THE MICHIGAN DAILY THURSDAY, THE IINCHIGAN DAILY THURSDAY. >mb Shelter Christmas: Complete with Mutations Christ Born Dec. 25? A 'Matter for Ripley By JOHN McREYNOLDS New Daily Staff Writer vas the night before Krismus, and all through the world, ie missiles were dropping, the banners unfurled. e people went deep under- ground with much care, hopes that the fallout would not reach them there. e people remained there 56 years, d when came their Krismus, there was no great cheer. -Historical Review, 153 Postmutation XCERPT FROM the Newer k Times: he incidence of mutation is he rise again, even though the deeper reproduction centers twice as heavily shielded as previous ones. he new mutations, which have been surprisingly beneficial to the 1 Chetley-Drink Bravely report of but was permitted after pleadings mutants, generally consist of a Dec. 24: 1 by the Williamsons. And now, slightly enlarged brain capacity, Chetley: Well, actually, although: what about science notes for the a weaker bone structure (also due most of you people out there don't day, Hunt? to the added radioactivity in the remember it too well, but today is! Chetley: Not too much, Drink. caverns) and an odd, enlarged really a famous date in history. The mutants are being found to bone structure around and behind You have a story on that don't be getting more intelligent each the shoulder blades. you, Drink? day, always more willing to help What these will eventuallyI Bravely: Yes, Hunt. This day is the war effort, working with bet- come to is unknown, but scien- the celebration of the eve of the ter tools as doctors and defense tists claim that the effects will be unightthat Jesus the Christ, specialists. The new second gen- known soon, since they have been founder of the once powerful eration% leukemia preventive, Ga- analyzing all the known mutant Christian movement, was born. briel vaccine, has been proved ef- children. The day is still being celebrated fective and can be had for only Perhaps the oddest feature of by a few of the old and the very two extra work hours per week all is the children's slightly glow- young. per shot. Well, that's it for tonight ing skin, attributed to an increase For instance, in the Greater from Hunt Chetley . . . in the mutants' body concentra- West Chicago shelter, a Christ- Bravely: And Drink Bravely. tion of radioactive phosphorous. mas party (this is what the gath- Good night. Reliable sources state that na- ering was called) was held by Mr. * * * ions all over the world are re- and Mrs. Joseph Williamson for NELSON ROCKEFELLER V, porting situations similar to this, some of the neighboring children, speaking to his workers, Dec. 24: especially in shelter-poor China. with gifts of some long-saved Gentlemen and Ladies of the s-chocolate being given. Southern California Industrial * * * The act was condemned as a Combine: Due to your extra high t EXCERPT FROM the Hunt lack of support for the war effort, "Think Christmas" A Gift from Saffell & Bush is Doubly production during the last year s and the many improvements sug- gested by your fellow workers, you have all been issued one extra credit hour of Free World Bonds as a special dividend. You may use this at your local co-operative store, where you may purchase any and all products of the Rocky line of fine foods, which feature this week one loaf of bread for only two hours of work (plus tax, of course). IN THE HOME of Stanley John- son, in the Philadelphia Under- ground, over a game of bridge with his wife and the Philip Lay- sers: "What is this thing about no dividends for Krismus? We've al- ways gotten them before. I needl a new pair of coveralls." I"Your play, Stan." "I don't know about dividends this year-they say that research is going to cost more every year, and that the Redstate is putting up far too strong a defense. Only two rockets out of 89 got through to target." "Speaking of Krismus, Phil, what are we going to give the kids? The giftday is tomorrow, and the stores will only be open during work hours. And we'd, bet- ter put up the metaltree, The kids still believe that the presents come from somewhere else. Except Bill, of course, but he's different. "The mutant children certain- ly are smart, aren't they?" 'Don't you feel lucky that you have only one? The Jones, two doors down the corridor, have had six babies, all of them different. It's really too bad. I wish this war had never started." "Watch what you say. You must not speak subversively. The chil- dren are still very impressionable, and the room is wired for listen- ing. They've got to believe that our side, the good side, will win." FROM THE Classroom 59, of seven-year-olds, Public School No. 4, Kansas City Subsection Shelter No. 5: "Now children, who can tell me why the War began? Yes, Tommy." "Our former leaders were too idealistic. If they had followed the would not be in this situation now. This is also the reason for our present system;- of govern- ment." "Yes, Arthur." "The government should be re- ferred to as totalitarian and non- political hereditary, shouldn't it?" "Arthur, you've been reading subversive literature. (Damned abolish the scourge of Life, Hope, and the Better Things of the World! Thank you." MESSAGE FROM Secretary of State William R. Kennedy to the people of the Free World: "Friends, in this era of national crisis, we must all make sacrifices. We therefore nask vou to obev vour By FREDERICK YULEMAN .tEvery year on December 25 the citizens of the United States cele- brate Christmas. Every year there is great cere- ony as the populace celebrates the anniversary of the birth of IChrist. Unfortunately, however, there is no real proof that we are not celebrating on the wrong day. Tradition No Help The sole assurance that the 25th is the correct time comes from tradition; and the tradition is the product of centuries of con- fusion. Even in the fourth century A.D., there was 'much disagreement about the time of Christmas. