THE MICHIGAN DAILY I Monday, February 13, 1950 ti' .41 )ietitian Makes Application or Five Cent Hot Dog Stand DAILY SPOTLIGHT: Promotions Men Run Wild on Campus J-HOP P irl rix trt ttxt I Off Guard For Over A Century Monday, February 13, 1950 "What this campus needs is a good five-cent hot dog stand," Reginald B. Reinhardt, East Quad dietician, declared yesterday as police released him from impri- sonment in a "cabin" outside Yp- 5ilanti. Hamburgs and hot pastrami are not enough, he explained. "The, FreXy Gives Announcement T o Reporters President Alexander G. Ruthven said yesterday, "Today is Sun- day? * * * THE STATEMENT, was in the form of an official University ad- ministration release, but had an. air of mystery hovering around it on two counts: 1. The statement's release on Sunday, a highly unofficial day for. the University. Z. President Ruthven's refus- al to answer the question put to him: "Does this necessarily mean that the day preceding it was Saturday, or that that day was the last day of the J-Hop?" President Ruthven at first hesi- Aated, but finally carefully but firmly replied, "I do not wish to! comment." * * * THE SHORTNESS of the state-, ment did not surprise University old-timers, but many circles be- lieved that it had far-reaching implications. boys are so discouraged that they have to return to the Quad for their meals. "A HOT DOG stand would rem- edy this," he said. "Look at all the hot dog guzzling that goes on at football games." Reinhardt announced his in- tention of filing a petition with the State Street Merchants As- sociation to his astonished res- cuers, who were drawn to the cabin by the weak sound of a voice reciting "Five and Twenty Black Birds Baked in a Pie." Reinhardt accused a certain progressive cliche in . Strauss House of shanghaing him at 3 a.m. Thursday and taking him to an isolated spot in the woods out- side Ypsilanti. * * * "THEY BOUND and gagged me," he cried. "I was outnumber- ed. I called for help, but no one heard me." The kidnappers removed ev- erything from Reinhardt's pock- ets, including his wallet and a recipe for butterscotch- mole- cules made from dead leaves, which Reinhardt called "my most valued possession." . The kidnapping occurred shortly after 427 Quadders were simul- taneously confined to their beds with a strange stomach malady. Reinhardt, who won the Uni- versity "most valuable dietician of the year" award for his essay on "How To Make 400 Apple Pies, with One Apple and a Small One at That," said he will not return to the Quad until things are "more settled." By AL BLUM The tall suave looking fellow rushed up to the unususpecting freshman, flashed his hand-paint- ed tie and asked, "How would you like to jump off the Union tower?" The freshman was too amazed to answer "no," and he died in University hospital three weeks later. "No Skin Off My Nose," the latest student production was a sell-out. * * * THIS IS PROBABLY a slightly exaggarated example, but it serves to point up one of the most inter- esting personalities on the campus today - the promotions man. The promotions man is not a strict Michigan innovation, but with his completely machiavel- lian way of accomplishing his task he has attracted a lot of attention on campus. He will stop at. nothing. Last year, when an intrepid band of engineering students suc- ceeded in barricading the Engi- neering Arch, a promotion man appeared with a bunch of frog to put in with the cement. He was publicizing last year's Union Opera, "Froggy Bottom." SOME OF THE most dramatic publicity men havebeen thoseof the Michigan 'Ensian. They've driven headless horsemen around the diagonal, thrown rocks at un- suspecting passerbys, rip telephone books in two and talk Daily edi- tors into printing outlandish stor-! ies - just so you will know that the book is coming out. Why do these people act the way theydo? Cliff Rogers, this year's Union Opera promotions chief came up with one answer: "When I was young, I used to tie ashcans to busses," Rogers said. "When I got older, I drain- ed gasoline from cars, after that, I painted moustaches on sign board beauties. Promotions is the only thing I can do instinctively." BUT REGARDLESS of the rea- sons for the inhuman behavior, both student leaders and univer- sity officials are on their guard. Office of Student Affairs has issued a standing order to the faculty which reads: 'No faculty member shall aid or abet a student in the promot- ing of a student function." This order was sent out after Dean Walter found -his picture endorsing a burlesque show that was here a few years back. The particular promotions man who arranged this deal heard from since has not been although stu- a,. dents who frequent the Dean's office swear they can hear moans from his office closet. DAILY EDITORS have been put on guard against them also. A standing order on the paper to the entire staff says: "Run when you see a promo- tions man. They are poison." Most of the campus is not aware of,the problem. When someone jumps from the flag pole into a coffee can they think it is natural. It isn't, the pro- motions man- is responsible. The promotions man is among you. He might pose as your best friend, but beware. He would not hesitate to cut your throat if it would help publicize the produc- tion of "Blood on the Campus." They are hard people to identify, but