0 0 .. 0 148 - The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine - Thursday, December 5, 2002 A guide to who's where, Thursday, Dec. 5 what's hap ening and why through you nee to be there ... Wednesday, Dec.11 Films opening Oil The Michigan Daily - Weekend Magazine 4T * - Analyze That Advertised as a comedy, it seems more like a nostalgia piece; will make you remember when Billy Crystal used to be funny and when DeNiro still held some credibility as an actor. Nostalgia. At Madstone: 12:00, 12:30, 2:20, 2:50, 3:20, 4:40, 5:10, 5:40, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:30, 10:00, 10:30, 11:35 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:05 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.) Empire Okay, Treach has acted before, but Fat Joe? Fat Joe?! Does every hip- Films I 8 Crazy Nights A Holiday film for that Festival of Lights which some- times gets overlooked in favor of another holiday. Okay, not some- times, all the time. Anyway, time to light the menorah. At Showcase: 11:35, 12:05, 1:20, 1:50, 3:40, 5:30, 7:35, 9:35, 11:15 (Fri.:and Sat.) 3 stars 8 Mile I don't care what people say, Eminem does not play himself in this film. You know that hooded sweat- shirt Jimmy wears during his first battle? Marshall never owned that. At Showcase: 11:50, 2:15, 4:35, 6:55, 9:10, 11:45 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars Citizen Kane Rosebud is Charlie's boyhood sled. At Madstone: 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30 Die Another Day How does Bond get women with these lines? Seriously! I tried using that "what a nice view" line once and I didn't get Halle Berry, I got a slap in the face. If only I were British. At Showcase: 10:45, 1:00, 1:30, 3:45, 4:15, 6:40, 7:10, 8:00, 9:25, 9:55, 12:10 (Fri. and Sat.), 12:40 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars Emperor's Club There's actually a scene where Kevin Kline goes to the edge of the ring and tags his part- ner, Robin Williams, who then takes center stage inspiring young minds and teaching us all another hearty lesson. At Showcase: 1:40, 4:20, 6:45, 9:05, 11:30 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars Extreme Ops So let me get this straight, Showcase Ann Arbor, I can either see this movie right before lunch or right before I go to bed. I think I'll choose ... neither. At Showcase: 11:30, 10:35 1 star Friday After Next One may be the loneliest number but Saturday has to be the loneliest day. Come on, Cube, show us a little more week- end. At Showcase: 11:10, 1:10, 3:15, 5:25, 8:10, 10:10, 12:15 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets The next Harry Potter film includes a graphic scene of Harry and Ron laying down on side-by-side diving boards pleasuring them- selves. Cuaron is a master. At Showcase: 11:45, 12:15, 12:45, 3:00, 3:30, 4:00, 6:30, 7:30, 9:45, 11:00 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars My Big Fat Greek Wedding Enough skirting the issue, I systematically hate everyone who has seen this h hopper really think he can act? Somehow, DMX is to blame for all this. At Showcase: 10:40, 12:50, 3:05, 5:15, 7:25, 9:40, 12:00 (Fri. and Sat.) Equilibrium Christian Bale is the best actor working today that's not getting his due; so cool and collected, the man makes films like "Reign of Fire" and "American Psycho." We'll just for- get about "Shaft 2000." At Showcase: 12:10, 2:30, 5:00, 7:20, 9:50, 12:20 (Fri. and Sat.) folding movie more than once. You can't tell me that it's that good. "Oh, but it's funny." Shut the hell up! At Madstone: 1:10, 3:10, 5:10, 7:10, 9:10 At Showcase: 6:50, 9:00, 11:10 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars Real Women Have Curves Movies sure can teach us stupid, ignorant masses a lot about living our lives the moral way and loving women for who they really are on the inside. Thank you, movie magic. At Madstone: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 3 stars The Ring Ooh, my precious. My pre- cious. Am I talking about "the ring" or Naomi Watts? Does it matter? At Showcase: 12:25, 2:55, 5:20, 7:55, 10:20, 12:35 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 1/2 stars The Santa Clause 2 You thought he would have read the fine print after that first reading error he made a couple years back but no, Kris Kringle ain't that smart, kiddies. Hanukkah Harry always reads the fine print, after he puts his reading glasses on. At Showcase: 10:30, 12:35, 2:45, 4:55, 7:05, 9:15, 11:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 1.5 stars Solaris Heaven? Solaris? Some other world? Whatever the solution might be, I do know that I never want to see Clooney's ass for that long of time again in my life. