THE MICHIGAN DAILY
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Pubiied every morning except Monday during the
University year and Summer Session by the Board in Con-
tro of Student Publications.
Member of the Western Conference Editorial Association
and the Big Ten News Service.
MEMER
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_ _ 9 3 4__ _ _ _ _i vtts s e
WiCONSIN
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EDITORIAL STAFF
Telephone 4925
MANAGING EDITOR4.............WILLIAM G. FERRIS
CITY EDITORJON EAY
:EDITORIAL DIRECTOR...............JH N HEALEY
SPORTS EDITOR..T..ARTHUR AR E
WOMEN'S EDITOR..................EIAWOR BLUM
NIGHT EDITORS: Courtney A. Evans, John J. Flaerty,
Thomas E.Groehn, ThomasA F.leene, David G. Mac-
donald, John M. O'Connell, Arthur M. au.
SPORT'S ASSISTANTS: Marjorie Western, Kenneth Parker,
William Reed, Arthur Settle.
WOMEN'S ASSISTANTS: Barbara L. Bates, Dorothy Ges,
Florence Harper, 10leanor Johnson, Josephine McLean,
Margaret D. Phalan, Rosalie Resnick, Jane Schneider,
Marie Murphy.
REPORTERS: Rex Lee Beach, Robert B. Brown, Clinton B.
Conger, Sholdon M. Ellis, William H. Fleming, Richard
G. Hershey, Ralph W. Hurd, Bernard Levick, Fred 'W.
Neal, Robert Pulver, Lloyd S. Reich Jacob C. Seidel,
Marshall D. Shulman, Donald Smith, Wayne H. Stewart,
Bernard Weissman. George Andros, Fred Buesser, Rob-
ert Cummins, Fred DeLano, Robert J. Friedman, Ray-
mond Goodman, Keith H. Tustison, Joseph Yager.
Dorothy Briscoe, Florence Davies, Helen Diefendorf,
Elaine Goldberg, Betty Goldstein, Olive Griffith, Har-
riet Hathaway, Marion Holden, Lois King, Selma Levin,
Elizabeth Miller, Melba Morrison, Elsie Pierce, Charlotte
Rueger. Dorothy Shappell, Molly Solomon, Laura Wino-
grad. Jewel Wuerfel.r
BUSINESS STAFF
Telephone 2-1214
BUSINESS MANAGER ................RUSSELL B. READ
CREDIT MANAGER................ROBERT S.BWARD
WOMEN'S BUSINESS MANAGER.......JANE BASSETT
DEPARTMENT MANAGERS: Local Advertising, John Og-
den; Service Department. Bernard Rosenthal; Contracts,
Joseph Rothbard; Accounts, Cameron Hall; Circulation
and National Advertising, David WinkWorth; Classified
Advertising and Publications, George Atherton.
BUSINESS ASSISTANTS: William Jackson, William
Barndt, Ted Wohlgemuith, Lyman Bittman, John Park,
F. Allen Upson, Willis Tomlinson, HomerrLathrop. Tom
Clarke. Gordon Cohn. Stanley Joffe, Jerome I. Balas,
Charles W. Barkdull, Daniel C. Beisel, Lewis E. Bulkeley,
John C. Clark, Robert J. Cooper, Richard L. Croushore,
Herbert D. Fallender, John T. Guernsey, Jack R. Gustaf-
son. Morton Jacobs, Ernest A. Jones, Marvin Kay, Henry
J. Kose. Donald R. Knapp, William C Knecht, R. A.
Kronenberger, William D. Loose, William R. Mann,
Lawrence Mayerfeid, John F. McLean, Jr.Lawrence M.
Roth, Richard M. Samuels, John D. Staple, Lawrence A.
Starsky, Nathan B. Steinberg.(
WOMEN'S BUSINESS STAFF: Betty Cavender, Margaret
Cowie, Bernadine Field, Betty Greve, Mary Lou Hoker,
Helen Shapland, Betty Simonds, Grace Snyder, Betsy
Baxter, Margaret Bentley, Mary McCord.
NIGHT EDITOR: COURTNEY A. EVANS
......Conversation
Piece ,.
NSMILING, the American Mercury
pips forth with a burbling comment
on the critics of caps and gowns in the nation's
capitol.
It offers, in its May issue, $500 to the under-
graduate of any American college who writes the
best essay on the subject: "The Professors Got the
Country Into This Mess; But We Can Get it Out."
"Realizing that no one knows what a professor
is trying to say or do as well as an undergraduate,"
they say, "the American Mercury makes this appeal
to the students of the nation for a solution of the
difficulties into which their former teachers have
sunk us almost beyond recall."
Now is the time for all good men to come to
the aid of their professors' party.
Sit down tonight and write your congressman;
get him to deny the vicious rumor that some pro-
fessor gasped out that Ph.D. stood for Phederal
Housing Department -it isn't so.
H. L. Mencken (remember?) is one of the judges.
Don't neglect to write the American Mercury; tell
them how we would run the country just as easily
as we solved our problem of student government.
Supplying A
Necessary Service .. .
