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February 15, 1970 - Image 4

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Publication:
The Michigan Daily, 1970-02-15

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the

Sunduy

daily

from
the daily
staff

49

Night Editor: Jim Neubacher

February 15, 1970

Presenting...

The 1969 Edgars

In keeping with a long standing
tradition, The Daily today announces
its selection of the 1969 Edgar win-
ners. The Edgars are awarded to those
public personalities who last year best
approximated the virtues of the na-
tion's foremost Edgar, Mr. Hoover of
the FBI. A few are given to those who
have earned their own unique brand
of distinction.
To the winners, our congratulations.
To the losers-cheer up. You may win
next year.
The Richard Nixon Policy Cannot
be Made in The Streets Edgar to Vice
President for Academic Affairs Allan
Smith who said he didn't care if stu-
dents voted overwhelmingly n o t to
use student fees for the proposed IM
Bldg. "We're going to make up our
own minds," said Smith.
The John Peter Zenger Freedom of
the Press Edgar to South Vietnam's
President Thieu who has closed down
33 newspapers since he formally abol-
ished censorship in his country last
year.
The Dr. Christan Barnard Edgar to
President Richard Nixon for trans-
planting the collective mouths of the
silent majority into Spiro Agnew.

N.
The Radio Free Europe Edgar to the
U.S. Army for refusing to let return-
ing POW's talk about Viet Cong pris-
on camps where they were treated
with respect.
The Little Dutch Boy with His Fin-
ger in the Dike Edgar to Pope Paul
for his stand against birth control.
The Profiles in Courage Edgar to
Mayor Robert Harris for commending
the Ann Arbor Police for its restraint
on South U. on June 16 and 17.
* * *
The Barry Cohen-Gene Gladstone
Edgar to Ken Lasser for inventing an
LSA Assembly and imagining himself
chairman.
* * *
The Richard Nixon "Priorities Ed-
gar to EMU President Harold Spon-
berg who welcomed the EMU "73
freshman class with "Here at Eastern
we consider students one of our most
valuable assets."

I

The Clement Haynsworth Achieve-
ment Edgar to New Mobe for leading
the anti-war protest at the Rose Bowl
that never materialized. "It's a tre-
mendous opportunity for football
fans to express their opinions in a
non-violent manner," Mobe said.
*~ * *
The Pacemaker Edgar to the Michi-
gan State News for incorrectly nam-
ing their new presidency in the story
that broke the news.
The Abe Fortas Integrity Edgar to
Bill Ayers for allegedly trying to ex-
tort $20,000 from New Mobe in ex-
change for keeping the Weathermen
quiet during the Nov. 15 demonstra-
tion in Washington.
The John D. Rockefeller Humani-
tarian Edgar to Ann Arbor Police
Chief Walter Krasny who said he
posted police in the Student Activities
Bldg. to protect a recruiter "for the
good of society."

The Checkers Memorial
Edgar to Sen. Ted Kennedy.

Oratory

* * *
The L a d y Bird Johnson Behind-
Every-Successful-Man-is-a - Woman-
Edgar to Mrs. John Mitchell who call-
ed up all the senators wives and told
them to make their husbands vote to
confirm Judge Clement Haynsworth.
* * *
The U.S. Army Engineer Corps Ed-
gar to Sec. of Interior Walter Hickel
of Alaska for designing an Alaskan
highway now under five feet of wa-
ter.
* * *
The Jack Myers Weasel Edgar to
prisoner David V a 11 e r (formerly
"Dave the hippie") f o r turning in
John Sinclair to the FBI bomb squad
and then becoming a columnist for
the Detroit News.
The David Valler Edgar to the new
Czech assembly for thanking the So-
viet Union for its help in fighting re-
visionism.
The Dr. Henrik Verwoerd Memorial
Edgar to William F. Buckley for say-
ing in a Detroit Free Press interview
that Eldridge Cleaver "couldn't possi-
bly" have written Soul on Ice.
The One Short Step for a Man but
a Giant Step for All Mankind Edgar
to David Eisenhower who effectively
removed himself from t fi e public's
eye for the next three years by enlist-
ing in the Navy.
The Playmate of the Month Edgar
to the Ann Arbor News for its front
page, 8-column cheesecake of Spiro
Agnew floating in the pool of t h e
Jakharta Holiday Inn.
* * *
The John Mitchell "All Deliberate
Speed" Edgar to Hubert Humphrey
and the Democratic policy council for
calling for "immediate" withdrawal
from Vietnam "within 18 months."
* * *
The J. Paul Getty Good Business
Edgar to Detroit, Free Press staffer
C'ana anltv mwn nqpA hip Piflmt7.P

