SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1950 THE MICHIGAN DAILY PAGE FIVE v __Ls PAGE FIVE MECHANICAL MORON: Student Builds World's Stupidest Brain (. tit By RICH THOMAS Inspired by a sincere desire to achieve everlasting personal fame, Guy Tribble, '51, has constructed what he calls "the world's smallest and stupidest mechanical brain." Tribble's "brain," which occupies less than an eighth of a cubic foot of space, is eight times smaller than, and "vatly inferior" to Columbia University's "Simple Si- mon," heretofore considered the weakest calculator in creation. IN ACCORDANCE with this re- lanship, Tribble has , fondly dubbed his "brain" the "Simpler- than-Simon." Since "Simpler-than-Simon's" sole intellectual achievement is the ability to, add one and one, many scientists and mathema- ticians have doubted its practi- cal value. In doing so, however, they have incurred Tribble's perpetual ani- mosity. "The doubters are only displaying their own ignorance," he snarled. "It normally takes a trained mathematician about five seconds to add one and one with any sort of accuracy. My 'Simpler-than- Simon' Tribble boasted, "can do it in half an hour." ADMITTING that the machine was slightly slower than the mathematician, Tribble explained that its value lies in the fact that it hardly ever makes a mistake. "It eliminates the human ele- ment," he said. Eager to share his triumph with the rest of mankind, Trib- ble has dispatched a letter to Gordon Dean, Chairman of the Atomic Energy Commission, of- fering the Oak Ridge atomic scientists its use free of charge. "When I began testing my cal- culator," Tribble declared, "I thought I'd made the mathemati- cal discovery of the ages. The first five times I fed the problem into the brain, the answer came out zero." "You realize," he added paren- thetically, "that such a discovery could revolutionize the entire field - of mathematics." Later, however, Tribble found out that he had been feeding the one plus one problem into the output end of the computor and getting the answer from the in- put slot. "I was subtracting all the time," he said sheepishly. * * * SINCE the Columbia calculator is considered a moron compared to the giant mechanical brains in existence, many authorities have called "Simpler-than-Simon" an idiot. This insult leaves Tribble non-plussed; "They're just jeal- ous," he muttered. "Of course, I'm not trying to kid myself," Tribble admitted, "I know my machine will never re- place man. But after all," he of- fered with a flourish, "it might possibly replace the two-year old." -Daily-Roger Reinke MAN VS. MACHINE-The age long battle of man against ma- chine turned up on campus yesterday as Ron Getoor, mathe- matics teaching fellow, raced Guy Tribble, '51, and his mechan- ical "brain" through a problem in mathemnatics. Although Trib- ble, inventor of the calculator, and his machine lost the race against time to solve the problem (one plus one equals ?) to the quick thinking Getoor, the mechanical brain drew a great deal of attention in scientific circles. HELP WANTED: U. S. Seeks Seniors, Grads To Fill Positions Production Rule Needed --Saw ye~ WASHINGTON - (P) - Secre- tary of Commerce Charles Sawyer said yesterday that voluntary in- dustry - wide agreements "just won't work" in controlling produc- tion for national defense. He told a news conference that the government must do it by is- suing orders. SEC. SAWYER also had some news on steel capacity. He said he has reason to believe that the steel industry will "substantially in- crease" its recentlynnounced pro- gram of expansion. That program called for an in- crease in annual capacity of 9,400,000 tons-to a 110,000,000 ton total-by the end of 1952. This figure has been criticized as too small, and Sec. Sawyer has been criticized for expressing satisfaction with it. Yesterday he said lie wants as much capacity as can be got, and expects ex- pansion to continue after 1952 as well. Most of the questions asked by reporters had to do with the oper- ations of the National Production Authority, whichwasrcreated in the Commerce Department two months ago under the direction of William Harrison. IN THE EARLY DAYS of the defense program, voluntary meth- ods of controlling production were much discussed. Yesterday, Sawyer said there's "very little likelihood that anything will be worked out along that line." He emphasized that industry leaders called here by the NPA are not meeting to work out agreements but only to advise the NPA. Sec. Sawyer was asked whether industry likes the mandatory method. "I think there's very little re- sistance to the program," he re- plied. One example of an NPA order was the banning of construction of amusement places. Other examples: the anticipated orders cutting the civilian use of aluminum, copper, and nickel. Sec. Sawyer was asked wheth- er such orders will cause "some- slack in business" by reducing consumer goods before military contracts make up the differ- ence. He said NPA has this possibility "constantly in mind" and won't issue any order "in complete dis- regard of its effect on the econo- my." Last 'Macbeth' ShowingTonight Shakespeare's tragedy "Mac- beth," as interpreted by Orson Welles, will close at 8 p.m. today at Lydia Mendelssohn Theatre. Welles's production has been the object of a great deal of varied cri- ticism. The Harvard Crimson said it was "an exciting, superior