w w w w -qwp w - w 4B - The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Thursday, September 20, 2001 T -W -qr The Michigan Daily - Weekend, etc. Magazine - Joie de vivre: Seen and overheard at A2s Cosi ELITE ENTERTAINMENT ExPOSITIC By Lauren Aposhian and Michael Grass Weekend Etc. Food Critics Let us say that none of us were all too thrilled to be eating in a franchise restau- rant. "It is like Starbucks with a bar," says someone over the gurgle of the espresso machine. But you really don't have much of a choice on State Street since most vendors are bastions of cor- porate marketing whores. But what the hell, everyone else is doing it. So two Saturdays ago, the col- lective "we" decided to venture into Cosi, Ann Arbor's new fashionable cafd/coffehouse/pizza joint/etc., accom- panied by three of our friends and their hangovers. Nothing like coffee and Advil to start your day. We have prior to this outing discovered that there are three cardinal sins a restaurant can commit and thus render itself unde- serving of patronage. Everyone has their standards, these just happen to be ours. Rule 1: Never eat in a restaurant that is enpt There were people inside - a promis- ing sign. However, under further exami- nation we found that Cosi patrons are what we kindly call: "yuppies in train- ing" In five years, expect to see these people at Cosi's other Michigan location: Maple and Old Woodward in Birmingham. Nonetheless, we decided to order. Rule 2: Never eve: friequent an estab- lishment that proudly displays it own food on the walls. The last thing you want to show cus- tomers large larger, much more appetiz- ing pictures of the over priced food for sale. "What the hell is that?" our friend Dave asked Amy, in reference to the large picture of a "squagel." Amy ordered Cosi's trademark square bagel with cream cheese. It seems like a novel concept, but when you really think about it, it's just a square piece of bread. And bread is square anyway, so its just a hunk of bread. Amy noted that the Cosi crew only spread the cream cheese on one side of said "squagel." Crisis! But a wait- ress came over and gave Amy a knife to distribute the spread on the other half of the squagel. "Tragedy avert- ed," Amy said. But the squagel crisis wasn't quite over. Though the Cosi menu boasts eight different "s'breads," only "plain" was readily available for Amy. "Us prim and proper ladies don't like that," she noted. "I'd rather go to Bruegger's." Contrary to what Cosi's food develop- ment strategists may think, the squagel isn't all that special. In fact, it's a quite boring, degenerate bagel. Cosi's other baked good selection had issues as well, including the cafe's diminutive and over priced muffins. Contrary to popular belief, size does matter. Cosi and its sister coffeehouse Xando (which are staples on the East Coast) are known for their coffee. And to Cosi's credit, the coffee quite good, mildly acidic with a full bodied aroma. The cap- puccino is the best in town, second only to Cafe Zola. . One novelty that sets Cosi apart from most other cafes in Ann Arbor is that at night, patrons of age can order alcoholic beverages. Now don't expect a massive multi-tap or microbrewery like Ashley's or Arbor Rrewing Company. As our friend Dave noted Cosi offers the "stan- dard yuppy selection of beer." Members of this club include Sam Adams, Sierra Nevada, Bass, Guinness and Amstel Light. At least no one can criticize Cosi for not catering to its target audience. Rule 3: Never ever go to a dining establishment where you can predict the lavout of the restaurant. Cosi passes with flying colors. Cosi U I conforms to the building it inhabits, unlike suburban nick-knack franchises like Friday's where you know where the restrooms are prior to passing through the front door. While this is convenient when jousting with the stomach ailments that some- times result from eating at such monu- ments to anonymous cuisine, it does not make for an. intriguing atmosphere. It's one of those places where in 20 years, people will ask: "What the hell were inte- rior designers thinking back at the turn of the millennium?" Little can be said for the interior layout of Cosi. Complaints include cramped spaces and small tables. But that largely results from the space in which the restaurant had to fill. "I definitely would not bring a date here," said Dave, "not even a freshmen." Why? The proximity of the exposed kitchen to the dining area makes it diffi- cult for patrons to enjoy conversation and cuisine simultaneously. "The last thing you want is to feel rushed when you are out with a girl," said Dave. Well put. For quality of food, Cosi does a fairly good job. The sandwiches we selected were tasty. No complaints there. Try the No. 10, the buffalo chicken with blue cheese celery "s'bread" and caramelized onions. As for price, Cosi seems to capi- talize on its position as one of the few establishments in town to use sandwich ingredients like roasted apple chutney, cranberry roasted turkey and goat cheese. Final Bill: $30.89 (for four people including