T HE RECEPTION of large numbers
of visitors is one of the cardinal
functions of an educational institution the size of
the University of Michigan. This University daily
plays host to many guests, including friends of the
institution, parents of undergraduates, high school
students, some of them prospective undergraduates,
and convention guests.
Many of these people are, naturally enough, in-
terested in making a detailed examination of the
vast plant of the University. Heretofore, there has
been no responsible authority to conduct guests
through buildings and around the grounds. This
important service in the past hasgat best been
performed in a kind of haphazard fashion, ex-
cept for those occasions on which the University
has made a special effort.
Practically the only means of guiding the visitors
has been by students who have volunteered to do
so. Now, through the joint cooperation of the
student and business offices of the Union and
the League, the University will have, all the year
versity. Further, it will, by educating the people
of the state and others about the institution, prove
a very beneficial program. Such an effort is to be
heartily commended as well as encouraged.
The Daily Illini suggests that the Sing Sing
prison football team is trying to get a game with
the Army team to prove that the pen is mightier
than the sword.
A co-ed at Woodbury College who has the use
of only one hand is two weeks ahead of her class-
mates in a typewriting class. The rest of the girls
are probably just average stenographers.
Asi Others SeeIt__
Alumni And Students
(From the DePaulia)
[HE SCHOOLMEN tell us that the Supreme
Being has no past or future, but only an ever-
lasting present.
In one sense the alumni of a school are the very
oppoite. They have no present; they are the past,
and they are the future.
They are the students that were: the beauty
queens, the prom leaders, the letter men, the social
lions, the straight "A" people of the past. They
were everything that makes a school and a live
student body. They were feted and flunked, praised
and preached to; they plodded and played, studied
and sang. They are the stern principles of schools
'and the serious-voiced lawyers before the bar of
today, but they once wore a white sweater and
turned cartwheels before a wild cheering section
of the past. The doctor, the clergyman, the public
man of today once cut classes and attended pep
rallies.
The undergraduate body is not misunderstood
by these people. Their ambitions for De Paul are
the same. They are the history of the school, and
are deeply interested in the future of the school.
And so these old grads here offer their hands in
a common cause and plead for a closer bond with
the present student body.
Let us face the coming task. We are the past, you
are the present; together let us make a glorious
future for De Paul.
Professors Must Produce
(From The Minnesota Daily)
COACHING ATHLETICS is probably subject to
more severe competition than any other form
of teaching. If a coach does not produce winning
teams, he is out. Of course, allowance is made for
bad years; every coach has them. But anyone who
produces consistently poor teams faces the pros-
pect of looking shortly for another "parish."
If coaches are hired to produce winners, then
this ruthless corpetition is necessary. There are
plenty of young men with young ideas and a world
of enthusiasm who can take fair material and whip
it into a cham ionship squad. It can be argued, of
course, that a coach is not hired merely to turn out
a winner six years out of 10, or more. There are
still some people who think that the greatest value
-of athletics is not included in the size of the gate
receipts, but is found rather in the attributes of
character and co-operation instilled in young men.
But if athletics are conducted, primarily with a
view to turning out annual winners, then a moral
for education may be drawn from the American
athletic situation. It is this. Assuming that most
colleges aim at turning out useful citizens of soci-
ety, and assuming that they can best realize this
aim by instructing the student body to solve prob-
lems on the basis of facts and theories evolved
through time, then it follows that the best educated
students will be those who have sat at the feet of
the wisest instructors. In other words, it is very
probable that the cqlibre of most American colleges
can be raised merely by allowing the simple eco-
nomical lows of supply and demand to operate in
a situation reasonably approximating free compe-
tition.
This very condition is likely to prevail in the near
future. Students have become more discriminat-
ing in the past few years. Usually quick to detect
weaknesses in men, they have heretofore allowed
themselves merely to lose interest in courses taught
by poor instructors. They are discarding that
apathetic indifference to a great extent. They are
demanding full value received for their tuition and
time. They are no longer satisfied with halfhearted
instructors who have never been successes them-
selves and who have never produced a student
whose success is due to their teaching. Victory,
they are beginning to realize, is one of the funda-
mental human objectives; nor is it sought alone
on the gridiron or cinder track.
In The Right Direction
(From the Detroit Collegian)
THE University Student Council took a progres-
sive stride Tuesday when it cut in half the
number of superfluous college officers. The new
setup allows a president and a secretary-treasurer
for each freshman, sophomore and junior class in
each college. The senior officers remain as before.
Although commendable, 'we believe the council's
action might and should have gone further. What
is to be the function of the secretary-treasurer of
the numerous lower classes? This office is un-
necessary and should have been eliminated with
the rest.
The present arrangement of the senior class
officers is far from satisfactory. Four act for the
class as a whole. The officers impede the smooth
administration of class affairs. Petty rivalries and
jealousies have sprung up among the senior officers
of the various colleges. No one has authority to
act for the class as a whole. The officers think
in terms of their own college rather than in terms
of the university. A consolidation of the officers
which will clearly define where authority lies " is
essential, and yet some members of the council
fear that such action would be too drastic. As one
member says, "When a person is elected president
COLLEGlATE
OBSERVER
By BUD BERNARD
Now that June is looming ahead the following
contribution seems most apropos to the class of
'325.
