0 Page 4- The Michigan Daily - Monday, March 26, 1990 SE i 3rdjiran ail, EDITED AND MANAGED BY STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN 420 Maynard Strect Ann Arbor, Michigan 48109 Owl vomit, dog vomit, mosquito larvae and flying tuna ARTS NEWS OPINION 763 0379 764 0552 747 2814 PHOTO SPORTS WEEKEND 764 0552 747 3336 747 4630 Unsigned editorials represent a majority of the Daily's Editorial Board. All other cartoons, signed articles, and letters do not necessarily represent the opinion of the Daily. Free expression University aims to ignore the First Amendment By Dave Barry These are indeed exciting times we live in, what with the radical political changes in Eastern Europe, the dramatic developments in South Africa, and, of course, the long- overdue Illinois Owl Vomit Study. This was alertly brought to my attention by reader Paul Baker, who sent in an article from The Wisconsin State Journal headlined LAW- MAKERS CHOKE ON OWL VOMIT STUDY. It seems that some Illinois legisla- tors are upset because the state is funding a $180,000 study wherein researchers go around collecting owl vomit to see what they (the owls) eat, which could have important impli- cations. "Owls spit up pellets of hair, bone and teeth... at least once or twice a day," states the article. This is also true of our small auxiliary dog, Zippy. His hobby is throwing up lizard parts when we're trying to eat dinner. He'll get that look of total concentration that dogs get when they have a really impor- tant task to perform, then he'll hunch his body over and walk around in a circle making a noise that sounds like "hornk." If you put him outside, he'll sit patiently by the door until you let him back inside, then he'll resume hornking. "Never throw up your lizard parts outside," is Rule No. 1 of the Dog Code of Ethics. So, as you can imagine, our din- ners have a very appetizing ambi- ence: duced, is that our son is doing a science fair project that involves seeing what happens to larvae when you put them into various envi- ronments, such as the refrigerator environ- ment, the hall-closet environment, etc. Here are our key findings: 1. In the hall-closet environment, the larvae turn into mosquitoes and wait in the dark until you open the door, when they hurl their little bodies pathetically up against the side of the jar and, with their whiny little UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT JAMES Duderstadt, in a move which can only signify his disregard for the First Amendment, announced last week his intention to implement a policy dictat- ing what forms of expression will be permitted on campus. Such a policy would enable the administration to de- cide what forms of political dissent are tolerated, and could easily be used to stifle opposition to University policy. First Amendment freedoms of speech and expression cannot and should not be curtailed by university policies. Duderstadt's eventual policy could grant him the right to outlaw protests, sit-ins, speeches on the Diag, and other forms of political discourse Americans have long taken for granted. Courts in the United States deter- ipine what constitutes expression and what doesn't. For example, a court would never call murdering a political opponent a legitimate mechanism for making a political statement. But the University now wants to sidestep the courts in favor of its own definitions of appropriate expression, a move which can only be intended to limit already-existing forms of political outlet. Why else would the University need such a policy? Obviously, the re- gents and other administrators don't think the First Amendment places enough limits on the kinds of speech in which people can engage. Duderstadt, since he became Uni- versity president less than two years ago, has drummed upon a never-end- ing theme of diversity, pluralism, and multi-culturalism. It is therefore ironic that he would dismiss his rhetoric and seek to limit the diverse forms of ex- pression now open to the University community. Yet he is seeking to do just that. The University's Board of Regents and Duderstadt will argue that their policy is only designed to remove the shanties and bar pro-drug legalization rallies from the Diag. But by implementing the policy, the University will be doing a great deal more - it will be saying that it has the right to determine which forms of expression are "legitimate" for a college campus. Most students on campus have not protested the University; most have not participated in a sit-in of the adminis- tration building; most have not built shanties on the Diag; and most have not stood screaming on a bench, hoping to change someone else's mind. But shouldn't everyone defend the right of others to express themselves in a matter consistent with the First Amendment? If ever there was a time to protest the administration, if ever there was cause for students to stand up and refuse to abide by administrative re- strictions, this is the time. If the Uni- versity wants to remove the shanties, make a jury vote to do it. If the Uni- versity wants to abolish protests and sit-ins and political speeches, make a judge order the restriction. The University knows the courts won't tolerate limitations on the First Amendment; let's show that the Uni- versity community won't either. i ," '' \ , , , GAAAAAACCCCCKKKK thud to the floor. And then Zippy will throw up on him: But I will say this for our dogs: They never shot anybody. This is more than I can say for the dog in Lyngdal, Norway, that shot a man. According to a news article sent in by many alert readers, the man was hunt- ing rabbits, and he set his gun down, and his dog "accidentally" hit the trigger, causing the gun to go off. Fortunately, the man suf- fered only minor injuries. Unfortunately., the rabbits saw the whole thing and have obtained a mail-order assault rifle. Just kidding, of course! But I am NOT kidding about