and won't
issue any order "in complete dis-
regard of its effect on the econo-
my."
Last 'Macbeth'
ShowingTonight
Shakespeare's tragedy "Mac-
beth," as interpreted by Orson
Welles, will close at 8 p.m. today
at Lydia Mendelssohn Theatre.
Welles's production has been the
object of a great deal of varied cri-
ticism. The Harvard Crimson said
it was "an exciting, superior mo-
vie with moments of brilliance."
*
*
M R
HAPPY DIWA LI, HAPPY NEW YEAR:
Hindu Students Celebrate Arrival of Year 2007
By ZANDER HOLLANDER
This is theryear 2007.
At least that is the year the Di-
wali celebration ushered in last
night at the Hindustan Student's
Association's New Year's party at
Lane Hall.
Diwali is the Hindu equivalent
of our New Year. It is a four day
celebration and the grandest In-
dian holiday of the year. The par-
ty last night lived up to the tra-
dition.
THE PRIME characteristic of
the affair was the spirit of friend-
ship which mixed through the
whole thing. Moslems as well as
Hindus celebrate Diwali just as
Jews and Christians celebrate our
Christmas. Past differences are
forgotten in the traditional gather
ing of friends.
The authentic Hindu flavor
showed itself in a dozen different
ways. Entering the door each
guest received a rangoli-or good
luck sign-stamped with a flo-
wer bud on his forehead. Incense
sticks and candles, symbols of
the Diwali festival, burned about
the room.
About the only thing missing
from the traditional Indian cele-
bration was the fireworks, which
the students insisted were exploded
by the ton in their native land.
BACK HOME they explained,
the people would rise very early
in the morning, during Diwali,'
MAYA DEB, GRAD., WATCHES MOHAD QURESHI, GRAD., DANCE AT HINDU NEW YEAR'Sa
GAME ONLY HIGHLIGHT:
Armistice Day To Pass
Unnoticed in A ncn A rbor'
Prof. Rabel
Given Ames
LegalPrize
Prof. Ernst Rabel, retired from
the Law School, has been awarded
the James Barr Ames prize by
<->- i
The Federal government is con-
ducting its yearly manhunt for
capable college graduates who are
interested in career jobs with its
various departments, bureaus and
services.
This is the word of Mildred
Webber, assistant lirector of the
Bureau of Appointments. whose
desk is. flooded with letters from
many governmental agencies urg-
ing her to encourage college sen-
iors and graduates below the doc-
Speech Students
Will Broadcast
"Brer Bear's Sad Tale" will be
told at 10:45 a.m. today over
WPAG by the radio students of the
Speech Department.
This "Down Storybook Lane pre-
sentation is one of a series of child-
ren's programs presented by the
Speech Department. Two types of
shows are done, monologues and
dramas.
The monologues can be heard at
4:45 'p.m. Mondays through Fri-
days over WHRV. The dramas can
be heard at 10:45 a.m. Saturdays
over WPAG and at 8:45 a.m. Sun-
days over WWJ, Detroit.
U ROTC To Hold
Rifle Matches
"Paper" rifle matches with
ROTC units in schools throughout
the country are now being sche-
duled by the University Air Force;
ROTC, according to M-Sgt. John
C. Smith, AFROTC instructor.
toral level to take the many+
service examinations which
being advertised this fall.
** *
civil
are
A TYPICAL LETTER received
by Miss'Webber is one from the
Navy Department, which has been
experimenting with an executive
development program to train men
for civilian administrative jobs
with the department.
"We are interested in keeping
this program as a permanent
part of our management plan-
ning," the letter said.
Letters have been received by
Miss Webber fro mthe Treasury
Department, the Labor Depart-
ment, the National Bureau of
Standards in the Commerce De-'
partment and other government
branches, all of which are on the
lookout for potential executives.
** *
THE JUNIOR Management As-
sistant civil service examination,
which leads to government admin-
istrative appointments, is tenta-
tively scheduled for early in De-
cember, and the deadline for ap-
plying for the test is Tuesday.
In the past, there has been
no examination in the spring,
so Miss Webber urges all inter-
ested students to obtain appli-
cation blanks in the Bureau of
Appointments office, Rm. 3528
Administration Bldg., before the
Tuesday deadline.
Deadlines are also approaching
for applying for civil service ex-
ams in other fields. ..The Junior
Professional Assistant exam, lead-
ing to federal jobs in Michigan,
Illinois and Wisconsin as archi-
tects, bacteriologists, economists,
food and drug inspectors and sta-
tisticians, will be closed to appli-
cants Nov. 21.
* * *
THE DEADLINE for the Junior
Scientist and Engineer examina-
tion application is Nov. 30. This
includes chemists, physicists, me-
tallurgists, engineers, electronic
scientists and mathematicians.
Positions obtained as a result
of these tests all have base
salaries of around $3,100, 30-
day vacation, retirement pro-
grams and sick leave.
The Bureau of Appointments al-
so has a large list of out-of-state
jobs.
The observance of Armistice Day
in Ann Arbor today will apparently
be marked only by the Michigan-
Indiana football game and the us-
ual Saturday night capers about
town..
Veterans' organizations h e r e
have put little emphasis on the
occasion, and the University has
announced no special recognition
of the day.,
Because the football games make
the American Legion post "pretty,
busy" on game days, the Ann Ar-
bor post celebrated in advance
Wednesday, Floyd Barey, Armis-
tice Day chairman said. The post
held a memorial service, followed
by a special dance.
The Veterans of Foreign Wars
here plan no special exercises for
the occasion today, either, accord-
ing to William Biedermann, Com-
mander. But decorations at the
regular Saturday night dance will
follow an Armistice theme, Bieder-
mann said.
