Monday, May 12, 2008
The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com
Beatty and Butthead
15
lasses are over; flowers
are blooming; and love is
in the air. It's the perfect
time of year for
trashy romance
novels and spicy
summer action
movies filled,
with hot sex,
government
conspiracy and
more sex. SHAKIRA
But why SMILER
spend money
at Borders or
Showcase Cinemas when you can
download the Kwame Kilpatrick
and Christine Beatty text messag-
es for free? Here's a brief synopsis
of the latest episode from Detroit's
very own home edition of "As The
World Turns."
In January, the Detroit Free
Press released evidence from text
messages proving that Detroit
Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick lied
under oath about his relation-
ship with his former Chief of Staff
Christine Beatty. Further incrimi-
nating and explicit messages were
released to the public April 29;
and recently Detroit City Council
members have pursued legal mea-
sures to have the mayor removed Malik Kilpatrick ... You are like a dents are still unemployed, and
from office. dream in my life and I can't believe the city of Detroit remains No. 1on
Not that his sex scandal is sur- sometimes that our friendship is the list of worst cities in America
prising. Elect a hip-hop-loving, real." accordingto Forbes. But apparently,
diamond-earring-wearing, bull- I can't believe that that corny instead of working to change those
headed ex-football player as the text message is real.The only thing statistics, Kwame spent his time
chief executive of one of the larg- missing is a little heart and arrow playing patty cake with Beatty.
est cities in the United States, then with "Christine loves Kwame" in In addition. to being childish,
forcehimto spendlongdaystucked the middle. Kwame demonstrated that he is
away next to his hot, smart and oh- Based on the 2008 U.S. Depart- a pure hypocrite when he sent a
so-naive ex-girlfriend from college ment of Labor Census, 8.1 percent text that said, "Hell no! Don't start
- there's bound to be a little hanky of Detroit and Metro none, won't be none niggette!"
panky going on. Detroit resi- "Niggette?" Really?
I'm not criticizing Kilpat- Our "Honorable"
rick for being human. Since MayorKwameKilpatrick
the Bill Clinton scandal, it's l a * | said in his NAACP cer-
common knowledge that politi- emony speech last July,
cians and extramarital nookie "Today we're not just
go together like peanut butter and f ,-. burying the N-word,
jelly. My issue is that Kwame Kil- we're taking it out of
patrick has proven himself to be a our spirit." Who would've
juvenile and hypocritical idiot, and known that the same leader
the city of Detroit just can't afford who passionately urged us to
that. A N+S remove the derogatory N-word
I must admit, I laughed out loud ' A from our vocabulary was using it
while reading the text messages. asa pet name for his mistress?
Some of them could give erotic , Anyone who's ever seen a sus-
novelists a run for their money, but pense thriller knows thatthe first
most sounded like the love notes of rule is to never leave any kind of
horny high schoolers. Beatty sent paper (or phone) trail. This genius
one text to the mayor that read, not only blatantly bragged about
"All those things and more make everything he had previously
up the love of my life, Kwame Illustration by Haran Buljina denied in court, but he spent mil-
lions of the city's dollars trying to
cover up his lies.
Having booty calls behind your
wife's back is one thing, but mak-
ing electronic booty calls behind
your wife's back with a govern-
ment-owned phone is just plail
stupid. More importantly, it is
Why Kwame
should just cut
his losses.
expensive, and ultimately the tax-
payers of Detroit have to pay for
it.
For God's sake Kwame, just
resign. Not because you lied in
court, or because you spent mil-
lions of the city's dollars to cover
your ass or because you embar-
rassed every resident in the city
of Detroit, but because you're just
an idiot.
Shakira Smiler can be reached
at stsmiler@umich.edu.
Protectingyourparts
At some point during the last
few days, you've most like-
ly had a few questions run
through your
mind: I wonder
ifmomliked her
Mother's Day
present? What
time am I sup-
posed to be at
the Brown Jug
on Wednesday TOM
night? What MICHNIACKI
ever happened
to that human -
papilloma virus vaccine?
Ok, maybe not that last question.
But on the off chance you were
looking for an update, look no fur-
ther.
New research on the effective-
ness of the injection in males is now
underway, and positive research
outcomes may lead to a manda-
tory shot for both sexes. The HPV
immunization protects against
four of the most common strains of
the sexually transmitted disease.
These four strains are known to
cause roughly 70 percent of cer-
vical cancers. Cervical cancer is
kind of a big deal, as it is the second
leading cause of cancer in women
across the globe. HPV is also very
common, in that approximately
50 percent of sexually active men
and women will get a genital HPV
infection during their lifetime. So
during that next passionate esca-
pade with your significant other,
you may be exchanging a lot more
than tender kisses.
Whenthevaccine was firstintro-
duced a few years ago, it was recom-
mended for 11 to 12 year-old girls.
But why wasn't it recommended for
boys too? To most people, the obvi-
ous answer seemed to be that the
immunization helps prevent cervi-
cal cancer, and according to my 7th
grade sex education teacher, boys
don't have cervixes.
But the HPV shot also guards
against genital warts, which affect
both men and women. In fact, the
four strains of HPV that the vac-
cine defends against cause about 90
percent of all genital warts. Recent
research has also shown that the
vaccine holds promise for protect-
ing men from genital and anal can-
cer. Research on the effects of the
inocula
lately, a
able to
year.
Gett
preven
tal war
right -
become
also sl
sexuall
v
ji
is spre
rate of
edly be
males a
and pol
ease's y
tion wo
HPV'sr
everyox
;tions on boys has flourished dinner or giving that hot chick your
nd the vaccine may be avail- coat on a chilly night was chival-
young men as soon as next rous, how about getting three shots
to help prevent cancer in women?
ing the HPV shot will likely Mandating the vaccine for all 6th
t boys from getting geni- grade girls was a huge controversy
ts and penile cancer (that's a couple of years ago. Many parents
- penile cancer) when they and religious organizations argued
e sexually active. But it will that providinggirls with the immu-
ow the rate at which the nization would cause an increase in
y transmitted disease virus sexual activity among those vacci-
nated. There is no evidence back-
ing up this belief. And even if there
was, we are talking about prevent-
The H PV ing cancer here.
Michigan was actually the
raccine 1sn't first state to introduce legislation
fr gregarding a mandate, but all sub-
ast for g is. sequent measures have faltered
in Michigan's congress. Recently
a bill has been passed that would
allow schools to provide informa-
ad. With a lower overall tion regarding HPV immunization
HPV, women will undoubt- to families of students in the 6th,
nefit. Just as inoculating all 9th and 12th grades.
nd females against measles But information isn't enough
io has decreased those dis- when we are talking about life and
prevalence, the HPV injec- death. The vaccine could prevent
'uld almost certainly reduce thousands of deaths each year, and
prevalence if it were given to this fact should trump any reli-
ne. If you thought paying for gious debate. Boys should also be
mandated to receive the injection
when it is proven safe and made
available. Sorry guys, but I did say
it could prevent penile cancer.
If you are interested in get-
ting the vaccine now, it's avail-
able at University Health Service's
Allergy, Immunization and Travel
Health Clinic. For more informa-
tion, you can call the clinic at (734)
764-8304.
Oh and by the way, your mom
loved the 99 cent greeting card you
got her for Mother's Day, and be at
the Brown Jug at 10 p.m.
Tom Michniacki can be
reached at tmich@umich.edu.
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