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A Service t,_
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eoead &peevelil
ontact Larry Allan
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32 December 17 2015
end your
questions to
deardebra@
renmedia.us or look
for an anonymous
question submission
form on Debra's online
column at www.
thejewishnews.com .
DEAR DEBRA,
How do you carve out time when you
are working full-time and staff reduc-
tions mean every person is important to
the team? A normal week for me used to
be 40-50 hours. It is creeping up to much
more because the workload keeps grow-
ing. Last year, I didn't take, and lost, the
nearly 200 hours of banked vacation and
personal leave time because I couldn't
use it by the Dec. 31 deadline. I want to
do it differently this year. But how?
— No Vacation
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2057330
DEAR NO VACATION,
You have vacation but you haven't used
it! Funny how we recharge our cell
phones and tablets every evening and
so rarely recharge ourselves.
By my calculations, you have five
weeks of vacation and personal time
each year. Schedule some days off and
even a week off right now Let everyone
know well in advance. Have a plan in
place of what will need to be done in
your absence. If you have an assistant,
go over the plans with him/her so
that things will run smoothly in your
absence. We all like to think we are indis-
pensable and, the times being what they
are, we dont want to appear dispens-
able. The truth is your company gives
you these days. Take them and return to
work recharged, like your cell phone.
DEAR DEBRA,
The first time we went out to dinner with
a couple we met recently, they had a little
more to drink than we did. When the
bill came we split it 50/50. We went out
with them last week The husband and
wife both had three mixed drinks each
to our wines (one each). We split the bill
again not wanting to make an issue, but
my wife and I are peeved. We enjoy their
company but want things to be more equi-
table. How do we do this politely the next
time we go out to dinner?
— Gin Soured
DEAR GIN,
Your first option is to carry cash and
keep a mental tab of your and your
wife's meals. When your server brings
the bill, place your share plus the tip
on the tray and say warmly and firmly,
"Here's our share of this wonderful
meal. We're so glad you chose this
restaurant." Second option is to ask for
separate bills at the outset. Be prepared
to insist, again warmly and firmly, if the
server balks. Or try for some humor.
When the waiter asks for drinks, order
a shnorrer. When your friend asks
what's a shnorrer, reply with a smile
that it's someone who orders more
drinks than he pays for ...
DEAR DEBRA,
My older son and his wife hosted
Thanksgiving dinner this year. My daugh-
ter-in-law emailed a group invitation to
her parents and to us, to her brother and
his new wife, to his new sister-in-law's
parents and her younger brother who
still lives at home with her parents! Our
daughter was included in the group email
but not her husband, our son-in-law, who
had to work at the hospital. Perhaps she
didn't send him an invitation because she
knew he couldn't attend but she has done
this before — included my daughter on a
group emailed invitation but not my son-
in-law. I want to mention to my daughter-
in-law not to exclude him. Should I?
— Greatly Annoyed
DEAR ANNOYED,
You are aggravated on your son-in-law's
behalf, but is he? Is your daughter? Is it
the norm for him to be unable to attend
family events because of work? If so, that
may be why your daughter-in-law didn't
include him on the email. She knows
from past experience that he wouldn't be
able to attend. I agree that it is still rude,
but maybe she's an efficiency nut.
If her motives are darker, and you
believe she is sending some sort of mes-
sage, I would still caution reserve. This
is for the couple to hash out with her, if
they so choose. I get it; it certainly seems
dismissive of your son-in-law, and you
are taking it personally. But is it worth
jeopardizing what I sense from you is
already a not-too-fond relationship? Is
this the hill you want to die on?
If you absolutely must say something,
wait until she does it again and send
her a personal reply (do not hit "Reply
All.") Keep it light and friendly, such as,
"Dear Daughter-in-Law, thank you for
your sweet invitation for this family get-
together. I didn't see Son-in-Law's name
on the email. Hopefully, he'll be able to
attend with Daughter. Here is his email
address. See you soon; is there anything
I can bring?" *
Debra Darvick shares her unique take on life, books
and more at debradarvick.com.