family focus >> dear debra Use It Home Care at the Highest Standard S A full service agency providing quality care for your loved ones. • Live-In or Hourly • No minimum hours • Complimentary Assessment • Ongoing Care Coordination • All employees are bonded & insured Debra Darvick Caregivers Assist With: 'Medication Reminders 'Safety Monitoring 'Transportation Call Arleen Platt and Andy Roisman 'Bathing & Dressing 'Kosher Prepared Meals •Companionship (248) 594-4574 2056370 Rare Jewelry Collections Online luxury jewelry boutique Fine detail on custom designs We do bridal showers, pre wedding dinners, birthdays, office parties, holidays, Valentine's etc. shows. In home consultations available Book us for a $100 fee and we bring our inventory to you! Pearls, agates, aventurine, citrine, amethyst, sterling silver jewelry pieces starting at $20. www.labijouteriebysoko.com email: Shop@labijouterie.com phone: 248-910-9338 If you are not wearing it... sell it!... or BORROW on it! You can't enjoy jewelry if it's sitting in your safe deposit box. Sell or borrow on it for immediate cash. We deal in jewelry, watches, diamonds and coins. A Service t,_ Private Owners, '3anks & Estate eoead &peevelil ontact Larry Allan 33700 Woodward Ave. • Between 14 Mile & Adams • Birm . 248-644-8565 32 December 17 2015 end your questions to deardebra@ renmedia.us or look for an anonymous question submission form on Debra's online column at www. thejewishnews.com . DEAR DEBRA, How do you carve out time when you are working full-time and staff reduc- tions mean every person is important to the team? A normal week for me used to be 40-50 hours. It is creeping up to much more because the workload keeps grow- ing. Last year, I didn't take, and lost, the nearly 200 hours of banked vacation and personal leave time because I couldn't use it by the Dec. 31 deadline. I want to do it differently this year. But how? — No Vacation visit us online • arcadiahomecare.co All major credit cards accepted Don't Lose It! 2057330 DEAR NO VACATION, You have vacation but you haven't used it! Funny how we recharge our cell phones and tablets every evening and so rarely recharge ourselves. By my calculations, you have five weeks of vacation and personal time each year. Schedule some days off and even a week off right now Let everyone know well in advance. Have a plan in place of what will need to be done in your absence. If you have an assistant, go over the plans with him/her so that things will run smoothly in your absence. We all like to think we are indis- pensable and, the times being what they are, we dont want to appear dispens- able. The truth is your company gives you these days. Take them and return to work recharged, like your cell phone. DEAR DEBRA, The first time we went out to dinner with a couple we met recently, they had a little more to drink than we did. When the bill came we split it 50/50. We went out with them last week The husband and wife both had three mixed drinks each to our wines (one each). We split the bill again not wanting to make an issue, but my wife and I are peeved. We enjoy their company but want things to be more equi- table. How do we do this politely the next time we go out to dinner? — Gin Soured DEAR GIN, Your first option is to carry cash and keep a mental tab of your and your wife's meals. When your server brings the bill, place your share plus the tip on the tray and say warmly and firmly, "Here's our share of this wonderful meal. We're so glad you chose this restaurant." Second option is to ask for separate bills at the outset. Be prepared to insist, again warmly and firmly, if the server balks. Or try for some humor. When the waiter asks for drinks, order a shnorrer. When your friend asks what's a shnorrer, reply with a smile that it's someone who orders more drinks than he pays for ... DEAR DEBRA, My older son and his wife hosted Thanksgiving dinner this year. My daugh- ter-in-law emailed a group invitation to her parents and to us, to her brother and his new wife, to his new sister-in-law's parents and her younger brother who still lives at home with her parents! Our daughter was included in the group email but not her husband, our son-in-law, who had to work at the hospital. Perhaps she didn't send him an invitation because she knew he couldn't attend but she has done this before — included my daughter on a group emailed invitation but not my son- in-law. I want to mention to my daughter- in-law not to exclude him. Should I? — Greatly Annoyed DEAR ANNOYED, You are aggravated on your son-in-law's behalf, but is he? Is your daughter? Is it the norm for him to be unable to attend family events because of work? If so, that may be why your daughter-in-law didn't include him on the email. She knows from past experience that he wouldn't be able to attend. I agree that it is still rude, but maybe she's an efficiency nut. If her motives are darker, and you believe she is sending some sort of mes- sage, I would still caution reserve. This is for the couple to hash out with her, if they so choose. I get it; it certainly seems dismissive of your son-in-law, and you are taking it personally. But is it worth jeopardizing what I sense from you is already a not-too-fond relationship? Is this the hill you want to die on? If you absolutely must say something, wait until she does it again and send her a personal reply (do not hit "Reply All.") Keep it light and friendly, such as, "Dear Daughter-in-Law, thank you for your sweet invitation for this family get- together. I didn't see Son-in-Law's name on the email. Hopefully, he'll be able to attend with Daughter. Here is his email address. See you soon; is there anything I can bring?" * Debra Darvick shares her unique take on life, books and more at debradarvick.com.