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The Michigan Daily, 2001-09-20

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4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, September 20, 2001

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The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine -

Joie de vivre: Seen and overheard at A2s Cosi

ELITE ENTERTAINMENT ExPOSITIC

By Lauren Aposhian
and Michael Grass
Weekend Etc. Food Critics

Let us say that none of us were all too
thrilled to be eating in a franchise restau-
rant. "It is like Starbucks with a bar,"
says someone over the gurgle of the
espresso machine. But you really don't
have much of a choice on State Street
since most vendors are bastions of cor-
porate marketing whores.
But what the hell, everyone else is
doing it. So two Saturdays ago, the col-
lective "we" decided to venture into
Cosi, Ann Arbor's new fashionable
cafd/coffehouse/pizza joint/etc., accom-
panied by three of our friends and their
hangovers. Nothing like coffee and Advil
to start your day.
We have prior to this outing discovered
that there are three cardinal sins a restaurant
can commit and thus render itself unde-

serving of patronage. Everyone has their
standards, these just happen to be ours.
Rule 1: Never eat in a restaurant that
is enpt
There were people inside - a promis-
ing sign. However, under further exami-
nation we found that Cosi patrons are
what we kindly call: "yuppies in train-
ing" In five years, expect to see these
people at Cosi's other Michigan location:
Maple and Old Woodward in
Birmingham. Nonetheless, we decided to
order.
Rule 2: Never eve: friequent an estab-
lishment that proudly displays it own
food on the walls.
The last thing you want to show cus-
tomers large larger, much more appetiz-
ing pictures of the over priced food for
sale. "What the hell is that?" our friend
Dave asked Amy, in reference to the large
picture of a "squagel."
Amy ordered Cosi's trademark square
bagel with cream cheese. It seems like a

novel concept, but when you really think
about it, it's just a square piece of bread.
And bread is square anyway, so its just a
hunk of bread.
Amy noted that the Cosi crew only
spread the cream cheese on one side
of said "squagel." Crisis! But a wait-
ress came over and gave Amy a knife
to distribute the spread on the other
half of the squagel. "Tragedy avert-
ed," Amy said.
But the squagel crisis wasn't quite
over. Though the Cosi menu boasts eight
different "s'breads," only "plain" was
readily available for Amy. "Us prim and
proper ladies don't like that," she noted.
"I'd rather go to Bruegger's."
Contrary to what Cosi's food develop-
ment strategists may think, the squagel
isn't all that special. In fact, it's a quite
boring, degenerate bagel. Cosi's other
baked good selection had issues as well,
including the cafe's diminutive and over
priced muffins. Contrary to popular

belief, size does matter.
Cosi and its sister coffeehouse Xando
(which are staples on the East Coast) are
known for their coffee. And to Cosi's
credit, the coffee quite good, mildly
acidic with a full bodied aroma. The cap-
puccino is the best in town, second only
to Cafe Zola.
. One novelty that sets Cosi apart from
most other cafes in Ann Arbor is that at
night, patrons of age can order alcoholic
beverages. Now don't expect a massive
multi-tap or microbrewery like Ashley's
or Arbor Rrewing Company. As our
friend Dave noted Cosi offers the "stan-
dard yuppy selection of beer." Members
of this club include Sam Adams, Sierra
Nevada, Bass, Guinness and Amstel
Light. At least no one can criticize Cosi
for not catering to its target audience.
Rule 3: Never ever go to a dining
establishment where you can predict the
lavout of the restaurant.
Cosi passes with flying colors. Cosi

U I

conforms to the building it inhabits,
unlike suburban nick-knack franchises
like Friday's where you know where the
restrooms are prior to passing through
the front door.
While this is convenient when jousting
with the stomach ailments that some-
times result from eating at such monu-
ments to anonymous cuisine, it does not
make for an. intriguing atmosphere. It's
one of those places where in 20 years,
people will ask: "What the hell were inte-
rior designers thinking back at the turn of
the millennium?"
Little can be said for the interior layout
of Cosi. Complaints include cramped
spaces and small tables. But that largely
results from the space in which the
restaurant had to fill. "I definitely would
not bring a date here," said Dave, "not
even a freshmen."
Why? The proximity of the exposed
kitchen to the dining area makes it diffi-
cult for patrons to enjoy conversation and
cuisine simultaneously. "The last thing
you want is to feel rushed when you are
out with a girl," said Dave. Well put.
For quality of food, Cosi does a fairly
good job. The sandwiches we selected
were tasty. No complaints there. Try the
No. 10, the buffalo chicken with blue
cheese celery "s'bread" and caramelized
onions. As for price, Cosi seems to capi-
talize on its position as one of the few
establishments in town to use sandwich
ingredients like roasted apple chutney,
cranberry roasted turkey and goat cheese.
Final Bill: $30.89 (for four people
including two sandwiches, coffee, a muf-
fin, fruit and squagel.
Final thoughts: Cosi is the Norman
Bates of the restaurant world. Cosi is try-
ing to be too cover too many niches ...
cafe, bar, take out, dessert. Eventually
someone is going to get hurt (does any-
one hear violins?). In the end, as Joe said,
"I'd still rather go to Jimmy John's"
I A look at the
underside of U of M

