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March 26, 1990 - Image 4

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 1990-03-26

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Page 4- The Michigan Daily - Monday, March 26, 1990

SE i 3rdjiran ail,
420 Maynard Strect
Ann Arbor, Michigan 48109

Owl vomit, dog vomit, mosquito larvae and flying tuna


763 0379
764 0552
747 2814


764 0552
747 3336
747 4630

Unsigned editorials represent a majority of the Daily's Editorial Board. All other cartoons,
signed articles, and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily.
Free expression
University aims to ignore the First Amendment

By Dave Barry
These are indeed exciting times we live
in, what with the radical political changes in
Eastern Europe, the dramatic developments
in South Africa, and, of course, the long-
overdue Illinois Owl Vomit Study. This was
alertly brought to my attention by reader
Paul Baker, who sent in an article from The
Wisconsin State Journal headlined LAW-
STUDY. It seems that some Illinois legisla-
tors are upset because the state is
funding a $180,000 study wherein
researchers go around collecting owl
vomit to see what they (the owls) eat,
which could have important impli-
"Owls spit up pellets of hair, bone
and teeth... at least once or twice a
day," states the article.
This is also true of our small
auxiliary dog, Zippy. His hobby is
throwing up lizard parts when we're
trying to eat dinner. He'll get that
look of total concentration that dogs
get when they have a really impor-
tant task to perform, then he'll hunch
his body over and walk around in a
circle making a noise that sounds
like "hornk." If you put him outside,
he'll sit patiently by the door until
you let him back inside, then he'll
resume hornking. "Never throw up
your lizard parts outside," is Rule
No. 1 of the Dog Code of Ethics.
So, as you can imagine, our din-
ners have a very appetizing ambi-

duced, is that our son is doing a science fair
project that involves seeing what happens to
larvae when you put them into various envi-
ronments, such as the refrigerator environ-
ment, the hall-closet environment, etc. Here
are our key findings:
1. In the hall-closet environment, the
larvae turn into mosquitoes and wait in the
dark until you open the door, when they hurl
their little bodies pathetically up against the
side of the jar and, with their whiny little

Duderstadt, in a move which can only
signify his disregard for the First
Amendment, announced last week his
intention to implement a policy dictat-
ing what forms of expression will be
permitted on campus. Such a policy
would enable the administration to de-
cide what forms of political dissent are
tolerated, and could easily be used to
stifle opposition to University policy.
First Amendment freedoms of
speech and expression cannot and
should not be curtailed by university
policies. Duderstadt's eventual policy
could grant him the right to outlaw
protests, sit-ins, speeches on the Diag,
and other forms of political discourse
Americans have long taken for granted.
Courts in the United States deter-
ipine what constitutes expression and
what doesn't. For example, a court
would never call murdering a political
opponent a legitimate mechanism for
making a political statement.
But the University now wants to
sidestep the courts in favor of its own
definitions of appropriate expression, a
move which can only be intended to
limit already-existing forms of political
outlet. Why else would the University
need such a policy? Obviously, the re-
gents and other administrators don't
think the First Amendment places
enough limits on the kinds of speech in
which people can engage.
Duderstadt, since he became Uni-
versity president less than two years
ago, has drummed upon a never-end-
ing theme of diversity, pluralism, and

multi-culturalism. It is therefore ironic
that he would dismiss his rhetoric and
seek to limit the diverse forms of ex-
pression now open to the University
Yet he is seeking to do just that. The
University's Board of Regents and
Duderstadt will argue that their policy
is only designed to remove the shanties
and bar pro-drug legalization rallies
from the Diag. But by implementing
the policy, the University will be doing
a great deal more - it will be saying
that it has the right to determine which
forms of expression are "legitimate" for
a college campus.
Most students on campus have not
protested the University; most have not
participated in a sit-in of the adminis-
tration building; most have not built
shanties on the Diag; and most have not
stood screaming on a bench, hoping to
change someone else's mind. But
shouldn't everyone defend the right of
others to express themselves in a matter
consistent with the First Amendment?
If ever there was a time to protest
the administration, if ever there was
cause for students to stand up and
refuse to abide by administrative re-
strictions, this is the time. If the Uni-
versity wants to remove the shanties,
make a jury vote to do it. If the Uni-
versity wants to abolish protests and
sit-ins and political speeches, make a
judge order the restriction.
The University knows the courts
won't tolerate limitations on the First
Amendment; let's show that the Uni-
versity community won't either.

