14 | MARCH 25 • 2021 

M

an, oh man, oh 
Manischewitz, where 
does the time go? 
Passover is once again upon 
us. I just received my updated 
Haggadah, which 
has been amend-
ed with the fol-
lowing additional 
Four Questions:
1) Anybody got 
any leads on get-
ting a vaccine?
2) When will 
we reach herd immunity?
3) How much longer should 
we wear masks?
4) Should gatherings be limit-
ed to only those who have been 

vaccinated? 
As we all know, God served 
up the 10 plagues, which even-
tually forced the Pharaoh’s hand 
in letting our people go. Can 
you imagine how the course 
of history would’ve changed 
had COVID-19 been one of 
the plagues? Who knows how 
long a travel ban would’ve 
delayed the Israelites’ trip to the 
Promised Land?
We know that God decreed 
that the Jews wander in the 
desert for 40 years. But did you 
know it would’ve taken 50 years 
had Moses not had the good 
sense to finally ask his wife for 
directions? It didn’t hurt that 

she had just purchased a new 
chariot that came with On-Star 
of David.
And who knew that Moses, 
once referred to as a Prince of 
Egypt, would have so much in 
common with another prince, 
Prince Harry, the Duke of 
Sussex? 
Both went to their respec-
tive leaders (the Pharaoh and 
Queen Elizabeth) seeking their 
freedom. Both had to cross 

large bodies of water and wan-
der a bit until they finally found 
their respective new homes. 
After 40 years, Moses led his 
people to the Promised Land, 
while Meghan and Harry ended 
up in LaLa Land. 
On a side note, if while 
wandering, Israelites ate one 
piece of matzah every day for 
40 years, or 14,600 days, at 25 
grams of carbohydrates per 
portion, each would have con-

Alan 
Muskovitz

PASSOVER
HUMOR

Some Unleavened 
Levity for Passover

G

randma constructed 
a feast for family and 
guests in the little 
kitchen in the middle of their 
apartment. Grandpa prepared 
two items: the charoset and the 
horseradish. Since he worked 
on the horseradish, he worked 
beside an open window in the 
bedroom at the end of a long 
corridor, far from the rest of the 
apartment. We grandchildren 
could help Grandpa.
The charoset was simple: 
We took turns using an old-
fashioned grater (in Yiddish, 
rebeisen or rub iron) to turn 
a couple of apples into raw 
applesauce and chopping some 
walnuts. Grandpa would mix 

the walnuts and applesauce, add 
generous amounts of cinnamon 
and some sweet red wine. 
The horseradish was more 
of a production. Grandpa had 
picked a good horseradish root 

— he knew about fruits and 
vegetables — years ago he had 
sold them from a pushcart until 
he bought his own fruit store. 
He peeled the horseradish, and 
then we took turns grating it 

into the bowl. No one could 
take too long a turn before the 
aroma made our eyes tear, and 
we had to leave, and the next 
child had a turn. 
Eventually, when he had 
enough grated horseradish in 
the bowl, Grandpa squeezed 
lemons one after another with a 
little glass juicer. Then Grandpa 
would mix lemon juice, sugar 
and maybe water into the 
horseradish, releasing torrents 
of fresh aroma. Children could 
get sent to the kitchen to bring 
more lemons or sugar until 
Grandpa was satisfied with 
the end product, and we could 
taste it.
Sometimes it needed a bit 

Love Was Key Ingredient
of Grandpa’s Horseradish

LOUIS FINKELMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

ESSAY