two sandwiches, coffee, a muf- fin, fruit and squagel. Final thoughts: Cosi is the Norman Bates of the restaurant world. Cosi is try- ing to be too cover too many niches ... cafe, bar, take out, dessert. Eventually someone is going to get hurt (does any- one hear violins?). In the end, as Joe said, "I'd still rather go to Jimmy John's" I A look at the underside of U of M Film Odyssey: Power to- Schwarzenegger So, this is how I decided that my grandmother's love of life is directly {Billboard1 related to the Schwarzenegger as the number one action star of all time. I was sitting at my grandparent's kitchen table, dis- cussing the ways of the world with my grandma, when it struck me: Movies. Most of our conversations involve one of us talking and the other listening, and then the lis- tener invariably nodding or smil- rise of Arnold University Musicail Society Lyle H enretty 'Less Than Zero 200 1/2002 Season. Half-Price Student C 80 9 A M- 1 2 NO N Ticket Sale 9M1N° HSill Auditorium Satur~day bep22mber22 Your chance to get cheap tickets to the world's best in... gyp;{' !'>5 '" . :. . Dance Theater Classical Music World Culture Jazz Choral Music Film Poetry For more information on the 2001/2002 UMS Season, stop by the UMS Ticket Office in the Ml League, 911 N. University. r These Prices are Just Too Good to Pass Up! The Process: It's easy! Just make your way to Hill Auditorium Saturday morning and wait in line to receive a sequentially numbered Ticket Order Form (the number on each order form indicates the order in which it is going to be processed by the UMS Ticket Office). Once you receive your order form you hove until 12 noon to fill it out with the exact amounttof tickets that you and your friends would like to purchase to each event. Turn it in and then go to the UMS Ticket Office in the MI League beginning Fri, Oct 5 to pick up and pay for your tickets. It's as simple as that! The Rules: Valid Student 10 required Limit 2 tickets per student, per event Limit 4 students per order form Tickets are sold on a first come, ing or both. While there is certainly learning during this process, the enter- tainment value of conversations such as these is usually negligible. Being a devout hedonist, I think that every conversation should be fun for all, and that any learning that occurs should be completely an afterthought. Movies, though. My Grandma loved old movies, and now that I had a few film classes under my belt, I felt like. we could discuss some of the great cinematic achievements that she had the good fortune to see on the big screen, in all their original glory. How eager was I, then but a budding film snob, to hear how she received "Citizen Kane" when it was first released, without the clutter of hun- dreds of textbooks and deconstruc- tions and feminist criticisms suggest- ing that "Rosebud" was a stand-in for Kane's inability to relate to women who did not lie on their backs and slide down hills. Grandma, I asked, you used to go to the movies all the time, didn't you? Not only did she, but apparently, dur- ing the Great Depression, a potato could be substituted for the nickel admission. Oh, and she saw loads of Tvrone Power movies. He was very handsome. He was in this movie called "Thin Ice," which she saw with her friend Debbie Nausenblow, who died last winter. Tyrone was a skier who skied every morning, and the ski instructor fell in love with him. It was beautiful. Ah, yes, I smiled and nodded, but do you know what I saw last semester? "Citizen Kane." I waited for her to gush about the brilliant camera work of a young Orson Welles, and how the studio had no call to screw with "The Magnificent Ambersons." "Oh," she replied, "I saw that one too. Did you ever see 'Alexander's Ragtime Band'?' Tvrone Power was so handsome in that, I thought I was in love with him!" I smiled and nodded. My initial conclusion was simply that my grandmother, bless her heart, just did not appreciate good film mak- ing. She simply clings onto the flashy, overdone films of her childhood and cannot separate her feelings of nostal- gia from the important art and visual discipline of film. Wait, what's that? Did you just say "Total Recall" is not the finest sci-fi action film ever made? That, possibly "Red Heat" didn't transcend the buddy cop movie to study the relationship of Russians and Americans during the Cold War? That "Commando" sucked ass? Quit reading my column right now, I'm done with you and your clear lack of knowledge and respect for '80s- early '90s action flicks and their importance in redefining how we appreciate celluloid. Yeah, so there's the rub. My affinity for the movies of my youth is probably even more rabid than my grandmoth- er's. When I think about it critically, I can make an intellectual distinction between Robert Duvall's performance in "Tender Mercies" and James Belushi's wise-cracking-yet-tender- hearted American cop in "Red Heat." Why did crappy movies resonate more when we were children? If it were sim- ply that, at such a young age, we had not yet completely comprehended terms