4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, January 31, 2002
NEED A LAXATIVE? JUST REL1AX!.
The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine -
It is said that half the country suf-
fers from constipation because
we do not take the time out of
our hectic lives to sit down and take
a shit! This, I believe, is painful evi-
dence that we as a people need to
slow down and relax!
We are in, what most would call,
our golden years - the prime time
of our lives. We are young, attending
an incredible university and have a
vast future of endless possibilities
ahead of us.
The problem is, that future is
approaching way too quickly and I
have found that the present has been
devoured by the famished jaws of
the times to come.
We live in a changing world my
friends, one in which carefree sum-
mer vacations on the beach have
been exchanged for cheap and
monotonous labor inside claustro-
The power-hungry employers of
the world have warped our young
minds and instilled in us a desire to
pass up the blithe opportunities we
have only at this point in our lives, in
order to load our plates with unnec-
essary and unfulfilling "go-for"
We no longer look forward to
pulling in the bare minimum while
chasing little squirts around camp all
day. We stopped considering waiting
tables and spending our earnings on
pizza and beer every night as a
decent exchange of economic supply
Our lives are suddenly consumed
with the far off future, and then the
incredible efforts we make to bring
that future closer.
Well, I am here to ask the student
body to applyhthe brakes a bit. Let's
all slow down the pace, pick up our
heads once in a while, and take an
appreciative look around at the sce-
nic entities of our lives; right here
and right now.
My esteemed yoga instructor
taught me this valuable life lesson
once. She sat the class down and
asked us a very simple question,
requiring an even less complicated
answer. "I would like you to pretend
that you have no prior knowledge of
anything at all. Imagine that you
have learned nothing, have no mem-
ory, and only know what is in the
very present. Where are you?"
After a brief absorption of her
commands, the class answered,
"What time is
begin to focus
on the "here"
and the "now."
We must put the
past behind us
and leave the
future where it
begin to recog-
nize the beauty
of life and the
our lives in
mind concentrated solely on what
lies ahead. Whether it is the next
class,what to eat for dinner, or what
career path to follow, that focus is
always pointed in one direction:
Friends, these are our golden
years! These are the days about
which every adult (yes, we are all
adults but you know what I mean)
raves, which everyone passed their
prime regards as the times we must
Let's respect our elders, folks. We
should listen to their words of wis-
dom and treasure the benefits that
come with our youth, our elasticity,
and especially our incapability to
determine our futures at this very
Let us revel in the fact that our
destiny is unknown, instead of
attempting to grab at it prematurely.
In love and war, nature will surely
prevail; so by all means let it take its
course. I assure you, your cubicle.
days will come.
Please, don't box yourself in now!
Not when the world has so much
beauty to be seen and so much inno-
cent fun to be had.
We are young, easily inspired and
filled with an undying zest to con-
quer the world. I say we go out and
do it ... but slowly, happily and with
a wondering eye to take in the
amazement all around; right here
and right now.
- Rena can be reached at
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each, individual moment they occu-
For, the preciousness of these
moments, these single instants of
time, is constantly overlooked. I dare
you to peer a little deeper.
The Diag, on any given weekday
afternoon, is filled with undulating
movement between home, classes
and coffee shops. I cannot help but
observe that we have all developed a
certain pattern to our step, an almost
choreographed walk that goes virtu-
ally unnoticed unless a mindful eye
like my own is lurking.
The body is transformed into a
"mechanical" form: Head bowed,
eyes forward, arms swinging to the
rhythmic march of hurried feet and a
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(b~1~bsaWp~19 . An r) .a
courtesy of Interscope
Pervert's a-lookin' at Mandy!
1. Drive, Alan Jackson -
Woo-hoo, a new No. 1. Too bad its
country. Yeah, we're making fun of
country music and everyone who
listens to it.
2. Weathered, Creed - See
previous, but instead of country,
3. Hybrid Theory, Linkin
Park - They just hybrid'd with
Microsoft for their next tour. Xbox
has been blacklisted.
4. Silver Side Up,
Nickelback- We're too dense to
understand the album title.
5. Word of Mouf, Ludacris -
Since the spelling issue is hanging
us, doesn't "Chris" have an 'h'.
6. Pain is Love, Ja Rule - Ja
Rule is still going to the bank, hope-
fully soon, going to jail.
7. Stillmatic, Nas - The MTV
VJ Sway licks chocolate salty balls
8. 8701, Usher - Someone
usher him off the chart. That joke
9. M!ssundaztood, Pink -
Pink, doesn't anyone make porno-
graphic jokes about her? We don't.
10. A Day Without Rain,
Enya - Remember when Enya
was off the charts? We do, we
miss those days, but as long as
LOTR is in the theater, it'll be
PANAMA CITY BEACH, FLORIDA
CA L L
SB E1ACH RESORT
Get the Card FREEe
Wita uur tavtper person
jwith Your Stayuinteon
11 __ ._....,,.v...quint occupancy
"What superpower would you like to
.Q "Telekinesis, so I could move stuffa
around. If I'm playing football, I could just
move the ball over a little bit to me. Or
sitting on the couch, I could get the
remote control or a sandwich."
- Calvin Bell, LSA sophomore
Q "To make any girl I choose want me.
But I already have that power."
- Sina Joorabchi, LSA sophomore
Q "X-ray vision, so I could see the pat-
tern on people's boxers. I'm very
intrigued with boxers - I'd say I have a
Amy Allen, LSA sophomore
WHAT'S NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT
POOH POOH KA-SUE! - Disney may
be forced to pay 25 percent of its gross
revenue to the heirs of New York agent
Stephen Slesinger. The New York Daily
Post reports that the heirs have filed
charges, claiming Disney has cheated
them out of millions in Winnie the Pooh
royalties, and have asked the court to ter-
minate Disney's rights to license Pooh
and the related characters. Pooh merchan-
dise and theme park attractions generated
3.3 billion dollars in 1998, and is expect-
ed to make 4.5 billion dollars in 2002.
NO MEMBER FOR AUSTN POWERS
- New Line has recalled 11,000 trailers
and thousands of posters promoting the
new Austin Powers film formerly titled
"Austin Powers in Goldmember." The
Internet Movie Database reports that
MGM, who owns the rights to the James
Bond series, are still in arbitration with
New Line over the overt parodies of the
Bond films in Powers advertising. MGM
is said to be especially upset by the image
of Mike Myers in full Fat Bastard regalia
covered in gold paint, similar to
WunS AND PARKER PROVE THEM-
SELVES FOR PUDDING -
the oldest undergrad-
uate all-male drag
drama club, will be
giving out their
Man and Woman
of the Year awards
Bruce Willis and
Sarah Jessica Parker.
Entertainment Weekly reports that the
honorees will be lead on a parade through
Harvard Square before being soundly
roasted and forced to wear custom-made
bras and receiving their trophies.
BASH THE BOWL - Ja Rule, Sheryl
Crow and Martina McBride have been
added to CBS' "Bowl Bash" to be aired
nights before the
that the show will
courtesy of Disney - For now!!!
THE O.J. ALL STAR
OF THE WEEK
THE PENRYN, PA.
The police force is boycotting the
20th triathalon because members of the
YMCA (the organization sponsoring
the event) read the Harry Potter books
to children, which supposedly pro-
motes witchcraft. The police have
refused to direct traffic at the event.
Hey, that's "protect and serve," not
"protect and be a bunch of whiny cry-