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148 - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, December 5, 2002
A guide to who's where, Thursday, Dec. 5
what's hap ening and why through
you nee to be there ... Wednesday, Dec.11
Films opening Oil
The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine
4T * -
Analyze That Advertised as a comedy,
it seems more like a nostalgia piece;
will make you remember when Billy
Crystal used to be funny and when
DeNiro still held some credibility as an
actor. Nostalgia. At Madstone: 12:00,
12:30, 2:20, 2:50, 3:20, 4:40, 5:10,
5:40, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:30, 10:00,
10:30, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:05
(Fri. and Sat.), 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.)
Empire Okay, Treach has acted before,
but Fat Joe? Fat Joe?! Does every hip-
8 Crazy Nights A Holiday film for
that Festival of Lights which some-
times gets overlooked in favor of
another holiday. Okay, not some-
times, all the time. Anyway, time to
light the menorah. At Showcase:
11:35, 12:05, 1:20, 1:50, 3:40,
5:30, 7:35, 9:35, 11:15 (Fri.:and
Sat.) 3 stars
8 Mile I don't care what people say,
Eminem does not play himself in this
film. You know that hooded sweat-
shirt Jimmy wears during his first
battle? Marshall never owned that.
At Showcase: 11:50, 2:15, 4:35,
6:55, 9:10, 11:45 (Fri. and Sat.) 4
Citizen Kane Rosebud is Charlie's
boyhood sled. At Madstone: 2:00,
4:30, 7:00, 9:30
Die Another Day How does Bond get
women with these lines? Seriously! I
tried using that "what a nice view"
line once and I didn't get Halle
Berry, I got a slap in the face. If only
I were British. At Showcase: 10:45,
1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:15, 6:40, 7:10,
8:00, 9:25, 9:55, 12:10 (Fri. and
Sat.), 12:40 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars
Emperor's Club There's actually a
scene where Kevin Kline goes to the
edge of the ring and tags his part-
ner, Robin Williams, who then takes
center stage inspiring young minds
and teaching us all another hearty
lesson. At Showcase: 1:40, 4:20,
6:45, 9:05, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.) 3
Extreme Ops So let me get this
straight, Showcase Ann Arbor, I can
either see this movie right before
lunch or right before I go to bed. I
think I'll choose ... neither. At
Showcase: 11:30, 10:35 1 star
Friday After Next One may be the
loneliest number but Saturday has
to be the loneliest day. Come on,
Cube, show us a little more week-
end. At Showcase: 11:10, 1:10,
3:15, 5:25, 8:10, 10:10, 12:15 (Fri.
and Sat.) 3 stars
Harry Potter and the Chamber of
Secrets The next Harry Potter film
includes a graphic scene of Harry
and Ron laying down on side-by-side
diving boards pleasuring them-
selves. Cuaron is a master. At
Showcase: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45,
3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 6:30, 7:30, 9:45,
11:00 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars
My Big Fat Greek Wedding Enough
skirting the issue, I systematically
hate everyone who has seen this
hopper really think he can act?
Somehow, DMX is to blame for all this.
At Showcase: 10:40, 12:50, 3:05,
5:15, 7:25, 9:40, 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.)
Equilibrium Christian Bale is the best
actor working today that's not getting
his due; so cool and collected, the
man makes films like "Reign of Fire"
and "American Psycho." We'll just for-
get about "Shaft 2000." At
Showcase: 12:10, 2:30, 5:00, 7:20,
9:50, 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.)
movie more than once. You can't tell
me that it's that good. "Oh, but it's
funny." Shut the hell up! At
Madstone: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10,
9:10 At Showcase: 6:50, 9:00,
11:10 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars
Real Women Have Curves Movies
sure can teach us stupid, ignorant
masses a lot about living our lives
the moral way and loving women for
who they really are on the inside.
Thank you, movie magic. At
Madstone: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05,
9:05 3 stars
The Ring Ooh, my precious. My pre-
cious. Am I talking about "the ring"
or Naomi Watts? Does it matter? At
Showcase: 12:25, 2:55, 5:20, 7:55,
10:20, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 1/2
The Santa Clause 2 You thought he
would have read the fine print after
that first reading error he made a
couple years back but no, Kris
Kringle ain't that smart, kiddies.