mo- vie with moments of brilliance." * * M R HAPPY DIWA LI, HAPPY NEW YEAR: Hindu Students Celebrate Arrival of Year 2007 By ZANDER HOLLANDER This is theryear 2007. At least that is the year the Di- wali celebration ushered in last night at the Hindustan Student's Association's New Year's party at Lane Hall. Diwali is the Hindu equivalent of our New Year. It is a four day celebration and the grandest In- dian holiday of the year. The par- ty last night lived up to the tra- dition. THE PRIME characteristic of the affair was the spirit of friend- ship which mixed through the whole thing. Moslems as well as Hindus celebrate Diwali just as Jews and Christians celebrate our Christmas. Past differences are forgotten in the traditional gather ing of friends. The authentic Hindu flavor showed itself in a dozen different ways. Entering the door each guest received a rangoli-or good luck sign-stamped with a flo- wer bud on his forehead. Incense sticks and candles, symbols of the Diwali festival, burned about the room. About the only thing missing from the traditional Indian cele- bration was the fireworks, which the students insisted were exploded by the ton in their native land. BACK HOME they explained, the people would rise very early in the morning, during Diwali,' MAYA DEB, GRAD., WATCHES MOHAD QURESHI, GRAD., DANCE AT HINDU NEW YEAR'Sa GAME ONLY HIGHLIGHT: Armistice Day To Pass Unnoticed in A ncn A rbor' Prof. Rabel Given Ames LegalPrize Prof. Ernst Rabel, retired from the Law School, has been awarded the James Barr Ames prize by <->- i The Federal government is con- ducting its yearly manhunt for capable college graduates who are interested in career jobs with its various departments, bureaus and services. This is the word of Mildred Webber, assistant lirector of the Bureau of Appointments. whose desk is. flooded with letters from many governmental agencies urg- ing her to encourage college sen- iors and graduates below the doc- Speech Students Will Broadcast "Brer Bear's Sad Tale" will be told at 10:45 a.m. today over WPAG by the radio students of the Speech Department. This "Down Storybook Lane pre- sentation is one of a series of child- ren's programs presented by the Speech Department. Two types of shows are done, monologues and dramas. The monologues can be heard at 4:45 'p.m. Mondays through Fri- days over WHRV. The dramas can be heard at 10:45 a.m. Saturdays over WPAG and at 8:45 a.m. Sun- days over WWJ, Detroit. U ROTC To Hold Rifle Matches "Paper" rifle matches with ROTC units in schools throughout the country are now being sche- duled by the University Air Force; ROTC, according to M-Sgt. John C. Smith, AFROTC instructor. toral level to take the many+ service examinations which being advertised this fall. ** * civil are A TYPICAL LETTER received by Miss'Webber is one from the Navy Department, which has been experimenting with an executive development program to train men for civilian administrative jobs with the department. "We are interested in keeping this program as a permanent part of our management plan- ning," the letter said. Letters have been received by Miss Webber fro mthe Treasury Department, the Labor Depart- ment, the National Bureau of Standards in the Commerce De-' partment and other government branches, all of which are on the lookout for potential executives. ** * THE JUNIOR Management As- sistant civil service examination, which leads to government admin- istrative appointments, is tenta- tively scheduled for early in De- cember, and the deadline for ap- plying for the test is Tuesday. In the past, there has been no examination in the spring, so Miss Webber urges all inter- ested students to obtain appli- cation blanks in the Bureau of Appointments office, Rm. 3528 Administration Bldg., before the Tuesday deadline. Deadlines are also approaching for applying for civil service ex- ams in other fields. ..The Junior Professional Assistant exam, lead- ing to federal jobs in Michigan, Illinois and Wisconsin as archi- tects, bacteriologists, economists, food and drug inspectors and sta- tisticians, will be closed to appli- cants Nov. 21. * * * THE DEADLINE for the Junior Scientist and Engineer examina- tion application is Nov. 30. This includes chemists, physicists, me- tallurgists, engineers, electronic scientists and mathematicians. Positions obtained as a result of these tests all have base salaries of around $3,100, 30- day vacation, retirement pro- grams and sick leave. The Bureau of Appointments al- so has a large list of out-of-state jobs. The observance of Armistice Day in Ann Arbor today will apparently be marked only by the Michigan- Indiana football game and the us- ual Saturday night capers about town.. Veterans' organizations h e r e have put little emphasis on the occasion, and the University has announced no special recognition of the day., Because the football games make the American Legion post "pretty, busy" on game days, the Ann Ar- bor post celebrated in advance Wednesday, Floyd Barey, Armis- tice Day chairman said. The post held a memorial service, followed by a special dance. The Veterans of Foreign Wars here plan no special exercises for the occasion today, either, accord- ing to William Biedermann, Com- mander. But decorations at the regular Saturday night dance will follow an Armistice theme, Bieder- mann said. Memorial services will be held at the meeting of the post Monday night, he