L FOOL EXTRAf
VOL. XLII. No. 133
ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN, FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1932
WEATHER-Fair and unsettled.
Professor Promises P 1 e n t y
Big Beer Bottles If
"LEAD THE GOOD LIFE"
White House Will WField Wilson
Doctrines; Doctor Denies
Surrounded by a crowd of wildly
cheering students, most of whom
belopged to his various political
science classes, Prof. Paul M. (Skip-
py) Cuncannon yesterday a n-
nouhced his candidacy for the
Workers party nomination for the
"My decision to run in this elec-
tion," Prof. Cuncannon said, "as
prompted by the action of 12 of my
loyal supporters in voting for me
in the 'What to Do' poll. You un-
derstand I am not a voluntary can-
didate. I was drafted."
"But, Mr. Cuncannon-" inter-
jected the inte'vlewer.
Says "Call me 'Paul'."
"Call me Paul, call me Paul," in-
terrupted the august professor, as
he passed out a handful of Cremos,
"But, Paul," the reporter contin-
ued, "what, may I ask, is your plat-
"Leading the good life," said th
erstwhile political science professor.
"That won't go in politics; Tsk
tsk," the reporter interrupted.
Cleary His Throat.'
Mr. Cuncannon cleared his throat
with an irritated rumble, but al-
most immediately went into an oily
smile. "I have been thinking," he
continued, "that when you have a
personality you dont "need a plat-
form. Now, when I was talking tc
Woodrow Wilson back in 1893, he
says to me, he says, 'Paul, you
would make a swell president. You
have an aristocratic bearing.' All
these years I have attempted un-
ceasingly to cultivate that bearing.
I think that Woodrow Wilson's con-
fidence in me was not misplaced."
After much persuasion, however,
Mr. Cuncannon (Paul) consented to
select a platform and 'tis-
1.-A dinner pail, full of beer.
3.-A saloon on every corner, a
beer vat in every cellar.
4.-Pink tooth brushes.
5.--More woman suffrage (let 'em
6.-End unemployment by giving
everybody a lob.
7.-More gold and less gold stan-
8.-See your dentist at least twice
"Being a pacifist, I picked my
campaign slogan along that line,"
our Paul explained. "I am very
proud of my originality and it gives
you an indication of the shrewd-
ness of my intellect."
"Well, what is it?" cried the wait-
ing mob breathlessly.
Throwing back his head and ex-
tending his chest Paul the Great
"Can the Cannon with Cuncan-
-CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT-
RUN RAID RABIDLY
Putrid Plot Planned; Playmates
Preoccupied as Press
HEY-HEY HAINES HELD
We Should Have Liked to Have
Another Alliterative Head
Here, But It's Really
a Terrible Pile
H-einrich Wilhelm von
Schrappnick Blugheigh, scion
of an old Virginia family of
Blugheighs, and night-watch-
man at the new publications
building on Maynard street,
was attacked late last night
and the building, in which Sig-
m a Delta Chi, professional
journalistic fraternity, planned
to hold a Gridiron dance April
22, was forcibly taken from him
by unidentified hold-up men.
No trace of the missing build-
ing has been found.
Baffled beyond words by the
tragic developments of last night,
when seven men, believed to have
been enemies of The Michigan:
Daily, escaped with the new publi-
Above, reading from left to left,
are the members of the Junior
Girls' Play, "No Man's Land." (Free
Adv.) No one knows what they are
-(ANNUN oUR PRESI ENT--
POLLOCK PRED0 ICTS
PROSPER ITY TO POP
As he approached his second half-century, President Alexar
Grant Ruthven, who was born 50 yers ago today in Hull, Iowa, sp
an eventful and highly mysterious day yesterday.
Shadowed by Daily Reporters who even invaded the sanc
of Room 1, University hall, to obtain a list of his appointments,
president passed the day as follows:
8:30 a. m.,-Haircut at Moe's.
tl(~t ,, -. An ^-nt n~
Financial Functions Due for
Flare, Depresison Doctor
-Photo by Request
SLOPPY SHOSHOERS SURE TO SLIP
SILLY AT SLIP-SHOD SLIDE SPRAWL
Uncanny to the. point of being,
downr-ight cute is the way the en-
gineer dance committee has shown
itself to be. Led by Jack Spencer,
who has selected probably the best
looking girl of all time to lead the
grand march with him, those
mathematical B r o b d.ingnagians
have hit upon a plan which will en-
able the boys from the south east
corner of the campus to have the
keenest time tonight.
They have selected circular, card-
board slide rules to be used as fa-
vors. This clever exhibition of en-
gineering craftiness is probably the
biggest step that the engine tenders
have made in years. It was back-
wards of course but a step is a step.
Besides the committee last year
--CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT-
'I'm County on You,'
Cries Prof. Bromage
An entirely new point of view onl
the subject of county government
was expressed yesterday by Prof.
