S 0 1 0 -4 6B - The Michigan Daily - Weekenldiaifel- - Thursday, April 8, 2004 The Michigan Daily - Weekend Iaga THERE OUGHT (NOT) TO BE A LAW i"m °? rm. I'Z Laws are created to protect the public, but what about the laws that are so outdated and ridiculous they seem to be completely ignored? The state of Michigan has quite a large collection of absurd and amusing laws that, for the most part, have practically been forgotten. These laws range from the lan- guage people can use to the way they can style their hair. While almost every state has a collection of strange laws, Michigan has a particularly large number dealing with sex and animals. A few of the many laws on animals in Michigan include that it is illegal to have alligators tied to fire hydrants and that in Detroit you may not let your pig run free without a ring in its, nose. It is important to remember: when visiting Wayland that for three cents a day anyone can keep their cow on Main Street. However, in Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to sleep with many of his animals including pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. It is also against the law to paint sparrows and sell them: as parakeets. Michigan residents in relationships should realize there are laws regard- ing boyfriends and girlfriends that must be followed. For all those men who like to sing, bear in mind, it is illegal to serenade your girlfriend. As well, girls should remember that if they do not ask their husbands for permission to cut their hair they are breaking the law. And lastly, if you decide to have sex in an automobile, make sure it is parked on your prop- erty; otherwise it is illegal. For singles, it is important to keep in mind that a man who either is involved in mutual masturbation or solitary masturbation, in public or private, can be sentenced to five years in prison. It may be hard to enforce, but it is still a written law. One outdated law that many are familiar with is that it is illegal to swear in public, specifically in front of women and children. Recently, a case was brought to the courts involving this law. "About a year ago a guy was canoeing and fell out of his boat and he cussed and a woman decided to sue him. He was found guilty, appealed it and then reversed it on appeal" said Melvin Raznick, an attorney in Southfield. Other amusing laws include Ponti- ac's ordinance that bars drinking soda from any type of bag. In Michigan, anyone older than 12 is legally allowed to own a handgun if he has not been convicted of a felony. If a robber is injured while in your house, he can file a law suit against you. While many of these laws are not relevant today, in the past they were created for a reason and many served a purpose when Michigan was mostly farmland. For example, pigs may run free if they have a ring because pigs are unable to "root" in the ground for food and destroy farmland if they have a ring in their nose. "These laws are ridiculous and laws should strictly be kept for seri- ous offenses," commented Raznick. While the state no longer enforces these laws, they remain on the books - long-forgotten and insignificant. m ABOVE: Betsy was always Jealous of her sister's notoriety since the Chicago fire. LEFT: All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others, and chickens an TOP LEFT: After Charlotte left, Wilbur roamed the streets in search of a cheap fix. TOP RIGHT: Alligators have a pointier snout than crocodiles and taste like chicken.