watch for the handshake, smile and brightly colored tie. He may correct your speech with "Not, 'Break It Up,' but 'Lace It Up' ' COME ON-This young lady has nothing to do with the campus promotions men, wisely, but she is typical of the kind of come- on publicity they are inclined to use. IN WINDY CITY: Colonel Bob Leads Chicago In Republican Secession Try CHICAGO-In an impassioned officials refused comment, but all radio address to the nation last warned that any further oppres- night Colonel McReaper announ- sive action against Chicago Demo- ced that Chicago has seceded from crats would be met with "severist the Union. reprisals in kind." The Colonel's announcement * * * climaxed a week of violence and SENATORS ROBERT TAFT and terror in the Windy City charact- Arthur Vandenburg could not be erized by the Michigan Avenue located. A reliable source reported blood bath Friday in which over 10,000 Democrats are believed to that refugees at Fort Wayne, Ind., have perished. had seen a man answering Taft's * * description heading full speed for TEEN-AGE terrorists burned the Chicago frontier. babushkas in open defiance of Soviet Russia; English teachers. As yet, there was no indica- were ordered to pick up their vi- tion of a shift in foreign polcy. sas; and swarms of America Other rumors from Chicago Firsters paraded down State Street hinted- at rapid preparation for singing "There'll be a Hot Time conflict. At the Colonel's order, a in the Old Town Tonight." mammoth Iron Curtain, patterned From his ato -proof head- after the Russian model, was be- quarters deep within the Ameri-ing built around the city. One can Tower, Colonel McReaper source said the curtain, on com- called for general mobilization pletion, would extend up into the against theg frces of reaction stratosphere, would be completely threatening "our freedom." He atom-proof, and would be equip- cited Chicago as "the promised ped with radar to warn of ap- land" for Republicans and urg- proaching attacks. ed them to escape oppression by Congressmen in Washington seeking sanctuary in the city. were calling for an investigation to find out how Chicago had ob- The news fell like a bombshell tained information on the Atomic on Washington. Top government Bomb. 'Fraternity Row' Harbors Derelicts EDITOR'S NOTE: With a national furor being raised over the areas called Fraternity Row, The Daily thought it only natural that we send ace reporter Schmaltz into the jungles for some first hand news. Herewith is his vivid, accurate report. By ELMER SCHMALTZ For three days now I have lived among the derelicts on Fraternity Row. This cesspool of rejected humanity, which the Ann Arbor City Council has done its utmost to eliminate, is one of the sore spots in our fair city. I JOINED THE group which entered the area this past week and found almost unbelievable living conditions. Veritable gambling dens, there is a bridge game in progress some place along the Row at almost any hour of the day or night. Culture is at a minimum. Oddly enough, drinking has been almost done away with, the one vice the Administration has been able to defeat by its clean-up campaign. One of the old timers, Rick Corrisson, greeted me at the door of one of the buildings and introduced me to the inmates. I was almost smothered in a shower of free cigarettes, designed, I as- sume,.to weaken my will and make me an easy convert. I was told that for $200 a month I could get a bed and all the peanut butter and catchup I could eat. NEW INITIATES are reduced to the level of the older members by means of a "Work Week," during which they are subjected to inhuman indignities like cleaning out the house and painting. At the end of the week, the tortures have reduced the new men to unshaven. unslept wrecks, suitable for membership in the gambling. non-drinking, woman-minded group. Members have been known to make contact with the outside world through the more civilized women in town, but such rela- tions are frowned upon by the organization. Usually they confine their attention to the feminine counterpart of their organizations, even more barbarous than the men. Having gone through the arduous exercises of initiation I now find myself with a handshake, some secret phrases and a fraternity pin. The latter is used in the mating rites of the cult. Yet, one thing stands out in my mind about these groups. After finding out what I know about the inhumanity, the hopelessness and down-right depravity of them, I find I like it. NEW DEVELOPMENT: 4 Profs Queried Concerning Fraternity Darkroom Rumors Union Members] Re ors ReC D Al men Mic: voke ecut For the Best and Most Reasonably Priced Meals Meet Your Friends at l T HE COTTAGE INN Prof. Says U. Of Plumbin By JOE MILLER Speaking before an overflow overflow crowd in Yost Field last night, Prof. Claude Mandel-ouble- hummer declared that, "American Plumbing is the bane of Civiliza-I tion." "BECAUSE OF THE silly con- veniences Americanhplumbing has given the world, the best talent of our youth has been drained off. Young men today are flush with1 facts, not wisdom," Prof. Mandel-, Doublehummer said caustically. Prof. Mandel-Doublehummer is one of the leaders of the French anti-social party, and a professor of Porcelain Arts at the University of St. Navaroy, in Paris. Prof. Mandel-Doublehummer's talk was delivered, in