......... -1 0 -0 -0 U lU q 4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, January 31, 2002 NEED A LAXATIVE? JUST REL1AX!. The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - E3 It is said that half the country suf- fers from constipation because we do not take the time out of our hectic lives to sit down and take a shit! This, I believe, is painful evi- dence that we as a people need to slow down and relax! We are in, what most would call, our golden years - the prime time of our lives. We are young, attending an incredible university and have a vast future of endless possibilities ahead of us. The problem is, that future is approaching way too quickly and I have found that the present has been devoured by the famished jaws of the times to come. We live in a changing world my friends, one in which carefree sum- mer vacations on the beach have been exchanged for cheap and monotonous labor inside claustro- phobic cubicles. The power-hungry employers of the world have warped our young minds and instilled in us a desire to pass up the blithe opportunities we have only at this point in our lives, in order to load our plates with unnec- essary and unfulfilling "go-for" experiences. We no longer look forward to pulling in the bare minimum while chasing little squirts around camp all day. We stopped considering waiting tables and spending our earnings on pizza and beer every night as a decent exchange of economic supply and demand. Our lives are suddenly consumed with the far off future, and then the incredible efforts we make to bring that future closer. Well, I am here to ask the student body to applyhthe brakes a bit. Let's all slow down the pace, pick up our heads once in a while, and take an appreciative look around at the sce- nic entities of our lives; right here and right now. My esteemed yoga instructor taught me this valuable life lesson once. She sat the class down and asked us a very simple question, requiring an even less complicated answer. "I would like you to pretend that you have no prior knowledge of anything at all. Imagine that you have learned nothing, have no mem- ory, and only know what is in the very present. Where are you?" After a brief absorption of her commands, the class answered, "Here." She then questioned, "What time is it?" "Now." We must begin to focus on the "here" and the "now." We must put the past behind us and leave the future where it belongs: Let's begin to recog- nize the beauty of life and the significance of our lives in Rena Greifinger i wio you my) mind concentrated solely on what lies ahead. Whether it is the next class,what to eat for dinner, or what career path to follow, that focus is always pointed in one direction: "there." Friends, these are our golden years! These are the days about which every adult (yes, we are all adults but you know what I mean) raves, which everyone passed their prime regards as the times we must cherish most. Let's respect our elders, folks. We should listen to their words of wis- dom and treasure the benefits that come with our youth, our elasticity, and especially our incapability to determine our futures at this very moment. Let us revel in the fact that our destiny is unknown, instead of attempting to grab at it prematurely. In love and war, nature will surely prevail; so by all means let it take its course. I assure you, your cubicle. days will come. Please, don't box yourself in now! Not when the world has so much beauty to be seen and so much inno- cent fun to be had. We are young, easily inspired and filled with an undying zest to con- quer the world. I say we go out and do it ... but slowly, happily and with a wondering eye to take in the amazement all around; right here and right now. - Rena can be reached at rgreifin@umich.edu. Lunch Buffet $6.35 Mon to Sat: 11:00am-3:30pm Children under 10 $3.99 Dinner Buffet $9.99 Mon toThurs: 4:Opm-10:00pm Children under 10 $5.99 Dinner Buffet $10.99 Fri & Sat: 4:00pm-11:00pm Children under 10 $6.99 Sunday & Holiday All Day $10.99 11:30am-10:00pm Carry Out Buffet At least 3 items per take-out Lunch $3.99/lb (Mon-Sat) Dinner $4.99/lb (Mon-Sat) Seafood Buffet $6.59/lb (Mon-Sun & Holidays) ELITE ENTERTAINMENT EXPOSITIOt A 'TOOL TIME'SALUTE TO DADS Fathers know best, or something CHlINESE RESTAUJRAN Over 150 Items Daily! Including Seafood, Mussels, Fish, Shrimp Cocktail, Dim Sum, Steak, B-B-Q Ribs, Japanese Sushi, Salad Bar, Desserts & much more! 2541 Jackson Road Ann Arbor, MI 48103 Phone: (734) 998-0600 (734) 998-0699 Drinks Not Included children Under 2 Free Prices are Subject to change Without Notice Large Party Room Available, Please Call for Reservation