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April 14, 1994 - Image 19

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Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 1994-04-14
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' 24 - The Michigan Daily - Best of Ann Arbor - Thursday, April 14, 1994

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Tha Mirhictan r)ni

lit: mA~iim fl-

Hey, lookit you, fool: Flotsam gets the la:

tii - _1_1. r_ 1 n

Best Game: (tie) Michigan versus
Ohio State (football), Michigan ver-
sus Lake Superior State (hockey),
Michigan versus Indiana (basketball).
Although many great games were
played the past year in Michigan ath-
letics, a three-way tie is in order for
this category:
Michigan 28, Ohio State 0 - Any
-m time the Wolverines beat the Buck-
eyes is a reason to celebrate, but shut-
ting out OSU and denying John
Cooper's team a trip to the Rose Bowl
is one to cherish for the ages.
Michigan 4, Lake Superior 3 (OT)
- Brian Wiseman's goal in the extra
session allowed the Wolverines to

show the Lakers who would be king
in the CCHA this season.
Michigan 91, Indiana 67 -- After
losing to the Hoosiers at Bloomington
in January, the Wolverines put on their
best performance of the season. In-
spired by Chris Webber's first appear-
ance at Crisler Arena since departing
for the NBA, Michigan put forth an
effort that made fans want to cry with
joy. Even Jalen Rose dove for a loose
ball.
Most Unsung Hero: Mike Stone
Although known to be one of the
CCHA's top penalty killers, Mike
Stone proved to be more than that as

he always seemed to be involved in a
play that made the difference for
Michigan. The senior forward earned
team MVP honors as well as captur-
ing the same award in the CCHA
post-season tournament
Biggest Mismatch:
Michigan versus North Carolina State
in the Hall of Fame Bowl
The Wolverines proved they were the
best 7-4 team in the country going into
the game, blasting the Wolfpack 42-
7. N.C. State won only six games
against Division I opponents (the
minimum for post-season qualifica-
tion) before taking on Michigan.

Best Performance by an Individual/
Group: Men's Indoor Track Medley
Relay team
Another category chock full of great
achievements. Ron Hollis' no-hitter
against Michigan State. Chad
Chapman's four-home run perfor-
mance against the Spartans the same
weekend. Swimmer Gustavo Borges
capturing two individual titles at the
NCAA Championships. The
women's indoor track medley relay
team captured a national title of its
own.
However, only one group set a world
record, and that honor belongs to the
men's indoor track medley relay team.

The talented quartet of Nick Karfonta,
Trinity Townsend, Scott MacDonald
and Kevin Sullivan shattered the
record, held by Arkansas for eight
years. The Razorbacks later recap-
tured the record at the NCAA meet
in March.
Best Performance by a Team:
Men's Cross Country
The men's cross-country team won
the an unexpected Big Ten title, end-
ing favored-Wisconsin's eight-year
run of conference crowns and allow-
ing coach Ron Warhurst to pop the
bottle of champagne he had been sav-
ing for years for such an occasion.

"Lookit you, fool," my column is
saying from inside the Daily as you
perfunctorily tear out the crossword
puzzle and release the gutted paper
carcass, casting it off gently to settle
against the grit of the vestibule floor.

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F with this ad.

"Lookit you, fool," my unphased col-
umn is saying to the bottom of your
foot. As your eye flicks across a head-
line and you register briefly that
somebody whose first paragraph you
once read is bidding farewell to all
zero of his followers, my column
shares a silent joke with itself.
It's saying critically, "Lookit you,
fool" as you read past it. And even if
you are going to read it, it's lying in
wait here in the newspaper bin before
you've yet picked it up. Right now
you're not here yet, and my column
- unseen but fully articulated,
pressed between other pages, repeat-
ing its message every instant - is
saying, "Lookit you, fool."
It's lying here in wait, smirking
and commenting on you while you're
standing there innocently looking at
the front page. And if you're done
reading it, and you're just about for-
getting about it, right now my column
is saying, "But I'm not forgetting
about you. I'm here crumpled up in
the garbage with a banana peel on my
face, saying, 'Lookit you, fool!"'
If you intended to read it but didn't
know it was in the paper today, my
column is saying to you, "Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Don't give me that crap." And
you don't even know it and you never
will, probably. This just goes to prove
that when a tree falls alone in the for-
est it sure does make a sound. After
all, you're not here to see this and
meanwhile this is still here, saying,
"LOOKIT YOU, FOOL!"
Even if this instant you are read-
ing these very words, the next few
words that you are about to read but
had no inkling of at the beginning of
the sentence are sitting 10 words from
here on the page, silently saying to
you without your knowledge, "Lookit
you, fool." You know now, but for a
few seconds you were being laughed
at again behind your back.
Right now - later on for my 20th
century readers - it's thousands of
years after fools from long ago failed
to read my column or ever even to
hear of it. They never even knew my
column existed and now they're dead.
But my column's here as an artifact
in this museum located in the station-
ary, weightless cortex of a rotating
space installation in the nether reaches
of the Andromeda galaxy. There's a
curator floating with his back to my
column and my yellowed ancient col-
umn is saying to him, silently scream-
ing at him, from inside this case:
"Lookit you, fool." Even if he looked
right at my column he would never
know what was being said to him be-
cause no one can read this kind of
English anymore. In an ancient unin-
telligible language, my column is say-
ing simply, "Lookit you, fool."
And yes of course, long after the
moment just described has passed, the
last extant copy of my column will
be physically disintegrated. Even

now, this space installation is sailing
with mathematical precision and at
abnormal velocities through silent
space, nearing the burning dark aura
of a dying nova. For the first time my
column is being heavily irradiated.
Now heat is vibrating the outer
hull into a molten gelatin. But my
column is still here, saying from in-
side its glass case, "Hey big bad nova,
lookit you, fool." Millions of miles
from human perception, my column
is this instant mocking giant space

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phenomena. The nova, mea
innocently proceeding to cc
entire installation into a bri
fly. These symbols are sittin
last moments of existence
when I say, "poof' they're
be gone. Ready ... and ...
But until then, my colu
here for all other times, me
fact, it's mocking people a
that will come into existenc
ter the expiration of my co
sitting here at any of these

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