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April 08, 2004 - Image 16

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Text
Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 2004-04-08

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6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekenldiaifel- - Thursday, April 8, 2004

The Michigan Daily - Weekend Iaga

THERE OUGHT

(NOT)

TO

BE A LAW

i"m
°?
rm. I'Z

Laws are created to protect the
public, but what about the laws that
are so outdated and ridiculous they
seem to be completely ignored? The
state of Michigan has quite a large
collection of absurd and amusing
laws that, for the most part, have
practically been forgotten.
These laws range from the lan-
guage people can use to the way they
can style their hair. While almost
every state has a collection of strange
laws, Michigan has a particularly
large number dealing with sex and
animals.
A few of the many laws on animals
in Michigan include that it is illegal
to have alligators tied to fire hydrants
and that in Detroit you may not let
your pig run free without a ring in its,
nose. It is important to remember:
when visiting Wayland that for three
cents a day anyone can keep their
cow on Main Street. However, in
Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to
sleep with many of his animals
including pigs, cows, horses, goats,
and chickens. It is also against the
law to paint sparrows and sell them:

as parakeets.
Michigan residents in relationships
should realize there are laws regard-
ing boyfriends and girlfriends that
must be followed. For all those men
who like to sing, bear in mind, it is
illegal to serenade your girlfriend.
As well, girls should remember that
if they do not ask their husbands for
permission to cut their hair they are
breaking the law. And lastly, if you
decide to have sex in an automobile,
make sure it is parked on your prop-
erty; otherwise it is illegal.
For singles, it is important to keep
in mind that a man who either is
involved in mutual masturbation or
solitary masturbation, in public or
private, can be sentenced to five
years in prison. It may be hard to
enforce, but it is still a written law.
One outdated law that many are
familiar with is that it is illegal to
swear in public, specifically in front
of women and children. Recently, a
case was brought to the courts
involving this law.
"About a year ago a guy was
canoeing and fell out of his boat and

he cussed and a woman decided to
sue him. He was found guilty,
appealed it and then reversed it on
appeal" said Melvin Raznick, an
attorney in Southfield.
Other amusing laws include Ponti-
ac's ordinance that bars drinking soda
from any type of bag.
In Michigan, anyone older than 12
is legally allowed to own a handgun
if he has not been convicted of a
felony. If a robber is injured while in
your house, he can file a law suit
against you.
While many of these laws are not
relevant today, in the past they were
created for a reason and many served
a purpose when Michigan was mostly
farmland. For example, pigs may run
free if they have a ring because pigs
are unable to "root" in the ground for
food and destroy farmland if they
have a ring in their nose.
"These laws are ridiculous and
laws should strictly be kept for seri-
ous offenses," commented Raznick.
While the state no longer enforces
these laws, they remain on the books
- long-forgotten and insignificant.

m

ABOVE: Betsy was always Jealous of her sister's notoriety since the Chicago fire.
LEFT: All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others, and chickens an
TOP LEFT: After Charlotte left, Wilbur roamed the streets in search of a cheap fix.
TOP RIGHT: Alligators have a pointier snout than crocodiles and taste like chicken.

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