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 At Showcase: 11:00, 1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 8:05, 10:15, 12:25 (Fri. and Sat.) 4 stars Spirited Away In honor of my last time formally putting this section together, one last 4:20 joke: if one film deserves a 4:20 showing, it is this anime adventure. Thank you, thank you very much. At Madstone: 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30 4 stars Standing in the Shadows of Motown You can't fake the funk on a nasty dunk. Motown taught me that. At Madstone: 1:15, 3:30, 7:15, 9:30 4 stars They Did it involve the F-word? At Showcase: 11:25, 1:35, 3:35, 5:45, 7:50, 10:05, 12:30 (Fri. and Sat.) Treasure Planet Yo Disney, stick to the Pixar. Your regular animat- ed features just don't cut it any- more. A harsh but honest fact. At Madstone: 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, 9:00 At Showcase: 10:35, 11:40, 12:40, 1:45, 2:45, 3:50, 4:50, 6:00, 7:00, 9:20, 11:20 (Fri. and Sat.) 3 stars our to holiday shopp ing guide local How to find great gifts near campus Compiled by Rebecca Ramsey Daily Arts Writer ith the lights already glimmering on Main Street, it's easy to see the holiday season is in full swing. But with only a couple of nights of Hanukkah left, and finals looming ahead, it can be hard to find the time and sanity to bu the perfect presents. Weekend has found great gift ideas from loc vendors sure to make anyone #happy. These are a few of our favorite things ... C"" You can guess where Bobby is threatening to shove those. Courtesy of Warner Bros. al ThursdaV BOOKS U-M Visiting Writers Series A poetry reading by Rick Hilles, whose poems have appeared in Poetry, The Nation, The New Republic and The Paris Review. 5 p.m. U-M Business School, D1270 Davidson Hall, 701 Tappan. Free. 615-3710. 'W' and BW: Rethinking the Biological Warfare Problem Science historian Susan Wright discusses the conclusions of her new book, "Biological Warfare and Disarmament: New Problems/New Perspectives." Book signing at Shaman Drum follows. 4 p.m. 2239 Lane Hall, 204 S. State. Free. 764-9537. Ann Arbor Poetry Slam Slam, two open mic sessions and featured poet Sekou "Tha Misfit" from Los Angeles, current holder of the National Individual Slam Poet title. 8 p.m. The Heidelberg Rathskeller, 215 N. Main. $4. 426- 3451. CAMPUS CINEMA Bowling for Columbine Charlton Heston deserved it but I'm not so sure about Dick Clark. Still, they both come off as famous assholes. State Theater 7 & 9:30 p.m. Far From Heaven I don't know why President Palmer was doing garden work back in the '50s but he needs to get back in LA and take care of this terrorist situation. Michigan Theater 7 & 9:15 p.m. Frida Last screening before leaving Ann Arbor so don't miss it. Or do. State Theater 6:45 & 9:15 p.m. Higher Education A funny, informative documentary on the history and present state of marijuana in Ann Arbor, as direct- ed by a Michigan student. State Theater Midnight MUSIC Brad's Dead Fish Vroom-vroom! My room- mate killed my fish freshman year. He poured beer in its bowl ... then he let it drive. RIP MR. BUBBLES Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., 10 p.m. $4 ($6 under 21). 996-8588. Mary Lee's Corvette Better than Suse Ann's Focus, not quite up there with Betty Joe's Impala. The Ark, 36 S. Main St. 8 p.m. $11. 761-1451. Lust: Staircase Nectarines are delicious. That's all. The Necto. 516 E. Liberty St., 9 p.m. $8 ($10 under 21). 994-5835. The Ron Brooks Trio RB3000 sounds like an evil Star Wars robot. Hmm ... Bird of Paradise 312 S. Main St., 9 p.m. $5. 662-8310. THEATER Man Of La Mancha The Performance Network brings this musical based on Cervantes' Don Quixote, a tale of hope, true love and fantasy. 8 p.m., Performance Network, 120 E. Huron St., $22.50; 663-0681. Hamlet University Productions brings this Shakespearean play to the Power Center. This production emphasizes Hamlet's inner turmoil and suffering, to help contemporary audiences more strongly relate to this timeless classic. 