The Louis Rome Landlord Edgar to
Director of University Housing John
Feldkamp for his excellent manage-
ment of University Housing.
The John Feldkamp Edgar to Jack
Myers for dutiful service to Feldkamp.
The Kelly Girl of the Year Edgar to
Acting Vice President for Student Af-
fairs Barbara Newell who has been
acting in that capacity for 12 years.
The Teddy Roosevelt Good Neigh-
bor Edgar to the United States for
Operation Intercept and for arming
Canadian border guards.
* * *
The Putney Swope Truth In Ad-
vertising Edgar to the astronauts
who complained that their orange
juice was no good. Two minutes later
a Tang commercial appeared on TV
extolling the virtues of the juice the
astronauts drink.
* * *
The Doc Losh Edgar to Regent Ro-
bert Brown who said during the con-
troversy over the student bookstore,
"I don't care if they burn the place
down. I'm going up to East Lansing
to root for the team."
* * *
The Right to a Fair Trial Edgar to
Detroit Recorder's Judge R o b e r t
Colombo for sentencing John S i n-
clair to 10 years in jail for possession
of two joints of marijuana, and for
explaining, "John Sinclair is out to
show that he and his ilk can violate
the law with impunity. Well, his time
has come. You may laugh, but you
will have a long time to laugh."
* * *
The Roger Rapoport Conflict of
Interest Edgar to the Regents for ask-
ing Fred Ulrich to testify on the
feasibility of a student bookstore.
The Jeane Dixon Edgar to WWJ
sports reporter Al Ackerman for de-
claring that-"Michigan doesn't stand
a chance against Ohio State."
The Chicago Tribune Edgar to the
Chicago Tribune for its coverage of
the Fred Hampton murder and en-
suing hearing during which it print-
ed proof of bullet holes in Hampton's
apartment which later proved to be
nail heads.
* *-*
The Gerhard Weinberg Academic
Elitism Edgar to classics Prof. Howard
Cameron who said, "A professor with-
out students constitutes a class. Stu-
dents without a professor constitute
nothing."
* * *
The John Paul Jones I Have Not
Yet Begun to Fight Edgar to Steve
Nissen for leading the LSA sit-in last
September and then leaving before
the police came.
The Ralph Nader Consumer Pro-
tection Edgar to Martin W o h 1 of
Ford Motor Co. who said,. "It is not
clear that reducing highway carnage
is a necessary goal or definitely in
the public interest. Moreover, it is
hardly sensible to adopt a policy that
lives and limbs are priceless."
* * *
The S&H Green Stamps Edgar . to
Mrs. John Mitchell who said she

