Page Ten THE MICHIGAN DAILY Thursday April 1 1971 i Trdy ,~i 1.17 WD why cart all those clothes home? * Call Greene's Cleaners today! We'll deliver a storage box- Fill it with your winter garments- We'll pick it up-clean your garments- Store them in our air conditioned vault. Next fall-give us a call. We'll deliver- fresh and clean-beautifully pressed. 0 It's so convenient-and cheaper than shipping. Still only $4.95 plus regular cleaning charges. Call and reserve your box today. Greene's Cleaners NO 2-3231 Lacrossemen crush rated Bowling Green By The Associated Press 1 Miss Plumage, next to the long- est shot in the field of eight, was the surprise winner of the $33,750 Prioress staked yesterday at Aque- duct. The 3-year-old daughter of Bold Legend-Plumage, ridden by Bob- by Woodhouse, ran six furlongs in 1:11 3-5 to head Sea Saga. Third went to Emperors Desire, who finished 1% lengths back and a head in front of Aqua Belle. Miss Plumage returned $53.80,, $12.80 and $6.60. Sea Saga paid $5.20 and $3.40 and Emperors De- sire was $4.40 to show. Miss Plumage, winning her first race after four failures this year, earned a net purse of $20,250 in the 24th running of the stake that is a stepping stone toward the New York triple crown for fillies.- Smooth It outfinished favored Gleaming in a rodeo-like stretch drive to win the $15,000 Hallan- dale Purse at Gulfstream Park. The stewards put up the in- quiry sign immediately after the finish and studied the film for 12 minutes before making a decis- ion. The two horses had rallied to- gether on the outside and with 1-16 of a mile to go when Gleam- ing, on the outside, lugged in on Smooth It. Then Smooth It, under a left hand whip, came out and bumped Gleaming. The latter than came in again and bumped Smooth It. After which Smooth It came out and smashed into Gleaming, knocking both horses off stride. Finally, right at the wire, Gleaming came in for a third time and bumped Smooth It. The stewards finally decided both horses were at fault and let the finish stand as was. Smooth It, ridden by Earlie Fires, ran a mile and 1-16 on the grass in 1:41 4-5 and paid $10, $4.60 and $2.80. Gleaming paid $3.20 and $2.40. Lord Hussar, a head back, paid $3.20 to show. Fight Results Tuesday's Fights By The Associated Press NEW YORK - Herschel Ja- cobs, 1801/, White Plains, N.Y., stopped Harold Johnson, 177, Philadelphia, 3. MIAMI BEACH, Fla. - Bout between "Irish" Bobby Cassidy, 168, Hempstead, N.Y., and Paul Kasper, 170, Miami Beach, ruled no contest. Kasper unable to con- tinue after hit by low blow in sixth round. STATELINE, Nev. - Denny Moyer, 156, Portland, Ore., out- pointed Jimmy Lester, 155, San Francisco, 12; Moyer retained North American middleweight ti- tle. ro:...::... . ' StiYi;and;;;r."F .;{a,.igsflrnvs,..;}; Pro Standings e poetry and prose Putting a little Yiddish ... . . .on the ball By ROBERT L. ANDREWS LAST week I was approached by that jolly happy go lucky, 325 pound owner of the New York Mets, Joan Payson, who for the eighth year in a row opened our conversation saying, "Hey cutie who are you?" And for the eighth year in a row, I responded that I was Robert L. Andrews, the talented and verbose baseball columnist for the New York Post. Unknown to me, a surprising but pleasant announcement by the yenta of the Florida scene was to hit my ears. First, however she told me a real dirty joke in yiddish which she heard at my son's Bar Mitzvah eight years ago (it was also the eighth year in a row that this wonderful woman of versatility told me the wrong punch line). Then came the shocker that would even make Sam Levison swear off bagels forever. She simply told me that the 1971 version of the New York Mets was going to be entirely Jewish by the start of the season, and that only left her three weeks to pull off a greater miracle than even the opening of the Red Sea in Egypt a few years ago. Cleon Jones and Art Shamsky were hitting batting practice when I