MPIi L FOOL EXTRAf Y Sirr Dai'1i ti.. .. VOL. XLII. No. 133 SIX PAGES ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN, FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1932 WEATHER-Fair and unsettled. I , Poses CHEERING CROWDS RAMP CUNCANNON CONVENTION CRAZE Professor Promises P 1 e n t y Big Beer Bottles If Picked President. "LEAD THE GOOD LIFE" White House Will WField Wilson Doctrines; Doctor Denies Republican Rebuff. Surrounded by a crowd of wildly cheering students, most of whom belopged to his various political science classes, Prof. Paul M. (Skip- py) Cuncannon yesterday a n- nouhced his candidacy for the Workers party nomination for the presidency. "My decision to run in this elec- tion," Prof. Cuncannon said, "as prompted by the action of 12 of my loyal supporters in voting for me in the 'What to Do' poll. You un- derstand I am not a voluntary can- didate. I was drafted." "But, Mr. Cuncannon-" inter- jected the inte'vlewer. Says "Call me 'Paul'." "Call me Paul, call me Paul," in- terrupted the august professor, as he passed out a handful of Cremos, "But, Paul," the reporter contin- ued, "what, may I ask, is your plat- form?" "Leading the good life," said th erstwhile political science professor. "That won't go in politics; Tsk tsk," the reporter interrupted. Cleary His Throat.' Mr. Cuncannon cleared his throat with an irritated rumble, but al- most immediately went into an oily smile. "I have been thinking," he continued, "that when you have a personality you dont "need a plat- form. Now, when I was talking tc Woodrow Wilson back in 1893, he says to me, he says, 'Paul, you would make a swell president. You have an aristocratic bearing.' All these years I have attempted un- ceasingly to cultivate that bearing. I think that Woodrow Wilson's con- fidence in me was not misplaced." His Platform. After much persuasion, however, Mr. Cuncannon (Paul) consented to select a platform and 'tis- 1.-A dinner pail, full of beer. 3.-A saloon on every corner, a beer vat in every cellar. 4.-Pink tooth brushes. 5.--More woman suffrage (let 'em suffer). 6.-End unemployment by giving everybody a lob. 7.-More gold and less gold stan- dards. 8.-See your dentist at least twice a year. Ho umn. "Being a pacifist, I picked my campaign slogan along that line," our Paul explained. "I am very proud of my originality and it gives you an indication of the shrewd- ness of my intellect." "Well, what is it?" cried the wait- ing mob breathlessly. Throwing back his head and ex- tending his chest Paul the Great thundered: "Can the Cannon with Cuncan- non!" -CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT- Happy Birthday! RUTHLESS ROBBERS RUN RAID RABIDLY REVELRY REVEALED Putrid Plot Planned; Playmates Preoccupied as Press PlansPoo. HEY-HEY HAINES HELD We Should Have Liked to Have Another Alliterative Head Here, But It's Really a Terrible Pile of Work. BULLETIN. H-einrich Wilhelm von Schrappnick Blugheigh, scion of an old Virginia family of Blugheighs, and night-watch- man at the new publications building on Maynard street, was attacked late last night and the building, in which Sig- m a Delta Chi, professional journalistic fraternity, planned to hold a Gridiron dance April 22, was forcibly taken from him by unidentified hold-up men. No trace of the missing build- ing has been found. Baffled beyond words by the tragic developments of last night, when seven men, believed to have been enemies of The Michigan: Daily, escaped with the new publi- Taxi Dancer in Easter Raiment Inti~mateAss'ociates ( Above, reading from left to left, are the members of the Junior Girls' Play, "No Man's Land." (Free Adv.) No one knows what they are reading. -(ANNUN oUR PRESI ENT-- POLLOCK PRED0 ICTS PROSPER ITY TO POP As he approached his second half-century, President Alexar Grant Ruthven, who was born 50 yers ago today in Hull, Iowa, sp an eventful and highly mysterious day yesterday. Shadowed by Daily Reporters who even invaded the sanc of Room 1, University hall, to obtain a list of his appointments, president passed the day as follows: 8:30 a. m.,-Haircut at Moe's. tl(~t ,, -. An ^-nt n~ I Financial Functions Due for Flare, Depresison Doctor Does Declare. -Photo by Request SLOPPY SHOSHOERS SURE TO SLIP SILLY AT SLIP-SHOD SLIDE SPRAWL Uncanny to the. point of being, downr-ight cute is the way the en- gineer dance committee has shown itself to be. Led by Jack Spencer, who has selected probably the best looking girl of all time to lead the grand march with him, those mathematical B r o b d.ingnagians have hit upon a plan which will en- able the boys from the south east corner of the campus to have the keenest time tonight. They have selected circular, card- board slide rules to be used as fa- vors. This clever exhibition of en- gineering craftiness is probably the biggest step that the engine tenders have made in years. It was back- wards of course but a step is a step. Besides the committee last year --CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT- 'I'm County on You,' Cries Prof. Bromage An entirely new point of view onl the subject of county government was expressed yesterday by Prof. Arthur W. Bromage of the political science department, in an exclusive interview granted to