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November 30, 1961 - Image 14

Resource type:
The Michigan Daily, 1961-11-30

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>mb Shelter Christmas: Complete with Mutations

Christ Born Dec. 25?
A 'Matter for Ripley

New Daily Staff Writer
vas the night before Krismus,
and all through the world,
ie missiles were dropping,
the banners unfurled.
e people went deep under-
ground with much care,
hopes that the fallout
would not reach them there.
e people remained there
56 years,
d when came their Krismus,
there was no great cheer.
-Historical Review,
153 Postmutation
k Times:
he incidence of mutation is
he rise again, even though the
deeper reproduction centers
twice as heavily shielded as
previous ones.
he new mutations, which have

been surprisingly beneficial to the 1 Chetley-Drink Bravely report of but was permitted after pleadings
mutants, generally consist of a Dec. 24: 1 by the Williamsons. And now,
slightly enlarged brain capacity, Chetley: Well, actually, although: what about science notes for the
a weaker bone structure (also due most of you people out there don't day, Hunt?
to the added radioactivity in the remember it too well, but today is! Chetley: Not too much, Drink.
caverns) and an odd, enlarged really a famous date in history. The mutants are being found to
bone structure around and behind You have a story on that don't be getting more intelligent each
the shoulder blades. you, Drink? day, always more willing to help
What these will eventuallyI Bravely: Yes, Hunt. This day is the war effort, working with bet-
come to is unknown, but scien- the celebration of the eve of the ter tools as doctors and defense
tists claim that the effects will be unightthat Jesus the Christ, specialists. The new second gen-
known soon, since they have been founder of the once powerful eration% leukemia preventive, Ga-
analyzing all the known mutant Christian movement, was born. briel vaccine, has been proved ef-
children. The day is still being celebrated fective and can be had for only
Perhaps the oddest feature of by a few of the old and the very two extra work hours per week
all is the children's slightly glow- young. per shot. Well, that's it for tonight
ing skin, attributed to an increase For instance, in the Greater from Hunt Chetley . . .
in the mutants' body concentra- West Chicago shelter, a Christ- Bravely: And Drink Bravely.
tion of radioactive phosphorous. mas party (this is what the gath- Good night.
Reliable sources state that na- ering was called) was held by Mr. * * *
ions all over the world are re- and Mrs. Joseph Williamson for NELSON ROCKEFELLER V,
porting situations similar to this, some of the neighboring children, speaking to his workers, Dec. 24:
especially in shelter-poor China. with gifts of some long-saved Gentlemen and Ladies of the
s-chocolate being given. Southern California Industrial
* * * The act was condemned as a Combine: Due to your extra high


EXCERPT FROM the Hunt lack of support for the war effort,


A Gift
Saffell & Bush
is Doubly

production during the last year
s and the many improvements sug-
gested by your fellow workers, you
have all been issued one extra
credit hour of Free World Bonds
as a special dividend.
You may use this at your local
co-operative store, where you may
purchase any and all products of
the Rocky line of fine foods,
which feature this week one loaf
of bread for only two hours of
work (plus tax, of course).
IN THE HOME of Stanley John-
son, in the Philadelphia Under-
ground, over a game of bridge
with his wife and the Philip Lay-
"What is this thing about no
dividends for Krismus? We've al-
ways gotten them before. I needl
a new pair of coveralls."
I"Your play, Stan."
"I don't know about dividends
this year-they say that research
is going to cost more every year,
and that the Redstate is putting
up far too strong a defense. Only
two rockets out of 89 got through
to target."
"Speaking of Krismus, Phil,
what are we going to give the
kids? The giftday is tomorrow,
and the stores will only be open
during work hours. And we'd, bet-
ter put up the metaltree, The kids
still believe that the presents
come from somewhere else. Except
Bill, of course, but he's different.
"The mutant children certain-
ly are smart, aren't they?"
'Don't you feel lucky that you
have only one? The Jones, two
doors down the corridor, have had
six babies, all of them different.
It's really too bad. I wish this war
had never started."
"Watch what you say. You must
not speak subversively. The chil-
dren are still very impressionable,
and the room is wired for listen-
ing. They've got to believe that
our side, the good side, will win."
FROM THE Classroom 59, of
seven-year-olds, Public School No.
4, Kansas City Subsection Shelter
No. 5:
"Now children, who can tell
me why the War began? Yes,
"Our former leaders were too
idealistic. If they had followed the

would not be in this situation
now. This is also the reason for
our present system;- of govern-
"Yes, Arthur."
"The government should be re-
ferred to as totalitarian and non-
political hereditary, shouldn't it?"
"Arthur, you've been reading
subversive literature. (Damned

abolish the scourge of Life, Hope,
and the Better Things of the
World! Thank you."
MESSAGE FROM Secretary of
State William R. Kennedy to the
people of the Free World:
"Friends, in this era of national
crisis, we must all make sacrifices.
We therefore nask vou to obev vour