approached them and told them of this news. Both showed no expression of emotion but Cleon was the first to speak. He calmly asked me if joining Hillel and having his nose fixed would qualify him for what was going to be the wonder team of the future. Art, the only Jew presently on the Mets, told him the only way he would be able to remain on the squad would be if he could recite the four questions. Poor Cleon in a situation of ignorance responded, "Who plays quarterback for Boston College? Am I going to be a good boy today? Will Ron Swoboda hit more than 10 homers this year? and, Why is this team different from all the others? Art just smiled and told Cleon, "Not bad, you almost got one of them right." Personally, I don't think Jones has a chance and this goes for the rest of the goyim on the team. Ron Swoboda added a little humor, at least I think so, by stating, "I knew I would eventually have to leave the Mets, but I never imagined this is how it would come about." Then I happened to come across Gil Hodges, who will be al- lowed to remain on the club since he made out a check to the UJA for one hundred dollars. Hodges, a man who normally shows no emotion, was angry. Cautiously, I asked him why his spirits were sour and he said, "This damned conversion is going to cost me an arm and a leg. Now my son thinks he's going to get a 2,000 dollar Bar Mitvah and besides, (he quietly admitted) I hate to see Seaver depart." Just at this moment, Payson walked by and told Hodges that he looked a bit thin and should eat some more. Now things were beginning to get a bit absurd. She actually is going to circulate chicken soup in the water cooler at the Big Shea. My curiosity to know who was going to be on the team was overwhelming and I begged Joan to reveal her secret list and believe it or not, this was the squad: Art Shamsky; Tommy Agee to Washington for Mike Epstein; Seaver, Koosman and Tim Foli to the Yankees for Ron Blom- berg and a boy out of Flatbush to be named later; Jerry Grote and Ken Boswell to the Senators for Rich Sheinblum; Bud Harrelson, and Ed Kranepool to the Cubs for guess who: Ken Holtzman; Swoboda and 25,000 dollars cash to the old age home for Hank Greenberg; Ken Singleton to Houston for Norm Miller; Duffy Dyer and Tug McGraw to Oakland for Ray Oyler, and the rest of the squad to the Costa Rica Bolberos for rights to Norm and Larry Sherry, Sandy Koufax, and Al Rosen. Oy Veh! Joan, who once challenged Hubert Humphrey to a talking contest and lost by two minutes, also informed me of a few other changes to take effect when the season started. First, all players will have to wear metal skull caps when at bat and on the bases, all franks will be kosher and served on bagels, only Manchevitz red wine will be sold to those eighteen and over and grape juice to those under age, only day games Friday and night games Sat-I urday, the singing of the Hatikvah before each game, and the recit-, ing of the prayer for bread and wine between games of all the scheduled home doubleheaders. When I asked Joan if this might present a few problems over the course of a long season, she concluded our conversation byi retorting, "Boobala, if these people can win a war in seven days, just think how quick we'll be able to win the pennant!" Bill and Sandi Lakers swap Chamberlain, 1 obtain Nicks icBazelon, Rea from Daily Sources 0 FERTILIZER, Iowa - Ambrose Hoggslop, a local farmer an- nounced yesterday plans to open the first basset hound race track in the Midwest. Hoggslop has been breeding thoroughbred bassets for 20 years and hopes to become the King of the Kennel in the new sport. It is rumored that Charles O. Finley, owner of the Oakland Athletics and the California Golden Seals, wants to buy into the business, but the hangup is that he insists that the hounds be ridden by rhesus monkeys, dyed green and gold with vegetable coloring. * * * Portland San Diego Phoenix Denver Seattle W HL WV L 44 17 33 26 33 26 24 