THE MICHIGAN DAILY
I
Monday, February 13, 1950
ti'
.41
)ietitian Makes Application
or Five Cent Hot Dog Stand
DAILY SPOTLIGHT:
Promotions Men Run Wild on Campus
J-HOP
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I
Off Guard For Over A Century
Monday, February 13, 1950
"What this campus needs is a
good five-cent hot dog stand,"
Reginald B. Reinhardt, East Quad
dietician, declared yesterday as
police released him from impri-
sonment in a "cabin" outside Yp-
5ilanti.
Hamburgs and hot pastrami are
not enough, he explained. "The,
FreXy Gives
Announcement
T o Reporters
President Alexander G. Ruthven
said yesterday, "Today is Sun-
day?
* * *
THE STATEMENT, was in the
form of an official University ad-
ministration release, but had an.
air of mystery hovering around it
on two counts:
1. The statement's release on
Sunday, a highly unofficial day
for. the University.
Z. President Ruthven's refus-
al to answer the question put to
him: "Does this necessarily
mean that the day preceding it
was Saturday, or that that day
was the last day of the J-Hop?"
President Ruthven at first hesi-
Aated, but finally carefully but
firmly replied, "I do not wish to!
comment."
* * *
THE SHORTNESS of the state-,
ment did not surprise University
old-timers, but many circles be-
lieved that it had far-reaching
implications.
boys are so discouraged that they
have to return to the Quad for
their meals.
"A HOT DOG stand would rem-
edy this," he said. "Look at all
the hot dog guzzling that goes on
at football games."
Reinhardt announced his in-
tention of filing a petition with
the State Street Merchants As-
sociation to his astonished res-
cuers, who were drawn to the
cabin by the weak sound of a
voice reciting "Five and Twenty
Black Birds Baked in a Pie."
Reinhardt accused a certain
progressive cliche in . Strauss
House of shanghaing him at 3
a.m. Thursday and taking him to
an isolated spot in the woods out-
side Ypsilanti.
* * *
"THEY BOUND and gagged
me," he cried. "I was outnumber-
ed. I called for help, but no one
heard me."
The kidnappers removed ev-
erything from Reinhardt's pock-
ets, including his wallet and a
recipe for butterscotch- mole-
cules made from dead leaves,
which Reinhardt called "my
most valued possession." .
The kidnapping occurred shortly
after 427 Quadders were simul-
taneously confined to their beds
with a strange stomach malady.
Reinhardt, who won the Uni-
versity "most valuable dietician
of the year" award for his essay
on "How To Make 400 Apple Pies,
with One Apple and a Small One
at That," said he will not return
to the Quad until things are "more
settled."
By AL BLUM
The tall suave looking fellow
rushed up to the unususpecting
freshman, flashed his hand-paint-
ed tie and asked, "How would you
like to jump off the Union tower?"
The freshman was too amazed
to answer "no," and he died in
University hospital three weeks
later. "No Skin Off My Nose,"
the latest student production was
a sell-out.
* * *
THIS IS PROBABLY a slightly
exaggarated example, but it serves
to point up one of the most inter-
esting personalities on the campus
today - the promotions man.
The promotions man is not a
strict Michigan innovation, but
with his completely machiavel-
lian way of accomplishing his
task he has attracted a lot of
attention on campus.
He will stop at. nothing.
Last year, when an intrepid
band of engineering students suc-
ceeded in barricading the Engi-
neering Arch, a promotion man
appeared with a bunch of frog
to put in with the cement. He
was publicizing last year's Union
Opera, "Froggy Bottom."
SOME OF THE most dramatic
publicity men havebeen thoseof
the Michigan 'Ensian. They've
driven headless horsemen around
the diagonal, thrown rocks at un-
suspecting passerbys, rip telephone
books in two and talk Daily edi-
tors into printing outlandish stor-!
ies - just so you will know that
the book is coming out.
Why do these people act the
way theydo?
Cliff Rogers, this year's Union
Opera promotions chief came up
with one answer:
"When I was young, I used to
tie ashcans to busses," Rogers
said. "When I got older, I drain-
ed gasoline from cars, after that,
I painted moustaches on sign
board beauties. Promotions is the
only thing I can do instinctively."
BUT REGARDLESS of the rea-
sons for the inhuman behavior,
both student leaders and univer-
sity officials are on their guard.
Office of Student Affairs has
issued a standing order to the
faculty which reads:
'No faculty member shall aid
or abet a student in the promot-
ing of a student function."
This order was sent out after
Dean Walter found -his picture
endorsing a burlesque show that
was here a few years back. The
particular promotions man who
arranged this deal
heard from since
has not been
although stu-
a,.
dents who frequent the Dean's
office swear they can hear moans
from his office closet.
DAILY EDITORS have been
put on guard against them also.
A standing order on the paper
to the entire staff says:
"Run when you see a promo-
tions man. They are poison."
Most of the campus is not
aware of,the problem. When
someone jumps from the flag
pole into a coffee can they think
it is natural. It isn't, the pro-
motions man- is responsible.
