Night Editor: Jim Beattie
Sunday, January 25, 1971
The Knock Three Times on the
Window If You Want Me, Twice on
the Pipe If the Answer is No Edgar
to Washtenaw County Sheriff Douglas
Harvey for his exhaustive efforts to
start surveillance of local politicos.
The Hugh Hefner Male Chauvinist
Pig Edgar to Athletic Director Don
Canham and the Athletic Dept. for
banning female reporters and Regent
Gertrude Huebner (R-Bloomfield
Hills) from the pre-football game
In keeping with the longstanding tradi-
tion, The Daily today announces its selec-
tion of the 19-0 Edgar winners. The Edgars
are awarded to those public personalities
who last year best approximated the vir-
tues of the nation's foremost Edgar, Mr.
Hoover of the FBI.
A few are given to those who have earned
their own unique brand of distinction.
The Bennett Cerf Random
Excellence in Literature Edgar
Fourth Ave. Adult Book Store.
* * *
The Ebenezer Scrooge Edgar to the
University administration for offer-
ing AFSCME workers a 16.2 cents per
The Second Annual Gerhard Wein-
berg Academic Elitism Edgar to new
Harvard president Derek Bok who
said, "I never met a student I didn't
like after I got to know him individ-
The Chicago Tribune Accuracy in
Reporting Edgar to the University
Record for lauding the University's
affirmative action program for hiring
women while ignoring the suit HEW
was bringing against it for sex dis-
* * *
The Roger Rapoport Conflict of In-
terest Edgar to Gov. Ronald Reagan
who called for government subsidies
to the film industry.
* * *
The Second Annual Henrik Ver-
woerd Edgar to author R u s s e I I
Kirk for his comments on minority
admissions and their effects on uni-
versities. One reason for campus un-
rest, he said, might be that those "not
prepared for higher studies turn to
disorder as a relief from books and
The Jack Paar Edgar to former
Georgia Gov. Lester Maddox who
walked off the Dick Cavett show af-
ter Cavett referred to Maddox sup-
porters as bigots.
The S. I. Hayakawa Language in
Thought and Action Edgar to radi-
cals who redefined "political vandal-
ism" as "trashing."
The Alliance for Progress Edgar to
Alabama Gov. George Wallace for re-
cently remarrying so that his new
wife can succeed him as governor so
he can run again.
* * *
The Second Annual David Valler
Edgar to the idiot who keeps calling in
phony bomb threats to the UGLI.
The Bump Elliot Defeat Snatched
from the Jaws of Victory Edgar to
State Senator George Kuhn (R-West
Bloomfield) for changing his vote on
abortion reform after a group of
Catholics from his district threatened
to withdraw their support for him.
Kuhn lost the election anyway.
* * *
The How to Succeed in Business
Without Really Trying Edgar to Penn
Central which went $750 million in
debt and was subsequently bailed out
by the Federal Government.
To Dick.The J. Edgar Edgar
The Ohio State National Guard
Edgar for his assessment of Repub-
lican chances to win the 18-20 year
old vote: "We've got as good a shot
at them as anyone else."
The Marshall McLuhan Medium
is the Message Edgar for using
movies to convince the American
people of the success of the Cam-
The Tiny Tim We Don't Kiss un-
til We're Married Edgar for his firm
stand on pornography. "Main
Street will not be turned into Smut
Alley," the President promised.
The Richard Nixon "Bring Us
Together" Edgar for accusing the
Senate of "regionalism" after it re-
jected his two regionally selected
candidates for the Supreme Court.
The Alexei Kosygin Invasion of
Czechoslovakia to Protect the So-
viet Union E d g a r for invading
Cambodia to protect American sol-
diers a 1 r e a d y fighting in South
Regent Lindemer confronts Stephen Burghardt, Grad
The Second Annuai Richard Nixon
Policy Cannot Be Made in the Streets
Edgar to Regent Lawrence Lindemer
(R-Stockbridge) who said of the BAM
strike: "The students can strike until
Hell freezes over."
* * *
The Dennis the Menace He Hit Me
First Edgar to Secretary of Defense
Melvin Laird for justifying American
"protective reaction" bombing raids
with the argument that North Viet-
nam has no right to shoot down spy
planes in her air space.
hour wage increase over the first year
and upping it to 16.4 cents the next
* * *
The Dale Carnegie How to Make
Friends and Influence People Edgar
to Police-Community Relations Di-
rector Lt. Kenneth Kling who arrived
in full riot gear to direct police-com-
munity relations from the front lirte
during -the first BAM demonstration
The Eugene Staudenmaler "Flaming
Creatures" Edgar to County Prose-
cutor William Delhey for stopping
the showing of "I am Curious Yellow"
at the Fifth Forum.
* * *
The Second Annual Carl Parsell
Support Your Local Police Edgar to
Mayor Robert Harris for the "exten-
uating circumstances" he cited in
not prosecuting an Ann Arbor police-
man in the March incident of the
The Beach Boys Be-True-To-Your
School Edgar to ABC sports announc-
er and University graduate Bill Flem-
ing for his impartial announcing of
the Ohio State-Michigan football
The Tom Landry We Can't Win
the Big One Edgar to Woody Hayes.