Hanukkah Harry always reads the
fine print, after he puts his reading
glasses on. At Showcase: 10:30,
12:35, 2:45, 4:55, 7:05, 9:15,
11:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 1.5 stars
Solaris Heaven? Solaris? Some
other world? Whatever the solution
might be, I do know that I never
want to see Clooney's ass for that
long of time again in my life. At
Madstone: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15,
9:15 At Showcase: 11:00, 1:15,
3:25, 5:35, 8:05, 10:15, 12:25 (Fri.
and Sat.) 4 stars
Spirited Away In honor of my last
time formally putting this section
together, one last 4:20 joke: if one
film deserves a 4:20 showing, it is
this anime adventure. Thank you,
thank you very much. At Madstone:
1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30 4 stars
Standing in the Shadows of Motown
You can't fake the funk on a nasty
dunk. Motown taught me that. At
Madstone: 1:15, 3:30, 7:15, 9:30 4
They Did it involve the F-word? At
Showcase: 11:25, 1:35, 3:35, 5:45,
7:50, 10:05, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.)
Treasure Planet Yo Disney, stick
to the Pixar. Your regular animat-
ed features just don't cut it any-
more. A harsh but honest fact. At
Madstone: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00,
7:00, 9:00 At Showcase: 10:35,
11:40, 12:40, 1:45, 2:45, 3:50,
4:50, 6:00, 7:00, 9:20, 11:20
(Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars
How to find great gifts
Compiled by Rebecca Ramsey
Daily Arts Writer
ith the lights already glimmering on Main Street, it's
easy to see the holiday season is in full swing. But with
only a couple of nights of Hanukkah left, and finals
looming ahead, it can be hard to find the time and sanity to bu
the perfect presents. Weekend has found great gift ideas from loc
vendors sure to make anyone #happy. These are a few of our
favorite things ...
You can guess where Bobby is threatening to shove those. Courtesy of Warner Bros.
U-M Visiting Writers Series A poetry
reading by Rick Hilles, whose poems
have appeared in Poetry, The Nation,
The New Republic and The Paris
Review. 5 p.m. U-M Business School,
D1270 Davidson Hall, 701 Tappan.
'W' and BW: Rethinking the Biological
Warfare Problem Science historian
Susan Wright discusses the conclusions
of her new book, "Biological Warfare
and Disarmament: New Problems/New
Perspectives." Book signing at Shaman
Drum follows. 4 p.m. 2239 Lane Hall,
204 S. State. Free. 764-9537.
Ann Arbor Poetry Slam Slam, two open
mic sessions and featured poet Sekou
"Tha Misfit" from Los Angeles, current
holder of the National Individual Slam
Poet title. 8 p.m. The Heidelberg
Rathskeller, 215 N. Main. $4. 426-
Bowling for Columbine Charlton Heston
deserved it but I'm not so sure about
Dick Clark. Still, they both come off as
famous assholes. State Theater 7 & 9:30
Far From Heaven I don't know why
President Palmer was doing garden work
back in the '50s but he needs to get
back in LA and take care of this terrorist
situation. Michigan Theater 7 & 9:15
Frida Last screening before leaving Ann
Arbor so don't miss it. Or do. State
Theater 6:45 & 9:15 p.m.
Higher Education A funny, informative
documentary on the history and present
state of marijuana in Ann Arbor, as direct-
ed by a Michigan student. State Theater
Brad's Dead Fish Vroom-vroom! My room-
mate killed my fish freshman year. He
poured beer in its bowl ... then he let it
drive. RIP MR. BUBBLES Blind Pig, 208
S. First St., 10 p.m. $4 ($6 under 21).
Mary Lee's Corvette Better than Suse
Ann's Focus, not quite up there with
Betty Joe's Impala. The Ark, 36 S. Main
St. 8 p.m. $11. 761-1451.
Lust: Staircase Nectarines are delicious.
That's all. The Necto. 516 E. Liberty St.,
9 p.m. $8 ($10 under 21). 994-5835.
The Ron Brooks Trio RB3000 sounds
like an evil Star Wars robot. Hmm ... Bird
of Paradise 312 S. Main St., 9 p.m. $5.
Man Of La Mancha The Performance
Network brings this musical based on
Cervantes' Don Quixote, a tale of hope,
true love and fantasy. 8 p.m.,
Performance Network, 120 E. Huron
St., $22.50; 663-0681.
Hamlet University Productions brings
this Shakespearean play to the Power
Center. This production emphasizes
Hamlet's inner turmoil and suffering, to
help contemporary audiences more
strongly relate to this timeless classic.