Arthur W. Bromage of the political
science department, in an exclusive
interview granted to The Michigan
"We have too blamed many coun-
ties in Michigan," said Professor
Bromage. "We should ship about
twenty down to Delaware, where
they have only three, and thereby
equalize things somewhat. Down in
that state they have been com-
plaining about the county famine
"But they can't get a thing done
.nhrmifit-i" ha continued. "And do
had the same idea and they too se-
cured little slide rules for favors.
Dean Lovell might have said yes-
terday that he could hardly wait tc
get his hands on one of the minia-
ture cerebrums. "I'll show them all
how to add and subtract," said the
well known scholar almost, as he
nervously fingered the lapel of hiE
tuxedo. (He was all set to go to a
nine P. M. yesterday).
"Slide Rule dances with little
slide rules. for programs only hap-
pen once a year," Dean Emeritus
Cooley possibly conjectured when
accosted by a Daily representative
this afternoon. "I remember the
year that Oscar Zilch was general
chairman, and the insurgent engin-
eers procured big pencils for fa-
vors," the Dean Emeritus probably
continued. "We killed him, though."
--CUNCANN(N FOR PRESIDENT_-
More Boloney About
Mr. Railroad Jack
Henry Smith Jackson, commonly
known as "Railroad Jack," was
made head of the history depart-
ment it was announced at the end
of a five hour interview today be-
tween the eminent authority and
Dr. Ruthven, rumored president of
-CUNCANN N FOR PRESIDENT-
See the puzzled students
cations building on Maynard street.
Police Chief Thomas M. O'Brien "Prosperity is just around the
early this morning admitted thatI 3orner," said 'rof. James K. Pol-
his force had not a single clue tc lock of the political science depart-
work on. nent in an exclusive interview with
O'Brien Quavers-Tsk, Tsk. 3 Daily reporter who met him at
a mc,,3 o'clock this morning returning
As a matter of fact," he quaver from a conference with leading
ed (an unusual thing for him, fox political scientists in Joe Parker's
he is not the sort of man to lose oiia cetss nJePre'
Iti~me quaveringalthoughnhe do prof. Pollock managed to state
shoot a few frames of Kelly Poo that depression was merely a state
of an evening), "we never have h i )f mind, and that if people would
a clew to work on. Life is getting .mly go around the corner they
tbetoo much for me. I can'tnlgoaudth crerhy
to be tny m or m I ' would discover that it did not exist
Friends of the chief, although at all. As he leaned against a lamp
unable to explain his unusual sen- post and wiped his glasses, Pollock
timentality, declared that it wac defended his theory with many
probably due to the fact that not xamples taken from the economic
long ago the police squad car way history n the world.
stolen from its garage, a circum- "Take England, for instance," he
stance that left a deep impression said sentimentally, "yes, take Eng-
in the chiefs usual equanimity. land." Here the professor sighed
"Equanimity," they sobbed, "or he 'Nobody wants to take England
can leave it alone. He has never nowadays," he said sadly, as he
forgotten the time Norm Cook let grasped the lamppost more firmly.
the boys rob the gas station right With another deep sigh, Pollock
across the street; poor boy." -ontinued. "The Lindbergh baby
Haines Haggles. must be found," he stated seriously.
Fear that the 'loss of the publi- "The kidnapping is an outrage. The
cations building might seriously in- trouble is that there are too many
terfere with Sigma Delta Chi's committees in the Michigan House
plans for the Gridiron dance were of Representatives."
allayed last night by Donal Hamil- --CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT-
ton Haines, of the department of1 -- -- ----
journalism, and member of the fra-
"Fifty-four forty or fight' he
chortled. "We have already made H istory 5
plans to throw the dance in the
basement of the Pi Phi house. A. RHO GAM
a matter of fact, I'd prefer to throw
the thing right into Cal Forsythe's (S.B. O
lap. Dat guy has altogedder to .Thi th first of a series of
much t'say," he continued, lapsing (Te i e fist faeri
into the familiar vernacular that one article on Michigan fraterni-
he picked up from his many years ties. With a proper substitution of
on the American Boy staff, to say names and dates, it will do for any
nothing of the Michigan Journalist one of the 58 Greek gangs on the
and the Michigan Alumnus, "I tink campus.)
we'll have to give dat guy de woiks." The RhO Gamma Rho fraternity
"Tings coludn't be much works," first saw the light of earth in 1832
said Freiherr von Forsythe, Presi- when a group of serious-minded
dent of Sigma Delta Chi, when ask- young men resolved to found an or-
ed whether the theft of the publi- ganization which would perpetuate
(By Dissociated Mess)
Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr., Was
found last night at the Phi
Kappa fraternity with a pledge
button on. It wasrumored that
Boss Edward J. McCormick,
president of the Student Coun-
cil, had known about it for a
long time, and also knew the
names of the seven kidnappers,
but had promised not to tell.
He will probably reveal the
name of one bf them soon.
CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT--