Page Ten
THE MICHIGAN DAILY
Thursday April 1 1971
i
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NO 2-3231
Lacrossemen crush
rated Bowling Green
By The Associated Press 1
Miss Plumage, next to the long-
est shot in the field of eight, was
the surprise winner of the $33,750
Prioress staked yesterday at Aque-
duct.
The 3-year-old daughter of Bold
Legend-Plumage, ridden by Bob-
by Woodhouse, ran six furlongs
in 1:11 3-5 to head Sea Saga.
Third went to Emperors Desire,
who finished 1% lengths back and
a head in front of Aqua Belle.
Miss Plumage returned $53.80,,
$12.80 and $6.60. Sea Saga paid
$5.20 and $3.40 and Emperors De-
sire was $4.40 to show.
Miss Plumage, winning her first
race after four failures this year,
earned a net purse of $20,250 in
the 24th running of the stake that
is a stepping stone toward the
New York triple crown for fillies.-
Smooth It outfinished favored
Gleaming in a rodeo-like stretch
drive to win the $15,000 Hallan-
dale Purse at Gulfstream Park.
The stewards put up the in-
quiry sign immediately after the
finish and studied the film for 12
minutes before making a decis-
ion.
The two horses had rallied to-
gether on the outside and with
1-16 of a mile to go when Gleam-
ing, on the outside, lugged in on
Smooth It.
Then Smooth It, under a left
hand whip, came out and bumped
Gleaming. The latter than came
in again and bumped Smooth It.
After which Smooth It came out
and smashed into Gleaming,
knocking both horses off stride.
Finally, right at the wire,
Gleaming came in for a third time
and bumped Smooth It.
The stewards finally decided
both horses were at fault and let
the finish stand as was.
Smooth It, ridden by Earlie
Fires, ran a mile and 1-16 on the
grass in 1:41 4-5 and paid $10,
$4.60 and $2.80.
Gleaming paid $3.20 and $2.40.
Lord Hussar, a head back, paid
$3.20 to show.
Fight Results
Tuesday's Fights
By The Associated Press
NEW YORK - Herschel Ja-
cobs, 1801/, White Plains, N.Y.,
stopped Harold Johnson, 177,
Philadelphia, 3.
MIAMI BEACH, Fla. - Bout
between "Irish" Bobby Cassidy,
168, Hempstead, N.Y., and Paul
Kasper, 170, Miami Beach, ruled
no contest. Kasper unable to con-
tinue after hit by low blow in
sixth round.
STATELINE, Nev. - Denny
Moyer, 156, Portland, Ore., out-
pointed Jimmy Lester, 155, San
Francisco, 12; Moyer retained
North American middleweight ti-
tle.
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Pro Standings e
poetry and prose
Putting a little Yiddish ...
. . .on the ball
By ROBERT L. ANDREWS
LAST week I was approached by that jolly happy go lucky, 325
pound owner of the New York Mets, Joan Payson, who for the
eighth year in a row opened our conversation saying, "Hey cutie
who are you?" And for the eighth year in a row, I responded that
I was Robert L. Andrews, the talented and verbose baseball
columnist for the New York Post.
Unknown to me, a surprising but pleasant announcement by
the yenta of the Florida scene was to hit my ears. First, however
she told me a real dirty joke in yiddish which she heard at my
son's Bar Mitzvah eight years ago (it was also the eighth year in
a row that this wonderful woman of versatility told me the wrong
punch line). Then came the shocker that would even make Sam
Levison swear off bagels forever.
She simply told me that the 1971 version of the New York Mets
was going to be entirely Jewish by the start of the season, and
that only left her three weeks to pull off a greater miracle than
even the opening of the Red Sea in Egypt a few years ago.
Cleon Jones and Art Shamsky were hitting batting practice
when I approached them and told them of this news. Both showed
no expression of emotion but Cleon was the first to speak.
He calmly asked me if joining Hillel and having his nose fixed
would qualify him for what was going to be the wonder team of
the future. Art, the only Jew presently on the Mets, told him the
only way he would be able to remain on the squad would be if he
could recite the four questions.
Poor Cleon in a situation of ignorance responded, "Who
plays quarterback for Boston College? Am I going to be a good
boy today? Will Ron Swoboda hit more than 10 homers this
year? and, Why is this team different from all the others? Art
just smiled and told Cleon, "Not bad, you almost got one of
them right."
Personally, I don't think Jones has a chance and this goes
for the rest of the goyim on the team. Ron Swoboda added a little
humor, at least I think so, by stating, "I knew I would eventually
have to leave the Mets, but I never imagined this is how it would
come about."
Then I happened to come across Gil Hodges, who will be al-
lowed to remain on the club since he made out a check to the UJA
for one hundred dollars. Hodges, a man who normally shows
no emotion, was angry. Cautiously, I asked him why his spirits
were sour and he said, "This damned conversion is going to cost
me an arm and a leg. Now my son thinks he's going to get a
2,000 dollar Bar Mitvah and besides, (he quietly admitted) I hate
to see Seaver depart."
Just at this moment, Payson walked by and told Hodges that
he looked a bit thin and should eat some more. Now things were
beginning to get a bit absurd. She actually is going to circulate
chicken soup in the water cooler at the Big Shea.
My curiosity to know who was going to be on the team
was overwhelming and I begged Joan to reveal her secret list
and believe it or not, this was the squad:
Art Shamsky; Tommy Agee to Washington for Mike Epstein;
Seaver, Koosman and Tim Foli to the Yankees for Ron Blom-
berg and a boy out of Flatbush to be named later; Jerry Grote and
Ken Boswell to the Senators for Rich Sheinblum; Bud Harrelson,
and Ed Kranepool to the Cubs for guess who: Ken Holtzman;
Swoboda and 25,000 dollars cash to the old age home for Hank
Greenberg; Ken Singleton to Houston for Norm Miller; Duffy
Dyer and Tug McGraw to Oakland for Ray Oyler, and the rest of
the squad to the Costa Rica Bolberos for rights to Norm and
Larry Sherry, Sandy Koufax, and Al Rosen. Oy Veh!