the Arson Cat. According to an Associated Press story also alertly sent in by " numerous readers, investigator§ concluded that a house fire in Lima, N.Y., was caused by "a cat playing with matches," prompt' ing us to once again ask ourselves, as concerned citizens, WHEN the \ government is going to come to its senses and order the manda- tory sterilization of ALL cat owners. On a brighter note, the New Zealand Herald reports that a 't woman in Adelaide, Australia, received a hefty out-of-court set- tlement "after she was hit in the back by an eight-kilogram frozen tuna during the world tuna-toss- ing championships." The story adds that the organizers of this s. Inc. annual event "are now trying to make the sport safer for specta- tors by developing a rubber tuna." So there is Hope for Tomorrow. In fact, things are looking better already: Alertreader Perry Bradshaw sent me a news item stating that the governor of Minnesota, whose name (I am not making this governor up) is "Rudy Perpich," has declared 1990 to be "The Year of the Polka." I wouldn't be surprised if this exciting event drew music enthusiasts from as far away as Illinois ("The Own Vomit State"). I'd be there myself, but I have to taunt the hall-closet mosquitoes. .1 wwmwmwmwmlmNmw - - MY WIFE: Would you like some more stew? ME: Sure, I'd love... ZIPPY: Hornk.. ME: On second thought... ZIPPY: HORRRRNK. MY SON: Look! A tail and a leg! ME: I think I'll just lie down. And I'll tell you something else that is not helping my appetite any: Our refrigera- tor currently contains a jug of pond water infested with mosquito larvae, which are so unappetizing as to make semidigested lizard parts look like Chicken McNuggets. The reason we have mosquito larvae in our re- frigerator, as you parents have already de- 01990 Tribune Media Service AH Rights Reerve voices, go, "Please let me out please please PLEASE I won't suck your blood I SWEAR." But they are lying. 2. In the refrigerator environment, the larvae do nothing, and after a while you don't even notice them, leading to the dan- ger that their jar will become part of the general population of Mystery Refrigerator Items like the leftover takeout Chinese food from the Carter administration, and then one day Grandpa Bob will come to visit, and in the middle of the night he'll get thirsty and tiptoe out to the refrigerator, reach in, pull out what looks like a nice refreshing jug of iced tea, take a big swig and Q 1990 The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc. Another pioy 'U' wants to control students' personal lives THE UNIVERSITY DOES NOT CUR- tently have a conduct code governing $tudents' non-academic lives. But that isn't stopping University President James Duderstadt, who vowed last :week to continue sanctioning students for their conduct outside the classroom. Duderstadt said he would continue psing his presidential powers to man- date students' behavior until the Uni- versity implements a code. Earlier this 'month, Duderstadt used the power granted to the president under regental bylaw 2.01 to place hockey player Todd Copeland on academic probation for reasons having nothing to do with his class standing. At first glance, many students would support sanctioning someone like Copeland, who pleaded no contest to charges of destruction of property after terrorizing a sorority earlier this term. But students must look at the larger picture, and in doing so realize that the University wants to control the behavior of all its students, not just the Todd Copelands. For the last 20 years, the University has sought to formulate rules to regu- late the personal lives of students. All such attempts, until recently, have been fought by a united front of outraged students. But now the administration has begun to act more shrewdly, play- ing on inconsistent student concerns to gain support for a code. First, the University adopted an anti-discrimination policy, which al- lowed the administration to sanction students for expressing racist or other unpopular points of view. This policy was hailed by many students as a much-needed response to the hostile racial climate on campus; the fact that $uch a policy punished students for their comments outside the classroom was ignored by a significant number of students. Even after the policy was declared unconstitutional by a federal judge, the University did not give up its push to control students' speech. In focusing on the anti-discrimination policy, the University showed its willingness to take an incremental approach to a larger, all-encompassing code of con- duct. The students favoring such a policy failed to see the University's real motive - comprehensive control of students' lives. After implementing an interim ha- rassment policy, the University bided its time until Todd Copeland came along. From the administration's per- spective, Copeland was a perfect test case to elicit student response to Uni- versity interference in students' non- academic pursuits. Copeland has been decried all over campus. The University knew many students would support sanctions against him, and used the case to show how wonderful a code of conduct could be for students - simply be- cause it can be used to counter the be- havior of people like Todd Copeland. But again, lost in the shuffle is the bigger picture. By supporting Duder- stadt's action, students will be one step closer to affirming the University's right to interfere with their own lives. Perhaps Duderstadt and others in the administration aren't as sly as all that; perhaps they are really just wandering aimlessly, with no desire to move closer and closer to a far-reaching code of student non-academic conduct. But whether brilliantly executed or blindly lucky, the actions of the administration have moved students to the brink of University control of their personal lives. Unless students recognize the Uni- versity's actions for what