Film Odyssey: Power
to- Schwarzenegger

So, this is how I decided that my
grandmother's love of life is directly

{Billboard1

related to the
Schwarzenegger
as the number one
action star of all
time.
I was sitting at
my grandparent's
kitchen table, dis-
cussing the ways
of the world with
my grandma,
when it struck me:
Movies. Most of
our conversations
involve one of us
talking and the
other listening,
and then the lis-
tener invariably
nodding or smil-

rise of Arnold

University Musicail Society

Lyle
H enretty
'Less Than
Zero

200 1/2002 Season.
Half-Price Student
C 80 9 A M- 1 2 NO N
Ticket Sale 9M1N°
HSill Auditorium
Satur~day bep22mber22

Your chance to get cheap tickets
to the world's best in...

gyp;{'
!'>5 '"
. :. .

Dance
Theater
Classical Music
World Culture
Jazz
Choral Music
Film
Poetry
For more information on the 2001/2002 UMS Season, stop by
the UMS Ticket Office in the Ml League, 911 N. University.

r

These Prices are Just
Too Good to Pass Up!
The Process:
It's easy! Just make your way to Hill
Auditorium Saturday morning and wait in line
to receive a sequentially numbered Ticket
Order Form (the number on each order form
indicates the order in which it is going to be
processed by the UMS Ticket Office). Once you
receive your order form you hove until 12
noon to fill it out with the exact amounttof
tickets that you and your friends would like
to purchase to each event. Turn it in and then
go to the UMS Ticket Office in the MI League
beginning Fri, Oct 5 to pick up and pay for
your tickets. It's as simple as that!
The Rules:
Valid Student 10 required
Limit 2 tickets per student, per event
Limit 4 students per order form
Tickets are sold on a first come,

ing or both. While there is certainly
learning during this process, the enter-
tainment value of conversations such
as these is usually negligible. Being a
devout hedonist, I think that every
conversation should be fun for all, and
that any learning that occurs should be
completely an afterthought.
Movies, though. My Grandma loved
old movies, and now that I had a few
film classes under my belt, I felt like.
we could discuss some of the great
cinematic achievements that she had
the good fortune to see on the big
screen, in all their original glory. How
eager was I, then but a budding film
snob, to hear how she received
"Citizen Kane" when it was first
released, without the clutter of hun-
dreds of textbooks and deconstruc-
tions and feminist criticisms suggest-
ing that "Rosebud" was a stand-in for
Kane's inability to relate to women
who did not lie on their backs and slide
down hills.
Grandma, I asked, you used to go to
the movies all the time, didn't you?
Not only did she, but apparently, dur-
ing the Great Depression, a potato
could be substituted for the nickel
admission. Oh, and she saw loads of
Tvrone Power movies. He was very
handsome. He was in this movie called
"Thin Ice," which she saw with her
friend Debbie Nausenblow, who died
last winter. Tyrone was a skier who
skied every morning, and the ski
instructor fell in love with him. It was
beautiful.
Ah, yes, I smiled and nodded, but do
you know what I saw last semester?
"Citizen Kane." I waited for her to
gush about the brilliant camera work
of a young Orson Welles, and how the
studio had no call to screw with "The
Magnificent Ambersons." "Oh," she
replied, "I saw that one too. Did you
ever see 'Alexander's Ragtime Band'?'
Tvrone Power was so handsome in
that, I thought I was in love with him!"
I smiled and nodded.
My initial conclusion was simply

that my grandmother, bless her heart,
just did not appreciate good film mak-
ing. She simply clings onto the flashy,
overdone films of her childhood and
cannot separate her feelings of nostal-
gia from the important art and visual
discipline of film.
Wait, what's that? Did you just say
"Total Recall" is not the finest sci-fi
action film ever made? That, possibly
"Red Heat" didn't transcend the buddy
cop movie to study the relationship of
Russians and Americans during the
Cold War? That "Commando" sucked
ass? Quit reading my column right
now, I'm done with you and your clear
lack of knowledge and respect for
'80s- early '90s action flicks and their
importance in redefining how we
appreciate celluloid.
Yeah, so there's the rub. My affinity
for the movies of my youth is probably
even more rabid than my grandmoth-
er's. When I think about it critically, I
can make an intellectual distinction
between Robert Duvall's performance
in "Tender Mercies" and James
Belushi's wise-cracking-yet-tender-
hearted American cop in "Red Heat."
Why did crappy movies resonate more
when we were children? If it were sim-
ply that, at such a young age, we had
not yet completely comprehended
terms like "hackneyed" and "trope"
and "really stupid," then we would
have outgrown these movies once we
understood the true nature of their
quality.
"Cloak and Dagger" (starring duel-
role-action Dabney Coleman) and
"The Last Starfighter" (starring, um,
Robert Preston?), in my opinion, are
the two greatest childrens' films this
side of "The Goonics." I actually saw
"Starfighter" in a drive-in with my par-
ents when I was four-years-old, and
even now that I understand it was a cut-
and-paste affair, fusing elements from
"E.T.," "Star Wars" and "Tron," I get
the same thrill from watching my fuzzy
VHS copy today. And don't even get
me started on "Batman."
Childhood is usually associated with
innocence, and our love of films from
a happy time is understandable. My
grandma grew up during the Great
Depression, and her life was not ideal,
growing up in a small house packed
full of kids and parents that barely
spoke English. She has fond memories.
of films that allowed her to escape into
beautiful places with beautiful people.
I had a childhood full of toys and video
games, with my own room and 347 dif-
ferent flavors of Kool-aid (though I
was more of a Ecto-kooler man,
myself). I enjoyed movies with lots of
swearing and violence, where kids got
to fire guns and blow up aliens. While
their may be some deep-rooted socio-
logical implications to this, I'm still
determined that "Predator" may be the
gnarliest movie ever made.
-Lyle Henretty can be r'cached at
/henrettii umich.edu