Consider the senior - he toileth for four
years and knoweth not which end is up. He
arriveth at this fair University confident in
himself and for one year all goeth well( if he
lasts that long). During the second year, he
wendereth if all the knowledge handed him
by the venerable grey-beards is on the up and
up and reasoneth that maybe he is wrong.
In this junior year he arriveth at the conclu-
sion that "God's in his heaven" and that every-
body else is wrong. In his fourth and final year
he sits around waiting for June to come so he
-can graduate and go to work. He goes to bat
and dribbleth a roller to the pitcher and is
tackled for a 20 yard loss. He runneth the
220 and stumbleth over the second co-ed from
the left.
About a month before graduation (or about
this time of the year) he bestirreth himself to
complete a semester's work. When no job
comes in he comes to the conclusion that the
world is a mean nut and that he left his nut-
cracker at home. Finally the great day ar-
riveth with much clatter and cheers. All the
great and near great come from miles around,
including the fair damsel from Peoria.
Yea, verily, consider the senior -he toileth
but he reapeth a damn sight less than he ex-
pected to.
Here is an actual letter received by a Univer.
sity of Illinois senior:
"Dear Harry:
Mary Virginia tells me you want her down in
Champaign this week-end.
I am asking you dear, to take good care of my
little girl. I have always felt that I could trust
you, so let this time be no exception and send her
back safe and sound.
If I didn't think I could trust you I would forbid
her going. Have a good time both of you, and let
me hear from you afterwards if you have time.
With kindest regards,
Mrs.
"Dear Bud," writes B.M.N., '36, "add these to
your list of silly similes:"
As insignificant as Hitler without his
moustache.
As famous as the Dionnes without the quints.
As effective as Father Coughlin without the
radio.
As useless as Huey Long.
. . .,
Damaged by a Dog-Deuter?
O4&/oel
f.
4-""
OP. 7ryjj4r p n.
When Horace Hippohoof drops one of his rock.
crushers on Ermintrude Muggins' dainty instep ...
Ermie simply grips the injured dog in one hand
and a sympathetic Old Gold in the other. . Old
Gold has a talent for soothing stepped-on feelings.
AT TRYING TIMES ... TRY A Srwoti OLD GOLD
A Washington
BYSTANDER
Neree Alix Benefit
By KIRKE SIMPSON
WASHINGTON, April 22.
19 ERE is a New Deal cabinet officer's working
schedule, presented by himself to a congres-
sional committee:
"Since accepting this position, which I did with
a great deal of pleasure, I have worked from
early morning until late at night. Customarily
I am at the office at 8 o'clock in the morning. On
winter days sometimes I am 15 or 20 minutes late.
"I work through until 6:15 without pausing for
lunch. I go home-for dinner. I come back at night
and work until 10:15. That is true of Saturdays
also. Sundays I 'knock off' at 1 p.m. and take
work home with me. I do the same on holidays.
"Now, I love it; and I seem to thrive on it; but
I think I could do a more effective job if I had an
under-secretary as an understudy."
The witness speaking is Secretary Ickes. And
on that showing the Senate voted an under-secre-
tary of the interior into the bill without a ripple
of protest.
jAD SEN. HUEY LONG not been busily king-
fishing in Louisiana just then, Ickes might
have had a tougher time. The secretary and the
senator were shooting "hot shots" at each other
in the news that same day.
Ickes called Long the "emperor" of Louisiana.
Long replied that Ickes could go "slap damn to
hell." In Long's absence, however, the Senate saw
a rather unusual tribute paid to the interior de-
partment head with his multiple additional jobs.
That implacable foe of new government jobs,
Senator King of Utah, wanted to know whether the
undersecretary would be an additional aide of just
a change in rank and pay for an assistant secre-
tary. The committee chairman said it was an
additional job.
"No member of the cabinet has such manifold
duties imposed upon him as has the secretary of
the interior," he added.
"I should like to give him more duties because
he is efficient," King said.
And that set Senator Lewis of Illinois off in a
characteristically flowery tribute to Ickes.
**
THE INCIDENT served to bring out what addi-
tional regular duties have been added to the
interior department by transfers and consolida-
tions of permanent bureaus during the present
administration. These are quite aside from the
special functions as to PWA and the oil adminis-
tration which Mr. Ickes exercises by Presidential
airection.
There are 80 or so national parks, cemeteries,
battlefield reservations, monuments and the like,
scattered all over- the country, now under Ickes'
direction, to say nothing of the troublesome prob-
lems Puerto Rico adds to his lot. And after more
than two years of the grind, he still loves it. Which
TRACK
MEET
TApril 30
Admission, All Seats, 25c
Willis Ward
This meet is being sponsored by the Varsity Track Team for the benefit of
NEREE ALIX, two-mile star, who suffered a compound fracture of the leg in
the California meet. All proceeds will go to Alix to help him remain in school.
Competition will be between members of the University's Indoor Cham-