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, "Before the fifth cen- tury there was no general consen- sus as to when it should come in the calendar, whether on January 6, March 25, or December 25." More Confusion Another source of information, the calendar of Philocalus (354 A.D.), stated that "the Lord Jesus Christ was born on December 25, a Friday, and the 15th day of the new moon." However, in the year 1 A.D., December 25 was a Sunday. To add even further to the con- fusion surrounding Christmas, an anonymous author of a Latin tract in 243 sets the date at Wednesday, March 28, the supposed anniver- sary of the creation of the sun, Brittanica reports. The final decision on the date seems to have been determined by the proximity of other holidays on the calendar. In Rome, there was another holiday for the God Saturn on January 6. Christmas began as an appendage to this holiday, but later both were moved to December 25 and the original celebration was forgotten. Disrespectful Leaders Aside from this haphazard fixing of the date, Christmas has suffered abuse at the hands of national leaders. In 1644, the celebration 'was banned by an act of Parlia- ment in England. Later, however, King Charles II repealed the ban and revived the feast. As if all this chaos were not sufficient to make one distrust the time of Christmas, no one is even sure that the celebration was actu- ally intended as commemorating Christ's birthday. The Bible, a commonly accepted reference for this sort of thing, VARSI #iYme -o To notes that His birth took place in the reign of Herod (d. 4 B.C.). Action Necessary In this age of scientific advance- ment, there is no excuse for such uncertainty. Some solution must be found for this pressing personal problem which constantly in- creases individual insecurity. Now is the time for Student Government Council to discuss the timing of Christmas. By their very nature, it is the obligation of the liberals to lead the attack upon tradition in this matter. Since there does not seem to be any one correct date, it .could be held at any time. Perhaps we could even have several Christmases next year to compensate for the ones which were missed in the begin- ning. North Quad North Quadrangle today an- nounced plans for its annual Christmas dance, "Christmas Dance." "We chose the name because we felt it best expresses the spirit and tradition of the holidays," said Social Director David Star, '63BAd. Star also cited the lack of any other ideas for a name. The- spirit and tradition of Christmas will be exemplified by booths around the perimeter of the dance floor, selling Christmas merchandise at double the usual price. Star added that, with each. 10 cents worth of goods purchased, the customer will receive one Christmas Seal. "The decorations, too, will re- flect the spirit, of modern Christ- mas," Star explained. He said that they would consist of "75 gold anodized aluminum Christmas trees, thirteen house mothers and 80 Stars of David against the tra- ditional background of lavender- and chartreuse crepe paper." The dance will be held in North Quadrangle's Grand Royal Ca- thedral Ballroom, formerly known as dining room No. 20. Star commentedtthat he expected this dance to "far surpass" any previous quadrangle functon. He said that the biggest problem with last year's dance was that "nobody showed up." 'I Hold Bat 11 muatos-hy'lbe the end of I"YC blulviAUb&YVUL J UUYyUU orders concerning curfews, the us yet!" reading of subversive literature, foregoing of personal gratifica- FROM THE "Sing Along With tions in order to help production, Rog" program: other censorships and the report- "Okay, folks, now we'll sing ing of all possibly subversive ac- some new songs just published a tions. We must win the war." few days ago for the season. Here * * * Appreciated -I we go, Gang! Down the Reds with Radiation, Fa la la la la la la lal-out! We've begun disintegration, Fa la Ia la la la la lal-out! Let us end the world's sorrows, Fa la la la la la la lal-out! Kill the Reds before tomorrow, Fa la la la la la la lal-out! * * * MESSAGE from President John F. Kennedy IV to the Free World: "Friends, we have been fighting the longest war in history, but we are winning! In this season of Peace, Goodwill and Brotherhood, let us not forget that we are fight- ing this war in order that the world might be safe for Truth, Justice, Freedom, Beauty, Poetry, and Free World Ideals. I therefore urge you to produce more and consume less in the coming year, so that we might NEWS STORY from The New Michigan Daily: Prof. Yeager of the Robot Trac- tor Department reported yester- day that a sign of life had been reported on the surface of the earth above what once was Ann Arbor. The object of interest could not be viewed at close proximity, due to the^fact that it seemed to move away whenever the caterpillar- treaded device approached. "I couldn't really guarantee it," stated Yeager, but after long con- sideration the only thing 'it' could be would be a man in a white flowing robe, but everyone knows that no known form of life can exist there. It might be a jest, but I do not know how," he said. REPORT FROM WUOM, Uni- versity campus radio station, 1:15 p.m.: The University mutants seem to have'gathered spontaneously at the center of the campus shelter, on the diag, and all are in some- what of a trance. Reports from the diag indicate that they are singing some un- known words which sound like: "Alle Lu Yah," repeated several times, followed by "Hose Anna in the Highest." University police and medical psychologists are taking "appro- priate action," to determine if the demonstration is conduct unbe- coming of University students. SAFIFEILL BUSH present 'get-tough' policy, we 310 SOUTH STATE STREET HAVE A SMOKER ON YOUR CHRISTMAS LIST? Get his favorite brand at ~OP 9AT "The Largest Littlest Store in Town" 522 E. 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