The Michigan Daily. "We have too blamed many coun- ties in Michigan," said Professor Bromage. "We should ship about twenty down to Delaware, where they have only three, and thereby equalize things somewhat. Down in that state they have been com- plaining about the county famine for years. "But they can't get a thing done .nhrmifit-i" ha continued. "And do had the same idea and they too se- cured little slide rules for favors. Dean Lovell might have said yes- terday that he could hardly wait tc get his hands on one of the minia- ture cerebrums. "I'll show them all how to add and subtract," said the well known scholar almost, as he nervously fingered the lapel of hiE tuxedo. (He was all set to go to a nine P. M. yesterday). "Slide Rule dances with little slide rules. for programs only hap- pen once a year," Dean Emeritus Cooley possibly conjectured when accosted by a Daily representative this afternoon. "I remember the year that Oscar Zilch was general chairman, and the insurgent engin- eers procured big pencils for fa- vors," the Dean Emeritus probably continued. "We killed him, though." --CUNCANN(N FOR PRESIDENT_- More Boloney About Mr. Railroad Jack Henry Smith Jackson, commonly known as "Railroad Jack," was made head of the history depart- ment it was announced at the end of a five hour interview today be- tween the eminent authority and Dr. Ruthven, rumored president of the University. -CUNCANN N FOR PRESIDENT- BULLETINI See the puzzled students fumble. cations building on Maynard street. Police Chief Thomas M. O'Brien "Prosperity is just around the early this morning admitted thatI 3orner," said 'rof. James K. Pol- his force had not a single clue tc lock of the political science depart- work on. nent in an exclusive interview with O'Brien Quavers-Tsk, Tsk. 3 Daily reporter who met him at a mc,,3 o'clock this morning returning As a matter of fact," he quaver from a conference with leading ed (an unusual thing for him, fox political scientists in Joe Parker's he is not the sort of man to lose oiia cetss nJePre' timequaeri~,*althughhe oe~safe, Iti~me quaveringalthoughnhe do prof. Pollock managed to state shoot a few frames of Kelly Poo that depression was merely a state of an evening), "we never have h i )f mind, and that if people would a clew to work on. Life is getting .mly go around the corner they tbetoo much for me. I can'tnlgoaudth crerhy to be tny m or m I ' would discover that it did not exist Friends of the chief, although at all. As he leaned against a lamp unable to explain his unusual sen- post and wiped his glasses, Pollock timentality, declared that it wac defended his theory with many probably due to the fact that not xamples taken from the economic long ago the police squad car way history n the world. stolen from its garage, a circum- "Take England, for instance," he stance that left a deep impression said sentimentally, "yes, take Eng- in the chiefs usual equanimity. land." Here the professor sighed "Equanimity," they sobbed, "or he 'Nobody wants to take England can leave it alone. He has never nowadays," he said sadly, as he forgotten the time Norm Cook let grasped the lamppost more firmly. the boys rob the gas station right With another deep sigh, Pollock across the street; poor boy." -ontinued. "The Lindbergh baby Haines Haggles. must be found," he stated seriously. Fear that the 'loss of the publi- "The kidnapping is an outrage. The cations building might seriously in- trouble is that there are too many terfere with Sigma Delta Chi's committees in the Michigan House plans for the Gridiron dance were of Representatives." allayed last night by Donal Hamil- --CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT- ton Haines, of the department of1 -- -- ---- journalism, and member of the fra- ternity. "Fifty-four forty or fight' he chortled. "We have already made H istory 5 plans to throw the dance in the basement of the Pi Phi house. A. RHO GAM a matter of fact, I'd prefer to throw the thing right into Cal Forsythe's (S.B. O lap. Dat guy has altogedder to .Thi th first of a series of much t'say," he continued, lapsing (Te i e fist faeri into the familiar vernacular that one article on Michigan fraterni- he picked up from his many years ties. With a proper substitution of on the American Boy staff, to say names and dates, it will do for any nothing of the Michigan Journalist one of the 58 Greek gangs on the and the Michigan Alumnus, "I tink campus.) we'll have to give dat guy de woiks." The RhO Gamma Rho fraternity "Tings coludn't be much works," first saw the light of earth in 1832 said Freiherr von Forsythe, Presi- when a group of serious-minded dent of Sigma Delta Chi, when ask- young men resolved to found an or- ed whether the theft of the publi- ganization which would perpetuate (By Dissociated Mess) Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr., Was found last night at the Phi Kappa fraternity with a pledge button on. It wasrumored that Boss Edward J. McCormick, president of the Student Coun- cil, had known about it for a long time, and also knew the names of the seven kidnappers, but had promised not to tell. He will probably reveal the name of one bf them soon. CUNCANNON FOR PRESIDENT-- i Sororities MA 811O YConger)