RANDOM STUDENTi NTERVIEW
Random thinks penguins are evil
By Doug Wernert / Magazine Editor
To O.C. or not'
With Superman and Lex Luth
4B Finding a fake
One Daily staffer's
attempt at buy-
ing an ID online,
8B Cast Away
at the p and homW
they can be fixed,
12B The Weekend List
ings around town.
13B The Daily Dish
University H ous-
on dorm life.
and Forest Casey
talk about sex
Lex Luthor debate
16B Setting the bar
arrives on campus
'h T he Michigan Daily: Hi, I'm calling from The
u: Michigan Daily and you've been selected to
do this week's Random Student Interview.
"Are you up for it?
D: OK, great. Hi, how it's going? What's
TMD: OK, so you're definitely up for doing
TMD: Do you even know what this is?
R: Yeah, I've seen it in the newspaper before. I
know what it is.
TMD: Yeah, I'll just ask you a few random
questions. First question: How was your Welcome
R: Welcome Week was awesome. I didn't real-
ly participate though because I'm a junior, and I
don't think it's that cool.
TMD: Right, right. Was it fun to watch the
freshman just stumble around all lost?.
R: Oh my gosh, it's always hilarious, like they
totally don't know what they're doing and they get
all ... I don't want to say the s-word ... they get
like all crap-faced drunk, and it's fun to watch.
TMD: Crap-faced drunk, yes. Now was there
any drunken debauchery on your part?
R: No, not all. I have more fun just watching
than actually participating. That's how I am.
TMD: Have you ever had to give a fake name
to get into a party?
R: Yes, I have. You know what, I tend to give
out fake name and fake phone numbers a lot.
TMD: What's your fake name?
R: My fake name is Denise. I use my middle
name most of the time, or I'll use my friend's
name like Maria or something more exotic.
TMD: So Maria is more exotic than Denise?
R: Hahaha, it's more exotic than Denise, yes.
TMD: What about like Chandelier or some-
R: Haha, oh wow, I haven't tried that one.
TMD: So do you use the fake name and the
fake number to scare off guys?
R: Pretty much. Because I have a boyfriend
and he can be pretty intimidating, so I have to use
some device to keep the guys away.
TMD: All right. So what did you think about
that Notre Dame game?
R: You know what? I actually didn't see the
Notre Dame game, I'm not much of a football fan.
I'm trying to get into it - my boyfriend is help-
ing me - but I don't watch football to tell you
TMD: Do you think the football coach is going
to get fired this week?
R: Oh my gosh, he should get fired. I mean ...
what happened? I heard some pretty bad stories
about what happened - I didn't see it - but he
should get fired.
TMD: Wow, OK. Do you think penguins are
R: Hmmm ... yes, because they live in such a
cold climate, and I'd be cranky if I lived in the
southern region of the world. The cold climate
would make me cranky.
TMD: Did the Batman villain have anything to
do with your opinion?
R: Yeah, he was pretty bad. I didn't like him
that much. He was a bad guy.
TMD: Yes, he was a bad guy. That makes him
R: You're right, you're right.
TMD: Do you think maybe if you saw the
movie "March of the Penguins" or read that kid's
book "Mr. Popper's Penguins" you would have a
R: I think so, but that's more of a kid movie so
they probably delete all the evil penguin scenes.
TMD: What is something evil that a penguin
R: I don't know, like butcher a fish to death or
something, I don't know.
TMD: Hahaha, with their beak?
R: Haha, yeah, like attack the fish or something
crazy like that.
TMD: What was the biggest highlight for you
when you were a freshman? Was it by any chance
using Entree Plus for the first time in the Union?
R: Oh wow. That was big step for me, like I
didn't have to give them any money. I could give
them my card ... and the store downstairs in
Bursley. Just having a store where you live was
completely awesome. That was a big highlight for
me. I wouldn't say the parties. It was more about
TMD: All about having a store, yes, that would
be a highlight. Sheena, don't you wish your girl-
friend was hot like me?
R: Hahahaha, come again?
TMD: Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot
R: No, I wish she was fun.
TMD: Don't you wish your girlfriend was a
freak like me?