French and translated by one of his students, Hans Boekenspiegal. In a broken English Prof. Man- del-Doublehummer posed some1 questions to a panel of University A' doze, irepo: tive Uni spea Unic I adt ha .5. IS iuiuu set Li Un p Industry '2o, J w ide whe: needing more of whats good in ma& books than peoples yet?" box Other interesting questions put f the to the panel were "What is mean- "sill ing of it all, in Modern Art al- ready" and "Which way to the TI men's room." repc the con World News roo: Roundup Bui ies PARIS - (') -- L'Association PARS -(A~ -Fa., Francaise pour Jeunes Filles sans lin Travail a annonce hier soir qu'au Na 512 E. William One Block off the Campus ... OUR SPECIALTY.. Good Food - Pleasing Service - Low Prices Specializing in Bar-B-Q Ribs, Real Spaghetti, Chicken, Steaks and Chops Serving Hours: 7:00 A.M. - 2:00 P.M. 5:00 P.M. - 8:00 P.M. TRY US LOOE LAF ITBOOYS FOUNjp4N PEN'S FLUijiijji AMP KEYBOARDS ALSO - _-_---= iI FOREIGN ' " c ., , + ' ' 4^ ' c, + ea . o a- 1 _- By ELMWOOD POTTS ( Is life in fraternity dark rooms( driving modern college youth to rack and ruin? With a rash of parties scheduledj to break out on J-Hop weekend, this age-old question was on the TYPICAL comment was regis- tered by Prof. F. F. Scallop of the political science department, who said. "My experience has been' very limited in this field of study. I suggest you interview my col- league, Prof. N. E. Suissante." Prof. Suissante, however, was found to be busy gathering source material for a thesis on "Politics, People, and the P- Bell," to be published in the March issue of the "Police Ga- zette." He did suggest that Prof. I. Ward Burlap of the sociology de- partment might have something to say on the subject. "PROF. BURLAP has had 20 years experience with fraternity darkrooms," according to Prof. Swissante. Prof. Burlap was found in the basement of a Geddes Avenue fraternityin the midst of one of his many field trips. When asked if the dark room was pushing cco-eds down the prim- rose path, he replied: "I haven't yet received my lat- est copy of the - Steubenville Her- ald-Star. Until I do, I do not feel qualified to comment. The Herald-Star is the only paper I' have found which gives complete' coverage to events occuring in my field, and I- wouldn't want to say anything until I see what it says." * * * - NEXT, THE DAILY asked Prof. Clarabella Froidette of the psy-$ chology dpartmnt for the femin- ine point of view on the dark room question. Smiling coyly, Prof. Froidette declared "I wouldn't dare make any comment on this subject. I'd have the whole University on my neck if I did." * * *-" "HOWEVER, I suggest that you contact Prof. Scallop of the politi- cal science department. He has been around a lot and should have something to say," she added. Prof. Scallop said, "My exper- ience has been very limited in this field of study. I suggest you inter- view my colleague, . . .", Faculty. se ven andando por las calles de * * * Madrid sin caballeros tienen que "IS YOU PROFESSORS agree- presentarse a la associacion para ing after me yet that civilization is assignacion a "work camps" futur, quelconque femme qui se voit errer le long desrues pari- siennes sans escort, devra se pre- senter devant l'Association pour assignement a "work camps" MADRID- (,P) --La Associacion Espanola para senoritas sin traba- jo anunciaba aqui anoche que en el futuro aquellas mujeres quienes 'JOST WONDERFOL': Miss La Tour AdmiresAMichigoan Men O* * CORRECTION By ATHENA SLIPSKY PORTABLE TYPEWRITERI 11 Many people think that Ulrich's Book Store carries only ENGINEERING books . . . Ulrich's carry a very huge stock of used and new books for every BOUGHT, SOLD, RENTED, OR REPAIRED ... G.I. Requisitions accepted for supplies only Michigan men are "jost wondar- fol," according to Toodles la Tour, world-famous star of stage, screen and runway, who was interviewed backstage after her exhibition at Hill Auditorium last night. SPEAKING with a slight French accent, a holdover from the child- hood she spent in the sail French village of Isle de Staten,C she continued, "I have seen mah art all over zee plaz, but nevair hay Ah seen it arouse -" here she paused, searching for exactly the right word "- arouse soch entusiasm as eet dos in Amayrica, especially around zee Beeg Taen." "And Meechigon, ah," she flittered on, "Meechigon is the only place, even in zee Beeg Taen, where zee audieence haz shon me as mooch as I hav shon thamn." "Meechigon men are wondar- fol," she repeated. She declined to comment on Michigan women. MISS LA TOLR's rise to fame has been colorful and exciting, I but now that she has reached the top she doesn't like to talk about her early days. All she ,will say onthe sub- ject is, "Cherie, jost wrate I cam op zee hard way." Since she likes Michigan so well, she was asked whether she was planning to return for another ex- hibition in Ann Arbor next sea- son. "Oh, bot of kerse, cherie," she said, and then added in her im- peccable French for fear that she might have been misunderstood, "O u ." S sec ever driv Mic spru cour m issue ord fron ofe pas anc ougl fore test tive Elu Dat Lecs Spi des F I cha asti kick ity the cob Bet the I Jac "T jedI sem on the Michigan campus. I Since 1908 314 South State Street THE TYPEWRITER AND STATIONERY STORE Phone 7177 MISS La TOUR .. U '2. * * *- A,* A * .*,jp