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C
ome December, the world
media fantasy, that if we are smart
enough, thin enough, rich enough,
around us seems to take a
enough (fill in
break from everyday minutia
nice enough,
and instead focuses on giving and
your own blank there) that we will be
gratefulness during the holiday season. immune from hard times and that life
And with the school winter break,
will be good. The interesting thing is
December is a ripe time for family
that the hard time itself does not cause
trips. I think we all deserve a vaca-
our distress. It is the negative think-
tion in December, and I would like to
ing pattern that comes after it that
propose one that is accessible to any of does. Think about a crisis in your life.
us — no credit card needed!
You feel it in your body when it hap-
First, let's think about the
pens, and you spring into action
hard times we've had this
and do what is necessary at
the moment. There is no room
year. Maybe it was during
there for negative thinking. But
a health crisis for you or a
loved one. Maybe it was a
under more casual, everyday
financial, relationship or
experiences, our negative think-
work issue.
ing brains step in and can easily
Sometimes, during dif-
monopolize us.
ficult times, we are sus-
I propose that this year in
Ellen
ceptible to getting stuck in
December
we take a vacation
Yashinsky
negative thinking patterns. Chute
from our negative thoughts.
Each of us has our own
When we really stop to think
unique way of thinking,
about it, most of what we rumi-
but several common thinking styles
nate about today will still be there
apply to many of us. Some of us spend
tomorrow. Our negative thoughts won't
our negative thinking time focused on
have fixed or solved our problem, and
another person. This thinking style
they might have amplified our feelings
involves blaming or judging another
of powerlessness or hopelessness.
person. We often do this from a self-
How do we take this vacation? It
righteous position in which we are
happens in three steps:
100 percent right and the other person
Recognize that you are stuck in the
negative thinking. This is a dialogue
is 100 percent wrong. This position
makes us feel resentful and drives
with yourself that goes, "OK, I am here
wedges in relationships.
in this place again:'
Some of us spend our negative
Acknowledge your wish to move
thinking time focused on ourselves.
away from this place: "This is making
We judge ourselves harshly, with unre-
me miserable, and I don't want to be
alistic and unachievable expectations,
here:'
and then feel guilty or shameful that
Take a breath, close your eyes for a
we didn't reach them. This position
second and say, "I am taking a vaca-
often leads to depression or isolation.
tion from this place:' When you open
Some of us spend our negative
your eyes, you will be in the present
moment ... and in that moment is
thinking time by obsessing about
something that happened in the past,
your vacation. Take as many of those
or worrying about something that
moments as you would like through-
might happen in the future. This posi-
out the day.
tion causes us to feel anxious and
These moments add up and, eventu-
keeps us from enjoying the present
ally, they change the way you live your
moment. The negative thinking seems
life. You will go back to the negative
to have magnetic powers that draw us
place, but maybe less often, and always
in and occupy us. We can all think of
with the knowledge that your vacation
times in our lives when this has hap-
is just a breath away. *
pened.
Ellen Yashinksy Chute is the chief community
Life is hard. We are led to believe,
outreach officer at Jewish Family Service.
through generational stories and
Contruction
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December 17 2015
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