R: Oh ... no.
TMD: No? Why not?
R: I'm not into the freaky stuff. I'm more
TMD: Demure, yes. That's a good word. Have
you ever seen that new show on MTV called
"Wild 'N Out?"
R: Oh my gosh, I can not stand that show.
TMD: Why not?
R: I don't know. It's not my thing.
TMD: Well, at the end of the show they always
do a freestyle rap where they diss each other. Can
you do a freestyle line right now dissing me?
R: Oh my gosh.
TMD: Just a few lines. I'll give you a few sec-
onds to think about it.
R: Maybe if you diss me first it will work.
TMD: Oh, OK. Maybe like ... like ... "Hey yo,
Sheena, don't like to get drunk / Don't like "Wild
'N Out," you think Nick Cannon's a punk."
R: Hahaha. What's your name?
TMD: I'm Doug.
R: "Hey Doug, I think you're a slug / Why don't
you go and ... uh ... eat some food at The Brown
TMD: Ohh! Oh, snap!
R: Thank you. I'm an amateur.
TMD: Yeah, I can tell. Well, Sheena, that's all
I got. Is there anything you want to add?
R: No, I'm all set.
TMD: All right. Well, thanks for doing this.
Look for it in the magazine on Thursday.
Let me start by saying that there are guilty plea-
sures in life: "The Real World," Three Doors Down,
an occasional use of the word dope, etc. However,
there is one thing that is just "bizarro" (not in the
offensive way, I love all people), and that is the
excitement seemingly cool guys have for this televi-
sion program "The O.C."
I know guys - not mild-mannered reporters,
mind you - with girlfriends who have sex with
them who planned their last Thursday night around
the season premiere.
That's just a little too femme for me; I think
those "men" should just turn in their testicles and
call themselves eunuchs for the rest of their pathetic
days. It's a TV show, not a hooker, not a Super Bowl
ticket, it's nothing.
Forgive me if I mess up plotlines, but why do peo-
ple care that much about what cokehead Marissa is
doing or who shot Ryan's brother (the only reason I
know this stuff is I talked to some of those sad-sack
men about the show). It would be somewhat accept-
able if Ryan and the crew could act, but not even the
unintentional humor of Sandy's bushy eyebrows can
save the program or the depressing males that live
and die for the show.
Females, you are in the clear, it's been estab-
lished that all of you are at least partially crazy.
Lord knows how many times I've had to save one of
you. It's perfectly acceptable for you to plan large
portions of your lives around irrational items like
fictional characters. To summarize, men that watch
"The O.C." are damn near retarded and definitely in
question of their sexuality.
bicker. I just want to watch Marissa down gallons of
Grey Goose while her mom sleeps with her ex. Most
of all, I just want Sandy Cohen to make everything
I ask no quarter when it comes to "The O.C." I
know the rest of you closet fans (yes guys, there is
a fucking Orange County closet) spend your time
slamming each of the show's fights and squeals
until everyone leaves your house, and you pop in
the Season 2 DVD.
Let your undying love for 45-year-old Ryan
Atwood and his
Set yourself free
thunder (and rig
back from the d
(not a bad place,
sober, let all me
Proud males w
arrived. Pick up
I don't ask for much, but if I want one thing from
my friends, it's to leave me the hell alone when "The
O.C." is on. I don't use hair gel (obviously); I have
no expensive jeans that put my dick in a fashion-
able vice, I just want to watch Summer and Seth
, o .
)t Brec RSER
C, n\ C
Sunday, Sept 25, 9:00 am, Gallup Park
Register on-line: www.questforbreath.org
THE RANDOM STUDENT
INTERVIEW IS A PIECE IN
WHICH A DAILY STAFFER
OPENS THE STUDENT
DIRECTORY AND CALLS
THE FIRST STUDENT PHONE
NUMBER HE SEES. THE
PERSON WHO ANSWERS
THE PHONE IS ASKED TO
BE PART OF A UNIQUE
INTERVIEW WHERE ALL
TOPICS ARE FAIR GAME.
Help us find a cure!
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University of Michigan
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2B - The:Michigan Daily - Thursday, September 15, 2005
The Michigan .Daily