you have, you love parenting and you
want to have another child regardless
of gender. Not because of social pres-
sures, to give your child a sibling, to give
yourself a best friend or because you've
planned the perfect family size from
childhood.
He also offers this word of caution for
later-in-life parents: "Couples who delay
childbirth may think it's logical to have
several children as fast as possible and
as close together as possible. That can be
a recipe for marital disaster."
He recommends a two- to five-year
age difference between children.
ONE AND DONE!
Carol Berg, 48, and her husband,
Fred, 48, of Bloomfield Township, have
just one child by choice, their 10-year-
old daughter, Rachel.
The Bergs were married in 1988. Fred
ran a family plastics manufacturing
business at the time, and Carol owned
and operated a point-of-purchase sign
and display business. They took 13 years
to enjoy their marriage, establish their
careers and travel before having a child.
"We had a very tough pregnancy,
seven months straight of morning sick-
ness 24/7," Carol says. "After that, the
decision was easy. We did not want to do
that again. We had a great baby, and we
both totally agreed with one and done!
We are completely satisfied with one
child and still feel it was the right deci-
sion for our family."
Once Rachel was born, there was
another twist. Fred decided to go back to
school and pursue his dream of becom-
ing a doctor. At one point, he even
rented an apartment and moved to East
Lansing for two years to complete his
classes at Michigan State University.
He'd come home on weekends. Carol
sold her business and became a stay-at-
home mom.
'We never had a nanny or a babysit-
ter," she says. "As soon as Rachel started
kindergarten at Hillel Day School, I was
able to return to the workforce almost
full time. I started a distribution/mar-
keting company called Simon Marketing
Group. I work from home, I'm my own
boss and I can plan my work day around
her school schedule and extracurricular
activities?'
Fred is now in his second year of
residency in urology surgery. By the time
he completes the program, his daughter
will be a sophomore in high school.
"We had to put a strict spending bud-
get in place before Fred even considered
applying for medical school. We wanted
to make sure we could afford this kind of
decision," Carol recalls. "We're not sure if
he would have ever been able to change
careers if we had more children and a
larger financial burden?'
Carol believes having one child has
other benefits; her daughter gets plenty
of one-on-one time and undivided atten-
tion from her parents.
"She always comes first," Carol says.
"If Rachel decides to try something new,
like a sport or an activity, we're usually
able to make a quick and easy deci-
sion about it. We don't have to look at a
bunch of different calendars to see if we
can fit it in?'
When she sees large families juggling
schedules and rushing around with mul-
tiple children, Carol says she often has
the same thought: "How do they do it?"
"When I have a stressful or hectic day,
I wonder what that day would be like
multiplied by three or four," she says. "I
love my life. I wouldn't change a thing."
AFFORDING FOUR
Karen Rosenberg, 43, and her hus-
band, Howard, 53, of West Bloomfield
know what it's like to have everything
multiplied by four. They're raising four
children: Jeremy, 12, Benji, 10, Maya, 6,
and Elan, 4, on a single income. Howard
is a lawyer; Karen is a geriatric social
worker. Right now, she's not working
outside the home. She says she always
wanted a large family and hoped to have
four children from the start.
'As far back as I can remember, I
always had the dream of having four
children," she says. 'As a young child, I
remember thinking that if I had another
sibling, I'd have someone to play with
when my younger brother wasn't avail-
able. When I was young, I used to fanta-
size about having lots of siblings?'
Now that she has four children of
her own, Rosenberg describes watch-
ing them interact as one of her biggest
joys. But, as Dr. Singer suggests, she
agrees adding each child did change the
dynamics of her marriage.
"While I appreciate my husband for
being a smart, kind, loving, fun father,
we don't always see eye-to-eye?" she
says. "My husband and I rarely raise our
voices to each other and never name-
call. That's just not who we are, and
that's something I'm proud of. But, our
hope was to always show the kids our
`unified front: It's a great theory and it
works well if you can stick to it, but it's
not so easy."
Then, there's the economy. Without
going into too much personal detail,
Rosenberg made it clear — it has taken
a toll.
"I love our family more than words
can say. I would not change it for
anything in the world. But having a big
family is financially stressful," she ad-
mits. "We've struggled more than I could
ever have imagined I would struggle to
provide for our family. All I can say is
that when I find myself thinking of what
we don't have, I look at my children and
realize I have it all. Every day is an ad-
venture with milestones and memories
to be shared for a lifetime."
So, what's the bottom line when it
comes to growing a family in a tough
economy at a time when many parents
may be up against a ticking biological
clock?
"The question parents should be ask-
ing is, 'Is now the best timer Dr. Singer
advises. "Having a child does not repair
problematic marriages and does not in-
crease marital satisfaction. Each child is
a unique and precious gift. Think about
whether this is the ideal time for your
family to grow, rather than the ideal
family size." Ry
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