8 p.m., Power Center, $8-20; 734-764- 2538. Friday CAMPUS CINEMA Bowling for Columbine See Thursday. State Theater 7 & 9:30 p.m. Far From Heaven See Thursday. State Theater 6:45 & 9:15 p.m. The Last Kiss An Italian film with a pret- ty nice website which told me a lot of information about the film but all in, you guessed it, Italian. Michigan Theater 5 p.m. Naqoyqatsi The third in a series of films I can neither spell nor pronounce. But they still look and sound cool. Michigan Theater 7:30 & 9:45 p.m. MUSIC Domestic Problems Are these the guys' that play the Sesame Street song? Or is that Under Construction? Oh well, either way. Blind Pig, 208 S. First St., 10 p.m. $4 ($6 under 21). 996-8588. Althea Rene and D.D. Jackson This is subtitled "Happy Jazzy Friday." Isn't everyday at the Bird...jazzy? Bird of Paradise. 312 S. Main St., 5:30 p.m. and 9 p.m. $10-15. 662-8310. Pride - DJ Timmy D Timmy D? Isn't he on "Sopranos?" Didn't he get whacked for eating Tony's Danish? The Necto. 516 E. Liberty St., 9 p.m. $5 ($8 under 21). 994-5835. Handel's Messiah This classicaoratorio has been performed annually at UMS since the Choral Union's founding in 1879, and this beloved Ann Arbor tradi- tion kicks off a weekend of holiday con- certs. 8 p.m., The Michigan Theatre, $12-20; 764-2538. THEA TER Man Of La Mancha See Thursday, 11 a.m. and 8 p.m., $27.50. Hamlet See Thursday. REBECCA SAHN/Daily With more DMB posters than you can shake a stick at. aJb! W£ibigrnx 1aifg Editors: Caitlin Nish WeekAndd Tayl"or- abe Writers: David Enders, Joseph Litman,sMegan Murray, Neal Pais and Rebecca Ramsey Photo Editor: David Katz Photographers: Patrick Jones Rebecca Sahn, Ryan Weiner, Alyssa Wood Cover Photo: Rebecca Sahn Arts Editors: Luke Smith, Managing Editor, Jeff Dickerson, Associate ditor Editor in Chief: Jon Schwartz Facial $65 Encore Studio for Hair, Skin &Nails With the cold wind nipping at her nose, treat her to a pampering session. Encore Studio For Hair, Skin & Nails offers gift certificates. Located at: 407 N. Fifth Ave. 663-9344 Cosmopolitan 101 $24.99 Borders Bookstore She'll have fun watching the new season of Sex and the City while drinking a sophisticated cocktail. Borders sells this kit, complete with drink mix, CD, glass rimming sugar and 25-card drink guide. Martini and Margarita mixes are also available. Located at: 612 E. Liberty St. 668-7652 Silver Jewelr Box $12-$18 The Earport Instead of splurging on a pair of fancy earrings, why not give her something to put the earrings in? The Earport sells small silver boxes that can be engraved with her initials. Engravings can be done at Schlanderer Jewelers next door and cost around $25. If you are interested in engraving, get there soon. It often takes between a week and 10 days. Located at: 1103 S. University St. 996-5999 The Thymes Bath Products $14.95 - $27.95 Middle Earth Give her the gift of luxuriousness with an assort- ment of bath oils, soaps and lotions. Sold individu- ally or as a set. Choose from scents such as euca- lyptus or olive leaf. We recommend the lavender. Located at: 1209 S. University St. 769-1488 Middle Earth has it all. For girls, bath products. For guys, a t-shi FOR HIM Posters $10 - $40 Framing $15 - $35 Beyond the Wall Beyond the Wall sells movie posters and art prints that can be framed and will make his room look liveable. Located at: 1205 S. University 663-2434 Video Games, New and Used $1- $50 The Record Exchange What guy wouldn't love this gift? The Record Exchange is the only place on campus to buy new games for Playstation 2, X Box and Gamecube. Or, show a lot of love by giv- ing him a nostalgic game for Nintendo. Located at: 1203 S. University 997-9211 Cologne $15-$ 160 Four Seasons Perfume Help him smell good enough to stand under your mistletoe with a bottle of cologne. At Four Seasons Perfume, you can choose from a variety of name-brand scents or have them obtain that hard-to-find cologne that he (or you) loves. Located at: 615 E. Liberty St. 913-4331 Beer Pong Kit $25 Urban Outfitters He'll be able to perfect his game with this set from Urban Outfitters. It comes with a miniature table, net, 1 ball and paddles. Located at: 231 State St. 994-5500 The gi one, and may not The Eas Therapie or half-at The re ment an peutic m; Loca We can discounter parking a members. also come Loca I Give so finest rest certificate. Real Seaf restaurants cover entr< Call 8 Phone Numbers: Michigan Theater: 668-8397; Quality 16:827-2837; Showcase: 973-8380; State: 761-8667. Showtimes are effective Friday through Thursday. Matinee times at State Theater are effective for Saturday and Sunday only.