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September 15, 2005 - Image 17

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 2005-09-15

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Lovers and friends?
Between the Sheets / The Sex Column
By Brooke Snyder

Cafe Za's serves up variety
East University's newest addition proves itself
By Niamh Slevin / Daily Staff Writer

'm sure every man has heard it at least
once. It's the age-old excuse used by
owomen everywhere to softly let down
the not-quite-up-to-their-standards man when
he tries to make a move. To such unwanted
advances, women far and wide panic and
respond, "I just don't want to ruin our friend-
ship." It's a seemingly genuine excuse that suf-
fices to get us out of sticky situations - and it
usually works without much of a rebuttal. How-
ever, can having sex honestly ruin the friendship
between a woman and a man? Can anyone suc-
cessfully be lovers and friends?
It's amazing to me that some people still
buy into such a cliche sex refusal. I mean,
who doesn't enjoy a quick, secret rendezvous
on the countertop at a party, club or friend's
house with no requisite commitment? Friends
with benefits are an integral part of college
life nationwide, and a notoriously great meth-
od for stress relief - does sex in the Grad
during finals study break sound familiar to
anyone? Nonetheless, I too am by no means
innocent of lying through my teeth, manipu-
lating the "ruin our friendship" excuse and
using it to my advantage.
Then one incident involving my friend,
"Bianca," abruptly altered my opinions on

being lovers and friends. Over the course of
one year, sexual tensions between her and a
boy named "Myron" exponentially built until
the crowning moment when they finally did
it. Even though the sex was disappointing,
she was positive that it was the long-awaited
commencement of something more than just
a friendship. That is, until the following week
when Myron blatantly tried to seduce her
best friend. With complete disregard for their
friendship, he clearly considered their sex to
be a personal conquest, like that of a lion who
successfully killed and ate the best antelope
on his terrain. Bianca vowed never to talk to
him again, and true to the overused excuse,
their happy friendship was forever ruined
because of sex.
Bianca and Myron's falling out perfectly (and
sadly) illustrates what many of my boy friends
have been telling me since high school: guys
only befriend girls thinking they will one day
have sex. Oddly enough, this is also a modern
philosophy used to explain sex relationships
between men and women, known as the Lad-
der Theory.
According to the Ladder Theory, men have
one "ladder" upon which they rank all the girls
in their lives. The girls on the top of the ladder

are the perfect tens, usually out of the guy's
league. Going down the ladder, one will pass
the girls they like, followed by the girls they
would do while drunk and admit to doing, and
finally those poor girls at the bottom that a guy
would do while drunk but never tell a soul.
The interesting part of this theory is that
women have two ladders to work with: one for
the men that are just their friends (including
their "cuddle bitches" who get all the emotional
attention, but none of the physical kind), and one
for prospective sex partners. Guys, therefore,
are constantly at competition with one another,
fighting to get to the top of the sex ladder, or
even trying to jump from the friends-only lad-
der to the sex ladder.
So, was the Bianca and Myron catastrophe
another case for the Ladder Theory, or was
it a simple case of bad sex? I'd like to believe
that it was both. The sex, admittedly, was bad
(the position was missionary, Myron experi-
enced a couple of rabbit-like moments, and the
rhythm switched cycles as abruptly as a wash-
ing machine), but there also was the problem
of a boy jumping from the cuddle bitch to the
top of the sex ladder. When the motivations for
having sex are so incongruous, taking the step
toward lovers and friends is more like speeding

down a one-way street to confusion and disap-
Switching ladders, or becoming lovers
and friends, often crashes the two worlds of
a man's libido and a woman's emotions into
each other. The only way to avoid a relation-
ship (and sex) disaster is for both parties to
be completely sincere with their intentions
toward each other. Gentlemen, if you just
want a fuck buddy, tell the girl. Ladies, if you
are looking for a relationship, be honest. If
you are not physically attracted to the other
person, please don't spare his or her ego,
instead tell the truth! Follow these simple
guidelines, and never again will anyone ever
have to suffer through the lame and overused
excuse, "I just don't want to ruin our friend-
ship," because nine times out of 10 it is a clear
and conspicuous lie.
And in closing, guys please, please, please
avoid the temptation to slip into rabbit mode
while in the heat of the moment, because the
girl will tell her friends, and you could run the
risk of ruining your own sex life for ever.
Brooke hopes she's not on the bottom rung
of any of her guy friend's ladders. She can be
reached at basnyder@umich.edu.