Figures in millions of dollars.
1. Hardball ($9.3) God, he just
sucks so bad without Bill. Bogus.
2. The Glass House ($5.7) People
who live in glass houses shouldn't pay
S7 for a shit-flick.
3. The Musketeer ($5.4) This
movie sucked the first 10 times they
made it, and Sting, Bryan Adams and
Rod Stewart aren't on the Soundtrack
4. Two Can Play That Game ($4.6)
Vengeance. Knowledge.
5. The Others ($4.5) The Other

WHAT'S NEWS IN
ENTERTAI NMENT

CHAN AVOIDS WTC- Martial arts
superstar Jackie Chan was scheduled
to film scenes from his latest film,
"Nosebleed," atop the World Trade
Center the same day as the terrorist
attacks. The Internet Movie Database
reported that the film, which involves
a window-washer thwarting a terrorist
plot to blow up the Statue of Liberty. A
late script prevented the 7 a.m. shoot.
Studio reps are not sure whether they
will go ahead with the film, or what
script changes will be made.
"CHOPPER" STAR MAY PLAY
11UK- Australian comic Eric Bana,
best know for his turn as the title char-
acter in last years ultra-violent
F77

movies on this list blow as hard as this
one does.
6. Rush Hour 2 ($4.0) Yeah, $200
million at the Box Office, Jackie
should've got that for putting up with
Chris Tucker.
7. Jeepers Creepers ($3.8) This
movie is eating me.
8. American Pie 2 ($3.6) Maybe
N*Sync will sign on for the third one.
That would be Sweet.
9. Rat Race ($3.5) Sucks ass.
10. Rock Star ($3.3) Big budget.
Big Starts. Big suck and blowfest.

1. Songs in A Minor, Alicia Key
- A Minor problem with this albun
is that it sucks.
2. Toxicity, System of a Down'-
Tool + Staind = No. 2 Record. Original
3. Aaliyah, Aaliyah - (Insert joke
here)
4. Now 7, Various Artists - Now
I mean it. Stop buying this terrible
CD.
5. No More Drama, Mary J. Blige
-- Yo! Mary J. Pretty lame. We're al

courtesy of Jive Records rappers in our own mind kid.
'NSync, NKOTB without the talent. 6. Break the Cycle, Staind -S
Weekend box office

Ct

www.universitysecrets. corn
gold bbon(d
QUALITY DRY CLEANING
& SHIRT SERVICE
332 Maynard
(Across from Nickels Arcade)
668-6335

"Chopper," may suit up as both Bruce
Banner and his greener alter-ego in the
upcoming "The Incredible Hulk."
Zap~it.com reports that Bana is the
current front runner in the special-
effects extravaganza, which is to be
directed by Ang Lee ("Crouching
Tiger, Hidden Dragon").
NETWORKS JOIN FOR
TELETHON- ABC, CBS, NBC, and
FOX are joining forces for a two-hour
commercial-free telethon to raise
money for the post-terrorist attacks
relief fund. TV Guide reported that the
unprecedented event will be broadcast
live at 9 p.m. on the east coast.
Celebrities appearing at the event
include Bon Jovi, Jim Carrey. George
Clooney, Sheryl Crowe, Tom Cruise,
Robert Di Nero, Billy Joel, Clint
Eastwood, Julia Roberts and many oth-
ers.
SPIElBERG MAY DIRECT TIHIRD
"POTIER" FIIM- Steven Spielberg,
who turned down the opportunity to
direct the first two "Harry Potter"
films, said that the third book in the
series touched him creatively. The
Internet Movie Database reported that
the director was a fan of author J.K.
Rowlings work, and that if he was
asked to direct a film of the third
"darker, more esoteric" novel, that he'd
have to say yes.

first served basis
Limited number of tickets are availble
in select seating areas

,? v

n38 Outside tie 134 area code, Cull toii-f,ee 600.21.1229
Soct "764.2538 U5MS Tcket Officeloated the M laue(1 U nly

www.ums.org

U-

Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures
Chan doing some damn crazy thing.

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