OPINION
Page 4
Tuesday, January 31, 1984
The Michigan Daily
Don't get egged looking for an abode
By Mike Buhler
As some of you are acutely aware, it
is time, once again, to find housing.
This dissertation is aimed more at
those of you who are still in dorms, and
are looking to'get into an apartment.
And you might rightly ask, what do I
know about apartments? Well, enough;
but we'll avoid the topic of housing
proper and move right in on room-
nrates.
Understand that I live with a guy who
draws cute faces and silly messages on
the eggs in the fridge. Seriously. Every
morning, and more frequently
,following "bad" nights, the eggs stare
'up at you and say "I am the Egg Man,"
-or "Now you know what it's like to be
scrambled." But it takes two or three
-eggs for the long messages. Oh, and
sometimes the eggs just talk to them-
selves. The point being, if you like your
eggs unadulterated, find that out before
you move in with someone.
One of my favorite egg jokes was
-when one, positioned next to a lime, in-
dicated with an arrow, "Must be the
Hulk! "
SNORING is something that bothers
some people, but so far my roommates
haven't complained. And I don't - my
body doesn't bruise much. But if you
are going to live with people from your
hall, you probably already know who
snores.
What they eat and drink is important:
If a roommate is going to raid my
pickled eggs and Scotch, they had best
beware. So get roommates that don't
like what you eat, if you eat little. But if
you eat a lot, certainly find those that
stock and prepare what you find
key. Everyone seems to like a little jazz
and a bit of the classics, but the
divisions are greater between Andy
Gibb and Ozzy Osborne. Neil Young
could keep the peace, but for how long?
(That's a joke, if you didn't get it.)
Maybe the biggest thing people ex-
pect out of leaving the dorms for an
alternate dwelling is peace and quiet.
Wrong! No matter what, if you have
neighbors, you'll have noise.
Dan, your typical LSA freshman
from Allen Park, lives in South Quad.
He says the food isn't too good, but that
he would like to find some place
quieter. Learn to live with the noise,
Dan.
THE PEOPLE above us, for instan-
ce, can be noisy at the wrong time. One
Sunday morning, sometime before
noon, they were blasting Casey's Coast-
to-Coast. We, to say the least, didn't feel
like hearing it. Ever been too hung over
to pound on the ceiling? And then there
is the constant (shall we call it
vibration?)sthat emanates from the
Jane Fonda workouts they play. O.K.
something noise-wise in their favor:'
one of them sings well. The point being,
I do not find the level of noise any dif-
ferent than that of the dorm. The
frequency may change, and maybe the
attractiveness of the neighbors, but you
can't escape noise.
Whatever you do, be sure you get
parking. Even when you have a permit,
it may not be enough.
Finally, make sure you agree about
utilities. Water, gas, and electric, I'm
not talking about. Cable and
telephones, I am. Like, do you really
want to pay seven bucks for the
Playboy channel? And what about call
waiting? I find that whenever I call
someone who has it, the roommate
says, "I'm sorry, but I'm on long
distance. I'll have them call you back."
But the roommate never leaves the
message. It would be best left busy,
because you call back eventually.
Oh, gee, and then there are
publications. Time v. Newsweek, the
Free Press v. the News. At least you'll
get the Daily and Rolling Stone, right?,:
And what about dishes? Who'll con-
tribute the silverware? Will mom part
with the Cuisinart? Gotta have two or
three stereos, but who's got a vacuum
cleaner to spare? And should you get
matching bedcloths? Don't forget the
bathmat! Lamps, too, are important,
because "furnished" never seems to
include them. Of course, some of your
dorm room equipment will make it into
the new place. Like the beanbag chair,
You won't be needing the hot pot
though - you'll have a stove. How
many of you came to school with hot
pots? If that isn't the best scam, I don't
know what is.
- Oh, and have fun finding a place, if
you can get that far.
Buhler is a regular contributor to
the Opinion Page.
Daily Photo
Apartment life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Cooking for yourself is no picnic - not to mention the snoring, the ob-
noxious music, and all of the little faces and messages drawn on the eggs.
palatable.
Get clean roommates (isn't that a
hideous term?). I can't stand roaches,
personally. Of course I'm a big culprit
there, though I make the distinction
between dirt and clutter, or those things
varmits will like, and the junk piled on
my desk. Dirtis out, but clutter is okay.
WATCH OUT for musical tastes. And
also be sure that either all of you sing or
none of you do. If only some are par-
ticipating, it's easy to hear who is off-
*1
Edited and managed by students at The University of Michigan
AM RAE 11 ,
u . JEti
11
Vol. XCIV-No. 100
420 Maynard St.
Ann Arbor, MI 48109
Editorials represent a majority opinion of the Daily's Editorial Board
Reagan's:
T WAS THE yawn heard 'round the
nation. Ronald Reagan's announ-
cement of his intention to seek reelec-
tion didn't surprise anyone. Nor should
it have, since he's been campaigning
since his inauguration. What his an-
nouncement did do was set the tone for
his upcoming run for office.