they are, a code can't be far off. Support lesbian and gay men's awareness To the Daily: This letter is to inform the University community about events that will be hap- pening during Lesbian and Gay Men's Awareness Week 1990. As you may al- ready know, today is Blue Jeans Day. This event traditionally marks the beginning of LGMAW. Students, faculty and staff are, encouraged to wear blue jeans to show their support for Lesbians and Gay Men on campus. As a side note, former University Pres- ident Harold Shapiro showed his support for the Lesbian and Gay Men's commu- nity in 1987 by wearing blue jeans in public on Coming Out Day. We now in- vite President Duderstadt to also "accept the challenge." There will be a rally on the steps of the Harlan Hatcher Graduate Library at 12 noon. This year our rally will feature both speakers and entertainment. City Coun- cilperson Ann Marie Coleman, University Law student Ron Wheeler and Rackham Student Government president Tracy Ore will be our keynotes. Lizette Chevalier from the Women's Coffee House in De- troit will be performing and David Horste will be hosting (as his favorite "Village Person"). Also today, at 7 p.m., there will be a workshop titled: "A Simple Matter of Jus- tice: Lesbian and Gay Men's Rights in the Workplace." This workshop is being sponsored by Lesbian and Gay Law Stu- dents Alliance. This workshop will be held in the Michigan Room of the Michi- gan Union. For details call 763-4186. Brian Durrance LAGROC Clarification of UPSA conference confusion To the Daily: This is my personal response to the story "Invitation to Communist sparks controversy in campus groups" (3/19/90). I never personally, or in false represen- tation of the Undergraduate Political Science Association, invited David North, National Secretary of the Workers' League, to the Undergraduate Conference. Everyone on the Conference Planning Committee was authorized to send letters of inquiry to anyone whom they would like to see participate in the conference. I informed Conference Committee Chair Lorne Baker in October that I was contact- ing North, and then-president Stacy Singer. I also sought the advice of Profes- sor Roman Szporluk, Chair of the depart- ment of Russian and East European stud- ies, and received a most positive response. The trouble began when the Workers' League accepted my letter of inquiry as an invitation, which it obviously was not. I placed the Workers' League accep- tance letter in Baker's mailbox on January 18. I heard nothing from him about it un- til the first week in March when he told me there was no room for North on the panel. In mid-February, I had sent a letter to North, which was not on University sta- tionary, so that he could have more precise information about the conference. This let- ter was clearly not an invitation either, but merely a "fact sheet." I also had no reason to think that North would not be allowed to speak. Indeed, many of the speakers on the panel were invited without the direct approval of the Conference Committee, which had met only three times since September. Thomas Martin LSA sophomore Daily errs on letter To the Daily: The Daily has done it again in printing my "Viewpoint" (3/21/90). First of all, the headline doesn't fit - in the very first paragraph I made it quite clear that the Matthew Fox events were not just a reli- gious events, but the headline says: "Daily should 'wake up' to religious events." How clearly must one write for the Daily to understand? Second, the Daily insisted on altering what Matthew Fox said. Fox did not say the University didn't have Native Ameri- can courses, what he said was he didn't no- tice any sweat lodges on campus and ques- tioned how a University could ignore the kind of wisdom that comes from the expe- rience of a sweat lodge. The editors chose to alter what Fox said because they told me they didn't know what a sweat lodge was. That's a pretty flimsy excuse for altering what somebody says. "Courses" misses the major point that Fox made that wisdom involves the head, the body and the heart, but that heart and body knowledge is being ignored. Thy sweat lodge is a place where you learn through your heart and body primarily. f Finally, the Daily chose to delete my references to 350 people dancing Native American dances on the corner of State and Huron, the same people dancing a greek{ dance around the pews in Fist Unite4 Methodist Church and the fact that a Na= tive American smoke ceremony was con4 ducted in the sanctuary of that same church. It seems to me that these are pretty noteworthy events. Certainly they don't happen around here very often. ThO Daily stills need to wake up, and stop putting words in other people's mouths. Jim Bull Graduate Student School of Natural Resources Thanks to Pow-wow}Iu To the Daily: The vision of so many traditionally adorned men, women, and children dancing ceremoniously in the Coliseum last week- end was unforgettable. After finding an empty riser to catch my breath, it was the drummers and the singers who moved me. Thank you, Mike Dasher and the Na- tive American Student Association for sponsoring the Pow-wow again this year. The two pre-Pow-wow events were wefl done, especially the event Friday at Baits. Thank you to the Roaches, the Rocky Boys, and the dancers both nights. When the Rocky Boys started playing Friday-it seemed my heart stopped- the music went inside, filled it heavily, made me sweat. I felt like I was drowning. It was the most beautiful music I've ever heard. Thank you. Gretchen Spaan* i Some commonly asked questions about a University code of non-academic conduct. What is a "code"? A "code" is the generic term for a University policy which would regulate the non- should not be part of the University community. Though not part of the "administra- tive line," a code would also allow the University to suspend or even expel students University already has a code.