The Marie Antoinette Let 'Em Eat
Cake Edgar to former Presidential
Assistant Daniel Moynihan who sug-
gested that the nation's blacks ought
to be treated with "benign neglect."
The Julius Hoffman Truth, Justice
and the American Way Edgar to the
Kent, Ohio, Grand Jury for indicting
students who allegedly incited Na-
tional Guardsmen to kill four of them.
The Pierre Trudeau War Measures
Edgar to the Regents for requesting
the University to create interim rules
to cover campus discipline.
* * *
The James Reston Rising Star on
the Columnist Scene Edgar to Presi-
dent Fleming for his "Sorting It Out"
The Harold Sponberg Enlightened
Educator Edgar to President J. H.
White of Mississippi Valley State Col-
lege at Itta Benna for arresting 889
of the school's 2,500 students after a
sit-in on a campus street.
* * *
The Ullrich B. Phillips G r e a t
White Father Edgar to Students For
Effective Action for coming up with
a plan for increased black admissions
which was subsequently vetoed by the
Black Action Movement.
* * *
The Richard Nixon Sleight of Mouth
Edgar to President Fleming and the
Regents for rejecting the BAM de-
mands then later saying they favored
them in the first place.
* * *
The Alfred Lord Tennyson Cannons
to the Left of Me, Cannons to the
Right of Me Paranoia Edgar to the
Ohio State National Guard.
* * *
The Second Annual Putney Swope
Truth in Advertising Edgar to Agency
for International Development Direc-
tor John Hannah for openly admit-
ting that AID projects are often used
as a cover for the Central Intelligence
The Second Annual John Peter
Zenger Freedom of the Press Edgar
to officials of the University of South-
ern Colorado in Pueblo who fired the
managing editor of the "Arrow", the
student paper, when she refused to
change an editorial about s t u d e n t
The Mark Hodax-Harold Stassen
Persistence Edgar to Jay Hack who
ran for Student Government Council
three times and lost three times.
* * *
The Aristotelian Logic Edgar to
economics Prof. Gardner Ackley for
his crystal clear analysis of the BAM
strike. "There is no reason, o n 1 y
power," he said.
The Virginia Slims You've Come a
Long Way Baby Edgar to the Univer-
sity administration for finally coming
to a meager agreement with HEW on
increased hiring of women.
The Garry Moore I've Got a Secret
Edgar to President Fleming for suc-
cessfully hiding the HEW report since
it arrived Oct. 6.
The Second Annual Henry Bret-
ton Sanctity of the Classroom Edgar
to computer science Prof. Bernard
Galler for prosecuting students who
interrupted his classroom to talk
about the BAM strike.
The General Patton Order in the
Ranks Edgar to Regent Robert Brown
(R-Kalamazoo) for demanding the
resignation of executive advisor Wil-
liam Haber for Haber's admission
that the University was giving in to
coercion in the BAM strike.
* * *
The Ben Casey Diagnostic Edgar to
Director of University Housing John
Feldkamp and Vice President for Stu-
dent Services Robert Knauss for
wanting Tent City to be removed
from the Diag because of what 1 a t e r
was proven to be a non-existent epi-
demic of hepititis.
The Frank Lloyd Wright Architec-
ture in Tune with the Times Edgar to
the Ann Arbor Bank for replacing its
plate glass windows at the S o u t h
University branch with unbreakable
* * *
The Chicken Little "The Sky is
Falling, The Sky is Falling" Edgar to
Concerned Citizen Jack Garris w h o
lamented: "The whole foundation of
life in Ann Arbor has been weakened,
making it difficult, uncomfortable
and unsafe for law-abiding citizens
to live, work and play here."
The Chicago Police Restraint in Law
Enforcement Edgar to Hells Angels
who patrolled the Rolling Stones con-
cert at Altamont, Calif., and succeed-
ed in*killing one man and clubbing
down several other concert goers.
*' * *
The Ann Arbor All American City
Edgar to the group of "liberal" pro-
fessors who bought an $80,000 frater-
nity house in their neighborhood so
the city could not use it for public
* * *
The Spiro Agnew Fat Jap Edgar
to Spiro Agnew for charging that the
University's new black admissions
program would reduce the quality of
the institution to the quality of Ital-
The Ben Franklin Ounce of Preven-
tion Is Worth a Pound of Cure Edgar
to the Interior Dept. spokesman who
said, "We never looked for mercury in
the water because we didn't expect to
* * *
The What's a Nice Guy Like You
Doing in a Place Like This Edgar to
President Fleming for commenting on
the possibility of an appointment at
Harvard. "I can't see why anyone
would want to be president of any
The Second Annual Shirley Temple
Black Political Idealism Edgar to
newly elected New York Senator
James Buckley who proclaimed after
capturing 40 per cent of the vote
that the conservatives were now the
majority party in the state.
* * *
The Lurleen Wallace Behind Every
Successful Woman is a Man Memor-
ial Edgar to Lenore Romney.