The rise and fall of Mac gaming
Apple - C, Apple - V I The Tech Column
By Forest Casey

o some, it's a comfortable
scenic seat after a long day
of work. To others, it's a nui-
sance and a road block in a typically
high-traffic zone. To Cafd Za's, the
newest addition to the East Univer-
sity restaurant district, it's just part
and parcel of the cafe's convivial,
European-style atmosphere.
Stretching across the entire
storefront, Za's sidewalk seating
area has undoubtedly
succeeded in garner- By far,
ing attention around enjoys
campus. Like its out- -eit
door addendum, Za's
is inviting and pleas-
ant for a quick meal,
but it's not always
quite what the average student
Inside the restaurant, the patron
experiences its low-key, relaxed
style firsthand. The walls are plain,
yet tastefully decorated. The light-
ing is dim, offering enough light
to eat comfortably and chat with
friends without that glaring high
school-cafeteria feel. Perhaps most
notable, however, is the sound.
Though its expanse of tables has
yet to be completely filled, conver-
sations from surrounding patrons
rarely infiltrate other booths, mak-
ing the cafe ideal for casual meet-
ings or cheap dates. Through the
speakers, the staff has chosen the
soothing sound of Yo La Tengo or
a compilation of classic jazz singers
as suitable background music.
Unlike many campus cafes,
Za's does not offer one single

set of entrees on their menu.
Although it does have signature
specials, it also presents custom-
ers with the opportunity to build
their own salad, sandwich, pasta
dish or pizza with far more eclec-
tic ingredients than your average
Jimmy John's or Subway.
By far, the best bet for a con-
sistently enjoyable lunch or din-
ner experience is either the salad
the best bet for a consiste
able lunch or dinner experie
.er the salad or the open-fa
or the open-faced panini. The
salads, which are typically large
enough for two meals, are made
fresh as each new order comes in
- and usually in less time than it
takes to fill the drinks.
From the counter, the customer
can even watch as the staff skill-
fully hand-tosses the ingredients
in a mixing bowl to perfectly
distribute the dressing before
presenting it to the guest. The
paninis prove equally enticing,+
with options ranging from a clas-
sic chicken parmesan to the more1
elaborate vegetarian choices such
as the Mambo Italiano, with arti-1
chokes, mushrooms, red peppers,
spinach and Swiss and gouda
For an Italian-style cafe, Za's
consistently falls short on its more
ethnic dishes. The traditional pizza

and pasta taste more like a can of
Hunt's Tomato Sauce, removed of
all additional flavoring and spices
and topped off with some partially
melted cheese product. However,
the customizable additions, such as
apple slices, walnuts or artichokes,
can perk up the meal's original
blandness, and the wide variety
available proves redeemable for even
the less appetizing menu options.
If the main dish isn't
ntly satisfying enough, Za's
nce also boasts a rather large,
iced rather indulgent dessert
selection. The alluring
glass case greets cus-
tomers with visions' of
tiramisus and mile-high
chocolate cakes even before the
staff does.
The cafe has discovered a new
claim to fame in the area: its
piece de resistance on the menu is
its assortment of Cheesecake Fac-
tory cheesecakes, which, though
slightly smaller than the chain's
own variety, can be purchased for
only a fraction of the price.
While Za's may not be as gour-
met as its logo likes to claim, it is
certainly a welcome new member
of the campus chain club. With
the speed of a Jimmy John's and
the variety of Amer's, the cafe
has proven itself well worth its $5
Cafe Za's
Where: 615 E. University
Hours: 10 a.m. - 9 p.m. daily

Cafe Za's offers create-your-own di:

