metro
Learning To Love
My grandmother's gift to her next
generations.
I
n the final days of her life, as my
grandmother writhed in pain
from the lymphoma that had rav-
ished her body, she was able to take
in love more than at any other time
in her life. Her body was dying, but
her soul was just begin-
ning its journey, finally
freed by knowing, with
absolute certainty, that
she was loved.
My grandmother lost
her mother when she
was 11. She explained to
me, "There was no one
to teach me how to love.
There was no one there
when I came home from
school to say, 'How was
your day?' or even, 'Do
you have any homework
today?' No one ever said, 'I love
you.
In 1970, the year I was born, my
grandmother suddenly found herself
a widow. She was 50 and living alone
for the first time in her life. She
described the shock to me: "I didn't
even know how to write a check.
There I was all alone, and I had to
take care of myself."
Nine years later, her daughter
(my mother) decided to go back to
school. She was determined to go
to work, use her skills and earn her
own money. She needed this like she
needed oxygen. Without her own
work and her own money, she was
suffocating.
It was the extraordinary time
when the Women's Rights move-
ment, birth control pill and two
Jewish women named Betty Friedan
and Gloria Steinem were waking
up our mothers. It was the time
when women all over our country
were fighting for a seat, a voice, the
protection of their bodies and the
capacity to earn their own way.
They were equally fighting to love
themselves. It was not necessarily
FOR EL
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Congregation Shir Tikvah in Troy will hold two women's events in May.
From 7-8:30 p.m. on May 10, Kolton will lead an evening of healing,
empowerment and connection. Free, but reservations are required. At
1 p.m. on May 31, Grammy-winners Karen Taylor Good and Stowe Daily
Shockey will lead a heart-opening women's musical workshop. Cost is $15
for members; $20 for non-members. For both, go to www.shirtikvah.org .
Adoba Hotel
600 Town Center Drive, Dearborn, Ml 48126
SATURDAY, MAY 17, 2014
11:00 AM - 2:00 PM
18
vocalized that way on the picket line,
but the yearning and the need was
no less urgent then the demand for
suffrage. It has taken generations
of women coming into their own to
learn how to love themselves.
I grew up watching my
grandmother and mother
come into their own dur-
ing the feminist revolu-
tion. They continued to
wear bras and cook dinner.
But things were changing
inside of them.
The psychic blueprint of
who they were as women
was changing rapidly. They
grew out of dependency
and found independence
delicious and exhilarating.
And they were learning
how to love themselves. They were
coming alive.
In my family, I am the third gen-
eration of women learning to love
themselves. I am the bridge between
my grandmother, my mother and my
daughter, Maya, who completes the
circle, carrying her middle name,
Jeanette, after her great-grandmoth-
er into the fourth generation.
Eighteen years ago, my grand-
mother took her final breath. Nine of
us surrounded her in a circle, hold-
ing hands, singing to her in Hebrew
and Yiddish. She loved us into the
world, and we loved her out of it.
And in between, she learned the
hardest and most important lesson
any person can ever learn in her
lifetime — she learned how to love
herself. This love emancipated her,
allowing her the capacity to fully
experience the depth and breadth of
how much we, her family, loved her.
At the end of her life, she claimed
her birthright: to love and be loved.
She died wrapped in the arms of her
children and grandchildren, ready to
fly like Ezekiel himself on a golden
chariot.