Memorial services will be held at
the meeting of the post Monday
night, he added.
But while observance in Ann Ar-
bor is at a minimum, in Flint to-
day the Michigan Council of the
United Nations Educational, Scien-
tific, and Cultural Organization is
European Mixer
A European Mixer will be held
from 8 p.m. to 12 midnight today
at the International Center.
holding its second annual Armis-
tice day meeting.
President of the Council, Prof.
Clark Trow, of the Education
school commented, "The hopes of
the first Armistice Day have not
as yet been fulfilled, but the var-
ious organizations which constitute
the United Nations now hold out
the only prospect for the peace
which was earlier sought."
DAILY
OFFICIAL
BULLETIN
(Continued from Page 2)
Wesley Foundation: Hamburg
Fry at the Guild after the game.
European Club: Mixer, 8 p.m.,
International Center. European
students and their friends invited.
Hostelers: Treasure hunt and
cook-out supper. Bring own food
and utensils. Contact Jane Fink-
heiner, No. 7804 for reservations.
Group will leave League at 3:30
p.m.
Coning Events
U. of M. Soaring Club: Open
meeting, 7 p.m., Tues., Nov. 14,
1042 E. Engineering Bldg. The sta
tus of the airplane tow will be
discussed. New members welcome.
Graduate Outing Club: Sun.,
Nov. 12. Out-of-town trip. Bring
cars. Guests- welcome. Meet in
Outing Club room, northwest cor-
ner of Rackham, 2:15 p.m.
U. of M. Hot Record Society:
Evolution of Stan Kenton, Sun.,
Nov. 12, 8 p.m., League,. Public in-
vited.
Inter-Arts Union: Meeting, Sun.,
Nov. 12, 2 p.m., League. All those
interested invited.
IZFA: General meeting, 7:30 p.-
m., Sun., Nov. 12, Grand Rapids
room, League. Panel discussion on
the place of religion in modern
life and in Israel today. All are
welcome.
the Harvard law school. bathe in incense, and spend the
The award was in recognition of rest of the day going to the temple
Prof. Rabel's first two volumes of and celebrating with friends and
"The Conflict of Laws: A Compar- relatives.
ative Study." Rabel has been en-
gaged in the work here for the The women of the family were
past 10 years. the busiest, they said; Women
Julian Mack first established the would decorate family doorsteps
Ames prize in 1898, specifying that with complicated designs of col-
it was to be awarded every four orepowderssymbolizing"wel-
years "for the most meritorious come or good health.
law book or legal essay written in "And when I think of the food
the English language." they make," mused one Indian, "I
Describing the two volumes as a wish I were back there instead of
"monumental treatise," Prof. Hes- at this party."
sel Yntema, of the Law School, Taken all around Diwali proved
editor of "Legal Studies," in which that New Year's is New Year's-
the two volumes have been pub- the spirit remaining the same no
lished, said that the award was matter what the customs or lang-
an "unusual recogntion." uage.
Prof. Rabel is now in Europe uage.
gathering more material for a pos- So this is 200'. Happy Diwali
sible third volume. His first was
published in 1945 and the second
in 1947. OPTICAL SERVICE
Daily Classifieds CAMPUS OPTICIANS
t Q222 Nickels Arcade
Get Quick Resu s Phone 2-9116
I
i!,=
Indiana Tilt To Feature High
School Cheerleader Exhibition
Miller's Special Luncheon
Offered Every Noon
J. D. MILLER'S CAFETERIA
211 South State Street
I
Spectators at today's Indiana-
Michigan football match will be
treated to something new in half-
time entertainment.
The show today will feature
2,038 high - school cheerleaders
from 279 high schools throughout
Michigan. They are here to attend
a cheerleading clinic this morn-
ing, sponsored by the Bureau of
School Service.
AT HALF-TIME, the cheerlead-
ers will line up six deep around
the sidelines and in the end zone
and help direct a "Hello, Indiana".
cheer.
Next, the army of cheerleaders
will go through the motions and
whistling of a skyrocket cheer
while the band outlines a sky-
rocket that will zoom down the
field and explode into a "MICH"
for the playing of "The Yellow
and Blue.
"Fight Fanfare" will be the last
mass participation cheer. However,
the high school cheerleaders will
lend vocal assistance to the "Wol-
verine Chant" and the "Michigan
Locomotive." This one should be
something to watch, as the March-
ing Band, formed as a locomotive,
will start moving and gain speed
as the cheer progresses.
TO LAY the groundwork for the
afternoon performance, the high
school cheerleaders will attend a
clinic in cheerleading techniques
at the I-M Building at 10 a.m. to-
day. University cheerleaders will
give the instruction under the su-
pervision of Newt Loken, gymnas-
tics coach.
Also cooperating, in the clinic
will be the Marching Band and
the Board in Control of Inter-
collegiate Athletics.
The clinic, thought to be the
first of its kind, is the result of
interest shown in area clinics stag-
ed by the University last year, ac-
cording to Prof. Lawrence Vrede-
voe, of the Education school, di-
rector of Bureau of School Ser-
vices.
I!I
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I
DAME MYRA HESS
BRITISH PIANIST
EXTRA SERIES
ALL-BEETHOVEN
PROGRAM
Tues., Nov. 14, 8:30
1;11 A .a.Jn..:...
SERVING YOU
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buying and selling
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SENIORS AND,
GRADUATE S
HURRY!
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RETURN
YOUR ENSIAN
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IN PERSON
TMMFDT lA TF~l
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