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"We always make sure people are safe,"
says Chute, who has known of hospital-
izations and imprisonments as the result
of family abuse. "Women are at the most
danger when they threaten to leave or
actually leave
Chute has seen some occasions of reso-
lution when courts require that abusive
men enter into treatment. She also has
noted that most local women remain
with their husbands because of concerns
for family stability, financial security and
safety from the most severe physical bru-
tality anticipated if they leave.
During Domestic Violence Awareness
Month, Jewish Family Service will be
distributing agency contact information
on posters placed throughout the com-
munity and stickers adhering to the front
page of copies of the Jewish News.
Defining Abuse
Chute says that control is at the center of
violent behavior and refers to the Power
and Control Wheel, a diagram that calls
attention to patterns of threats, intimida-
tion and coercion.
At first, control often seems to be
expressed positively amid a very fast and
deep connection that is hard to resist.
Psychological abuse and physical abuse
accelerate when the more positive con-
trolling actions stop working.
To help others, Susie E, who holds
a professional position with Jewish
Federation of Metropolitan Detroit, has
begun talking about her decision to leave
the home of her first husband and disap-
pear with her children.
The decision was made after hospital-
ization to treat the most serious injuries
she had suffered at the hands of her first
husband. Custody issues brought her
back to the area, where she divorced and
expresses happiness with her second hus-
band in a marriage now lasting beyond
13 years.
"There's embarrassment, humiliation
and shame as the abuse grows — with
horrific names, a limited household
budget and the punches that leave ter-
rible bruises," says Susie F., who details
the charming words and generous gifts
that went along with dating the man she
eventually fled.
A lawyer, she was initially enamored
of the attentive and attractive doctor who
became her first husband, but looks back
on his having no friends as a warning
sign.
Another danger signal, realized later,
was his early insistence that she wear a
beeper used for instant tracking.
"There are so many issues associated
with leaving, but I didn't want my kids
to think our lives had been normal," says
Susie F., whose former husband moved
away after her remarriage.
"We left with just the clothes on our
backs, but my children and I moved on
and are doing well because of family,
friends and a strong attorney"
Warning Signs
Some of the issues described by Susie E
exploded with a different conclusion in
The Burning Bed, the Carlucci-produced
film about Francine Hughes, a Michigan
woman found not guilty of killing the
husband she set on fire.
As a battered woman herself, Carlucci
understands the intensity of suffering
that leads to death wishes toward the bat-
terer. She oversaw those wishes become
part of the second storyline in Run for
Your Life.
"I stayed in my first marriage because
my husband threatened to kill me:'
Carlucci says. "He told me that when
I least expected it, he would blow my
brains out, and I believed him:'
Another Jewish man, a celebrated
sitcom producer for whom Carlucci had
been working, learned about her point of
no return and agreed to a paid leave so
she could hide for a time and then begin
divorce proceedings.
"I never believed my problem had any-
thing to do with the fact that my husband
was Jewish:' she says. "When I left him
and began using my maiden name once
more, people were astonished to find out
I wasn't Jewish. I had planned seders and
went along with other traditions."
Carlucci, who describes a sound mar-
riage with a second Jewish husband, will
not give up on the subject she puts in the
spotlight of films regardless of produc-
tion hurdles.
Making Run for Your Life presented
some unusual difficulties because of
Singer's hidden identity and insistence
that communications occur only through
a lawyer.
Carlucci urges single women to watch
for questionable and unusual — not
necessarily violent — behavior while
dating. She says that her first husband's
lies before the marriage should have sug-
gested that more serious troubles would
emerge.
"Domestic violence has been around
for a very long time, and the public
knows that," Carlucci says. "They need to
be reminded:'
❑
Run for Your Life premieres at 8
p.m. Saturday, Oct. 4, on Lifetime.
Check your local listings for
rebroadcast times.
For help dealing with domestic
violence, contact Jewish Family
Service at (248) 592-2300 or
jfsdetroit.org . Offices are at 6555
W. Maple, in West Bloomfield, and
25900 Greenfield, Suite 405, in
Oak Park.
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October 2 • 2014
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