Reagan's basic premise is that he
'"pulled the nation through the long
night of our national calamity," and
that now "America is back and stan-
ding tall." While America was suf-
fering three years ago, the contention
that America is now "standing tall" is
much more . difficult to support.
Reagan is in the process of creating
images - images of a dreadful past
and a glorious present. He wants the
chance to continue this fantastic trend
which is supposedly a result of his ef-
fort and wisdom.
He says the reduction of inflation,
the rebuilding of our defenses, and the
return to "great American values,"
are the major successes of his ad-
ministration. Along with his limited
successes, though, come very real
failures.
Reagan deserves to be smiling about
the reduced inflation and unem-
ployment rates, but the immense
deficit that he has created should be
taking a little color out of his cheeks.
All of his economic successes could be
but a short term patch-job in the face
of such a threatening monetary im-
balance.
Reagan has tried to distribute the
blame for this deficit, but respon-
sibility should fall exclusively on his
shoulders. His top-heavy military
budget is neither fiscally nor socially
rose garden
responsible. Billions are going to the
military that could be going to
reducing our debt or toward pro grams
that would more directly benefit the
American people. But as Reagan
knows, social programs are less
tangible than guns - so now he has
something to point to. Our defenses are
certainly stronger, but that strength
wasn't free.
Most interesting is Reagan's
proclamation of restored American
values: He speaks of "the dignity of
work, the warmth of family, the
strength of neighborhood, and the
nourishment of freedom." Reagan lays
claim to these values and yet any other
politician could do so with equal
authority. Reagan is trying to equate
this positive rhetoric with his own aims
- prayer in schools, creationism in
textbooks, missiles in Europe, and
troops in Lebanon.
He paints a very pretty picture of
America, but he's being rather free
with his brush. Soviet-American
relations are the worst they've been in
years, American military force has
been applied under questionable cir-
cumstances, we are suffering under an
immense deficit, and there are hun-
dreds of thousands of hungry in our
country - he mustn't get too cocky.
Reagan has. had some success, but
he has not been without failure as well.
As the campaign continues we should
not be deluded into thinking that
America is definitely better off than
four years ago. Reagan hasn't cor-
nered the market on success and he's
had more than his share of failures. To
think anything different is to view the
world through rose-colored glasses
courtesy of Ronald Reagan.
AND TqlS Nikv
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Space
Age-
sporting life
By Dick West
WASHINGTON (UPI)-The Los
Angeles Chapter of the American
Institute of Aeronautics and
Astronautics is sponsoring a con-
test to determine what the Olym-
pic games of 2084 might be like.
The assumption seems to be
that 100 years from now many
sporting events will take place on
the moon and in "space
habitats."
Therefore, contestants are
being urged to envision com-
petition in such endeavors as
"Lunar Hurdles," "Spacemin-
ton," ,"3-D Water Polo" and
"America's Space Cup" racing.
Maybe zero gravity and
weightlessness will be factors
with which athletes of the future
must cope. To me, however, that
is a rather shaky premise. I
believe it is more likely the 2084
Olympics will feature events
such as these:
AIRPORT MARATHONS -
Long-distance runners compete
with each other in an airport
terminal.
A boarding gate in one corridor
is the starting noint The finish
a low bow, holding the palm of the
right hand against the forehead.
These salutations will be graded
by security officers, who also
function as slalom judges.
To win, skiers must reach the
finish line without causing any of
the metal detectors to make
beeping noises, thereby creating
the impression they are wanted
to the telephone.
PARKING LOT HURDLES -
Rather than jumping over
wooden barricades, entrants try
to extricate cars that are blocked
in parking spaces by other autos,
from which ignition keys have
been removed.
BLOOM COUNTY
The first one to reach the
cashier's booth wins. Contestants
lose points for scratches and bent
fenders.
EXACT CHANGE SHOTPUT
- The object of this event is to
throw 35 cents into a basket-like
receptacle at a toll bridge collec-
tion booth.
In the first heat, contestants
toss two coins - a quarter and a
dime. The combinations become
progressively more difficult until
the final heat, when survivors
must hit the baskets with seven
nickels.
The gold metal winner is the
first to light a red "Thank you"
sign. Time may be lost if one or
more coins bounce out of the
basket androll under the con-
testant's vehicle.
ICY SIDEWALK DASH - In
this event, sprinters race the
customary 50 or 100 meters, only
instead of running on cinder-
paths, they traverse sidewalks
encrusted with frozen rain.
Anyone who lasts the distance
and is still upright gets a medal,
regardless of the order of finish.
West is a correspondent for
United Press International.
by Berke Breathed
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