Joan, who once challenged Hubert Humphrey to a talking
contest and lost by two minutes, also informed me of a few other
changes to take effect when the season started. First, all players
will have to wear metal skull caps when at bat and on the bases,
all franks will be kosher and served on bagels, only Manchevitz
red wine will be sold to those eighteen and over and grape juice
to those under age, only day games Friday and night games Sat-I
urday, the singing of the Hatikvah before each game, and the recit-,
ing of the prayer for bread and wine between games of all the
scheduled home doubleheaders.
When I asked Joan if this might present a few problems over
the course of a long season, she concluded our conversation byi
retorting, "Boobala, if these people can win a war in seven days,
just think how quick we'll be able to win the pennant!"
Bill and Sandi
Lakers swap Chamberlain, 1
obtain Nicks icBazelon, Rea
from Daily Sources
0 FERTILIZER, Iowa - Ambrose Hoggslop, a local farmer an-
nounced yesterday plans to open the first basset hound race track
in the Midwest. Hoggslop has been breeding thoroughbred bassets for
20 years and hopes to become the King of the Kennel in the new
sport.
It is rumored that Charles O. Finley, owner of the Oakland
Athletics and the California Golden Seals, wants to buy into the
business, but the hangup is that he insists that the hounds be ridden
by rhesus monkeys, dyed green and gold with vegetable coloring.
* * *
Portland
San Diego
Phoenix
Denver
Seattle
W HL
WV L
44 17
33 26
33 26
24 29
26 33
" WASHINGTON - The Washington Senators announced
yesterday completion of a deal that would virtually give pitcher Denny
McLain to the Detroit Tigers. The trade would send McLain, third-
baseman Don Wert, utility man Elliott Maddox, and relief pitcher
Norm McRae to the Bengals in return for infielders Aurelio Rodriguez
and Eddie Brinkman, plus pitchers Joe Coleman and Jim Hannan.
* * *
" INDIANAPOLIS - World wide auto racing figure A n d y
Granetelli announced yesterday that he is entering a revolutionary
new vehicle in this year's Indianapolis 500. Aside from blowing up
buildings and denouncing the establishment, this car is also expected
to be a major departure in automobile construction.
Granetelli refused to devulge the, car's secret, but it is known
that he has recently ordered large quantities of play-do. He has also
retained Fred McMurray as an engine consultant and has been heard
muttering "flubber" under his breath.
* * *
* ANN ARBOR - Athletic director Donald B. Canham an-
nounced yesterday that the University of Michigan would discontinue
its Intercollegiate athletic program, because average attendance at
football games did not reach 103,000 as expected.
"We feel that drastic measures are needed to increase attend-
ance," Canham stated, "so we will turn the existing facilities to
Women's Lib. Powder Puff football is the coming thing and we want
to get in on the ground. The women can kill themselves while we sit
in the sun and watch.
T Pts. GF GA
7 95 283 202
11 77 244 216
9 75 255 228
15 63 224 234
9 61210243
4I
Salt Lake 18 46 5 41 213 306
Wednesday's Games
Denver at Salt Lake, inc.
Only game scheduled.
Thursday's Games
Denver at Phoenix
Salt Lake at Seattle
Only games scheduled.
AHL
East Division
Montreal 27 29 14
Providence 27 29 13
Springfield 27 34 8
Quebec 23 30 16
West Division
c-Baltimore 39 20 8
Cleveland 36 25 7
Hershey 29 30 10
Rochester 24 33 t11
c-Clinched division title
68 213
67 244
62 230
62 201
87 258
79 250
69 227;
59 213;
230
253
271
231
213
195
208
237
* * *
Wednesday's Games
Baltimore at Hershey, inc.
Only game scheduled.
Thursday's Games
Rochester at Quebec
i
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Delta Sigma Delta
Delta Sigma Delta
Dental Fraternity
Friday, April 2
1502 HILL ST.
LIVE BAND!
" SOMEWHERE - Drunken handball player Paul Haber an-
nounced early this morning that he, is changing his ways. "I woke
up in the gutter this morning when the' street cleanerrs hosed me
down and I saw the light. When the fuzz took his flashlight out of my
eyes I knew that I had to reform."
Haber has promised to compete in his next match without spend-
ing the previous night in his favorite bar, located on alternate corners.
"I know this means that I will lose my championship," he stated, but I
owe this to myself.
MICHIGAN UNION
BOWLING TILL 12 MIDNIGHT
FOOSBALL SUN.-THURS.
BILLIARDS TILL I A.M.
TABLE TENNIS FRI.-SAT.
M-PIN BOWLING I P.M.-MID.
denim blue goes separate ways for
Miss J in close-knit polyester/cottons.
It's a country look with city manners
in washable skirts, pants, tunics
and jacquard shirts. Sizes 5-13.
B
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A
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She Lock.
CALCULATING
The Slacks:
M PEGGER'FLARES
A. Long-sleeve shirt, $10.
Belted tunic, $14.
Pull-on pant, $12.
B. Short-sleeve shirt, $9.
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SOCIOLOGY COLLOQUIUM
Professor Allen H. Barton
(Columbia University)
"Socialist and Capitalist Elites:
Yugoslavia and the U.S."
3:30 p.m.-Thurs., April 1, 1971
Rm. 2003, Angell Hall
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Belted skirt, $12.
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The Action
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