29 26 33 " WASHINGTON - The Washington Senators announced yesterday completion of a deal that would virtually give pitcher Denny McLain to the Detroit Tigers. The trade would send McLain, third- baseman Don Wert, utility man Elliott Maddox, and relief pitcher Norm McRae to the Bengals in return for infielders Aurelio Rodriguez and Eddie Brinkman, plus pitchers Joe Coleman and Jim Hannan. * * * " INDIANAPOLIS - World wide auto racing figure A n d y Granetelli announced yesterday that he is entering a revolutionary new vehicle in this year's Indianapolis 500. Aside from blowing up buildings and denouncing the establishment, this car is also expected to be a major departure in automobile construction. Granetelli refused to devulge the, car's secret, but it is known that he has recently ordered large quantities of play-do. He has also retained Fred McMurray as an engine consultant and has been heard muttering "flubber" under his breath. * * * * ANN ARBOR - Athletic director Donald B. Canham an- nounced yesterday that the University of Michigan would discontinue its Intercollegiate athletic program, because average attendance at football games did not reach 103,000 as expected. "We feel that drastic measures are needed to increase attend- ance," Canham stated, "so we will turn the existing facilities to Women's Lib. Powder Puff football is the coming thing and we want to get in on the ground. The women can kill themselves while we sit in the sun and watch. T Pts. GF GA 7 95 283 202 11 77 244 216 9 75 255 228 15 63 224 234 9 61210243 4I Salt Lake 18 46 5 41 213 306 Wednesday's Games Denver at Salt Lake, inc. Only game scheduled. Thursday's Games Denver at Phoenix Salt Lake at Seattle Only games scheduled. AHL East Division Montreal 27 29 14 Providence 27 29 13 Springfield 27 34 8 Quebec 23 30 16 West Division c-Baltimore 39 20 8 Cleveland 36 25 7 Hershey 29 30 10 Rochester 24 33 t11 c-Clinched division title 68 213 67 244 62 230 62 201 87 258 79 250 69 227; 59 213; 230 253 271 231 213 195 208 237 * * * Wednesday's Games Baltimore at Hershey, inc. Only game scheduled. Thursday's Games Rochester at Quebec i r Delta Sigma Delta Delta Sigma Delta Dental Fraternity Friday, April 2 1502 HILL ST. LIVE BAND! " SOMEWHERE - Drunken handball player Paul Haber an- nounced early this morning that he, is changing his ways. "I woke up in the gutter this morning when the' street cleanerrs hosed me down and I saw the light. When the fuzz took his flashlight out of my eyes I knew that I had to reform." Haber has promised to compete in his next match without spend- ing the previous night in his favorite bar, located on alternate corners. "I know this means that I will lose my championship," he stated, but I owe this to myself. MICHIGAN UNION BOWLING TILL 12 MIDNIGHT FOOSBALL SUN.-THURS. BILLIARDS TILL I A.M. TABLE TENNIS FRI.-SAT. M-PIN BOWLING I P.M.-MID. denim blue goes separate ways for Miss J in close-knit polyester/cottons. It's a country look with city manners in washable skirts, pants, tunics and jacquard shirts. Sizes 5-13. B I A Ii She Lock. CALCULATING The Slacks: M PEGGER'FLARES A. Long-sleeve shirt, $10. Belted tunic, $14. Pull-on pant, $12. B. Short-sleeve shirt, $9. t: > ' <> fi .;.,. . ;"?. ;; y;.: r.Xi / .;;{?f:; h: r: :M:C'i:>i ;F, :.>a } s : k . .: '-; <, :; }.:r }4 rr? fi.}}i : r . {i:i" :k. . r' fk}f } 4r $QY 4}a. --¢¢ ;k"} Y $ 4 v . . yr,+ ry4___ SOCIOLOGY COLLOQUIUM Professor Allen H. Barton (Columbia University) "Socialist and Capitalist Elites: Yugoslavia and the U.S." 3:30 p.m.-Thurs., April 1, 1971 Rm. 2003, Angell Hall .4't x b I U Belted skirt, $12. U I MAt J4W®0 Marty's Selection of Double Knit Slax is Unsurpassed! $15-$22 The Action Man Slack4 / : 1; !' '' II WHEREVER YOU ARE this summer, make sure THE DAILY is there too! Order your SUMMER subscription now! $3.00 Spring (Illa) OR Summer (Ilib) Half Term. $5.00 Spring-Summer (11) Term (Please Print) Last Name First Name Middle Initial i W I