8 p.m., Power Center, $8-20; 734-764-
Bowling for Columbine See Thursday.
State Theater 7 & 9:30 p.m.
Far From Heaven See Thursday. State
Theater 6:45 & 9:15 p.m.
The Last Kiss An Italian film with a pret-
ty nice website which told me a lot of
information about the film but all in, you
guessed it, Italian. Michigan Theater 5
Naqoyqatsi The third in a series of films I
can neither spell nor pronounce. But they
still look and sound cool. Michigan
Theater 7:30 & 9:45 p.m.
Domestic Problems Are these the guys'
that play the Sesame Street song? Or is
that Under Construction? Oh well,
either way. Blind Pig, 208 S. First St.,
10 p.m. $4 ($6 under 21). 996-8588.
Althea Rene and D.D. Jackson This is
subtitled "Happy Jazzy Friday." Isn't
everyday at the Bird...jazzy? Bird of
Paradise. 312 S. Main St., 5:30 p.m.
and 9 p.m. $10-15. 662-8310.
Pride - DJ Timmy D Timmy D? Isn't he
on "Sopranos?" Didn't he get whacked
for eating Tony's Danish? The Necto.
516 E. Liberty St., 9 p.m. $5 ($8 under
Handel's Messiah This classicaoratorio
has been performed annually at UMS
since the Choral Union's founding in
1879, and this beloved Ann Arbor tradi-
tion kicks off a weekend of holiday con-
certs. 8 p.m., The Michigan Theatre,
Man Of La Mancha See Thursday, 11
a.m. and 8 p.m., $27.50.
Hamlet See Thursday.
With more DMB posters than you can shake a stick at.
aJb! W£ibigrnx 1aifg
Writers: David Enders, Joseph
Litman,sMegan Murray, Neal Pais and
Photo Editor: David Katz
Photographers: Patrick Jones
Rebecca Sahn, Ryan Weiner, Alyssa
Cover Photo: Rebecca Sahn
Arts Editors: Luke Smith, Managing
Editor, Jeff Dickerson, Associate ditor
Editor in Chief: Jon Schwartz
Encore Studio for Hair, Skin &Nails
With the cold wind nipping at her nose, treat her
to a pampering session. Encore Studio For Hair,
Skin & Nails offers gift certificates.
Located at: 407 N. Fifth Ave. 663-9344
Cosmopolitan 101 $24.99
She'll have fun watching the new season of Sex
and the City while drinking a sophisticated cocktail.
Borders sells this kit, complete with drink mix, CD,
glass rimming sugar and 25-card drink guide.
Martini and Margarita mixes are also available.
Located at: 612 E. Liberty St. 668-7652
Silver Jewelr Box $12-$18
Instead of splurging on a pair of fancy earrings,
why not give her something to put the earrings in?
The Earport sells small silver boxes that can be
engraved with her initials. Engravings can be done
at Schlanderer Jewelers next door and cost around
$25. If you are interested in engraving, get there
soon. It often takes between a week and 10 days.
Located at: 1103 S. University St. 996-5999
The Thymes Bath Products
$14.95 - $27.95
Give her the gift of luxuriousness with an assort-
ment of bath oils, soaps and lotions. Sold individu-
ally or as a set. Choose from scents such as euca-
lyptus or olive leaf. We recommend the lavender.
Located at: 1209 S. University St. 769-1488
Middle Earth has it all. For girls, bath products. For guys, a t-shi
Posters $10 - $40
Framing $15 - $35
Beyond the Wall
Beyond the Wall sells movie posters and
art prints that can be framed and will make
his room look liveable.
Located at: 1205 S. University 663-2434
Video Games, New and Used
The Record Exchange
What guy wouldn't love this gift? The
Record Exchange is the only place on campus
to buy new games for Playstation 2, X Box
and Gamecube. Or, show a lot of love by giv-
ing him a nostalgic game for Nintendo.
Located at: 1203 S. University 997-9211
Four Seasons Perfume
Help him smell good enough to stand under
your mistletoe with a bottle of cologne. At Four
Seasons Perfume, you can choose from a variety
of name-brand scents or have them obtain that
hard-to-find cologne that he (or you) loves.
Located at: 615 E. Liberty St. 913-4331
Beer Pong Kit
He'll be able to perfect his game with this
set from Urban Outfitters. It comes with a
miniature table, net, 1 ball and paddles.
Located at: 231 State St. 994-5500
Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16:827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380;
Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are
effective for Saturday and Sunday only.