'' \ ,

floor. And then Zippy will throw up on him:
But I will say this for our dogs: They
never shot anybody. This is more than I can
say for the dog in Lyngdal, Norway, that
shot a man. According to a news article sent
in by many alert readers, the man was hunt-
ing rabbits, and he set his gun down, and his
dog "accidentally" hit the trigger, causing
the gun to go off. Fortunately, the man suf-
fered only minor injuries. Unfortunately.,
the rabbits saw the whole thing
and have obtained a mail-order
assault rifle.
Just kidding, of course! But I
am NOT kidding about the Arson
Cat. According to an Associated
Press story also alertly sent in by
" numerous readers, investigatorĀ§
concluded that a house fire in
Lima, N.Y., was caused by "a cat
playing with matches," prompt'
ing us to once again ask ourselves,
as concerned citizens, WHEN the
\ government is going to come to
its senses and order the manda-
tory sterilization of ALL cat
On a brighter note, the New
Zealand Herald reports that a
't woman in Adelaide, Australia,
received a hefty out-of-court set-
tlement "after she was hit in the
back by an eight-kilogram frozen
tuna during the world tuna-toss-
ing championships." The story
adds that the organizers of this
s. Inc. annual event "are now trying to
make the sport safer for specta-
tors by developing a rubber tuna."
So there is Hope for Tomorrow. In fact,
things are looking better already: Alertreader
Perry Bradshaw sent me a news item stating
that the governor of Minnesota, whose name
(I am not making this governor up) is "Rudy
Perpich," has declared 1990 to be "The Year
of the Polka." I wouldn't be surprised if this
exciting event drew music enthusiasts from
as far away as Illinois ("The Own Vomit
State"). I'd be there myself, but I have to
taunt the hall-closet mosquitoes.



- -

MY WIFE: Would you like some
more stew?
ME: Sure, I'd love...
ZIPPY: Hornk..
ME: On second thought...
MY SON: Look! A tail and a leg!
ME: I think I'll just lie down.
And I'll tell you something else that is
not helping my appetite any: Our refrigera-
tor currently contains a jug of pond water
infested with mosquito larvae, which are so
unappetizing as to make semidigested lizard
parts look like Chicken McNuggets. The
reason we have mosquito larvae in our re-
frigerator, as you parents have already de-

01990 Tribune Media Service
AH Rights Reerve
voices, go, "Please let me out please please
PLEASE I won't suck your blood I
SWEAR." But they are lying.
2. In the refrigerator environment, the
larvae do nothing, and after a while you
don't even notice them, leading to the dan-
ger that their jar will become part of the
general population of Mystery Refrigerator
Items like the leftover takeout Chinese food
from the Carter administration, and then one
day Grandpa Bob will come to visit, and in
the middle of the night he'll get thirsty and
tiptoe out to the refrigerator, reach in, pull
out what looks like a nice refreshing jug of
iced tea, take a big swig and

Q 1990 The Miami Herald
Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

Another pioy
'U' wants to control students' personal lives

tently have a conduct code governing
$tudents' non-academic lives. But that
isn't stopping University President
James Duderstadt, who vowed last
:week to continue sanctioning students
for their conduct outside the classroom.
Duderstadt said he would continue
psing his presidential powers to man-
date students' behavior until the Uni-
versity implements a code. Earlier this
'month, Duderstadt used the power
granted to the president under regental
bylaw 2.01 to place hockey player
Todd Copeland on academic probation
for reasons having nothing to do with
his class standing.
At first glance, many students
would support sanctioning someone
like Copeland, who pleaded no contest
to charges of destruction of property
after terrorizing a sorority earlier this
term. But students must look at the
larger picture, and in doing so realize
that the University wants to control the
behavior of all its students, not just the
Todd Copelands.
For the last 20 years, the University
has sought to formulate rules to regu-
late the personal lives of students. All
such attempts, until recently, have been
fought by a united front of outraged
students. But now the administration
has begun to act more shrewdly, play-
ing on inconsistent student concerns to
gain support for a code.
First, the University adopted an
anti-discrimination policy, which al-
lowed the administration to sanction
students for expressing racist or other
unpopular points of view. This policy
was hailed by many students as a
much-needed response to the hostile
racial climate on campus; the fact that
$uch a policy punished students for
their comments outside the classroom
was ignored by a significant number of

Even after the policy was declared
unconstitutional by a federal judge, the
University did not give up its push to
control students' speech. In focusing
on the anti-discrimination policy, the
University showed its willingness to
take an incremental approach to a
larger, all-encompassing code of con-
duct. The students favoring such a
policy failed to see the University's real
motive - comprehensive control of
students' lives.
After implementing an interim ha-
rassment policy, the University bided
its time until Todd Copeland came
along. From the administration's per-
spective, Copeland was a perfect test
case to elicit student response to Uni-
versity interference in students' non-
academic pursuits.
Copeland has been decried all over
campus. The University knew many
students would support sanctions
against him, and used the case to show
how wonderful a code of conduct
could be for students - simply be-
cause it can be used to counter the be-
havior of people like Todd Copeland.
But again, lost in the shuffle is the
bigger picture. By supporting Duder-
stadt's action, students will be one step
closer to affirming the University's
right to interfere with their own lives.
Perhaps Duderstadt and others in the
administration aren't as sly as all that;
perhaps they are really just wandering
aimlessly, with no desire to move
closer and closer to a far-reaching code
of student non-academic conduct. But
whether brilliantly executed or blindly
lucky, the actions of the administration
have moved students to the brink of
University control of their personal
Unless students recognize the Uni-
versity's actions for what they are, a
code can't be far off.

