2B - The Michigan Daily - Thursday, January 13, 2005
The Michigan Dail)
Random takes Marlin over Zeus
you callthat abageljwith Adam Rottenberg
SPYING A SUCCESSFUL RETURN
By Evan McGarvey
Daily Arts Writer
The Michigan Daily: Hey! I've got
fantastic news. You've been selected to
do the Random Student Interview for
The Michigan Daily Weekend Maga-
R: Are you serious?
TMD: Yeah! You got like five min-
utes or what?
R: Yeah, I do.
TMD: Fantastic. So how's it going?
R: It's going great.
TMD: Classes? How are they treat-
ing you? What year are you?'
R: I'm a sophomore.
TMD: Oh, dazzling. So did you go
to the Rose Bowl or watch it at all?
R: I watched it on TV. I was really
sad that Michigan lost.
TMD: Why were you sad?
R: Because I thought we should have
won and we played really well until the
TMD: But we lost.
R: I know we lost.
TMD: So wasn't that whole playing
well thing more of a spectacular fail-
R: I guess.
TMD: Ok, fair enough. So how do
you feel about people who scream in
R: Like in college or in high
TMD: We're looking for a college
kid. Like have you ever seen any awk-
ward kids in West Quad screaming
Lil' Jon catchphrases at the top of his
TMD: Well, you should make an
appointment to hang out there. It's
pretty sweet. So Michael Phelps:
Huge-eared freak with a goofy smile
or a potential beer pong partner? You
R: Potential beer pong partner.
TMD: Do you think he'd use those
long freakish arms to help you win or
do you think his gold medals would
accidentally knock over all the cups,
causing a party foul?
R: I think he'd help me win by chug-
ging all the beer. I think he'd be really
good, considering the DUI and all
TMD: That's an excellent point. He
does enjoy the drink. So who's hotter:
Jessica Alba or Gertrude Stein?
R: I don't know who Gertrude Stein
TMD: She's like one of the most
famous modernist poets ever. She's
R: I have no idea who that is.
TMD: You know poetry? Like peo-
ple write things in verse?
R: I'm an engineer.
TMD: So I guess letters aren't really
R: No, they are. I'm in English, too.
TMD: Oh, that's good. So what's
your favorite position?
R: Excuse me?
TMD: Favorite position.
R: Like ... in sports?
TMD: Just favorite position.
R: I don't know. I played center field
all throughout high school.
TMD: What sport?
TMD: That's just super. What was
your batting average?
R: Somewhere around .300.
TMD: Wow, you'd be in the Hall of
R: I was OK.
TMD: Did you hear about the orang-
utan that was loose in Angell Hall?
R: No, I didn't. That's cool though.
TMD: I was talking to some News
kids and they said there was a physi-
cal anthropology professor and he was
taking down some samples and he had
an orangutan in a cage and it broke out
of his car and like ran into Angell Hall.
So now professors are telling people
not to eat any bananas or pungent fruit
because the orangutan is loose in the
heat vents, and, if it smells the fruit, it
might drop out of the vent and possibly
get into all these mischievous adven-
tures and take your banana.
R: Haha, that's really funny.
TMD: Do you think you're going to
rearrange your schedule based on this
R: I'd like to see it, but I don't have
any classes on Central Campus.
TMD: If you could give the orang-
utan a name, what would it be?
R: Um ... I'd call it Orange.
TMD: Orange? Wow, you are an
engineer. Not a lot of creativity.
R: Because of like orange ... orang-
TMD: Shouldn't you be like build-
ing a bridge or something?
R: Well, I could build a device to
find the orangutan.
TMD: Whoa! Why don't you get
right on that?
R: Maybe I should.
TMD: So who's your favorite Greco-
R: Greco-Roman what?
TMD: Deity. It's also a god. They're
a level above humans and usually have
R: Oh. Does it have to be a guy or a
girl? Because I always say Zeus.
TMD: No, that's great. So who do
you think would win in a fight: Marlin
Jackson or Zeus?
R: Marlin Jackson because he goes
TMD: But Zeus throws lightning
bolts and he's the father of all the
R: If he started throwing lightning
bolts then it would be close, but I'd still
say Marlin Jackson.
