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August 10, 1982 - Image 6

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Michigan Daily, 1982-08-10

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4

Opinion

Page 6

Tuesday, August 10, 1982

The Michigan Daily

I

The Michigan Daily
Vol. XCII, No. 58-S
Ninety-two Years of Editorial Freedom
Edited and managed by students
at the University of Michigan
An oil trickle
IN HIS ASSAULT on the federal government
to cut regulation and spending, President
Reagan has sprung upon a likely candidate for
extermination, the Department of Energy. Af-
ter all the world is in the midst of an oil
glut-why worry about energy supplies? On the
surface that point seems arguable, but what
happens when the glut dries up?
The question, of course, is a complex one. The
administration's answer, however, is charac-
teristically simple: Leave things to the free
market. The fact of the matter is, however, that
the oil market has never been free, but has
always been a hostage of subsidies, price con-
trols, and tax breaks.
What the energy department does now, when
some doubt the need for it, is coordinate energy
supplies and plan for the next energy crisis that
will surely engulf the world before the decade
ends.
Under the president's plan to shift some of the
department's duties to the commerce depar-
tment, the nation would have a weak guiding
arm to plan for and direct it through such a
crisis. And recent disclosures by the General
Accounting Office show that the merger of the
two departments would actually save the
government little money.
President Reagan seems to be telling us that
the energy problem has gone away. To pun-
ctuate his assertion, the president not only wan-
ts to scrap the Department of Energy, but has
already abandoned the conservation measures
for federal buildings adopted by the Carter ad-
ministration.
The energy problem has not and will not go
away until a miracle substitute is found for
fossil fuels. Until that time, the nation needs an
effective planning agency, lest the oil glut con-
struct into a trickle and catch the nation un-
prepared-again.

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Letters and replies
that are Not Funny
dy editor sat in his office at the thought I might be getting a little You just don't appreciate
ily, wearing an uncharac- stale, but I see I have nothing to life's cozy little ironies, Ron.
istic grin. "what's so funny?" worry about. It's nice to know You probably thought testing
quired. where the competition is, but a nuclear device on the an-
Love your column this week," nicer to know where it isn't. niversary of the atomic bom-
chuckled. Sincerely,
hYou haven't seen it yet," I Art Buchwald bing of Hiroshima last Friday
d. "How do you know it's any I can't understand how this was Not Funny. I'll bet you
d?"one got to me Artie. You. thought the acquittal of the
It couldn't be bad. It's your must have misaddressed the man that tried to murder you
t one." on the grounds of insanity was
That's Not Funny!" I bawled. envelope. I'lljust forward it to o
Not any more," he agreed, Mike Royko. Not Funny, too, unless you
e're going out of production realize that he got a hung jury
of his peers. You just don't see
Dear sir, the humor in things like that.
I'm sorry to hear that you won't But I do-it keeps me from
Not Funny be in the Daily anymore. You screaming.

4

I

4

By D.B Ohrist
until September. So clean out
your desk."
"But I don't have a desk," I
protested.
"Get one," he advised, "and
clean it out."
So, while thumbing through my
hate mai-er, fan letters, I came
across the following correspon-
dances:
Dear sir,
Congratulations on your
column. It was a welcome ad-
dition to the Daily. And even
greater congratulations on
graduating. It will be a welcome
substraction from the University.
Sincerely,
Harold Shapiro
You have my 100 percent
heart-felt thanks, Hal-85
percent for your letter and 15
percent that I don't have to
pay tuition next year.
Dear sir,
I've read your work with great
interest, not to say relief. I

really gave Tu.sday a reason for
existence. I think you are a great
writer, and with your talent you'll
go far.
Sincerely,
A fan
P.S. Your laundry's ready.
Thanks, Mom. Don't hold
dinner, I'll be home late.
Dear sir,
Yasir Arafat and I finally
found something we could agree
on. we both think you stink. we
also think with your talent you'll
go far. And we wish you'd leave
now.
Sincerely,
Menachem Begin
Gee, I like you, too. I've
done my best to offend
everybody equally. It's my
contribution to world peace.
Dear sir,
I don't get it. Nancy explained
all the punch lines to me, and I
still don't get it. But you've done
your job. I thought you were very
Not Funny-consistently Not
Funny, thoroughly Not Funny,
Not Funny week after week.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan

Dear sir,
I tried. I really did. But I just
couldn't maintain any more. I
don't know why things always
went wrong. Can I borrow your
hankie?
Sincerely,
Al Haig
Take another valium, Al,
and I'll explain it to you. See,
it's the silly season. Summer is
traditionally the time of year
when every lunatic on earth,
elected or otherwise, comes
out to play. It may be the heat,
may be the humidity. And
maybe it's just the winds.
Summer is a good season for
news-for wars and bombings
and sundry disasters. Nobody
knows why. It's in the winds.
Nobody controls it, and
nobody admits it's out of con-
trol. And that's Not Funny.
Not funny at all.
Letters and columns
represent the opinions of the
individual author(s) and do
not necessarily reflect the at-
titudes or beliefs of the Daily.

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