each, individual moment they occu- py. For, the preciousness of these moments, these single instants of time, is constantly overlooked. I dare you to peer a little deeper. The Diag, on any given weekday afternoon, is filled with undulating movement between home, classes and coffee shops. I cannot help but observe that we have all developed a certain pattern to our step, an almost choreographed walk that goes virtu- ally unnoticed unless a mindful eye like my own is lurking. The body is transformed into a "mechanical" form: Head bowed, eyes forward, arms swinging to the rhythmic march of hurried feet and a ' 'oR,, Huron, 5t. E~d 72 ^d SMichigan Exi 172Stadium 3 '94 r IMM I] ~ o+ Wow**Stwpvc*" (b~1~bsaWp~19 . An r) .a courtesy of Interscope Pervert's a-lookin' at Mandy! BILLBOARD TOP.10 1. Drive, Alan Jackson - Woo-hoo, a new No. 1. Too bad its country. Yeah, we're making fun of country music and everyone who listens to it. 2. Weathered, Creed - See previous, but instead of country, insert suck-core. 3. Hybrid Theory, Linkin Park - They just hybrid'd with Microsoft for their next tour. Xbox has been blacklisted. 4. Silver Side Up, Nickelback- We're too dense to understand the album title. 5. Word of Mouf, Ludacris - Since the spelling issue is hanging us, doesn't "Chris" have an 'h'. 6. Pain is Love, Ja Rule - Ja Rule is still going to the bank, hope- fully soon, going to jail. 7. Stillmatic, Nas - The MTV VJ Sway licks chocolate salty balls 8. 8701, Usher - Someone usher him off the chart. That joke sucked. 9. M!ssundaztood, Pink - Pink, doesn't anyone make porno- graphic jokes about her? We don't. 10. A Day Without Rain, Enya - Remember when Enya was off the charts? We do, we miss those days, but as long as LOTR is in the theater, it'll be OK. PANAMA CITY BEACH, FLORIDA CA L L r, NOW! SB E1ACH RESORT fom Get the Card FREEe Wita uur tavtper person jwith Your Stayuinteon 11 __ ._....,,.v...quint occupancy "What superpower would you like to possess?" .Q "Telekinesis, so I could move stuffa around. If I'm playing football, I could just move the ball over a little bit to me. Or sitting on the couch, I could get the remote control or a sandwich." - Calvin Bell, LSA sophomore Q "To make any girl I choose want me. But I already have that power." - Sina Joorabchi, LSA sophomore Q "X-ray vision, so I could see the pat- tern on people's boxers. I'm very intrigued with boxers - I'd say I have a boxer fetish." Amy Allen, LSA sophomore WHAT'S NEWS IN ENTERTAINMENT POOH POOH KA-SUE! - Disney may be forced to pay 25 percent of its gross revenue to the heirs of New York agent Stephen Slesinger. The New York Daily Post reports that the heirs have filed charges, claiming Disney has cheated them out of millions in Winnie the Pooh royalties, and have asked the court to ter- minate Disney's rights to license Pooh and the related characters. Pooh merchan- dise and theme park attractions generated 3.3 billion dollars in 1998, and is expect- ed to make 4.5 billion dollars in 2002. NO MEMBER FOR AUSTN POWERS - New Line has recalled 11,000 trailers and thousands of posters promoting the new Austin Powers film formerly titled "Austin Powers in Goldmember." The Internet Movie Database reports that MGM, who owns the rights to the James Bond series, are still in arbitration with New Line over the overt parodies of the Bond films in Powers advertising. MGM is said to be especially upset by the image of Mike Myers in full Fat Bastard regalia covered in gold paint, similar to "Goldfinger." WunS AND PARKER PROVE THEM- SELVES FOR PUDDING - Next month Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theatricals, the oldest undergrad- uate all-male drag drama club, will be giving out their Man and Woman of the Year awards to "Striking Distance" co-stars Bruce Willis and Sarah Jessica Parker. Entertainment Weekly reports that the honorees will be lead on a parade through Harvard Square before being soundly roasted and forced to wear custom-made bras and receiving their trophies. BASH THE BOWL - Ja Rule, Sheryl Crow and Martina McBride have been added to CBS' "Bowl Bash" to be aired tomorrow, two nights before the Super Bowl. Zap2it.com reports that the show will include interviews with players. courtesy of Disney - For now!!! THE O.J. ALL STAR OF THE WEEK THE PENRYN, PA. POLICE DEPARTMENT The police force is boycotting the 20th triathalon because members of the YMCA (the organization sponsoring the event) read the Harry Potter books to children, which supposedly pro- motes witchcraft. The police have refused to direct traffic at the event. Hey, that's "protect and serve," not "protect and be a bunch of whiny cry- babies."