TMD: Sound like you're really
happy to go here.
R: I do. I love it here. I'm in the
marching band, too.
TMD: That's fantastic. So's my
roommate. You guys should go out
some time. He's tall and awkward and
he wears glasses and he doesn't get out
a lot. That's pretty unique in the march-
ing band, right?
TMD: OK, what's cooler: Ugg boots
R: Ugg boots?
R: Because I like to wear Ugg
TMD: So you're not into wearing
R: Haha, no.
TMD: Are Uggs the new porn?
R: No, I'm happy when I wear
TMD: That's fantastic. So what
would you do if your dad said some-
thing that was really sexually charged,
like if he said he was going to "skeet,
skeet" over dinner. Would you correct
him or just grimace and let it slide?
R: I don't know. I think I would
probably let it slide.
TMD: OK, last question. Give me a
cheap, low-budget porn scenario that's
completely unique to the University of
Michigan - like could happen any-
where on campus. Now I don't want
you to be foul - this is a family paper.
I just want the lead-up.
R: Hmmm ... well, I really want to
meet Michael Phelps, and I'd like to
meet the quarterback ... Chad Henne,
so I think it would be a girl's fantasy to
be with both of them at the same time
on the football field.
TMD: Well, all I have to say to that
is "Go Blue!" So as a joke, do you think
people call Chad Henne "Chad Penne"
and then call him "Pasta Boy?"
R: No, that's not that funny.
TMD: Do you think they might call
him Chad Penne and then told him
to put some marinara sauce on that?
That's a pretty good comeback, right?
R: Haha, I think that's really nerdy.
TMD: My mom said it was cool!
TMD: Well, you're clearly too cool
for me. Thanks for doing this. Look for
it in Weekend Magazine.
R: OK, thank you.
Bob Hunt: The
the power of
fun to the
Ann Arbor's for-
Bell Tower rings in
time at the 'U'
Adam Burns: It's
OK to ignore you
The Weekend List
Work gives Art
Alien vs. Predator
Gross in millions of dollars
1. Meet the Fockers (28.4)
- Barbra Streisand plays ... wait for
it ... wait for it ... the motherfocker.
2. White Noise (24.1) - Looks
like Michael Keaton didn't fall off
the face of the earth after all.
3. The Aviator (7.49) - Mr.
Burns was a much better Howard
Hughes than Leonardo DiCaprio.
4. Lemony Snicket's a Series
of Unfortunate Events (7.43)
- Don't blame Jim Carrey - you'd
be in this too if you were offered
5. Fat Albert (5.7) - Since when
was Albert Brooks ever obese?
6. Ocean's Twelve (5.3) - There
once was a time when Steven
Soderbergh made good movies. If
you don't believe us, we're sure it
was a cornerstone on "I Love the
7. Spanglish (4.25) - An
Adam Sandler movie without Rob
Schneider - well, there's a first time
8. National Treasure (4.2)
- Apparently, the sequel will focus
on stealing Monica's stained dress.
9. The Phantom of the Opera
(3.4) - Featuring such megastars as
that Scottish dude from the "Tomb
10. The Life Aquatic with Steve
Zissou (2.7) - You know it's Oscar
season when Bill Murray plays
another depressed, middle-aged
guy looking for redemption.
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prove the series' merits.' Yet after to compete with powerhouses CBS series. Imagine if 6ther struggling
a subst andard third season, the and NBC. FIled to dhe brim with shows redharged their batteries i~n
outlook for the future of the series unevtntful reaity shows and inof- the same fashion. "The West Wing"
was bleakt I held my hopes back, fensive sitcoms such as.the brutally anyone? Additionally, the no rerun
but ence those promos began their bad."According to Jhmn" demon- strategy plays into the new ways
constara barrage on audiences, I .strative of the iietwork at its worst, that viewers watch television.
was back on the banwagon, And 1 ABC.w.s...dire raits and kept In the age of TiVo and .TV ..