The promotions man is among
you. He might pose as your best
friend, but beware. He would not
hesitate to cut your throat if it
would help publicize the produc-
tion of "Blood on the Campus."
They are hard people to identify,
but watch for the handshake,
smile and brightly colored tie. He
may correct your speech with
"Not, 'Break It Up,' but 'Lace It
Up' '
COME ON-This young lady has
nothing to do with the campus
promotions men, wisely, but she
is typical of the kind of come-
on publicity they are inclined to
use.
IN WINDY CITY:
Colonel Bob Leads Chicago
In Republican Secession Try
CHICAGO-In an impassioned officials refused comment, but all
radio address to the nation last warned that any further oppres-
night Colonel McReaper announ- sive action against Chicago Demo-
ced that Chicago has seceded from crats would be met with "severist
the Union. reprisals in kind."
The Colonel's announcement * * *
climaxed a week of violence and SENATORS ROBERT TAFT and
terror in the Windy City charact- Arthur Vandenburg could not be
erized by the Michigan Avenue located. A reliable source reported
blood bath Friday in which over
10,000 Democrats are believed to that refugees at Fort Wayne, Ind.,
have perished. had seen a man answering Taft's
* * description heading full speed for
TEEN-AGE terrorists burned the Chicago frontier.
babushkas in open defiance of
Soviet Russia; English teachers. As yet, there was no indica-
were ordered to pick up their vi- tion of a shift in foreign polcy.
sas; and swarms of America Other rumors from Chicago
Firsters paraded down State Street hinted- at rapid preparation for
singing "There'll be a Hot Time conflict. At the Colonel's order, a
in the Old Town Tonight." mammoth Iron Curtain, patterned
From his ato -proof head- after the Russian model, was be-
quarters deep within the Ameri-ing built around the city. One
can Tower, Colonel McReaper source said the curtain, on com-
called for general mobilization pletion, would extend up into the
against theg frces of reaction stratosphere, would be completely
threatening "our freedom." He atom-proof, and would be equip-
cited Chicago as "the promised ped with radar to warn of ap-
land" for Republicans and urg- proaching attacks.
ed them to escape oppression by Congressmen in Washington
seeking sanctuary in the city. were calling for an investigation
to find out how Chicago had ob-
The news fell like a bombshell tained information on the Atomic
on Washington. Top government Bomb.
'Fraternity Row'
Harbors Derelicts
EDITOR'S NOTE: With a national furor being raised over the areas called
Fraternity Row, The Daily thought it only natural that we send ace reporter
Schmaltz into the jungles for some first hand news. Herewith is his vivid,
accurate report.
By ELMER SCHMALTZ
For three days now I have lived among the derelicts on Fraternity
Row.
This cesspool of rejected humanity, which the Ann Arbor City
Council has done its utmost to eliminate, is one of the sore spots in
our fair city.
I JOINED THE group which entered the area this past week
and found almost unbelievable living conditions.
Veritable gambling dens, there is a bridge game in progress some
place along the Row at almost any hour of the day or night. Culture
is at a minimum. Oddly enough, drinking has been almost done away
with, the one vice the Administration has been able to defeat by its
clean-up campaign.
One of the old timers, Rick Corrisson, greeted me at the door
of one of the buildings and introduced me to the inmates. I was
almost smothered in a shower of free cigarettes, designed, I as-
sume,.to weaken my will and make me an easy convert.
I was told that for $200 a month I could get a bed and all the
peanut butter and catchup I could eat.
NEW INITIATES are reduced to the level of the older members
by means of a "Work Week," during which they are subjected to
inhuman indignities like cleaning out the house and painting.
At the end of the week, the tortures have reduced the new men
to unshaven. unslept wrecks, suitable for membership in the gambling.
non-drinking, woman-minded group.
Members have been known to make contact with the outside
world through the more civilized women in town, but such rela-
tions are frowned upon by the organization. Usually they confine
their attention to the feminine counterpart of their organizations,
even more barbarous than the men.
Having gone through the arduous exercises of initiation I now
find myself with a handshake, some secret phrases and a fraternity
pin. The latter is used in the mating rites of the cult.
Yet, one thing stands out in my mind about these groups. After
finding out what I know about the inhumanity, the hopelessness and
down-right depravity of them, I find I like it.
NEW DEVELOPMENT: 4
Profs Queried Concerning
Fraternity Darkroom Rumors
Union Members]
Re ors ReC
D
Al
men
Mic:
voke
ecut
For the Best and
Most Reasonably Priced Meals
Meet Your Friends
at
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T HE COTTAGE INN
Prof. Says U.
Of Plumbin
By JOE MILLER
Speaking before an overflow
overflow crowd in Yost Field last
night, Prof. Claude Mandel-ouble-
hummer declared that, "American
Plumbing is the bane of Civiliza-I
tion."
"BECAUSE OF THE silly con-
veniences Americanhplumbing has
given the world, the best talent
of our youth has been drained off.
Young men today are flush with1
facts, not wisdom," Prof. Mandel-,
Doublehummer said caustically.
