Monday, May 12, 2008 The Michigan Daily - michigandaily.com Beatty and Butthead 15 lasses are over; flowers are blooming; and love is in the air. It's the perfect time of year for trashy romance novels and spicy summer action movies filled, with hot sex, government conspiracy and more sex. SHAKIRA But why SMILER spend money at Borders or Showcase Cinemas when you can download the Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty text messag- es for free? Here's a brief synopsis of the latest episode from Detroit's very own home edition of "As The World Turns." In January, the Detroit Free Press released evidence from text messages proving that Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick lied under oath about his relation- ship with his former Chief of Staff Christine Beatty. Further incrimi- nating and explicit messages were released to the public April 29; and recently Detroit City Council members have pursued legal mea- sures to have the mayor removed Malik Kilpatrick ... You are like a dents are still unemployed, and from office. dream in my life and I can't believe the city of Detroit remains No. 1on Not that his sex scandal is sur- sometimes that our friendship is the list of worst cities in America prising. Elect a hip-hop-loving, real." accordingto Forbes. But apparently, diamond-earring-wearing, bull- I can't believe that that corny instead of working to change those headed ex-football player as the text message is real.The only thing statistics, Kwame spent his time chief executive of one of the larg- missing is a little heart and arrow playing patty cake with Beatty. est cities in the United States, then with "Christine loves Kwame" in In addition. to being childish, forcehimto spendlongdaystucked the middle. Kwame demonstrated that he is away next to his hot, smart and oh- Based on the 2008 U.S. Depart- a pure hypocrite when he sent a so-naive ex-girlfriend from college ment of Labor Census, 8.1 percent text that said, "Hell no! Don't start - there's bound to be a little hanky of Detroit and Metro none, won't be none niggette!" panky going on. Detroit resi- "Niggette?" Really? I'm not criticizing Kilpat- Our "Honorable" rick for being human. Since MayorKwameKilpatrick the Bill Clinton scandal, it's l a * | said in his NAACP cer- common knowledge that politi- emony speech last July, cians and extramarital nookie "Today we're not just go together like peanut butter and f ,-. burying the N-word, jelly. My issue is that Kwame Kil- we're taking it out of patrick has proven himself to be a our spirit." Who would've juvenile and hypocritical idiot, and known that the same leader the city of Detroit just can't afford who passionately urged us to that. A N+S remove the derogatory N-word I must admit, I laughed out loud ' A from our vocabulary was using it while reading the text messages. asa pet name for his mistress? Some of them could give erotic , Anyone who's ever seen a sus- novelists a run for their money, but pense thriller knows thatthe first most sounded like the love notes of rule is to never leave any kind of horny high schoolers. Beatty sent paper (or phone) trail. This genius one text to the mayor that read, not only blatantly bragged about "All those things and more make everything he had previously up the love of my life, Kwame Illustration by Haran Buljina denied in court, but he spent mil- lions of the city's dollars trying to cover up his lies. Having booty calls behind your wife's back is one thing, but mak- ing electronic booty calls behind your wife's back with a govern- ment-owned phone is just plail stupid. More importantly, it is Why Kwame should just cut his losses. expensive, and ultimately the tax- payers of Detroit have to pay for it. For God's sake Kwame, just resign. Not because you lied in court, or because you spent mil- lions of the city's dollars to cover your ass or because you embar- rassed every resident in the city of Detroit, but because you're just an idiot. Shakira Smiler can be reached at stsmiler@umich.edu. Protectingyourparts At some point during the last few days, you've most like- ly had a few questions run through your mind: I wonder ifmomliked her Mother's Day present? What time am I sup- posed to be at the Brown Jug on Wednesday TOM night? What MICHNIACKI ever happened to that human - papilloma virus vaccine? Ok, maybe not that last question. But on the off chance you were looking for an update, look no fur- ther. New research on the effective- ness of the injection in males is now underway, and positive research outcomes may lead to a manda- tory shot for both sexes. The HPV immunization protects against four of the most common strains of the sexually transmitted disease. These four strains are known to cause roughly 70 percent of cer- vical cancers. Cervical cancer is kind of a big deal, as it is the second leading cause of cancer in women across the globe. HPV is also very common, in that approximately 50 percent of sexually active men and women will get a genital HPV infection during their lifetime. So during that next passionate esca- pade with your significant other, you may be exchanging a lot more than tender kisses. Whenthevaccine was firstintro- duced a few years ago, it was recom- mended for 11 to 12 year-old girls. But why wasn't it recommended for boys too? To most people, the obvi- ous answer seemed to be that the immunization helps prevent cervi- cal cancer, and according to my 7th grade sex education teacher, boys don't have cervixes. But the HPV shot also guards against genital warts, which affect both men and women. In fact, the four strains of HPV that the vac- cine defends against cause about 90 percent of all genital warts. Recent research has also shown that the vaccine holds promise for protect- ing men from genital and anal can- cer. Research on the effects of the inocula lately, a able to year. Gett preven tal war right - become also sl sexuall v ji is spre rate of edly be males a and pol ease's y tion wo HPV'sr everyox ;tions on boys has flourished dinner or giving that hot chick your nd the vaccine may be avail- coat on a chilly night was chival- young men as soon as next rous, how about getting three shots to help prevent cancer in women? ing the HPV shot will likely Mandating the vaccine for all 6th t boys from getting geni- grade girls was a huge controversy ts and penile cancer (that's a couple of years ago. Many parents - penile cancer) when they and religious organizations argued e sexually active. But it will that providinggirls with the immu- ow the rate at which the nization would cause an increase in y transmitted disease virus sexual activity among those vacci- nated. There is no evidence back- ing up this belief. And even if there was, we are talking about prevent- The H PV ing cancer here. Michigan was actually the raccine 1sn't first state to introduce legislation fr gregarding a mandate, but all sub- ast for g is. sequent measures have faltered in Michigan's congress. Recently a bill has been passed that would allow schools to provide informa- ad. With a lower overall tion regarding HPV immunization HPV, women will undoubt- to families of students in the 6th, nefit. Just as inoculating all 9th and 12th grades. nd females against measles But information isn't enough io has decreased those dis- when we are talking about life and prevalence, the HPV injec- death. The vaccine could prevent 'uld almost certainly reduce thousands of deaths each year, and prevalence if it were given to this fact should trump any reli- ne. If you thought paying for gious debate. Boys should also be mandated to receive the injection when it is proven safe and made available. Sorry guys, but I did say it could prevent penile cancer. If you are interested in get- ting the vaccine now, it's avail- able at University Health Service's Allergy, Immunization and Travel Health Clinic. For more informa- tion, you can call the clinic at (734) 764-8304. Oh and by the way, your mom loved the 99 cent greeting card you got her for Mother's Day, and be at the Brown Jug at 10 p.m. Tom Michniacki can be reached at tmich@umich.edu. LETTERS Readers are encouraged to submit letters to the editor. Please include the writer's name, college and class standing or other University affiliation. Send.letters to: . tothedoily@umich.edu.