One night last year, I bundled up and
walked to Mary Markley and climbed the
stairs down to the South Pit. Some friends
of mine were hosting a study break for gam-
e's along with ResComp Residence Hall and I
decided to make an appearance.
The entire experience just seemed other-
worldly to me. Firstly, I wasn't doing much
studying at the time, so the event wasn't really
a "study break" for me, it was just more like
"Tuesday night." On a surreal note, tables and
tables of gleaming, white iMacs crowded the
pit, and people were actually using them for
In the years after Apple founder Steve Jobs'
removal from the company, the Mac platform
suffered the same slow defeat as a leader in
exile. When I told my high school friends that
I was getting a Mac four years ago, I was told
time and again that Apple computers were
"pieces of shit," unless, of course, I was using it
for graphics or video editing. I always took that
opportunity to lie. Of course I would be creat-
ing intricate 3-D models on a computer that
takes as long to open Photoshop as it does for
Lynyrd Skynyrd to get to the solo in "Freebird."
Unfortunately, yelling doesn't make either one
go faster.

When the first true Apple computer was
released, it came with not one but two joysticks
to play games. The Apple II monitors supported
tens of times more colors than their PC counter-
parts.' Here was the birthplace of Lord Britton's
"Ultima" series; here was the platform of choice
for the epic "Wolfenstein 3-D;" here was the
birthplace of consumer computer gaming.
Apple's early success did not deter IBM,
which was cloned to form Compaq, HP and a
host of others until today's PC of choice, Dell.
With no clones, Mac game developers couldn't
sell nearly as many games as their PC counter-
parts, and the entire field of Mac gaming began
to crumble.
At least, that is, until 1999. Steve Jobs
returned to the helm, salvaging Apple with the
most successful computer of all time, the iMac.
For the Mac faithful, Jobs' second coming was
akin to Jesus's almost 2000 years before. People
suddenly had a reason to trash their PCs and go
Mac. All that was needed was a game.
It came in the form of "Halo," a first-person
shooter by a longtime Mac developer, Bungie.
The divine implications of its name were not
to be overlooked; Halo would single-handedly
save Mac gaming.
Watching videos of the 1999 Macworld con-

ference that showcases early builds of "Halo" is
like the day after an all-night drunken thrash-
ing for the Mac faithful. You've got the hopeless
confusion over what went wrong the previous
night and the guilt and shame over loving some-
one who is now in bed with someone else.
For the uneducated: "Halo" was supposed
to be a breakthrough Mac game set to redefine
an entire gaming genre. Not only was the game
going to be released for the Mac, Bungie was
going to release it first for the Mac. Steve Jobs
was obviously enjoying his new title of CEO,
beaming as the demo for "Halo" played on
the large projection screens. This game would
become the reason to buy a Mac. It was a com-
bination of an intense shock to Mac gaming,
which had been in cardiac arrest for twenty
years, and to the Mac platform as a whole.
And then this last hope, much like the origi-
nal Apple II, started to slip away. Apple nem-
esis Microsoft invaded Bungie with offers of a
buyout. Microsoft needed a killer application
to sell their new XBox gaming console, and
"Halo" fit the bill perfectly. After the buyout,
"Halo" was going to be released simultane-
ously for the Mac, PC and XBox, then for the
XBox and the Mac (after some delay), then
just the XBox. For Apple devotees, the theft of

this last great hope for Mac gaming was just
another in a series of stinging blows from the
giant hand of Microsoft.
Maybe Mac gaming just wasn't meant to
evolve past a certain point. Some of my finest
memories of fifth grade come from the screens
of an Apple II, ancient even then. When it was
raining outside, our class was kept in the Math-
Science room. We gravitated to the two Apple
II monitors and planned our trips to Oregon.
The opening screens, which invited us to give
names to our family members, would be furi-
ously skipped - anything to get out on the trail
and start hunting.
People who would never play video games
today can still remember the hunt - how fast
the squirrels were and how little meat (two
pounds, at most) they offered - and, especially,
how the small crosshairs would wait patiently
in the center of the screen for a bison to slowly
lumber across the open middle.
Not once did we make it to Oregon. Malaria
would kill my family or the recess bell would
ring, but damned if we weren't well-fed.
Forest still plays Breakout on his old Apple
II computer. Let him know your high score.
He can be reached atfcasey@umich.edu.

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