14 | MARCH 25 • 2021

M

an, oh man, oh
Manischewitz, where
does the time go?
Passover is once again upon
us. I just received my updated
Haggadah, which
has been amend-
ed with the fol-
lowing additional
Four Questions:
1) Anybody got
any leads on get-
ting a vaccine?
2) When will
we reach herd immunity?
3) How much longer should
we wear masks?
4) Should gatherings be limit-
ed to only those who have been

vaccinated?
As we all know, God served
up the 10 plagues, which even-
tually forced the Pharaoh’s hand
in letting our people go. Can
you imagine how the course
of history would’ve changed
had COVID-19 been one of
the plagues? Who knows how
long a travel ban would’ve
delayed the Israelites’ trip to the
Promised Land?
We know that God decreed
that the Jews wander in the
desert for 40 years. But did you
know it would’ve taken 50 years
had Moses not had the good
sense to finally ask his wife for
directions? It didn’t hurt that

she had just purchased a new
chariot that came with On-Star
of David.
And who knew that Moses,
once referred to as a Prince of
Egypt, would have so much in
common with another prince,
Prince Harry, the Duke of
Sussex?
Both went to their respec-
tive leaders (the Pharaoh and
Queen Elizabeth) seeking their
freedom. Both had to cross

large bodies of water and wan-
der a bit until they finally found
their respective new homes.
After 40 years, Moses led his
people to the Promised Land,
while Meghan and Harry ended
up in LaLa Land.
On a side note, if while
wandering, Israelites ate one
piece of matzah every day for
40 years, or 14,600 days, at 25
grams of carbohydrates per
portion, each would have con-

Alan
Muskovitz

PASSOVER
HUMOR

Some Unleavened
Levity for Passover

G

randma constructed
a feast for family and
guests in the little
kitchen in the middle of their
apartment. Grandpa prepared
two items: the charoset and the
horseradish. Since he worked
on the horseradish, he worked
beside an open window in the
bedroom at the end of a long
corridor, far from the rest of the
apartment. We grandchildren
could help Grandpa.
The charoset was simple:
We took turns using an old-
fashioned grater (in Yiddish,
rebeisen or rub iron) to turn
a couple of apples into raw
applesauce and chopping some
walnuts. Grandpa would mix

the walnuts and applesauce, add
generous amounts of cinnamon
and some sweet red wine.
The horseradish was more
of a production. Grandpa had
picked a good horseradish root

— he knew about fruits and
vegetables — years ago he had
sold them from a pushcart until
he bought his own fruit store.
He peeled the horseradish, and
then we took turns grating it

into the bowl. No one could
take too long a turn before the
aroma made our eyes tear, and
we had to leave, and the next
child had a turn.
Eventually, when he had
enough grated horseradish in
the bowl, Grandpa squeezed
lemons one after another with a
little glass juicer. Then Grandpa
would mix lemon juice, sugar
and maybe water into the
horseradish, releasing torrents
of fresh aroma. Children could
get sent to the kitchen to bring
more lemons or sugar until
Grandpa was satisfied with
the end product, and we could
taste it.
Sometimes it needed a bit

Love Was Key Ingredient
of Grandpa’s Horseradish

LOUIS FINKELMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

ESSAY