Prof. Mandel-Doublehummer
is one of the leaders of the
French anti-social party, and a
professor of Porcelain Arts at
the University of St. Navaroy, in
Paris.
Prof. Mandel-Doublehummer's
talk was delivered, in French and
translated by one of his students,
Hans Boekenspiegal.
In a broken English Prof. Man-
del-Doublehummer posed some1
questions to a panel of University
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needing more of whats good in ma&
books than peoples yet?" box
Other interesting questions put f the
to the panel were "What is mean- "sill
ing of it all, in Modern Art al-
ready" and "Which way to the TI
men's room." repc
the
con
World News
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By ELMWOOD POTTS (
Is life in fraternity dark rooms(
driving modern college youth to
rack and ruin?
With a rash of parties scheduledj
to break out on J-Hop weekend,
this age-old question was on the
TYPICAL comment was regis-
tered by Prof. F. F. Scallop of
the political science department,
who said. "My experience has been'
very limited in this field of study.
I suggest you interview my col-
league, Prof. N. E. Suissante."
Prof. Suissante, however, was
found to be busy gathering
source material for a thesis on
"Politics, People, and the P-
Bell," to be published in the
March issue of the "Police Ga-
zette."
He did suggest that Prof. I.
Ward Burlap of the sociology de-
partment might have something
to say on the subject.
"PROF. BURLAP has had 20
years experience with fraternity
darkrooms," according to Prof.
Swissante.
Prof. Burlap was found in the
basement of a Geddes Avenue
fraternityin the midst of one
of his many field trips. When
asked if the dark room was
pushing cco-eds down the prim-
rose path, he replied:
"I haven't yet received my lat-
est copy of the - Steubenville Her-
ald-Star. Until I do, I do not
feel qualified to comment. The
Herald-Star is the only paper I'
have found which gives complete'
coverage to events occuring in my
field, and I- wouldn't want to say
anything until I see what it says."
* * * -
NEXT, THE DAILY asked Prof.
Clarabella Froidette of the psy-$
chology dpartmnt for the femin-
ine point of view on the dark
room question.
Smiling coyly, Prof. Froidette
declared "I wouldn't dare make
any comment on this subject.
I'd have the whole University
on my neck if I did."
* * *-"
"HOWEVER, I suggest that you
contact Prof. Scallop of the politi-
cal science department. He has
been around a lot and should
have something to say," she added.
Prof. Scallop said, "My exper-
ience has been very limited in this
field of study. I suggest you inter-
view my colleague, . . .",
Faculty. se ven andando por las calles de
* * * Madrid sin caballeros tienen que
"IS YOU PROFESSORS agree- presentarse a la associacion para
ing after me yet that civilization is assignacion a "work camps"
futur, quelconque femme qui se
voit errer le long desrues pari-
siennes sans escort, devra se pre-
senter devant l'Association pour
assignement a "work camps"
MADRID- (,P) --La Associacion
Espanola para senoritas sin traba-
jo anunciaba aqui anoche que en
el futuro aquellas mujeres quienes
'JOST WONDERFOL':
Miss La Tour AdmiresAMichigoan Men
O* *
CORRECTION
By ATHENA SLIPSKY
PORTABLE TYPEWRITERI
11
Many people think that Ulrich's Book
Store carries only ENGINEERING
books . . . Ulrich's carry a very huge
stock of used and new books for every
BOUGHT, SOLD, RENTED,
OR REPAIRED ...
G.I. Requisitions accepted for supplies only
Michigan men are "jost wondar-
fol," according to Toodles la Tour,
world-famous star of stage, screen
and runway, who was interviewed
backstage after her exhibition at
Hill Auditorium last night.
SPEAKING with a slight French
accent, a holdover from the child-
hood she spent in the sail
French village of Isle de Staten,C
she continued, "I have seen mah
art all over zee plaz, but nevair
hay Ah seen it arouse -" here
she paused, searching for exactly
the right word "- arouse soch
entusiasm as eet dos in Amayrica,
especially around zee Beeg Taen."
"And Meechigon, ah," she
flittered on, "Meechigon is the
only place, even in zee Beeg
Taen, where zee audieence haz
shon me as mooch as I hav shon
thamn."
"Meechigon men are wondar-
fol," she repeated.
She declined to comment on
Michigan women.
MISS LA TOLR's rise to fame
has been colorful and exciting,
I but now that she has reached the
top she doesn't like to talk about
her early days.
All she ,will say onthe sub-
ject is, "Cherie, jost wrate I cam
op zee hard way."
Since she likes Michigan so well,
she was asked whether she was
planning to return for another ex-
hibition in Ann Arbor next sea-
son.
"Oh, bot of kerse, cherie," she
said, and then added in her im-
peccable French for fear that she
might have been misunderstood,
"O u ."
S
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asti
kick
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Jac
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on the Michigan campus.
I
Since
1908
314 South State Street
THE TYPEWRITER AND STATIONERY STORE
Phone
7177
MISS La TOUR ..
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