would trade in all the liberals in the
United States for Communists.
* * *

The John Foster (Dulles Memorial
Edgar to Gov. Milliken who said,
"Leftist students rallying under the
banner of social justice are a greater
threat to academic freedom than the
late Sen. Joseph McCarthy's anti-
communist crusades of the 1950's."
The Readers Digest Improving
Your Word Power Edgar to V i c e
President Spiro Agnew for teaching
the silent majority two big words,
"effete" and "supercilious."
The Alfred Hitchcock Suspense
Edgar to President Richard Nixon
for his secret timetable for ending
the Vietnam war.
The Face That Launched A Thous-
and Ships Edgar to Jackie Onassis.
The Russians Are Coming Edgar to
Mayor Robert Harris who called off
a Sunday afternoon rock concert last
summer because "intelligence re-
ports" said a horde of motorcyclists
were coming to the city.
The John Stegman Damage De-
posit Edgar to PJ's Restaurant for
instituting a $.50 minimum.
The Henry Bretton Sanctity of the
Classroom Edgar to anthropology
Prof. Robert Eckhardt who refused
to teach in a classroom with "F r e e
Huey" written on the wall.
* * *
The Gamal Abdul Nasser Chutzpah
Edgar to Students for a Democratic
Society for leading a march chanting
"Let's take the ROTC Bldg. and hold
it this time," and then staying inside
for five minutes.
The Otto von Bismarck-Christian
Dior Edgar to President Richard Nixon
for dressing up his White House
guards.

The Edgar Spectacular

Home Edgar to President Robben
Fleming who proposed that students
finance their bookstore by collect-
ing the money themselves.
The Michigan Golf Classic Edgar
to Denny McLain for going broke on
an $80,000 annual salary.
The George McClellan Tactical Ex-
cellence Edgar to Moby Benedict,
Michigan's baseball coach, for play-
ing Dodger second baseman Ted Size-
more, last year's Rookie of the Year,
as a catcher while he was here at
Michigan.
* * *
The G. Harrold Carswell Edgar to
the Republic of South Africa for bar-
ring tennis star Arthur Ashe from
competition there.
The Second Annual Bob McBride
TV-2 Edgar to TV-4 in Detroit for
its coverage of last week's "trouble in
Ann Arbor" (sic) during the demon-
stration for Huey Newton and Bobby
Seale, "two of the defendants in the
'Chicago 7' conspiracy trial" (sic).
The Shirley Temple Political Ideal-
ism Edgar to Roman Gribbs a n d
Richard Austin for insisting that race
was not an issue in last year's De-
troit mayoral election.
The Cassius Clay'Modesty Edgar to
the Regents for attempting to change
the name of People's Plaza to Re-
gents Plaza.
The Julie and Tricia Nixon Edgar
to the Miss America contest chaper-
ones who refused to let their charges
discuss a Women's Liberation protest
because it was "too controversial" for
nice American girls.
The J. Edgar Edgar to Judge Julius
Hoffman whose performance as a
member of the United States legal
system best personifies the spirit of
J. Edgar, himself - that justice is in-
cidental to law and order.

1

bi

Nguyen Van Thieu

Spiro Agnew

4

The UNICEF

Charity Begins at

John Feldkamp

Julius Hoffman

T h e Latin American Stability in
Government Edgar to Italy which has
had 30 governments in the past 27
years, the most recent of which fell
two weeks ago.
* * *
The Mrs. Portnoy Edgar to Regent
Gertrude Huebner for asking everyone
to let Regent Gerald Dunn s le e p
during the Regents' January meeting.
* * *

The Harold Stassen Edgar to Mark
Hodax for continually running f o r
Student Government Council.
* * * .
The Carl Parsell "Support Your Lo-
cal Police" Edgar to Ann Arbor Police
Chief Walter Krasny for explaining
that a "blow to the face does not con-
stitute an assault."
* * *
The Sigmnund Freud Edgar to Eng-

Harvey's Edgars
The Sherlook Holmes Edgar for
expertise in detective work after
Harvey and his men blew a stake-
out last summer trying to catch the
murderer of an area coed.
* * *
The General William Westmore-
land Edgar f o r patriotism above
and beyond the call of duty to
Doug, who single handedly (his
other arm was in a sling from a
racing car crash) directed his leg-
ions during the South U. riots last
June. Harvey supervised his zeal-

.

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