was not disappointed. "Alias" alive because it was the 'DV9D, serialized shows are easier
As a fan of "Alias," a show that sole source of critical praise for the to follow than ever (ask any of
requires fervent viewing, I was alphabet. ''."my friends how I feel about iVe,
left with a slimmer fall TV sched- 'With Alias" off iheair, ABC and they will probably warn you
nle than usual when ABC decided put its promotional force behind that it may ause me to rave for
to hold back the new season until two equally captivating serial dra- hours t But the greatest asset of
midseason (Fox adopted a similar mas: "Desperate Housewives" and, these new technologies is that it
strategy for "24.7 another serial- more importantly, the ,.J. A brams makes it nearly impossible to miss
ized, espionage -themed drania) creation."Losu." Whereas "Alias" out on showis. With the extra time
By saving the series premiere until struggled out of the gates, "House- -between seasons, tAlias's" third
January, the network would be able wives".thrived in ihsold thueslot season hit the market before the
to run new episodes for the rest of and "Lost" became a water cooler new season launched. I'm sure the
the season without having to air a sensation. marketing blitz, cushy time slot
single repeat. When it became apparent that and time4y UV~s led to the huge
I understood the move hut was the series was losing its timeslot premiere ratings, but the view-
still disappointed. One' of my to."Housewives," she, spot after ers need to stay for the long run
favorite shows was MIA for most "Lost" became the most obvious on this captivating and intriguing
of the year and there w asn't much place for the spy thriller to call its series to keep it on the air. It's
on the air to fill the void. Yet, in~ new home. Since Abrams now had good to have 'tAtia?' back.
retrospect, the networkimposedi a legitimate hit in place, 'Alias"
<hiatus may have actually benefited could reap the benefits of a strong - Adam realty needs to stop
the series that I selfishly missed. lead-in and a buzz-worthy creaton. watching so much TV If you
When "Alias" was last seen, it And though that stupid commercial hare a suggestion on how to ger
was still struggling to attract an with the awful Lenny Kravitz song him off his couch ,e-mail him at
audience in spite of its cult follow- aired approximately 6,QO0 1times ar tren wwichedu.
Daiiy Arts Mix Tape
E NOISE REDUCTION
Writers: Katie Marie Gates,
Puja Kumar, Dan Marchese,
Evan McGarvey, Kathryn Rice,
Amanda R. Shapin, Doug
Wernert, Sarah Zarowny
Photo Editors: Elise Bergman,
Tony Ding, Ryan Weiner
Photographers: Jason Cooper,
Alexander Dziadosz, Ashley
Harper, Shubra Ohri, All
Olsen, Peter Schottenfels
Cover Art: Jacob Nathan
Arts Editors: Jason Roberts,
Adam Rottenberg, Editor
Editor in Chief: Jordan Schrader
Are you being led on and
spun around by a certain
someone? Have you tasted
bitter re'ection but still
won't quit pursuing? Patiently
waiting for them fo break up
with their actual significant
other? Nervously writhing
from jealousy? Never fear,
this mix tap understands
your woes, your ining, your
determination. So when all
your friends (and random
acquaintances in your
classes ... and your parents)
are sick of hearing about
it, this mix will provide the
empathetic soundtrack to
all of your obsess-worthy
- Kathryn Bawden
1. Man In A Shed - Nick
2. 100,000 Fireflies - Mag-
3. California Stars - billy
Bragg and Wilco
4. Slip Away - Clarence Carter
5. The Boy With the Thorn in
His Side - The Smiths
6. Honey, Just Allow Me One
More Chance - Bob Dylan
7. I Am Waiting - The Rolling
8. rllBe Your Mirror - The
9. Jellybones - Unicorns
10. Alone Again Or - Love
1. Outta My Head - M. Ward
2.. Little. Triggers- Elvis.-.
3. Tired of Waiting for You .
- The Kinks
.4. Buckets. of Rain - ob Dylan
5. Je Ne TAime Pius - Manu
6. Where bid You Sleep Last
Night - Leadbelly
7. God Only Knows - The Beach
8. Zurich Is Stained - Pave-
9. Living Life - Daniel Johnston
10. Queen Bitch - David Bowie