Support lesbian and
gay men's awareness
To the Daily:
This letter is to inform the University
community about events that will be hap-
pening during Lesbian and Gay Men's
Awareness Week 1990. As you may al-
ready know, today is Blue Jeans Day. This
event traditionally marks the beginning of
LGMAW. Students, faculty and staff are,
encouraged to wear blue jeans to show
their support for Lesbians and Gay Men
on campus.
As a side note, former University Pres-
ident Harold Shapiro showed his support
for the Lesbian and Gay Men's commu-
nity in 1987 by wearing blue jeans in
public on Coming Out Day. We now in-
vite President Duderstadt to also "accept
the challenge."
There will be a rally on the steps of the
Harlan Hatcher Graduate Library at 12
noon. This year our rally will feature both
speakers and entertainment. City Coun-
cilperson Ann Marie Coleman, University
Law student Ron Wheeler and Rackham
Student Government president Tracy Ore
will be our keynotes. Lizette Chevalier
from the Women's Coffee House in De-
troit will be performing and David Horste
will be hosting (as his favorite "Village
Also today, at 7 p.m., there will be a
workshop titled: "A Simple Matter of Jus-
tice: Lesbian and Gay Men's Rights in the
Workplace." This workshop is being
sponsored by Lesbian and Gay Law Stu-
dents Alliance. This workshop will be
held in the Michigan Room of the Michi-
gan Union. For details call 763-4186.
Brian Durrance
Clarification of UPSA
conference confusion
To the Daily:
This is my personal response to the
story "Invitation to Communist sparks
controversy in campus groups" (3/19/90).
I never personally, or in false represen-
tation of the Undergraduate Political
Science Association, invited David North,
National Secretary of the Workers'
League, to the Undergraduate Conference.

Everyone on the Conference Planning
Committee was authorized to send letters
of inquiry to anyone whom they would
like to see participate in the conference. I
informed Conference Committee Chair
Lorne Baker in October that I was contact-
ing North, and then-president Stacy
Singer. I also sought the advice of Profes-
sor Roman Szporluk, Chair of the depart-
ment of Russian and East European stud-
ies, and received a most positive response.
The trouble began when the Workers'
League accepted my letter of inquiry as an
invitation, which it obviously was not.
I placed the Workers' League accep-
tance letter in Baker's mailbox on January
18. I heard nothing from him about it un-
til the first week in March when he told
me there was no room for North on the
In mid-February, I had sent a letter to
North, which was not on University sta-
tionary, so that he could have more precise
information about the conference. This let-
ter was clearly not an invitation either, but
merely a "fact sheet." I also had no reason
to think that North would not be allowed
to speak. Indeed, many of the speakers on
the panel were invited without the direct
approval of the Conference Committee,
which had met only three times since
Thomas Martin
LSA sophomore
Daily errs on letter
To the Daily:
The Daily has done it again in printing
my "Viewpoint" (3/21/90). First of all,
the headline doesn't fit - in the very first
paragraph I made it quite clear that the
Matthew Fox events were not just a reli-
gious events, but the headline says: "Daily
should 'wake up' to religious events."
How clearly must one write for the Daily
to understand?
Second, the Daily insisted on altering
what Matthew Fox said. Fox did not say
the University didn't have Native Ameri-
can courses, what he said was he didn't no-
tice any sweat lodges on campus and ques-
tioned how a University could ignore the
kind of wisdom that comes from the expe-
rience of a sweat lodge.
The editors chose to alter what Fox

said because they told me they didn't know
what a sweat lodge was. That's a pretty
flimsy excuse for altering what somebody
says. "Courses" misses the major point
that Fox made that wisdom involves the
head, the body and the heart, but that heart
and body knowledge is being ignored. Thy
sweat lodge is a place where you learn
through your heart and body primarily. f
Finally, the Daily chose to delete my
references to 350 people dancing Native
American dances on the corner of State and
Huron, the same people dancing a greek{
dance around the pews in Fist Unite4
Methodist Church and the fact that a Na=
tive American smoke ceremony was con4
ducted in the sanctuary of that same
church. It seems to me that these are
pretty noteworthy events. Certainly they
don't happen around here very often. ThO
Daily stills need to wake up, and stop
putting words in other people's mouths.
Jim Bull
Graduate Student
School of Natural Resources
Thanks to Pow-wow}Iu
To the Daily:
The vision of so many traditionally
adorned men, women, and children dancing
ceremoniously in the Coliseum last week-
end was unforgettable.
After finding an empty riser to catch
my breath, it was the drummers and the
singers who moved me.
Thank you, Mike Dasher and the Na-
tive American Student Association for
sponsoring the Pow-wow again this year.
The two pre-Pow-wow events were wefl
done, especially the event Friday at Baits.
Thank you to the Roaches, the Rocky
Boys, and the dancers both nights.
When the Rocky Boys started playing
Friday-it seemed my heart stopped- the
music went inside, filled it heavily, made
me sweat. I felt like I was drowning. It
was the most beautiful music I've ever
heard. Thank you.
Gretchen Spaan*


Some commonly asked questions about a University code of non-academic conduct.

What is a "code"?
A "code" is the generic term for a University policy which would regulate the non-

should not be part of the University community. Though not part of the "administra-
tive line," a code would also allow the University to suspend or even expel students

University already has a code.

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