.tEvery year on December 25 the
citizens of the United States cele-
brate Christmas.
Every year there is great cere-
ony as the populace celebrates
the anniversary of the birth of
Unfortunately, however, there is
no real proof that we are not
celebrating on the wrong day.
Tradition No Help
The sole assurance that the 25th
is the correct time comes from
tradition; and the tradition is
the product of centuries of con-
Even in the fourth century A.D.,
there was 'much disagreement
about the time of Christmas.
According to the Encyclopedia
Brittanica, "Before the fifth cen-
tury there was no general consen-
sus as to when it should come in
the calendar, whether on January
6, March 25, or December 25."
More Confusion
Another source of information,
the calendar of Philocalus (354
A.D.), stated that "the Lord Jesus
Christ was born on December 25,
a Friday, and the 15th day of the
new moon." However, in the year
1 A.D., December 25 was a Sunday.
To add even further to the con-
fusion surrounding Christmas, an
anonymous author of a Latin tract
in 243 sets the date at Wednesday,
March 28, the supposed anniver-
sary of the creation of the sun,
Brittanica reports.
The final decision on the date
seems to have been determined by
the proximity of other holidays on
the calendar.
In Rome, there was another
holiday for the God Saturn on
January 6. Christmas began as an
appendage to this holiday, but
later both were moved to December
25 and the original celebration was
Disrespectful Leaders
Aside from this haphazard fixing
of the date, Christmas has suffered
abuse at the hands of national
leaders. In 1644, the celebration
'was banned by an act of Parlia-
ment in England. Later, however,
King Charles II repealed the ban
and revived the feast.
As if all this chaos were not
sufficient to make one distrust the
time of Christmas, no one is even
sure that the celebration was actu-
ally intended as commemorating
Christ's birthday.
The Bible, a commonly accepted
reference for this sort of thing,


notes that His birth took place in
the reign of Herod (d. 4 B.C.).
Action Necessary
In this age of scientific advance-
ment, there is no excuse for such
uncertainty. Some solution must
be found for this pressing personal
problem which constantly in-
creases individual insecurity.
Now is the time for Student
Government Council to discuss the
timing of Christmas.
By their very nature, it is the
obligation of the liberals to lead
the attack upon tradition in this
Since there does not seem to be
any one correct date, it .could be
held at any time. Perhaps we could
even have several Christmases next
year to compensate for the ones
which were missed in the begin-
North Quad

North Quadrangle today an-
nounced plans for its annual
Christmas dance, "Christmas
"We chose the name because we
felt it best expresses the spirit and
tradition of the holidays," said
Social Director David Star, '63BAd.
Star also cited the lack of any
other ideas for a name.
The- spirit and tradition of
Christmas will be exemplified by
booths around the perimeter of
the dance floor, selling Christmas
merchandise at double the usual
Star added that, with each. 10
cents worth of goods purchased,
the customer will receive one
Christmas Seal.
"The decorations, too, will re-
flect the spirit, of modern Christ-
mas," Star explained. He said that
they would consist of "75 gold
anodized aluminum Christmas
trees, thirteen house mothers and
80 Stars of David against the tra-
ditional background of lavender-
and chartreuse crepe paper."
The dance will be held in North
Quadrangle's Grand Royal Ca-
thedral Ballroom, formerly known
as dining room No. 20.
Star commentedtthat he expected
this dance to "far surpass" any
previous quadrangle functon. He
said that the biggest problem with
last year's dance was that "nobody
showed up."


Hold Bat


muatos-hy'lbe the end of I"YC blulviAUb&YVUL J UUYyUU
orders concerning curfews, the
us yet!" reading of subversive literature,
foregoing of personal gratifica-
FROM THE "Sing Along With tions in order to help production,
Rog" program: other censorships and the report-
"Okay, folks, now we'll sing ing of all possibly subversive ac-
some new songs just published a tions. We must win the war."
few days ago for the season. Here * * *



we go, Gang!
Down the Reds with Radiation,
Fa la la la la la la lal-out!
We've begun disintegration,
Fa la Ia la la la la lal-out!
Let us end the world's sorrows,
Fa la la la la la la lal-out!
Kill the Reds before tomorrow,
Fa la la la la la la lal-out!
* * *
MESSAGE from President John
F. Kennedy IV to the Free World:
"Friends, we have been fighting
the longest war in history, but we
are winning! In this season of
Peace, Goodwill and Brotherhood,
let us not forget that we are fight-
ing this war in order that the
world might be safe for Truth,
Justice, Freedom, Beauty, Poetry,
and Free World Ideals.
I therefore urge you to produce
more and consume less in the
coming year, so that we might

NEWS STORY from The New
Michigan Daily:
Prof. Yeager of the Robot Trac-
tor Department reported yester-
day that a sign of life had been
reported on the surface of the
earth above what once was Ann
The object of interest could not
be viewed at close proximity, due
to the^fact that it seemed to move
away whenever the caterpillar-
treaded device approached.
"I couldn't really guarantee it,"
stated Yeager, but after long con-
sideration the only thing 'it' could
be would be a man in a white
flowing robe, but everyone knows
that no known form of life can
exist there. It might be a jest,
but I do not know how," he said.
versity campus radio station, 1:15
The University mutants seem
to have'gathered spontaneously at
the center of the campus shelter,
on the diag, and all are in some-
what of a trance.
Reports from the diag indicate
that they are singing some un-
known words which sound like:
"Alle Lu Yah," repeated several
times, followed by "Hose Anna in
the Highest."
University police and medical
psychologists are taking "appro-
priate action," to determine if the
demonstration is conduct unbe-
coming of University students.


present 'get-tough'

policy, we


Get his favorite brand at
"The Largest Littlest Store in Town"
522 E. Liberty NO 3-0424


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