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October 13, 1939 - Image 6

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 1939-10-13

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

THE -MICHMAX DAILY

FRIDAY, OCT.

THE MICHIGAN DAILY FRIDAY, OCT.

On Pass

Defense

In Final Long Workout

C" _

IN TWIS CORAER
By MEL FINEBERG_
The Professor Predicts .
Dr. Gregory H. St. Denis, A.B., Ph.D., L.L.D., stopped in to see us this
morning. Dr. Gregory H. St. Denis, A.B., Ph.D., L.L.D., looked just the
way you'd expect that many letters to look. He was Scrawny, emaciated,
and his shoulders were stooped in such a way that his glass-covered eyes
were riveted on that part of the ground about to be invaded by his feet. It
was as though he expected to find the rebuttal for Euclid's hypothesis on
the ground.
But Dr. St. Denis had left his moral and ethical problems behind as
he approached. There were bigger things on hand. Dr. St. Denis would
solve them.
"My name is: Dr. St. Denis," erupted from the bass violin he called
a larynx, 'but from now on call me Professor Litkendenis. I have found
my true field. Einstein's relativity is practical now. I select football
winners.
"Please don't misinterpret what I have just said. Fact and theory, com-
plemented by my intricate knowledge of the higher mathematics, enables
me to select the victors. Try me."
"Okay," we said. "We'll try anything once. Who'sgoing to win
the Michigan-Iowa game tomorrow?"
"One moment please," he replied as he unrolled a prodigious sheet of
compilations. "Michigan-Iowa. Hmm Michigan . . . Oh yes, here we are.
The winner will be Michigan." And he said this so unceremoniously, it
was as though it was everyone who could pick football winners.
"I bet you're curious as to how I arrived at my conclusion." We admit-
ted that he would have collected on that bet and so he proceeded to tell us.
"I noticed that you havea chap named Harmon and another named
Evashevski in your backfield. In those two names there are seven
syllables. Since there are seven points awarded for a touchdown and
a point after touchdown, Michigan can't lose. Simple, isn't it?" After
a moment of counting on our fingers' we corrected him and told him
that the two names have only six syllables. But that stopped him
not a jot.
"Oh; that's all right. Six points for a touchdown shows that they still
can't lose. Aren't numbers beautiful? I give Michigan a rating of 193
divided by 11. (And parenthetically he told us that there were 11 men on
a football team. We didn't know that before.) That gives Michigan a
rating of 176. The standard deviation is 83 (Fielding H. Yost's favorite
play), leaving Michigan with 93. Iowa is 700 miles away. In percentiles
that is 70. Obviously Michigan is 23 points better."
Yes, obviously.
We were very much interested in this refugee fron an adding
machine so we questioned him about the Minnesota-Purdue game, a
tough one.
I suppose it is rather difficult for the illiterati but the Professor Lit-
kendenis formula makes it easy. "Divide 1197, the number of hairs on
Bernie Bierman's chest by 18, the number of hairs on his head, and you
get 66.5. Since Bierman lives in the 23d congressional ward in Minneapolis
the Gopher rating is 89.5. Purdue, of course, had 90 men out for spring
training. Ergo, a rating of 90."
We are beginning to get the idea of it by this time but since we
wanted a little tip on the Pitt-Duke game, we invited the good Professor
to continue.
"The Duke of Windsor's age is 43. Since he is married, I multiply that
by tw,. Then I add 7 because that's the one number I couldn't find at the
right time the last crap game I was in. That leaves us with 93. Pitt is a
horrid word so they automatically receive a rating of minus 4. But since
I think they'll win, I award them 93.1. Really, it's a wonderful formula.
Don't you think?"
We certainly did. Thank you, Professor. Anytime we can recipro-
cate and drive you crazy, don't hesitate to call on us.
We are featuring the New
STETSON HATS styled for Fall

Wrigley Refuses
To Name Managerk
CHICAGO, Oct. 12 -(iP)-Chicago
Cubs officials spiked rumors from
Kansas City today that Bill Meyer,
Kansas City Manager, might take
over direction of the Cubs should
Gabby Hartnett be released. #
Owner P. K. Wrigley said "No one
even has mentioned him to me. I
think you will be safe in saying it
won't be Meyer."
However, the admittedly disap-
pointed Wrigley, although reiterating
he would do nothing until he "cooled
off," added fuel to managerial spec-
ulation today by declaring, "right
now I am anti-Hartnett."

Bill Stern To Announce
Iowa Game For NBC
Bill Stern, ace sports announcer,
will broadcast the Michigan-Iowa
game tomorrow over the Blue Net-
work of the National Broadcasting
Company. A special booth is being
rconstructed in the front row of the
press box for the broadcast.
Stern has already arrived in Ann
Arbor and is attending the Varsity
practice sessions in order to become
more familiar with Michigan plays.
Station WXYZ, Detroit, is on the
Blue Network and will carry the
broadcast.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Florida 7, Boston college 0.
Arnold 6, Lowell Textile 14
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