added. But while observance in Ann Ar- bor is at a minimum, in Flint to- day the Michigan Council of the United Nations Educational, Scien- tific, and Cultural Organization is European Mixer A European Mixer will be held from 8 p.m. to 12 midnight today at the International Center. holding its second annual Armis- tice day meeting. President of the Council, Prof. Clark Trow, of the Education school commented, "The hopes of the first Armistice Day have not as yet been fulfilled, but the var- ious organizations which constitute the United Nations now hold out the only prospect for the peace which was earlier sought." DAILY OFFICIAL BULLETIN (Continued from Page 2) Wesley Foundation: Hamburg Fry at the Guild after the game. European Club: Mixer, 8 p.m., International Center. European students and their friends invited. Hostelers: Treasure hunt and cook-out supper. Bring own food and utensils. Contact Jane Fink- heiner, No. 7804 for reservations. Group will leave League at 3:30 p.m. Coning Events U. of M. Soaring Club: Open meeting, 7 p.m., Tues., Nov. 14, 1042 E. Engineering Bldg. The sta tus of the airplane tow will be discussed. New members welcome. Graduate Outing Club: Sun., Nov. 12. Out-of-town trip. Bring cars. Guests- welcome. Meet in Outing Club room, northwest cor- ner of Rackham, 2:15 p.m. U. of M. Hot Record Society: Evolution of Stan Kenton, Sun., Nov. 12, 8 p.m., League,. Public in- vited. Inter-Arts Union: Meeting, Sun., Nov. 12, 2 p.m., League. All those interested invited. IZFA: General meeting, 7:30 p.- m., Sun., Nov. 12, Grand Rapids room, League. Panel discussion on the place of religion in modern life and in Israel today. All are welcome. the Harvard law school. bathe in incense, and spend the The award was in recognition of rest of the day going to the temple Prof. Rabel's first two volumes of and celebrating with friends and "The Conflict of Laws: A Compar- relatives. ative Study." Rabel has been en- gaged in the work here for the The women of the family were past 10 years. the busiest, they said; Women Julian Mack first established the would decorate family doorsteps Ames prize in 1898, specifying that with complicated designs of col- it was to be awarded every four orepowderssymbolizing"wel- years "for the most meritorious come or good health. law book or legal essay written in "And when I think of the food the English language." they make," mused one Indian, "I Describing the two volumes as a wish I were back there instead of "monumental treatise," Prof. Hes- at this party." sel Yntema, of the Law School, Taken all around Diwali proved editor of "Legal Studies," in which that New Year's is New Year's- the two volumes have been pub- the spirit remaining the same no lished, said that the award was matter what the customs or lang- an "unusual recogntion." uage. Prof. Rabel is now in Europe uage. gathering more material for a pos- So this is 200'. Happy Diwali sible third volume. His first was published in 1945 and the second in 1947. OPTICAL SERVICE Daily Classifieds CAMPUS OPTICIANS t Q222 Nickels Arcade Get Quick Resu s Phone 2-9116 I i!,= Indiana Tilt To Feature High School Cheerleader Exhibition Miller's Special Luncheon Offered Every Noon J. D. MILLER'S CAFETERIA 211 South State Street I Spectators at today's Indiana- Michigan football match will be treated to something new in half- time entertainment. The show today will feature 2,038 high - school cheerleaders from 279 high schools throughout Michigan. They are here to attend a cheerleading clinic this morn- ing, sponsored by the Bureau of School Service. AT HALF-TIME, the cheerlead- ers will line up six deep around the sidelines and in the end zone and help direct a "Hello, Indiana". cheer. Next, the army of cheerleaders will go through the motions and whistling of a skyrocket cheer while the band outlines a sky- rocket that will zoom down the field and explode into a "MICH" for the playing of "The Yellow and Blue. "Fight Fanfare" will be the last mass participation cheer. However, the high school cheerleaders will lend vocal assistance to the "Wol- verine Chant" and the "Michigan Locomotive." This one should be something to watch, as the March- ing Band, formed as a locomotive, will start moving and gain speed as the cheer progresses. TO LAY the groundwork for the afternoon performance, the high school cheerleaders will attend a clinic in cheerleading techniques at the I-M Building at 10 a.m. to- day. University cheerleaders will give the instruction under the su- pervision of Newt Loken, gymnas- tics coach. Also cooperating, in the clinic will be the Marching Band and the Board in Control of Inter- collegiate Athletics. The clinic, thought to be the first of its kind, is the result of interest shown in area clinics stag- ed by the University last year, ac- cording to Prof. Lawrence Vrede- voe, of the Education school, di- rector of Bureau of School Ser- vices. I!I I l I DAME MYRA HESS BRITISH PIANIST EXTRA SERIES ALL-BEETHOVEN PROGRAM Tues., Nov. 14, 8:30 1;11 A .a.Jn..:... SERVING YOU THE KEY TO TOP VALUES Unlock the door to opportunity! Do your buying and selling . through want ads for. values, savings, pro- fits! Start the WANT- AD habit now! PLACE YOUR ADSC TODAAYT I lil I SENIORS AND, GRADUATE S HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! RETURN YOUR ENSIAN PICTURE PROOFS IN PERSON TMMFDT lA TF~l I ' i. iu , j',', 1 , I I 11 H i