like "hackneyed" and "trope" and "really stupid," then we would have outgrown these movies once we understood the true nature of their quality. "Cloak and Dagger" (starring duel- role-action Dabney Coleman) and "The Last Starfighter" (starring, um, Robert Preston?), in my opinion, are the two greatest childrens' films this side of "The Goonics." I actually saw "Starfighter" in a drive-in with my par- ents when I was four-years-old, and even now that I understand it was a cut- and-paste affair, fusing elements from "E.T.," "Star Wars" and "Tron," I get the same thrill from watching my fuzzy VHS copy today. And don't even get me started on "Batman." Childhood is usually associated with innocence, and our love of films from a happy time is understandable. My grandma grew up during the Great Depression, and her life was not ideal, growing up in a small house packed full of kids and parents that barely spoke English. She has fond memories. of films that allowed her to escape into beautiful places with beautiful people. I had a childhood full of toys and video games, with my own room and 347 dif- ferent flavors of Kool-aid (though I was more of a Ecto-kooler man, myself). I enjoyed movies with lots of swearing and violence, where kids got to fire guns and blow up aliens. While their may be some deep-rooted socio- logical implications to this, I'm still determined that "Predator" may be the gnarliest movie ever made. -Lyle Henretty can be r'cached at /henrettii umich.edu Figures in millions of dollars. 1. Hardball ($9.3) God, he just sucks so bad without Bill. Bogus. 2. The Glass House ($5.7) People who live in glass houses shouldn't pay S7 for a shit-flick. 3. The Musketeer ($5.4) This movie sucked the first 10 times they made it, and Sting, Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart aren't on the Soundtrack 4. Two Can Play That Game ($4.6) Vengeance. Knowledge. 5. The Others ($4.5) The Other WHAT'S NEWS IN ENTERTAI NMENT CHAN AVOIDS WTC- Martial arts superstar Jackie Chan was scheduled to film scenes from his latest film, "Nosebleed," atop the World Trade Center the same day as the terrorist attacks. The Internet Movie Database reported that the film, which involves a window-washer thwarting a terrorist plot to blow up the Statue of Liberty. A late script prevented the 7 a.m. shoot. Studio reps are not sure whether they will go ahead with the film, or what script changes will be made. "CHOPPER" STAR MAY PLAY 11UK- Australian comic Eric Bana, best know for his turn as the title char- acter in last years ultra-violent F77 movies on this list blow as hard as this one does. 6. Rush Hour 2 ($4.0) Yeah, $200 million at the Box Office, Jackie should've got that for putting up with Chris Tucker. 7. Jeepers Creepers ($3.8) This movie is eating me. 8. American Pie 2 ($3.6) Maybe N*Sync will sign on for the third one. That would be Sweet. 9. Rat Race ($3.5) Sucks ass. 10. Rock Star ($3.3) Big budget. Big Starts. Big suck and blowfest. 1. Songs in A Minor, Alicia Key - A Minor problem with this albun is that it sucks. 2. Toxicity, System of a Down'- Tool + Staind = No. 2 Record. Original 3. Aaliyah, Aaliyah - (Insert joke here) 4. Now 7, Various Artists - Now I mean it. Stop buying this terrible CD. 5. No More Drama, Mary J. Blige -- Yo! Mary J. Pretty lame. We're al courtesy of Jive Records rappers in our own mind kid. 'NSync, NKOTB without the talent. 6. Break the Cycle, Staind -S Weekend box office Ct www.universitysecrets. corn gold bbon(d QUALITY DRY CLEANING & SHIRT SERVICE 332 Maynard (Across from Nickels Arcade) 668-6335 "Chopper," may suit up as both Bruce Banner and his greener alter-ego in the upcoming "The Incredible Hulk." Zap~it.com reports that Bana is the current front runner in the special- effects extravaganza, which is to be directed by Ang Lee ("Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"). NETWORKS JOIN FOR TELETHON- ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX are joining forces for a two-hour commercial-free telethon to raise money for the post-terrorist attacks relief fund. TV Guide reported that the unprecedented event will be broadcast live at 9 p.m. on the east coast. Celebrities appearing at the event include Bon Jovi, Jim Carrey. George Clooney, Sheryl Crowe, Tom Cruise, Robert Di Nero, Billy Joel, Clint Eastwood, Julia Roberts and many oth- ers. SPIElBERG MAY DIRECT TIHIRD "POTIER" FIIM- Steven Spielberg, who turned down the opportunity to direct the first two "Harry Potter" films, said that the third book in the series touched him creatively. The Internet Movie Database reported that the director was a fan of author J.K. Rowlings work, and that if he was asked to direct a film of the third "darker, more esoteric" novel, that he'd have to say yes. first served basis Limited number of tickets are availble in select seating areas ,? v n38 Outside tie 134 area code, Cull toii-f,ee 600.21.1229 Soct "764.2538 U5MS Tcket Officeloated the M laue(1 U nly www.ums.org U- Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures Chan doing some damn crazy thing.